


The Freak- Family {Zianourry}

by Maymaaike



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Anxiety, AvPD, Borderline, Episodes, Fluff, Fondness, M/M, Mental Disorders, Mentions of neglect and rape, Mother-Son connection, OCD, OT3, OT4, OT5, Other, PTSD, Panic Attack, Psychological effects of mental disorders, Schizophrenia, Smut, Therapy, Trauma, emotional effects of mental disorders, i forgot fluffff, trust building
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-20
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2017-12-27 03:09:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 94,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/973595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maymaaike/pseuds/Maymaaike
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How did the beautiful relationship between these troubled boys start and how will it continue?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>About loving and discovering each other.<br/>About caring and letting others take care of you.<br/>About helping and surviving.<br/>About recovery and facing difficulties together.</p>
<p>-Love is something far more than desire for sexual intercourse; it is the principal means of escape from the loneliness which afflicts most men and women throughout the greater part of their lives.<br/>Bertrand Russell-</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Louis had always been a special boy. He knew it, people told him all the time. He was special because he was so annoying as a kid some times, he was special because he liked to act and sing, he was special because he liked boys. People never called him annoying or queer or any hurtful names, just special.

As a child, Louis needed attention. Like any other first born, you would say. Everything he did was praised by his young parents and the entire family. He did everything first, so it was more impressive than when his little sisters later did the same. He was such a lovable child, the whole neighbourhood knew him and adored him. But Louis himself asked for more attention, so much it got quite irritating. Whenever he had drawn something or learned something new he’d force it in everybody’s sight and waited for them to praise him, repeating it quite a few times as well. Whenever he said something funny, it would be the only thing he’d say for days. He searched that spotlight, needed that attention. That’s why no one was really surprised when he joined a drama club. 

“He loves to be the centre of attention, couldn’t picture him anywhere else.” 

When he got a little older, he outgrew the so called ‘cuteness-factor’ and his blunt fishing for compliments got old. People didn’t like it when he’d beg them to tell him he was amazing, told him that it wasn’t polite to do so, said he had to wait for people to say something nice so that it was more genuine. It tore Louis down, he felt empty and unloved with all the compliments and praise gone. He would cry himself to sleep, thinking nobody liked him anymore, that he maybe had done something wrong. His mother told him he had a big heart, and that he needed more love to fill it than other people. She said that’s what the doctor said, although he called it differently. That’s why he sought so much attention, that’s why he felt so empty now. When he thought of it, he’d always felt empty, even when he still got smothered in kind words. His mother had told him to find love in different ways, to find love in loving other people. 

At first Louis didn’t understand her, but later he realized how great it made him feel when he’d make somebody smile. Whenever he felt empty, he started to socialize, surrounding himself in people and pleasing them immensely. He loved helping his mom and stepdad (somewhere along the line his parents divorced and his mother got someone new), loved playing with his little sisters or cuddling them to sleep. He loved being the one people turned to when they needed help, loved solving people’s problems and bathing himself in the gratefulness he’d receive. He was openly gay, but had the luck of not being bullied because of it. He went to one of the rare schools where students didn’t care if you liked boys, girls or both and he was happy there. Girls had him as their ‘gay best friend’ and guy still hung out with him, he had a happy life now that he had balanced it out and filled it with enough people to love.

But then High School ended and his friends moved around the country to go to college. Even worse, he had to move for college. He would have to live in an apartment all by himself. Alone, with no one to love. Louis got anxious, didn’t want to leave. “Mum, I don’t want to be alone.” He knew he wanted to go to London, though, he wanted to become a Drama teacher so badly. His parents couldn’t move to London so he had no other choice. He had to learn how to be on his own, had to figure out if love via Skype was the same. 

It wasn’t. 

Louis had never felt so miserable in his life. Yes, he went to his dream school and sure, there were a few nice students there which he could get along with, but it wasn’t enough. Not by far. He felt so empty in the big apartment, all alone. Felt like his body was slowly wasting away. He wouldn’t let that happen, though. He was determined to get the life back he had in high school, the happy life. So every day after school, he would drive home and do his homework, walking around town afterwards. He set goals for himself ‘make five people smile’ ‘help somebody’ ‘pay for someone’s coffee’ and others like these. He’d wave to everybody he’d pass and smile the whole time. He would look out for people that seemed in need of a bit happiness and he would try to give them some. It wasn’t quite enough, but it was something. 

Louis was good in recognizing people that needed him, he seemed to feel it if people were in trouble. He also kept an eye open for nice guys, someone he could love and take care of. He knew that when he’d find him, he would fall in love extremely fast and he would give his all, he hoped the other guy would do the same. He was also one hundred percent sure that he’d know right away when he’d found his prince -or soul mate or whatever you want to call it. Louis knew he had a secret power for that, for finding the perfect boy to love. He was sure that he would recognize the most masked love in the blink of an eye, just like he’d recognize people in need in a split second. Liam Payne was an easy one, though.


	2. Chapter 1

Louis was walking through town as usual, the post it of that day was ‘help someone in trouble’. He knew it was a difficult one because people often don’t show that they’re troubling with something. It was already late in the evening, edging on night and Louis was still searching for someone to help. He hadn´t succeeded yet and he started to doubt if he would find someone. He was positive though, relying on his senses. 

But apparently, faith decided he didn’t have to use his senses today. As he walked on the sidewalk and passed an ordinary block of houses, a door suddenly barged open. Louis froze, turning to look at the sudden happening in the seemingly quiet street. A boy around his age was searching for something frantically, clearly in a state of desperation. His eyes suddenly zeroed in on Louis and he bolted towards him. Louis flinched a bit at the overwhelming, but stood his ground because he knew he found the person to help. 

“Please come with me!” The boy screeched, tugging on Louis in a way that could’ve been very intimidating, if there weren’t tears streaming down his face.  
“What do you need me to do?” Louis asked calmly, grabbing the boy’s hands and piercing his eyes. The boy was already trying to move me into his house and, because he was very tall and strong, he succeeded. “Protect my sisters.” He breathed, shutting the door with a kick of his foot.  
“What’s your name?” Louis asked, raking his brain on how to calm the boy down. He should be fighting this lad, running and escaping into the night. He should call out for help, or call the police. He should be terrified, fearing his life. That would be what any sane person would do.

Louis didn´t define himself as ´sane´.

He didn´t run, he didn´t fight, he asked what the boy´s name was and walked along to where he was tugged. The boy was definitely troubled and Louis was determined to offer him help. He was searching for someone to protect his family, maybe because he couldn´t do it by himself, and Louis saw that he never meant any harm to Louis but was just very desperate.  
And, okay, maybe, just maybe, Louis thought that this boy was a bit on the good looking side. Scratch that, he was a fucking god. Louis felt something for the lad, and although he knew he should trust his instincts when it came to boys, he was still a bit apprehensive. This wasn´t really the time to ask the boy out on a date. 

“Liam. My name’s Liam.” Louis looked at the bloke in front of him, who seemed to have calmed down a bit- only a little bit.  
“I’m Louis.” Louis dared to throw in a small smile. “Now what exactly is going on?” He asked curiously, glancing around the house a bit.  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to ask you to do this, but my parents are away and my sisters are already sleeping.” Liam apologized.  
“No, it’s okay. How can I help?” Louis tried his best to sound soothing, his inner ‘mother’ instincts awakening. 

Liam took a deep breath, his dark brown eyes meeting Louis'. “I’m dangerous. Not now, but I’m becoming dangerous. It happens every now and then and I just have to locked away from people until it’s over, otherwise I hurt them while I don’t mean to do it. So if you can tuck me away safely in the basement and stay here to make sure my sisters are okay, that would be great.” Liam explained, now startling Louis a bit. He decided not to ask questions about this dangerous side of him or why he turns so dangerous, he just nodded as he tried to process the newfound information.  
“When will I know when you’re back to your old self?” He questioned instead, rubbing his wrists where he was held so tightly a minute ago. Liam was fidgeting, clearly on edge and possibly already turning dangerous.  
“I-er, I usually get a bit emotional when it’s all over…” He muttered, gaze falling to the floor. 

“Yeah, okay, so where are you safe?” Louis dared to lay a hand on Liam’s shoulder, unable to deny the feeling of it. Liam cocked his head, asking Louis to follow him. They left the hallway they were standing in and Liam led him to a locked door. He showed Louis exactly which key would fit and opened the door when Louis said he’d remember it. Liam flicked on a light switch and the two lads descended a set of stairs in silence.  
Louis was prepared for a lot of things, straightjackets, pillow rooms, cages even, but this shocked him.  
They entered the plainest room imaginable, concrete floors and brick walls with no windows. In the middle of the basement stood a pole, from floor to ceiling, with four sets of handcuffs attached. Each set had one half around the pole, the other half meant for Liam’s limbs. 

“Could you please secure me?” Liam asked as he stood himself with his back against the pole, looking at Louis pleadingly.  
“Liam, does it have to be like this? Couldn’t you find something more… comfortable?” Louis asked, eyeing the scenery cautiously.  
“I’m sorry but I really don’t have time for questions, you need to get out of here. Fast.” Liam warned, already closing two cuffs around his ankles.  
“Are you sure you’ll be okay in here?” Louis was concerned, frowning as he inched closer to Liam who had his arms raised above his head already. His pupils were blowing out of proportions, getting really tiny and then enormous right after. 

“I don’t want to hurt him…” 

Louis suddenly figured out the puzzle, hearing Liam babble to space.  
“Louis. My hands.” Liam warned, voice low and steady.  
“Liam I-” Louis’ words got knocked right out of him as Liam’s fist collided with his nose. He didn’t allow himself to fall backwards, immediately using all of his body weight to press Liam against the pole to cuff his hands. It was a bit of a struggle, Liam’s strong body trying to fight him off. But Liam was conflicted between his sweet and his dangerous side, so Louis could overpower him and lock both of the cuffs. 

“You fucking scumbag! What gives you the right to lock me up? You don’t know me!” Louis could hear that Liam’s voice was not the same as he yelled things that Louis had never even heard out of someone’s mouth. He decided to not let it mess with his mind, instead he walked back up the stairs to find something to stop his nose from bleeding. He blocked out the screaming with the basement door for a bit, finding some frozen peas he wrapped in a towel and held to his nose after he wiped away some blood. He gave himself a few moments to breath, the impact of the situation dawning upon him.  
He tried to listen if any other resident of the house was woken up and, after concluding that wasn’t the case, he walked back to the basement. Liam’s voice was still ranting on everything as Louis sat himself down on the stairs silently. Liam focused his words on him again, spitting in his direction. After Liam spat on him for the umpteenth time, Louis moved up a few steps to get out of his reach, but he didn’t leave. He eyed Liam silently as the boy yanked on his restraints and screeched curses. 

Louis was figuring Liam out, now knowing he had some form of schizophrenia or something like that and that his family obviously didn’t know how to handle that. If they thought that locking their son and brother up to a pole was the solution for Liam’s condition, they clearly didn’t know much about people and mental disorders. He knew for sure that Liam was usually a nice lad, even though he’d never seen him like that. He could see that Liam was very caring and protective, but apparently he didn’t realize that he needed help and protection.  
Oh, how Louis was aching to give him that protection. He wanted to hold Liam close to him, telling him it would be alright and taking him to a doctor to get him the help he needed. He could do it, he had room in his apartment. He could cuddle Liam up and take him to his home, giving him the best care in the world. He wanted to. He wanted to have Liam all to himself. Louis didn’t even let himself think about the fact that he didn’t know Liam at all. He knew love would happen this way in his life-in one instant- he kind of expected it. 

He broke from his thoughts as Liam’s body suddenly went limp. He fell to his knees and started sobbing and Louis took that as his sign to bolt down the stairs. He freed Liam from his cuffs and pulled him into his chest, frozen peas discarded somewhere on the floor.  
“Oh god…” Liam hiccupped, rubbing his wrists as he breathed erratically.  
“Shh…It’s okay.” Louis buried his face in Liam’s hair, feeling so at peace with the boy there, safe in his arms. 

“W-why did yo-ou stay?” Louis felt hot breath on his chest as Liam spoke.  
Both grips on the boys tightened. “Because of this.” Louis squeezed a bit more. “I wanted to be there to do this.” He whispered, running a thumb across Liam’s face and then into his hair.  
“But why?” Liam questioned again.  
‘Because I love you.’ It nearly slipped Louis’ tongue, but he kept the words to himself. He knew it was weird to say that -even though it’s true- and he didn’t want to scare Liam off. “Because I need to take care of people.” He said instead. Liam leant back a bit to be able to look at Louis.  
“Why? Why would you let yourself suffer from other people’s problems?” Liam looked adorable with his eyebrows knitted together, truly confused.  
“I have a big heart.” Louis simply said. “I need a lot to fill it with.” He explained, wiping away Liam’s shed tears. 

“Why fill it with tears?”  
“Not all tears are sad tears.”  
“These are.”  
“But they’ll disappear and make room for a smile eventually.”

Liam stayed silent after that, pondering over Louis’ words. He liked this Louis lad, a lot to be honest. He had done exactly what Liam asked of him without much hesitation and stayed to comfort him after. He patiently answered all Liam’s why’s and he had such a positive view on everything that it rubbed off on Liam a bit. Liam felt safe in Louis’ arms, so safe. He hadn’t felt like that for a long time. All he felt lately was fear and frustration, this peace was a welcomed alternative.  
Louis didn’t mind being quiet, but he also didn’t mind talking and he made Liam feel like he could tell him all his secrets. He trusted Louis, even though he basically was a stranger. Liam figured it must’ve been because Louis’s seen him at his weakest, in his most vulnerable state, and didn’t leave. No, he stayed and now here he was, holding Liam tight and telling Liam that he wanted to take care of him.  
Liam wanted so badly to just let go and let Louis take care of him. He wanted to fall and let Louis catch him, because he’d been living on de edge for so long now that it kept getting harder to stay on it.  
But Liam was also scared, because why did he develop all these thoughts and feelings about Louis so quickly? Why were all these thoughts and feelings so strong and present? Why were they affecting Liam so much? 

“Do you want to go away from here?” Louis asked, meeting Liam’s eyes who were already on him all that time. Liam nodded.  
“Yeah, I don’t think I can feel my bum anymore.” He chuckled, surprising himself with his already lifted mood. Normally, it would take him ages to feel a little bit better again, and now here he was, laughing.  
Liam noticed something in Louis’ eyes, but he couldn’t pinpoint what it was. It probably wasn’t all that important, because Louis shook it off and stood up with Liam. They left the basement, the bag of frozen peas being the only evidence that showed they had been there.  
Liam led Louis to the living room and the settled close to each other on the couch. They quietly talked, learning and asking about each other curiously. It started off with basic stuff, but soon they came back to Liam’s condition. 

“Hey Li,” Louis started tentatively. “did you, um, ever go to see a doctor? You know, for when you get… dangerous?” He eyed Liam carefully, ready to change the subject again if he saw any resistance.  
Liam only frowned. “No…” He muttered. “M’parents say I’ve got a demon in me and that we can’t do anything about it. Not us, not a doctor.”  
Louis had to clench his jaw tightly to not let it drop to the floor.  
“A- a demon?” It sounded like it was either a stupid excuse to not see a doctor, or that Liam’s parents really believed in demons and stuff like that. Louis really couldn’t grasp that idea.  
“Yeah?” Liam offered, his face a mixture of uncertainty and hope. It faltered quickly and he let out a sigh. ”I don’t know, they just told me when I was young and I believed it. I just really don’t know what’s wrong with me. I mean, why wouldn’t it be a demon? I’d believe anything people’ll tell me about my condition, I just don’t know anymore.” Louis heart ached at his sad demeanour. 

“Well, maybe a doctor would know what it is.” He suggested.  
Liam shrugged. “My parents said they were afraid doctors would lock me up and experiment on me, but they wouldn’t do that, would they?” Louis shook his head fervently, tugging Liam a bit closer to him.  
“Of course not!” The entangled boys rocked back and forth softly, taking a few deep breaths to ease the heaviness of the conversation. “My theory is that a doctor could help you. Maybe he would have a medicine that would keep you from turning dangerous.” Louis explained.  
“Why do you think that?” Liam’s voice was soft and wavering. “Because the doctor gave me a medicine to keep me from feeling so empty and hollow.” Louis explained just as patiently as he’d been the entire time. 

Liam shrugged half-heartedly, he was willing to try anything at this point. He didn’t want to be different, he didn’t want to hurt people, but he also didn’t like being locked up in the basement.  
“Maybe you can bring it up to your parents.” Louis suggested and he felt Liam nod. He would try. 

Louis went home when Liam ensured him his parents would be home in a few minutes and he would be okay. They exchanged numbers so that Liam could tell Louis when he would go to the doctor. Louis also gave Liam his address, telling him he could stop by if he wanted to. Liam was sure he would be going to.  
Because he hadn’t had enough of Louis, not by far. Louis was new, unknown, sparkling the curiosity in Liam. But he was also a steady person to lean on. Liam realized he needed Louis every now and then and he was determined to go to Louis when he was feeling poorly, because Louis told him to do so. He persuaded him with his tea making skills and he promised he had lots of great movies to watch, so Liam really couldn’t tell himself to stay away from Louis. 

Louis did no harm, quite to opposite actually, and Liam felt like he could finally breathe. He was allowing himself to fall, because Louis stood right underneath him, ready to catch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm messing around with the formatting, trying to find something I like. Tell me if this reads pleasantly or not!


	3. Chapter 2

From Liam  
Okay, this is it. I’m gonna do it.

From Louis  
Really? I’m so proud! Keep me updated, love. It’s going to be fine X

From Liam  
Help me! What am I gonna say?

From Louis  
Calm down, we’ve been through it. You know the words xxx

From Liam  
Right, I want to see a doctor. That was it, right? God, Lou I can’t do this.

From Louis  
Of course you can, that were the words! Why don’t you come to my place when it’s over X

From Liam  
Can’t you come here to help? I really can’t do this alone..

From Louis  
Li, your parents don’t even know I exist. It would be a bit weird if I suddenly barged in.. 

From Liam  
Yea, yea I know… 

From Louis  
Remember who you’re doing this for X

From Liam  
You.

From Louis  
What? Me? I was talking about you. You’re doing this for yourself, right?

From Liam  
A bit, yea. But also for you.

From Louis  
Care to explain? Not that I mind or anything, I just don’t understand why?

From Louis  
Liam?

From Liam  
I… like you?

From Louis  
What? Really? You mean like… wait, what do you mean?

From Liam  
You know what I mean, Lou. I just don’t want to start anything while I’m still sick, or whatever it is that I am. I want to get better for you..

From Louis  
Wow… god… please come over after you’re done talking, I want to see you :) Xx

From Liam  
Omg, so glad you’re reacting like this, I was really scared you’d reject me for a minute

From Louis  
Talking with your parents is not so hard now, is it? ;) 

From Liam  
Shut up

From Louis  
Hurry up, text me when you’re done xx

 

Louis couldn’t believe it. Liam liked him back. He was grinning stupidly at his phone, reading the words over and over again. They knew each other for a couple of weeks now and Louis really fell for Liam. He was everything Louis needed. He could care for Liam, talk with Liam, laugh with Liam, cuddle with Liam. And now maybe he could kiss with Liam. Louis was squirming on the couch, feeling like a preteen schoolgirl. He’d called his mom right after he met Liam, telling her that he found a guy he wanted to make his. His mother had supported him fully, nearly crying about how happy her son was.   
Louis couldn’t stop fidgeting in anticipation, glancing at his phone every other second. When a message from Liam came in Louis was happy, but also confused. It was only about 10 minutes after his last text.

From Liam  
It’s a no go :(

Louis frowned. How could they deny their son the help he wanted to get? Did they even love their own son? 

From Louis  
What? Can you come over to explain? And cuddle?

From Liam  
Cuddle :) Yea, on my way X

Louis couldn’t ignore his fluttering heart. This was the first time Liam had send him and ‘X’ back. He allowed himself to do a happy dance- a short one at that, because he had things to worry about. Louis walked into the kitchen to put the kettle on as he pondered. Liam was nearly eighteen and he had been suffering from whatever it was he was suffering from since he was very little. How could you not take your child to a doctor when it’s in pain? When it’s hurting? And especially when it’s asking you to take him?

A knock on his door woke him from his thoughts. Liam only lived a few minutes away from Louis, which they were both really glad about. It allowed Liam to stop by a lot, he came by almost every day before Louis’ walks around town and sometimes he would walk with him. Louis had told Liam a lot about himself and about his condition. He explained that he had something that looked a lot like Borderline, but wasn’t really it. That’s why he couldn’t really get help for it. He had some medicines that would make him feel happier that he only needed to take when he was feeling low. Liam liked Louis’ assignments for himself and whenever he joined him on a walk, he would try and help Louis complete them. Liam fit into Louis’ life and Louis felt a bit better than he had in a long time. He discovered he didn’t take his medicine quite as often anymore. Liam was definitely good for Louis, and Louis liked to think he was good for Liam too.

When Louis opened the door he was met with a blank Liam. It was kind of how he felt himself. He wanted to scream in joy because Liam admitted to liking him, but he also wanted to cry because Liam didn’t get the help he needed. Louis couldn’t do anything but pulling Liam into his arms and closing the door behind them. He hugged him tightly as they shuffled over to Louis’ couch. Louis helped Liam shrug his jacket off as he toed off his shoes before plopping down. Louis quickly grabbed the steaming mugs of tea from the kitchen and handed one to Liam as he joined him on the worn out couch.   
“So…why is it a no go?” Louis asked softly, eyeing Liam closely to make sure he didn’t get too upset.   
“We don’t have the money for medication if the doctor were to prescribe it, since Ruth is having her driving lessons and Nicola is looking for a place to live…” Liam mumbled, his hands clasped tightly around the porcelain mug. 

“What?” Louis gasped. If this was a cartoon his jaw would be laying on the ground and his eyes would be popping out comically. Louis gets money issues, he understands that people might be tight on money. But to let driving lessons and maintaining an apartment be more important than medical help, that was just plain weird. Liam shrugged on shoulder. “I don’t know, can we please drop it?” He pleaded, looking utterly miserable. Louis quickly scooted closer to the sad boy and wrapped an arm around him. “Yeah, of course, love. We’ll figure something out later.” He murmured, pressing his lips to Liam’s temple. Liam sighed and melted into Louis’ embrace and that’s how they stayed the entire day. Louis didn’t go on a walk around town, he stayed here with his newfound number one priority. 

 

That day made it to one of the best days of Louis’ life, and Liam said it was the best one he knew he would ever have. They kissed that day. Soft, short, tentative kisses first that morphed into more confident, but still gentle kisses. Once they touched each other’s lips, it became a sort of morphine; they couldn’t get enough of it and continued to press kisses on cheeks, noses, but mostly lips. The two lads were all shy and giddy from it, but since they both were in the same state there was no one to call them out on it. 

“I told them about you, you know.” Liam muttered as they were sharing a blanket and watching some random movie on the telly. Louis’ eyebrows shot up. “You did? What did you tell them?” He asked curiously, scrambling up a bit to take a better look at what basically was his whole world now. Liam sported a small smile. “I told them that we’re good friends and that you told me about what doctors could do for me… so now I’ve come to think about it, I don’t think they’re really fond of you. I’m sorry for that, I didn’t know they would react that way, otherwise I wouldn’t have said that.” Liam pondered.   
“It’s okay, love. I also told my parents about you. They seem to like you very much.” Louis grinned, nuzzling his nose into Liam’s hair. Liam’s cheeks were painted bright red at the thought of meeting Louis’ parents and he squirmed under Louis’ touch. Louis grinned wickedly and seized the opportunity for a small tickle fest. Soft giggles turned into loud gasps, that turned into screams for mercy. 

When Louis finally decided to pity the panting boy, they were laying on the ground as a mess of limbs and blanket. Liam blew cold air into Louis’ face and stuck his tongue out, not letting go of the boy on top of him. Louis didn’t let go either, dipping down to rub their noses together in an Eskimo kiss. Liam keened softly and Louis was suddenly hit with a wave of adoration and love. He never wanted to let go of this beautiful creature, never wanted to spend a minute away from this boy. He wanted to keep him wrapped up in his arms and share small kisses and big secrets with him until they were both grey and wrinkled. 

“Stay.” Louis breathed breathlessly, staring into Liam’s big brown eyes. A small smile crossed his features. “I’d love to, but I’d have to call mum.” His voice was soft and probably a bit embarrassed. Louis paid no mind to his uneasiness and helped him up from the floor. He didn’t let go of him, but pulled him into his lap and wrapped his arms around his waist tightly as Liam tried to pry his phone from his pockets. He nestled his head in Liam’s neck and sighed contently. Liam told him to be quiet and pressed the call button. He held his phone to his ear and they both waited.   
“Can you ask her if you can stay here forever?” Louis asked before he noticed the words leaving his lips. He sucked in a breath and waited for Liam’s answer, the silence suddenly pressing. He hoped Liam would take it as a joke, although Louis really wouldn’t mind him staying forever. He needed to keep his emotions in check, because he didn’t want of scare Liam off with the seriousness of his feelings. Liam just chuckled softly and nuzzled closer to Louis. “Maybe later.” He whispered before his mother answered and he quickly made a deal on spending the night at Louis’ place. 

The night was spend cuddled close together, only one –or maybe two- goodnight kisses exchanged. It was good. Louis felt his heart beat and he could tell that it was filled with love. It still didn’t feel perfect, but his heart felt the fullest it’s ever felt in Louis’ life. 

Nights together became more frequent, just because Liam always felt like the odd one out at home. He wanted to give his family the opportunity to act normally without having to watch their step because of him. He didn’t want to be a burden. Louis would always welcome him with open arms and Liam quickly received the spare key for when he wanted to be somewhere quiet and Louis was still in school or running errands. Liam seized the opportunity and spent almost all his time in Louis’ apartment. It felt so comfortable and home-like to him, more than his own house ever had. Louis could count on being met with his boyfriend when he opened his door, he could be sure of it. So sure that he always called out a ‘Hello love’ when he opened his door and was always met with a ‘Hey babe’ from the living room. 

When Louis didn’t hear those words on a random Tuesday as he walked into his apartment, he frowned. Why wasn’t his boyfriend here today? He didn’t want to worry, Liam didn’t necessarily have to be there, but he did feel something stir in the pit of his stomach. He loved to hear those words be called to him and he didn’t know why Liam wasn’t there today. With an uneasy feeling, he sat himself down on his couch and took out his phone.

From Louis  
Hey love, where are you? Xx

It took a while for him to get a response, all the while Louis was fidgeting and walking around, unable to settle down. Was something wrong? With Liam? With Louis? Did he unintentionally do something wrong?

From Liam  
Sorry I’m still at home, talking with my parents. Talk to you later

No kisses? Louis frowned. What was he talking about with his parents? Louis didn’t like Liam’s parents. He knew he should because they were Liam’s family and he should love anybody that was related to him, but the way they just didn’t seem to care about Liam made Louis mad. Sometimes he wished Liam had taken him seriously when Louis had asked him to stay forever, to never go back to the place where he would be tied up to a pole when he had an episode. When Liam had an episode at Louis’ apartment, Louis had cradled him impossibly close to his body. He had secured the room with pillows and blankets and stayed quiet during Liam’s rant, holding him so that he couldn’t hurt himself or Louis. He held him through it, held him through his sobbing afterwards and then carried him to bed to hold him even closer. It was hard to keep a tight lock on Liam because he was so strong, but Louis worked on animalistic instincts and pulled through, just because he couldn’t let the boy he loved hurt himself. 

From Louis  
What about? Are you still stopping by today? X

From Liam  
I’m moving out.

Louis stared at his screen. Liam was moving out? Where did he plan on going? He didn’t even respond to Louis question about coming over. Something was really wrong with Liam and Louis ached for him to be next to him so he could help him out. 

From Louis  
Please come over love Xx

From Liam  
Ok

Louis was nearly in tears. Liam had never acted so distant towards him when he wasn’t having an episode, something was clearly not okay. And the sudden decision to move out? Louis thought Liam would’ve talked to him about it before doing such a thing. He was glad that Liam lived so close to him, jumping up when he heard the door unlock. 

“Liam!” Louis flung himself around his slightly taller love. “Liam, baby, what’s going on?” He continued, now talking softer and looking at his boyfriend. “Like I said, I’m moving out.” He mumbled, barely responding to Louis physically. “Where are you going to live?” Louis questioned. Liam shrugged. “Don’t know yet.” Louis really tried to be easy going and supportive, but he was hurt. Hurt that Liam never spoke to Louis about something so big. He thought he was important enough to Liam for him to talk about it. “When are you going?” He asked, pushing his thoughts to the back of his head. Suddenly, Liam’s cold demeanour broke and he crumbled, face contorting and tears flowing. “Right now.” He croaked before sobbing hysterically. Louis immediately held him for comfort, incredibly confused by Liam’s words and behaviour. 

“What are you talking about, love? What’s going on?” He asked softly, feeling his shirt drench in cold tears. “T-they kic-cked me ou-out.” He wailed. That’s when Louis noticed the bag standing behind Liam. It was nearly bursting at the seams, stuffed full with god knows what. He tightened his grip on his boyfriend as he tried to comprehend his words. “Wha- why, love?” He questioned softly, his hands running through Liam’s hair because he knew how it usually made him feel better. “They c-couldn’t t-take me any-ymore-e. Wanted me ou-t.” Liam cried, heaving for breath as he clutched at any part of Louis he could grab. Louis decided to stop the interrogation, having pieced together enough to feel a burning rage towards Liam’s family. He couldn’t act on that now, though. Instead, he led Liam further into his apartment, soothing him softly. “You can stay here, Li. We’ll stick together. Just you and me in our little apartment, okay?” Liam only nodded into his shoulder weakly, clinging onto his lover like he was a life line. Maybe because he was. He was all Liam had left.

Only that night did they both really comprehend what all of this meant. They were now living together, and never had to be apart again. Liam’s smile nearly broke his face as he thanked Louis over and over again. 

And Louis’ heart filled a little bit more.


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't like the beginning :/ But that means you'll get an update sooner to compensate! :D

Joined at the hip. Inseparable. That’s what people called the two boys that always strolled through town around three o’ clock. Always happy, even when they’re not smiling. Always polite and most of all, always helping. People started talking about them, what was their deal? What was their story? But no one could ever gossip negatively about them, because they never did anything wrong. Their positivity rubbed off on others and soon it became normal for everybody to greet and wave at people in passing. People saw the boys help elderly cross the street, help a single mother with balancing her children and groceries, help a little boy who lost his mother, bought a homeless man a full meal and it all was whispered through the streets. Did you see them today? What did they do? Why do they always do things like that? One day, a man had enough courage to ask them.

“Why do you guys walk around here every day to help people in trouble?”

They both just smiled. Liam pointed at his boyfriend. “We’re filling his heart.” He said plainly, patting softly on his chest where he felt the beating organ. Louis had laughed loudly at that, tugging his lover a little bit closer. “It makes us happy, so why not?” He questioned as he saw the confusion on the man’s face. He nodded slowly and smiled a bit before waving them off. People immediately started flocking around him.   
What did they say?   
What did they mean with that?   
But no one ever thought of really asking them. 

They unintentionally and unknowingly became legends and just as their positivity did, their kindness rubbed off on the citizens. People helped each other out, realizing that it did make you feel really good when you saw the gratefulness in their eyes. After a while, Liam and Louis started to notice. As they walked through town, they saw that people around them were already being helped, they had to search harder to fulfill their post-it note of the day. As much as they liked to see people helping, Louis got frustrated about it. People were stealing his happiness, blocking him from feeling that special way when you succeeded to help somebody. He couldn’t complete his post-it notes and that was one of the worst feelings to him. His bottle of medicines was taken out of the cupboard, placed next to Liam’s medicines as he now took them more frequently. He didn’t dare to talk to Liam about it, because he felt guilty. Guilty that he felt so down when he was in the best relationship he’d ever been in. That he felt so lonely when Liam was there the majority of his day. That he had to take his medicines again while Liam noticeably tried so hard to make Louis happy. All of that ate at Louis and he felt himself go downwards. He wanted so badly to do something about it, but was scared to tell Liam about his desires. 

Liam noticed, though. He noticed the bottle next to his –the one he was so immensely grateful for and was trying to pay for himself instead of letting Louis do it whenever it ran empty. Liam noticed that Louis paled, that he didn’t laugh as much, didn’t have that twinkle in his eyes. He felt so bad for his boyfriend, but he needed to get himself ready before he could talk about fixing it. Because he knew all too well how they had to fix this. The day Liam was ready was a Thursday, it was rainy and Louis was laying on the couch blankly after he’d decided he didn’t want to go out in the terrible weather to look for someone to buy a cup of tea for. Liam had shivered at his words, Louis had never declined to go outside because of something like the weather. It only showed how Louis was heading for a depression and Liam made de decision that he was ready. Even if he really wasn’t, he was going to be when Louis would be feeling better. 

“Is there room for me?” Liam questioned, standing in front of the couch where Louis laid curled onto. Louis looked up to him and tried for a small smile and a nod before moving to give Liam some space. Liam squeezed himself in between Louis and the couch and then pulled Louis on his lap, wrapping his arms around him. He nestled his head in Louis’ neck and placed a small peck there. “Boo.” He muttered. Louis hummed softly, melting into Liam’s secure embrace. “Boo, you’re not happy.” Liam whispered, feeling like not even the couch should be part of the conversation. “Of course I am, Li. I love you.” It had been months after they shared their first ‘I love you’ and it still didn’t fail to make Liam’s insides flutter. “I love you too, but I can see that you’re not happy here.” Liam said. There was a silence before there was a sigh. A deep sigh that screamed sadness and pain. “I don’t want you to leave.” Louis voice was so soft that Liam had to strain to hear it, but he heard it. “I’m not planning on leaving, at least, not alone.” He said, a small smile playing around his lips just because he knew they’d be fine. “Are you okay with leaving?” Louis’ voice was inquisitive and a tad incredulous and he turned around to see Liam’s face. Liam nodded, little smile still present and he pressed a short kiss to Louis’ cheek. “I want to see the world with you, why not start with a new town?” 

 

Two months later they were settled in their new apartment, it was bigger than the last one and still close to both their schools. Louis was nearly finished and was already secure of a job on a local high school so they were sure they didn’t have to worry about money too much. Liam also didn’t have to worry about seeing his family walk around town anymore and realized it gave him a great sense of peace. He could put his focus back on school instead of his parents or Louis’ unhappiness and only then realized how much he had worried about those things. They both got their happiness back on a higher level and could also enjoy their relationship more. They were nearing the ten months of being together and now that they both felt better about themselves, they could also put more effort into each other.   
And then Louis was working and it really didn’t make that much of a difference because he worked at a school so he still got home at about the same time as he used to. Instead of doing homework, he checked papers or tried to come up with creative assignments before they went out for a walk together. Luckily, this town hadn’t picked up on them yet. The reason probably being that this town was bigger than their old one. They could complete their self-assigned quests almost effortlessly and Liam saw that it brought the sparkle back in Louis. Louis just needed that bit more of happiness than others and Liam was glad he found a way to get it again.

 

It was a Friday afternoon when Louis walked back from his work and crossed the park like he usually did on his fifteen minute walk from work to home. He was excited to see Liam again, even though it hadn’t been longer than normal. He was just having one of those days where he was aching for Liam’s strong arms wrapped around his waist as they shared stories and kisses. He noticed a group of people around a bench and frowned about the amount of noise that came from them. It looked as if there was something going on there. Louis stopped walking. Would he go over there to see what was wrong or would he continue his path to Liam’s awaiting arms? He could just go and take a look right? Maybe there wasn’t anything going on there and he could just head home anyways, or otherwise he’d already have fulfilled his post-it and he could cuddle with Liam afterwards. It was a cuddle either way, so Louis decided to go for it. He neared the bench and the sounds got louder. It was a group of boys from around the twenty who looked like they were bothering some other guy. Louis stepped closer to listen in on what was being said. It was a very one-sided conversation as the boy sitting at the bench tried to ignore all the bodies surrounding him. 

“Do you even talk?”  
“I bet he’s mute, none of his senses seem to work properly.”  
“I’ve never heard him speak, maybe he doesn’t speak English.”  
“I don’t speak any of those weird Arab languages, sorry Mohammed.”  
Mixed with a lot of laughter, Louis caught those sentences and others like that. He frowned deeply, more because he thought those guys were acting really childish. Bullying a boy like you’re a preteen while you should both be acting like adults. Who even does that after they’re sixteen? Louis rolled his eyes, but then something caught his attention again. One of the bullying guys started to rummage through the victims bag, which he caught attention of. He was too late though, the boy pulled out a booklet and held it out of reach for the boy who was taller than Louis but probably a tiny bit smaller than Liam. 

“Oh look! A journal!”  
“What? Who even has those things anymore?”  
“Does he write in a freaky language?”  
“Come on! Read it!”  
All the while the boy was being held back by some cackling idiots. Louis could see it as getting serious for the boy though, tears springing to his golden brown eyes.   
“Dear Journal, things have never been so complicated in my life…”  
More laughter, maniacal cackling and stupid remarks weaving through the talking. The tears started to roll down his tinted cheek, but he no longer looked sad. He looked furious. And he was.

“Give it back.”  
His low voice suddenly sounded. Everybody fell quiet to stare at the boy dumbfounded.   
“Huh, what do you know. It speaks.”  
Laughter rose again, but it was cut short as the boy thrashed around to fight the guys off who were holding him. He started throwing punches at anybody in reach and pounded onto the boy who held his journal. He pinned him to the ground and let his fists mould his face mercilessly. The other boys scrambled backwards in shock, trying to scramble off. Louis huffed. Of course they’d leave their friend here to be beaten to death. He decided this was his time to do something so he bolted over and pulled the furious boy off of the now bleeding bully. His friends helped him up and they ran away like the little children they were behaving like, luckily leaving the booklet on the ground.

“Let me go! Don’t touch me!” The boy cried out, only barely missing Louis with his kicks and punches. “Hey, I’m on your side, calm down. I’m not going to hurt you.” Louis kept his voice steady and calm, and the boy immediately seemed to understand that Louis really wasn’t a threat. He stopped moving and Louis let go of him, letting him run to pick up his journal. He clung it to his chest tightly with his bruised knuckles, heaving deep breaths. He fell down to the grass and Louis carefully sat next to him. “I’m sorry for those pricks. Are you okay now?” The boy didn’t respond, just kept on heaving deep breaths with his eyes closed and his body pressed into the green booklet in his hands. 

“What’s your name?” Louis asked, his eyes roaming around the grass. The boy opened one eye and peered at Louis. “Zayn.” He mumbled. “I’m Louis.” Louis replied, sending him a bit of a smile. “Are you okay?” He repeated, eyeing the boy’s knuckles carefully. Zayn nodded and sat back up. “’M fine, thanks for helping.” Louis could tell that Zayn wanted him to say goodbye and leave, but Louis really couldn’t. “Maybe you should get your knuckles checked out, doesn’t look really good.” He suggested. Zayn looked at his hands and hissed a bit but shrugged. “I’ll be fine.” He said, fiddling with the corners of the pages of his journal. “No really, let me check them.” Louis offered. “I live close by, we can just make sure that you’ll heal okay, yeah?” He nudged his thumb in the direction of his apartment, cocking his head as he waited for a reply. Zayn looked at him, eyeing him up from bottom to top. He then slowly nodded and agreed, getting up on his feet slowly. Louis smiled and led him to his home, texting Liam to tell him about the situation. So when they entered the flat, Liam was waiting there for them. 

Louis smiled sheepishly and walked over to Liam for a quick kiss to his cheek. “Hey, love, how was today?” Liam didn’t really answer more than a nod as he showed Zayn where he could put his coat and bag. “So, you need the first aid kit?” He asked. Louis took another look at Zayn’s swollen hands and shook my head. “I think it just needs ice.” Louis decided, going to the little kitchen to grab some. When he came back, Liam had led Zayn to the couch in their living room where they were sitting and talking. Somehow, Louis was really glad that Liam didn’t dislike Zayn, maybe just because he didn’t like it when he made Liam uncomfortable. Yeah, he’ll stick with that explanation, it’s a good one. He sat on the other side of Zayn and pressed the ice-pack wrapped in a towel to his knuckles. “Does that feel better?” Liam asked. Zayn nodded vaguely and his body noticeably relaxed. “So… What exactly happened?” Liam asked cautiously. He locked eyes with Louis to see if he was entering a dangerous topic with his words, but Louis just shot him a small smile. “Some pricks were acting like they were preteens and started bothering him.” He explained. “Did you know those guys?” Liam questioned, looking at Zayn expectantly, who was still laying on the couch with closed eyes. “Yea, from college.” He mumbled, face scrunching up a bit. Liam and Louis frowned simultaneously. “Do they always bully you like that?” Louis asked, having a silent conversation with Liam without Zayn noticing. “Hm, ‘s not really bullying.” He said. “They’re just being annoying.” Louis stared at the boy, taking all of him in. He had raven black hair and a very defined face, tattoos poking out from underneath his clothes. “Do you think they will bother you again? You know, now that you beat the shit out of that one guy.” Louis asked. Zayn’s eyes opened and Louis immediately ceased his ogling, eyes snapping up to meet Zayn’s. “They’ll stay away for a while, but they’ll be back.” He predicted. “They always come back.” 

That night, Liam and Louis were cuddled tightly together in bed, sharing small pecks but mostly their worries. “I feel bad for the lad.” Liam muttered. “He doesn’t have his emotions in check.” Louis blurted out his observation, changing the ambiance in the room. “He snapped in the blink of an eye.” He pondered. Liam’s index finger smoothened out his frown. “Maybe he just had a temper.” He offered. Louis shrugged. “I don’t know.” He nestled a bit closer to his lover, knowing he wouldn’t catch any sleep that night. His mind was working overtime with all kinds of thoughts, some spoken, some still swimming through his head and screaming to be heard. “Do you think he’ll stop by every now and then?” Liam’s voice was getting softer, syllables strung together with yawns. Louis and Liam had ensured Zayn that he could come over whenever he’d like, agreeing on the fact that they liked talking to him. Louis was glad that it wasn’t hard for them to meet someone new. It had been LouisandLiam for a long time now, together in a bubble with no one else they had to think about. Louis was scared that Liam wouldn’t like Zayn, because he did but he didn’t want to make Liam upset. But Liam did like Zayn and welcomed him to be around more often, so maybe it didn’t have to be hard to look outside their bubble every now and then. 

Louis felt Liam drift off to sleep in his arms, but he –as predicted- couldn’t. He was worrying, a lot. Because Louis’ feelings were always ten times more intense than others and what if he felt too much for Zayn? What if Liam didn’t? What if Louis would hurt Liam? He never had the intention to do so, but he couldn’t help but worry he would do it accidently. Liam knew Louis needed a lot of love, but would he understand what exactly that meant for Louis?  
And most of all, for the two of them.


	5. Chapter 4

The two lovers decided to make that Sunday a lazy one. They had only left the bed to make some breakfast together, but other than that they just laid cuddled together. They mostly talked, but they might have gotten a bit distracted after a while. All in all just a day spent with just the two of them. Liam loved those days because it meant that Louis felt good enough to skip a walk around town and that gave Liam a sense of pride, because he knew that he was the one who made Louis feel that way. There was something off, though. Louis wasn’t necessarily down, but he was a bit absent. He had been for days now. He was thinking a lot more than usual, Liam knew that sounded a bit degrading but it was the only way to put it. He didn’t want to pressure Louis into telling him what was on his mind. He knew that if it was something important, he would know eventually so he waited patiently for Louis to tell him what was going on. Of course he made guesses, but he didn’t let himself ponder over the options for too long. He and Louis had been together for more than a year, so he knew Louis quite well. He’d either tell Liam himself, or he would get worse and Liam would have to talk to him about it. Louis would always tell. 

The doorbell disturbed their peaceful silence and they both jumped a bit at the sound. Liam huffed and Louis scowled as they slipped out of bed, put on some comfortable clothes over their nudity and strolled to the front door together. They weren’t really prepared to be met with a distressed looking Zayn, so they didn’t know how to respond to that sight. Zayn was fidgeting, eyes shifting around constantly and face screaming fear. Liam was the first to shake from his shock. “Zayn!” He called out, the boy flinching at his voice. “Is something wrong?” Liam lowered his voice as he questioned Zayn. “They’re after me.” His soft voice trembled. The two lovers frowned, but didn’t hesitate to pull Zayn into their home, which startled him greatly. They guided him to their couch as they listened to his babbling into air. “Zayn, you’re okay. They can’t get you in here.” Louis assured, patting his shoulder softly, but retreating his hand quickly as he saw it put Zayn into even more fear. Zayn whimpered and shrunk in on himself, trying to shield his body from whatever evil was haunting him. “Zayn, talk to us.” Liam ordered, voice somehow still soft and gentle. “I don’t know why I came here, I shouldn’t be here. I need to be alone, I don’t want to be alone. Please leave me alone.” Zayn was clearly not fully with Liam and Louis, they both observed that as he rocked himself back and forth as he kept repeating random sentences like mantras. The two boyfriends looked at each other for help, the tiny whimpers falling between them feeling like cuts. “Stop smothering, stop hurting me, stop… please.” Zayn nearly broke into sobs and Liam and Louis were nearing desperation. They both instinctively reached for Zayn’s hands to give some kind of comfort, although the last times they tried weren’t successful. 

That time was different, though. Zayn grunted at the touches, shrugging them off immediately. His voice didn’t sound scared anymore, no more whimpers or cries. His whole body language had changed. “Don’t fucking touch me. I don’t want your pity. It’s not like you really care at all.” Zayn spat. Liam and Louis obeyed, scooting a bit further away from Zayn to give him his space. They both locked eyes again, having a silent conversation. This wasn’t just a tantrum, just like he wasn’t scared for a reason before that, just like his anger was so overwhelming in the park when Louis met him. He and Liam could agree on that. They both had a different theory, though, and they needed to get on the same page before they could help Zayn. “Zayn, we’re gonna make some tea, do you want a cup?” Liam asked, standing from the couch. Zayn just scowled and didn’t reply, acting like a teenage boy struggling with his hormones. Louis got up as well and they both left for the kitchen, breathing deeply as they stood there. 

Liam spoke up after a while of silence. “It could be multiple personalities.” He offered, shrugging a bit as he wasn’t really sure himself. Liam recognized some things in Zayn that could point out he indeed struggled with voices or people in his head. It wasn’t that convincing, though, because Zayn still sounded like himself and didn’t give the impression he was really possessed by something else. Louis kept quiet, replaying the events over and over. Suddenly, a though broke through and he quickly made a run for the bathroom. He grabbed his medicine bottle and looked for the information leaflet. As he walked back to Liam in the kitchen, he scanned it. “He has some of the symptoms, just like I have.” He murmured. Liam hooked his chin over Louis’ shoulder to read with him. “Strong swings in emotions, feelings of paranoia…it could be…” Liam reasoned. “We’d have to ask him about it sometime.” Louis said. “Yeah, but not with how he is right now.” Liam replied. Louis shook his head, eyes still glued to the paper. “Can we just give him these? I mean, would they give him these for those symptoms?” He pondered, looking at Liam questioningly. Liam sighed. “I don’t know, would it hurt to give him these?” Louis read intensely. “I don’t know, I have these for feeling empty, that’s not what he has. He needs anti-psychotics.” He stated eventually. Louis shook his head as he put the bottle away. “He needs medication, though, and someone to talk to. Like, properly.” He sighed. 

Liam copied his gesture and they stood there, not knowing what to do to help their friend. “He can’t even explain what’s happening to him, that’s not really helpful either.” Liam sulked.   
A pathetic mewl startled them and they turned to see raven hair peeking into the kitchen. “I’ll just go.” He whispered, his whole demeanour slumped. Louis chased after him. “No, love, stay here. We just want to help.” He begged, giving Zayn small, comforting touches. “I know when someone wants to get rid of me, you weren’t even making tea.” Zayn sniffed. “It’s okay. I’ll leave.” Liam grabbed after Zayn as well, together with Louis pulling him into their embrace. Liam cooed softly into his ear, putting him back at ease.   
“Zayn, do you know your parents’ phone number?” Louis asked gently after pondering for minutes. Zayn nodded weakly. He looked much younger, being as sad as he was, looking up at Louis with watery eyes. 

Louis fetched his phone and Zayn recited the corrects digits, staring at Louis as he called.   
“Is he going to send me away?” Zayn whimpered. Liam pulled him more into his broad chest as he shook his head. “No, he would never do that, Zee.” He murmured, running hands through the raven black hair. “Hello? Yeah, this is Louis Tomlinson…” The two cuddling boys looked up to Louis and followed his every move. “It’s about Zayn… Yeah, no, he’s alright… could you explain a bit? What can we do for him?...” Louis walked over to the kitchen to write some things down and Liam led Zayn back to the couch as the boy clung to his shirt. “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…” Zayn kept littering the words around, heart wrenchingly whimpers and suppressed little cries escaping his mouth. “There’s nothing to be sorry of, Zee. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Liam soothed, cradling the distressed boy to him. “I don’t want to be a bother.” He whispered, words falling out of his mouth and into the air around the two. 

Liam didn’t get to respond because Louis entered the room again. He wore a gentle smile, setting himself on the edge of the couch next to the whimpering boy. Zayn cowered away from Louis, a string of apologies filling the quietness. Liam awaited a verdict from Louis, but all he did was stroke Zayn’s hair from his forehead affectionately.   
Liam didn’t mind. He knew that Zayn stirred all Louis’ ‘mothering instincts’ and that he had to act on them. He knew that Louis needed every opportunity to feel some form of love and that meant he had to give it first. You can only receive love, when you give love, or something along those lines. And Liam really meant it, he didn’t mind that Louis looked at other people with care and affection when he was right there. He wasn’t the type to just say that and secretly hate Louis’ guts for it, he was honest and open. He knew Louis loved him, he knew those blue eyes would later on that day look at him with love and adoration as he would speak sweet words to Liam. 

“So, Lou?” Liam ushered, curious for a way to stop Zayn from feeling so terrible. He’d reduced to puffy breaths now, the steady movements of Louis’ caressing had calmed him down. “You tired, Zayn?” Louis asked, voice kind and soft as if he was talking to a child. Zayn shrugged a bit half-heartedly. “You always feel better after you’ve slept, right?” Louis offered. Zayn nodded this time and neither Louis or Liam could deny they felt like his parents at that moment. Liam squeezed the slightly smaller boy softly and started to get up, taking the boy with him. He and Louis took him to their bedroom and Liam quickly changed the sheets while Louis offered him some comfortable clothes, the two lads sharing an intimate look when they saw the crumpled sheets. The boys stayed at Zayn’s side to comfort him, making sure he felt safe enough to fall asleep in their bed and only leaving when he’d actually done so. They then went to the kitchen to actually make the long promised cups of tea. 

They both let out some sighs as they clasped their hands around the steaming mugs. “So, I talked to his mother.” Louis started. Liam hummed in acknowledgement, turning to look at his boyfriend. “He has medicines, but they can’t always afford them. This month, they can’t, so he struggles with it more.” Louis explained plainly. “What does he struggle with?” Liam waited for Louis to swallow his sip of tea and answer him. “It’s what I thought, he has a few symptoms of Borderline, different from mine, but still. His emotions can get knocked off balance and then he slips into an episode where his emotions can’t stop from swaying around. He can’t get them under control.” Liam bit his lip in thought. He knew all too well how it felt like when you couldn’t afford your medicines, first when his parents couldn’t- or didn’t want to- and now when he himself couldn’t and Louis had to. Liam didn’t want to be so dependant, but he didn’t really have a choice. “What about his parents?” Liam asked, hoping Zayn’s weren’t like his. Louis caught on and smiled sympathetically. “They feel really bad that they can’t always afford it, but they try their hardest. Zayn apparently has three sisters and some of them also need certain meds, so one of them sometimes has to try and live without them.” Louis told, his small hand caressing Liam’s shoulder. 

Liam didn’t even notice that a tear had slipped from his eye until the pad of Louis’ thumb absorbed it. When he realized it, he broke. Louis was quick to pull him into his smaller body, soothing and comforting Liam just like he’d done so much. “Baby, it’s okay to miss them.” He muttered, nuzzling his nose into Liam’s hair. Liam whimpered, quite like Zayn had done just minutes ago, and clung himself tighter to his love. “I don’t m-miss them.” He choked out. “I hate them! N-no I don’t mean- but I do, I do hate them. I-” Louis cut off his struggling. “I understand, love. You love your parents, of course you do, but you resent the decisions they’ve made.” He explained Liam his own words. Liam nodded weakly and buried deeper into his lover’s chest. They stayed like that for a while until Liam’s tears had stopped and his ragged breathing had slowed down. “Can we visit your family again some time?” Liam asked, voice still hoarse. Louis had introduced Liam to his family fairly quick, partly because he wanted to but mostly because his sisters and mother kept begging him to do so. They’d clicked immediately, after Liam came over his initial nerves and visits had become more frequent after that first time. The Tomlinson’s had adapted Liam into their family and Liam had felt very happy about that. 

The two boys got cut off in their conversation when Zayn entered the kitchen, hair messy and wearing Liam’s baggy clothing that fitted him rather good. He smiled a bit sheepishly as he lingered about the door opening. “’M sorry guys.” He muttered, scratching his neck and he barely meeting the boys’ eyes. “Hey, that’s quite alright, Zee. It’s all good.” Louis smiled, patting his shoulder friendly. “I’m not always like this, I swear!” Zayn rushed out, looking at the two lads in front of him to make sure they’d believe him. Liam smiled softly. “We know Zayn. But we don’t mind it when you have an episode, we can take care of you.” He said, squeezing Zayn’s hand and offering him a cup of tea. “Yeah, don’t stop coming over. We all have our moments, it’s okay.” Louis piped up, a comforting hand resting on Zayn’s lower back. Zayn took a few deep breaths and tried for a little smile. “Good,” He murmured, exhaling a shaky breath at the same time. “’cause I like it here.”


	6. Chapter 5

Liam wasn’t used to waking up without Louis next to him in bed. So when it happened, Liam couldn’t help but be alarmed. He sat up in bed and scanned the room, but Louis wasn’t there either. As he rubbed the sleep from his eyes he caught onto a sound, a low murmuring coming from somewhere in the apartment. Frowning, Liam got out of bed and slowly made his way through the small but cosy apartment. 

“Oh, no I’m sorry…” Liam heard the words being spoken, but he wasn’t awake enough to recognize who belonged to that voice. He figured he must know the voice so he shuffled towards the front door, where the voice seemed to come from. “No, I’m sorry. I just…” “No I get it you…” “I’m sorry…” The two voice blended together in Liam’s hazy mind, but he only had to turn one corner before he could unravel the mystery behind the voices. He saw Louis – or more accurate, Louis’ back- as he spoke to someone on the other side of the door, which was only opened a crack. “It’s fine, Lou, I’ll see you lads some other time then.” Liam slapped himself across his forehead, forcing himself to put a face to the voice. Low, raspy with a clear accent… Zayn. Liam scowled at his own stupidity, how could he forget what Zayn sounded like? Zayn hung around their apartment all the time now. Zayn was basically the only person that ever stopped by their apartment, Liam told himself he must be really tired if his mind was so mushy. He shook his head and focused back on the conversation the two boys were having. 

“Again sorry, but you know I just feel poorly…” Louis’ voice sounded soft and Liam had to strain to hear him. “No, I get it Lou. Wake Liam’s lazy arse and tell him to take care of you. While you’re at it, tell him I said hi.” Zayn chuckled. He sounded happy and energetic and Liam was happy about that. He had his medicines this month and it made a really big difference. He didn’t have episodes anymore, it’s just that his emotions were more intense than they would be with other people. That also meant he could be really happy sometimes, those times were the best ones to be around him, the lads always had a blast. Louis closed the door and rested his head against the hard wood, a deep sigh leaving his lips.   
Liam frowned at his antics, wondering if Louis really felt that bad. “Hey baby, what’s wrong?” He cooed, walking over to his distressed boyfriend and wrapping his arms around him. He felt Louis’ body tense, which was very unlike him and therefore alarmed Liam. “Are you really sick?” He murmured, softly stroking some lost strands of hair from Louis’s forehead. The quiet boy shrugged half-heartedly, incoherent mumbles leaving his lips. 

Liam sighed. “Okay, tell me what’s up.” He said, not leaving much space to disobey. He didn’t sound demanding per say, but Louis and he both knew he would find out anyway and Liam just didn’t want to drawl it out. He’d seen it coming for a while now, just like he sees it coming every time, so Liam expected something to come out of Louis eventually. The fact that Louis’ small form actually started trembling scared him a bit, though. “You want to sit down, babe?” He asked carefully, trying to meet his lover’s eyes. Louis’ did his best at avoiding the brown puppy eyes, though, he just nodded weakly and let himself be led to the couch. Liam waited for him to calm down enough to talk, severely worried by the distress his boyfriend showed. What had happened? Slowly, Louis’ eyes trailed up to meet Liam’s. As they did, a whimper escaped him and his face scrunched up in pure misery, eyes quickly fleeting down again. “I’m so sorry.”   
Louis’ voice had never sounded so fragile according to Liam, but if Louis’ mother heard her son like this she would know exactly what the conversation would be about. 

Louis’ breaths became more laboured and Liam cradled him close to his chest. “Hey, shh... Don’t get yourself so worked up, babe. Just calm down for a bit and talk to me, then we can do something, yeah?” He soothed, voice calm and gentle. Liam knew exactly how to play his cards and Louis always obeyed their powers, concentrating on his breaths and really trying his best to keep his frenzy at bay. It took him quite some while before he even started to breath more steadily. “Do you want to tell me or do you want me to ask questions?” Liam knew Louis sometimes preferred to talk, while sometimes he could only force out short answers. This time Liam couldn’t really estimate which one it was going to be. Louis didn’t answer, just tracing random patterns on Liam’s shirt in silence. Minutes passed and the two boys just kept quiet, the only thing breaking the silence were Louis’ occasional sniffles. When Louis did speak up, it only took one question for every dam to break. A question that could’ve been so innocent, so casual in any other context, but held so much meaning in this situation. 

“So, erm... Do you, like, think that Z-Zayn’s nice?” 

Apart from Louis’ obvious struggle to speak, it should’ve been an ordinary question. The new lad that suddenly barged into the two lovers’ lives, introduced by Louis, Zayn. Louis could just be checking if Liam thought it was okay to continue hanging out with him, asking for a verdict about the boy. But that wasn’t the case and that was why Louis made such a big deal about asking his boyfriend that specific question. Liam understood. The second the question left Louis’ lips, he understood. And that’s what his face showed; a weird mix of pity, hurt, fear and a great load of understanding. When Louis’ eyes registered that look, he broke. He curled in on himself and started wailing his delicate heart out. Apologies left his mouth like a mantra, alternated with begs to stay. Liam wished time would go slower so he had time to soothe his distressed boyfriend and think about this new situation. He had to come to a conclusion for himself, what would he do now? He couldn’t let Louis hang in uncertainty, he had to let him know what he thought of it all, but he didn’t know what he thought yet. 

He acted upon his most present instinct and pulled Louis into his chest, small hands desperately grabbing for his shirt. “I’m not leaving you, Boo. We will figure this out, but whatever comes out to be the solution will be with me included.” He whispered, lips ghosting over the shell of Louis’ ear. The older boy choked on tears. “’M s-so sorry. I n-never wished for this to ha-happen.” He stuttered, voice laced with so much pain. “I know baby, it’s okay.” Liam murmured, lips permanently pressed against his forehead with his nose nuzzled in his feathery hair. They both didn’t speak after that, Louis because it simply was too much of a struggle and Liam because he was sunk too far in his thoughts. He tried to tell himself that he wasn’t surprised, that he saw it coming. He knew Louis needed more love than anybody else and he had always known that he couldn’t provide him all that he needed. That’s why it didn’t feel like a rejection, like Liam wasn’t good enough, because he knew that Louis never wanted Liam to think that, he told him that all so many times. Louis was happy with their relationship and he did love Liam. Louis truly felt sorry for being like he was and for needing so much more than Liam could ever give, Liam saw it in his eyes. The pain and self-hate because he was so scared to make Liam feel unloved or unwanted, the way he didn’t want to give in to his feelings for Zayn, the way he was crying right there next to Liam because he knew how much he was asking from the boy. 

Liam knew he never wanted to leave his boyfriend, no matter what happened. He had told himself that he would always forgive Louis for whatever pain he would cause him, because he knew that he was capable of bringing Louis the same amount of pain without it being his intention. He could imagine how much it would hurt to do wrong to Louis and he never wanted it to happen. It was something that could happen, though. At any moment actually, Liam could suddenly lash out. He had before, when he hadn’t even known Louis. But now that they were so in love, he knew how much he himself would hurt if he ever hurt Louis and he also knew that that was the same for Louis. So he told himself to always forgive his love, but he hadn’t needed to yet. Not even at that moment, with Louis confessing that he also had feelings for another man. Because Louis hadn’t done anything with Zayn, he was trying to suppress his emotions instead of acting on them. Louis hadn’t done anything wrong, yet he was already hurting so much because of hurting Liam. To Liam, that meant so much and only made his love for Louis grow, the fact that his thoughts were true and that hurting Liam, hurt Louis. 

So he knew he wasn’t mad or sad or hurt or rejected, but he didn’t know how to continue. Louis needed Zayn, just like he needed Liam. Liam couldn’t deny Louis that amount of care and love he needed to be happy, couldn’t deny the love of his life his happiness. But where did that leave Liam? More precisely, Liam and Zayn? What would be their connection, their relationship to one another? Liam tried to answer Louis’ question, did he think Zayn was nice? Did he like him? That’s the part he couldn’t get clear.

“Lili” Louis hiccupped. Liam tightened his arms around the smaller form protectively. “Boo” He replied, tone hushed and filled with so much care it pained Louis to hear. He felt so bad for bringing this upon his boyfriend and the fact that Liam was still there, holding Louis close and letting him know he still loved him, made Louis feel even worse for not being able to be satisfied by that amount of love. Especially because he knew it was a much greater amount of love anybody would ever know in their lives. “I love you.” The words had such a sad tone to it, it didn’t even sound like a confession of love. Liam smiled nonetheless. “I know you do, I love you too.” He said. “And I know you need more and that’s fine.” He continued. “I know Zayn just like you do, he’s a great guy.” Words that should’ve felt so freeing to Louis were spoken. Instead they hurt him like nothing he’d ever experienced. “No, Liam, stop. Cut it out.” He pleaded. “I don’t want to hear you talking like that.” He said miserably. “I know it hurts you, Lou, but it’s really okay. Like I said, we’ll figure it out.” Liam comforted, a warm hand placed on Louis’ lower back. “I’m just glad that it’s Zayn, not some random bloke I don’t even know.” He said genuinely.

 

It took a few days, but eventually Louis could feel past the hurt and could believe that Liam allowed him his feelings towards Zayn. There were still so many questions swarming Louis’ mind, because he didn’t even know if Zayn was gay. And if he was, would he be up for something like that? Would he like Louis or would he reject him? It all kept him worrying for days, being on edge the whole time. The tension around the two boyfriends wasn’t as big as Louis expected it to be. They were still a team together and there wasn’t an option of them splitting up about this whole ordeal, and that gave both the guys a great sense of peace. There was still one burning question playing over and over in Louis’ head, bigger than the question if Zayn was even into blokes. And one day, he jut spat it out at the kitchen table. “What about you, Li?” Liam had looked at him for a moment before answering. “I’m in...” He started, cooing internally about Louis’ beaming face. “on one condition, though.” Louis bit his lip nervously and nodded fervently. “Whatever, love, whatever you want.” He breathed, nearly toppling from his stool in curiosity. Liam bit his lip to keep the grin from splitting his face in half. “I don’t want you to have two boyfriends,” He started, grabbing his confused lover’s hands from across the table. “I want us three to be boyfriends.” And Liam couldn’t keep himself from laughing loudly at Louis’ face. Eyes popping out of their sockets and mouth hung open wide in shock for a moment, before scrambling up and knocking the wind out of Liam in the tightest hug he’d ever received.


	7. Chapter 6

The next few days were spend on Zayn. Talking about him, blushing bashfully at how fit the lad actually was, pondering on how to talk to him about their idea and putting great effort in ignoring the fact that Zayn could say no. When they finally had formed some sort of approach to the whole ordeal, they immediately invited Zayn over, unable to wait any longer. They were both so nervous, knowing that if Zayn didn’t want to take part in their plan, their friendship could be over. Zayn noticed how tense the two boys were as soon as he set foot in their apartment. He frowned at them, but decided to not question them about it. He figured he’d find out soon enough, knowing the lads called him over for a reason.

And he was right.

After he was offered a drink, he was sat down on the couch, Louis and Liam sitting down across from him. They couldn’t stop fidgeting and cleared their throats nervously, bumping each other softly to ask the other half of their duo to start talking. Zayn nearly burst out in laughter at how –dare he say- adorable they were behaving, but refrained himself from doing so as he figured that whatever they wanted to say could be really important.

Again, he was right, although he didn’t know it yet.

Liam was confused, Louis and he had rehearsed exactly how they were going to approach Zayn and had agreed that Louis would start. So why was he not starting? Why was he bumping Liam to ask him to start? Liam didn’t recall what Louis was going to say, he only remembered his parts in their speech. So he bumped Louis back telling him to just do it, but Louis didn’t. Was he really that nervous? He’d said he’d be fine, because they practised their words thoroughly together. He knew exactly what to say and how to say it, even how to look while saying it. Now he was just fidgeting with his fingers nervously, glancing to either Liam or Zayn every now and then. Liam sighed internally, realizing he’d have to be to one starting, hoping Louis would catch up with him. He raked his brain for an appropriate way to start. What had Louis and he agreed on? They were going to ease into the subject slowly, that he remembered. But were they going to start by explaining Louis’ condition to Zayn again or did they change that plan? They’d decided that would give away too much already, Liam remembered. But what was their new plan? Liam shook his head, as if that would set his thoughts straight. He opted to think of something new to say, as he knew he wouldn’t remember their old plan. It appeared that he was more nervous about this than he thought he would be, too. He tried to think calmly, not letting himself be rushed by the thought of Zayn sitting right there in front of them, awaiting some kind of explanation or suggestion or just something.

He needed to do this right. Louis needed this so bad. What would happen if Zayn said no? How crushed would Louis be? Liam tried to rid himself from those thoughts as they hurt him too much to think about. He needed to be careful, slowly ease into the subject and explaining everything as clearly as possible. How could he start the conversation? How was he supposed to start? Maybe he could just start with saying that he and Louis needed to ask Zayn something important. But it’s not like Zayn didn’t know that yet. That’s why he’s waiting so patiently instead of laughing at the lads’ silliness. But Liam really didn’t know where else to start, that’s how nervous he was. The kind of nervous that makes your brain shrink until all you seem to remember is your name and even that almost slips your mind. He didn’t understand why he was that nervous, just like he didn’t understand why Louis was so nervous at first. Maybe because they both had successfully pushed away the fact that Zayn could reject them and that they only thought of that at that moment. So Liam decided to open his mouth, as silly as his devised words were, it was something. And he hoped that when he had spoken those words, the next would follow without having to ponder over them for ages. He kept repeating the rules inside his head as a mantra: don’t overwhelm Zayn, take it slow and easy, take time in explaining, but, most of all, don’t scare Zayn off. Don’t scare Zayn off. It kept looping as Liam slowly opened his mouth. His eyes flickered up to Zayn, who still sat in front of him and Louis quietly, a small frown placed on his face. Zayn’s dark brown eyes met Liam’s as the boy noticed the change in him. It felt as if it all happened in slow motion, but it didn’t really. It wasn´t quick either. Liam spend a few minutes just gaping at Zayn with his mouth open, ready to speak and Zayn spend those minutes looking back at Liam and trying to get him to talk. He was starting to get worried about his two friends that were acting so strangely. He hoped that whatever Liam would say wouldn´t be too severe, but he was starting to feel like it could only be just that. Otherwise the two lads wouldn´t have made such a big deal out of whatever it was, right? But it wasn’t Liam that helped him out of his unknowing state, it was Louis who, up until then, had only tapped his feet nervously in strange rhythms. His words were hasty, clearly blurted out after a long internal battle.

“Will you go on a date with me?”

Saying Zayn was baffled would’ve been the understatement of the year. Although he tried to keep his confusion at bay, he couldn’t help but look at Liam and Louis incredulously. Liam himself looked quite shocked too. Zayn’s eyes flickered between the two lads who he thought were a happy couple, questions burning holes in his tongue. But he swallowed his shock and forced himself to stay as calm as possible. “I- I didn’t know you guys were...” He trailed off, not daring to make any big accusations. He just didn’t understand where any of that came from. To break up is one thing, but to ask another bloke out right in front of your ex? And to make such a big deal out of it together? Zayn just didn’t understand.

“We’re not.” That made even less sense to him. A deep frown settled on his face as he stared at the two boys who looked like they didn’t even know what they were talking about. “Wha-” Zayn cut himself off. He couldn’t even comprehend anything well enough to formulate a logical question. So he said the only thing he did know. “I don’t understand.” Liam and Louis shared a look that said so much to them, but left Zayn as quizzical as he was before. Liam sighed and wound his fingers together tightly as he glanced back at Zayn. Louis’ smaller hand trailed to Liam’s and softly pried them loose, grabbing one and clinging onto it tightly. Zayn saw it all happening. So they really hadn’t broken up. Zayn couldn’t stop himself from trying to puzzle it all together, but he really couldn’t. So he focused on Liam instead, as the lad cleared his throat. He took just as long as the previous time, clearly picking out his words carefully. “You know about Louis’ condition...” He stated, voice as soft as his eyes. Zayn nodded slowly. They all had shared their stories at one point and Louis had told Zayn about his problems. Zayn recalled that he’d said he always felt empty and hollow, he’d said it was because his heart was big. That’s why he was so happy he had Liam and why he was so affectionate and why he always helped others. Zayn remembered it all clearly. As he turned his attention back to the lads in front of him he immediately noticed the tears that had sprung to Liam’s eyes. Louis was intently focussing on their linked hands, looking like a small child that didn’t know what the conversation was about, but only felt the heaviness of it.

As Liam spoke again his voice was raw with emotion and Zayn could see and hear how much it all meant to him. “He just needs love.” Liam’s eyes were pleading as he stared at Zayn. The words swam around in his head, trying to make sense. What did they mean with that? Were they really asking what Zayn thought they were? Was that really the only solution for Louis? Zayn could see why it affected Liam so much, though. The boy cared so deeply for his other half, he only proved that again with this action. Would he really be willing to share the love of his life for Louis’ sake? Zayn felt so much respect and awe towards him then. As he saw the whole story play out in Liam’s eyes he could only think about how selfless Liam was and how much it meant to him that they asked him. “What about you, Li?” Zayn asked, trying to get a clearer picture of their suggested plan. Was Liam really just going to stand aside and watch his boyfriend love another man? Liam shrugged half-heartedly. “I don’t know, whatever. I’d like to go on a date with you as well, but you can decide. It doesn’t matter.” He murmured quietly, continuously shrugging to emphasize that it wasn’t a big deal. Before Zayn could form a reply to that, Louis’ head shot up. “No.” He stated resolutely. “Li, you’re not going to do this. You only had one condition and that was that we would be three boyfriends, not me having two. We’re sticking to that, you not going to push yourself and your wishes away from this.” His voice was clear and strong, a complete contrast to the childlike form he had earlier. His eyes pierced Zayn’s as he brought his point across, hand squeezing Liam’s a little bit tighter. So they would be boyfriends, all three of them. Boyfriends, with emphasis on the ‘s’. Zayn would be dating two lads at the same time, while those two lads were also dating each other. He would be involved with two boys, but they wouldn’t mind. He would be added to a relationship that had been going on for more than a year.

And then he suddenly felt very nervous.

“Zayn?” He snapped his eyes to Liam and he suddenly realized how handsome the two lads were and how perfect they were together and he suddenly feared that he wouldn’t fit in. “We don’t expect you to say yes right now, we understand that it’s a lot to take in.” Liam said softly, a bit apprehensive because of the change in Zayn’s demeanour. “Yeah, maybe you want to sleep on it for a night or two, Z.” Louis added, a gentle smile sent in Zayn’s direction. “Just please tell us now if it’s a no.” Liam pleaded softly, big eyes looking at the raven boy. A tense silence drifted through the room in which all of the boys suddenly got dry throats and jittery hands. “Yeah, no, I want to think about it.” Zayn uttered softly. A sigh fell from Louis’ lips and Liam nodded fervently. “Okay, thank you Zayn.” He smiled, glancing at Louis quickly. Zayn smiled back, looking at the couple in front of him dreamily. They wanted him with them, he couldn’t believe it. Would he be able to do something like that? “I promise I’ll let you know soon.” He said, scooting a bit forward on the couch. “Yeah, that’s okay. Take your time.” Liam and Louis got Zayn’s hint and stood up. Zayn followed quickly as they lead him to the front door. “A hug?” Louis suggested bashfully. If Zayn didn’t want to be with them, this could be the last time they saw him. Louis wanted to remember his arms and smell and his everything, so he took his chance. He beamed as Zayn nodded and wrapped his arms around him, squeezing him tightly, and he took in his overwhelming scent as if it was his drug. He watched as Liam received a hug and went to open the door for Zayn. “Thanks for considering, Z. It really means a lot.” Liam choked out with a weary smile. Zayn nodded and smiled back nervously. “No, yeah, of course. Thanks for, er, choosing me?” He offered clumsily. Liam and Louis smiled at him before he took off and they closed the door behind him. A collective sigh was let out and immediately the two boys reached out for each other. They curled up on the couch together, replaying the whole scene and wondering how slim their chances were.


	8. Chapter 7

“Mom?” Trisha’s head turned to face to the source of the voice, her only son. “Yes dear.” She smiled softly, laying down her pen next to the stack of paper she was busying herself with. “How are we on medication next month?” His question was hesitating and it showed in his entire demeanour. He was nervous, she could tell, and she didn’t like it one bit. “Why don’t we go check on that.” She said as she stood and headed to the computer. Her son followed and they logged on to see the family account. “Well, you all had them this month, but next month we’re not going to be able to afford that again.” She concluded, turning back to face her son. “Why do you ask, Honey. Do you need them?” Zayn didn’t respond. He shrugged multiple times, not clearly nodding or shaking his head to answer. Trisha laid her hand on his knee. “Do you want to talk about something?” Her eyes met her son’s and he nodded after a moment of hesitation. She smiled softly and led him to the couch where she waited for him to speak up.

That took a while.

When he did start to talk, his voice was still so soft and tentative, signalling that he was really bothered with something and needed his mother’s opinion. “You know Louis and Liam, right?” Trisha nodded. When Zayn had come home and told her about them he had been beaming. He had made friends, they didn’t mock him, they didn’t call him a freak, they liked him. The whole family was happier because of those two boys, just seeing how happy Zayn was made everybody smile. His parents and two sisters’ eyes had shone with pride as Zayn had told them about his friends during dinner. He was so childlike about it, since he’d never had a friend in his life. No one ever knew how to handle him, how to play with him, how to socialize with him, all because Zayn didn’t have control over himself. No one knew what mood he was in and after one or two tries most people lost their willingness to be nice. Zayn had known loneliness his entire life and to finally see someone put an end to it was such a big relief for everybody who cared for the innocent boy. Trisha wanted to ask when she would finally meet the two lads who made her son so happy, but she opted against it, since Zayn clearly had something important to talk about at that moment.

“Well, Louis struggles with his condition as well. He’s got different symptoms of Borderline, not the same as I have.” Zayn explained, his voice slow and pensive. His mother nodded attentively as she listened to her son speak. “He always feels empty, he needs more praising and affection than normal people do.” Zayn looked at his mother to see her reaction. “He needs more attention.” She spoke and Zayn nodded. “More love.” He murmured after. “What’s that?” His mother questioned, inching closer to hear her son clearer. “He needs more love...” Zayn repeated, biting his lip in the knowledge that he was closing in on the actual subject. His mother nodded at his statement, forming a picture about the boy and how his life must’ve been like. How much care and attention he must’ve needed from his parents. She was curious about how his life had been, knowing how hard it was to struggle with disorders in a family.

Zayn didn’t know how to beat around the bush anymore. He just felt the burning need to spit it all out and let his mother help him, knowing he couldn’t make the decision on his own. “He and Liam are in a relationship...” Zayn took one last deep breath before he blurted out the end of his sentence. “and they asked me out.” Zayn tensed as he waited for his mother’s answer. What would she say? He really didn’t know what kind of picture he had to have of this, was it really wrong to be part of a polygamous relationship? Did he have to take that in consideration? Or did he solely had to think about if he wanted it? He hadn’t really allowed himself to look at the two lads in that way, because they were together and it would be wrong. But now that he was allowed to think about them like that, it got a bit out of hand. All Zayn could see when he closed his eyes were them in all kinds of situations. Just the two of them and all of their beauty, either one of them kissing Zayn, the two of them kissing in front of Zayn, the two of them touching Zayn... Zayn’s nights were long, confusing and arousing altogether and it played tricks on his mind. Because he also thought about the negatives; would he be able to have a relationship with two guys? Would he be able to not be jealous whenever they kissed each other? Would he be able to divide his attention equally? Would the two lads really like him? Would he fit in their relationship which had been going strong for so long?

His mother’s hand shook him from his thoughts as she softly squeezed his shoulder and he was brought back to reality. He first had to find out what his mother would say. What if she thought Liam and Louis were weird for asking something like that and she told Zayn to stop seeing them altogether?  Zayn knew for sure he didn’t want that. But would he be able to still be their friend even if he didn’t want to be their boyfriend? Zayn shook himself out of it and focused back on his mother. “And you don’t know what to do.” She guessed.  Zayn nodded and sighed deeply to support his answer. He crumpled into his mother’s side and she combed her fingers through his precious hair. “Oh sweetie.” She murmured softly, cradling her son to her chest comfortingly. “Is it wrong, Mom?” He questioned softly, his voice uncertain and fragile. “By law? Yes, but only if you all marry. I don’t think it’s necessarily wrong, especially not in this context.” She spoke carefully. “But the real question is if you want it.” And Zayn kept quiet, because he truly didn’t know. When he asked himself that question, his first answer was a clear yes, but as soon as he thought about it rationally and considered everything, he got scared and feared that he couldn’t do it. “What if it goes wrong and I lose the only friends I’ve ever had?” Zayn voiced his biggest fear softly, speaking into his mother’s chest. His breaths were ragged as he tried to hold in sobs. ”Honey, that won’t happen. You will figure it out together. I’m sure those two boys wouldn’t just abandon you. From what I’ve heard of them, they are really nice lads.” She soothed.

Zayn sniffled a bit as he peered up at his mother. “So you think I should do it?” He questioned tentatively. Trisha nodded as she stroked a lock of hair from his forehead. “It’s only a date, Honey. If you don’t like it you don’t have to continue with it. It’s to test the waters for both of you...or all three of you actually.” She explained. “Going on a date doesn’t mean you’re boyfriends.” She clarified, knowing her son had never been able to experience something like that. He was taking his first steps in the ‘love’-area, and it were big steps for a first time. Yes, she worried about her son, but she wanted him to experience it and to learn from it and she trusted the boys to take good care of her son, even though she had only heard about them and seen pictures. She figured a date couldn’t hurt him too much, even if it went disastrous.

“It’s very important that the three of you talk about everything. You should feel comfortable enough around them to voice your worries and insecurities and vice versa. And you should care about each other enough to help each other out on all those things.” She said, a gentle smile playing on her lips as she saw her son’s face. She could see he was very nervous, but she also noticed he really liked those boys. Even if it’s just because they were the first people ever outside of the family to show a sign of care and understanding, those two lads meant a lot to her son. “Will I be meeting them anytime soon?” She asked curiously. Zayn bit his lip and shrugged a bit. “I guess... I don’t know.” He mumbled, unable to hide his goofy grin. Trisha beamed at her son’s love-struck antics and playfully shoved him. “Why don’t you go call your lovebirds?” She suggested with a big smile, grinning at Zayn’s evident blush. “To tell them?” He asked, eyeing her for confirmation. She nodded with a smile. “Tell me what they said.” She added, happy that she could finally let her inner gossip queen show up. She loved those times with her daughters and now that she could also talk with her son about his boyfriends she couldn’t be happier.

Zayn scurried off to his room, trying to fight back the blush that painted his cheeks. He hadn’t expected his mother to be so giggly and smiley about this, but he was very happy that she was. He was really glad he went to her for advise and also relieved to say he’d finally made a decision. He picked up his phone and nervously scrolled to Louis’ number. The two boys didn’t have a phone in their apartment but they both had a cell phone they used for their contacts. After a few rings Louis picked up with a cheery greet. Zayn couldn’t fight down the grin that appeared on his face, hearing Louis’ voice after those days of doubts and uncertainty. “Hey Lou.” He smiled, leaning back into his pillows to sit comfortably.

“So, what are you calling for?” The slight nerves were easy to hear in Louis’ voice and Zayn realized that he and Liam had had just as many uncertainties and doubts these past days as he had had. In a wave of confidence, knowing that he had all the power in the conversation, he spoke. “Oh, just to ask you when you’re picking me up.” The smug feeling mixed with giddiness he felt inside matched his tone and Zayn had to bite his lip to keep his grin from splitting his face in half. Louis fell silent for a moment, only his breathing reaching Zayn’s ear. “...You mean...” Louis didn’t dare to finish his sentence, scared he misunderstood, but he couldn’t fight down the hope that was raising within him. “For our date.” Those three words made Louis heart jump, and he beamed into his phone. “Really?” He asked incredulously, pacing around the apartment in a frenzy. “Yeah, really.” Zayn confirmed, playing with a loose thread on his jumper as he smiled to nothing. He could hear Louis’ smile through the phone and he would be lying if he said he didn’t feel special that he was the cause of it.

 

Louis was literally jumping around the living room, needing to rid himself from his adrenaline rush. “Oh my god, Zayn, you can’t believe how big I’m smiling right now.” He admitted, not knowing what to do with himself except for dancing around his house. “Yeah, well, my smile is pretty big, too.” Zayn murmured, biting his lip shyly. Louis laughed at those words, imagining Zayn on the other end of the line. “So, Friday? Are you busy then?” He questioned actively, jumping through the kitchen while flailing his arms freely. His breaths became a bit laboured, but neither of the boys could care one bit. “No, I’m free.” Came Zayn’s soft reply. They were really setting a date, it was really going to happen. Zayn squirmed randomly on his bed, picking up a pillow and hugging it to his chest. “Great,” Louis beamed. “I’ll pick you up at six.” He decided. He had yet to think of what to do, but he was sure that he and Liam would think of something amazing. “Okay.” Zayn breathed. Now it was set. He had a date. With Louis. That Friday. At six. His body was tingling all over and he was sure he was starting to feel dizzy. “I can meet your family for a bit and then we’ll head off.” Louis said as he heard a door slam meaning Liam just got home. “Yeah, great. My Mom wants to meet you.” Zayn replied, anticipating to hear Louis’ voice respond. “Oh god, I better take a emergency class ‘manners’ then.” Louis joked, waiting to see Liam step into the kitchen. Zayn chuckled a bit and Louis cherished the sound of it. “You’ll be fine.” He said. “Yeah, it’ll be great.” Louis agreed. “So, I’ll see you then?” He asked, hearing Liam walk through the hallway. “See you then.” Zayn repeated. “Say hi to Liam from me.” Louis smirked as Liam entered the kitchen. “Will do. Bye!”

After Zayn replied, Louis ended the call and grinned at Liam brightly. “What?” Liam questioned, raising an eyebrow at Louis’ antics. “Zayn says hi.” Louis said, trying his hardest to stay casual. Liam was on to him, though, probably because his smile was still covering his entire face. Liam straightened up and his face broke into a beaming smile as well. Louis squirmed and sped off to the living room to fall face first onto the couch. Liam chased after him and pulled him up. “What did he say?” He asked, although he already knew it was positive. He wanted to know every single detail from his giddy boyfriend. He pulled Louis onto his lap and he started talking for hours about the conversation that had only been six minutes long.

 

Zayn entered the living room again where he saw his parents sitting with his sisters. “...so that’s why Zayn’s getting medication next month. Okay?” The girls all nodded, wearing equally big smiles. They then noticed Zayn and beamed at him and he couldn’t stop the blush from raising to his cheeks, again. “So?” Trisha ushered, motioning for him to come closer. Zayn sat down with them and squirmed at all the stares for a moment before he broke and told them everything. His sisters and mother listened intently and squirmed and giggled along, like they had just been in his situation. They immediately started thinking about what they could be doing that Friday and what Zayn should wear and kept asking him questions about the two boys. Zayn could say that he didn’t mind it at all.


	9. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dateee :)

Louis took a deep breath before he rang the doorbell to the Malik’s residence. He tried to play it cool, but he couldn’t even fool himself. He was very nervous about the date. He and Liam had been fussing over it for five days, deciding what to do and what to wear and, most importantly, what not to do. Louis was so afraid of doing something wrong and even more worried about the consequences of his mistakes. What if it scared Zayn off? A part of Louis was also very excited, all smiley and giddy about having some alone time with Zayn. He tried to focus on that part of him.

The door swayed open, revealing a woman who Louis guessed was Zayn’s mother. She looked nice enough, that calmed him a little bit. “You must be Louis!” She exclaimed, wearing a brilliant smile. Lou nodded and accepted her outstretched hand. “Come in, come in. Zayn’s almost ready.” Trisha stepped aside and Louis walked into the warm and cosy house. He felt at home immediately as he looked around with a small smile. “Do you want something to drink?” Trisha asked actively. She couldn’t  wipe the proud smile of her face. Her son would be going on a date with this man. “No, thank you Mrs. Malik.” He declined politely, eyes still roaming the small hallway. There were stairs leading to the next floor and there were pictures hung everywhere. He smiled at a photograph of Zayn and his three sisters when they were younger, finding it utterly adorable.

“Will you take good care of him Louis?” Trisha asked, causing Louis to turn back to face her. He nodded fervently. “Yes of course, I wouldn’t want to hurt him.” He answered, a gentle smile nipping at his lips just because he was speaking about Zayn and speaking about Zayn made him smile. “Is there a curfew?” He questioned, wanting to get into Zayn’s parents’ good book. Trisha smiled, aware of how hard Louis was trying to be on his best behaviour. “No, as long as you bring him home in one piece.” She winked, hoping to ease some of his evident nerves. She succeeded as Louis chuckled wholeheartedly. “I’ll try not to kidnap him.” He laughed, eyes sparkling with joy. His eyes shifted and suddenly his face dropped, jar open and eyes big, as he saw Zayn descend the stairs with Doniya, his older sister who helped him get ready for his first date ever. Zayn smiled shyly as he stood next to his mother, greeting Louis softly. Louis greeted back a bit dopily, a bit awe-struck by seeing Zayn again. Doniya and Trisha exchanged a look and smirked at the unknowing lad.

“Hi, I’m Doniya, Zayn’s older sister.” Louis shook his head quickly and greeted her just as politely as he’d been before. “Can we go, Mom?” Zayn questioned, not knowing if she wanted them to stay longer so she could get to know Louis. And maybe just to ask if it was the appropriate time to leave, since he had no idea how a date was supposed to go. “Of course, have fun you two!” She smiled as she opened the door and ushered the two boys out. They walked to Louis’ car side by side and smiled at each other. As Trisha closed the door she  could hear how Louis complimented Zayn on how he looked and she swore she felt like a teenage girl again. She raced to the living room where her three daughters were peeking through the curtains sneakily and joined them. They saw how Louis opened Zayn’s car door for him before they both got in and Louis drove off. The girls fell down on the couch with sighs  and smiles, already anticipating Zayn’s return so they could hear all the details.

\-- 

Zayn and Louis did a bit of small talking in the car, but soon settled into a silence that was comfortable for the both of them. Louis was focussing on the road while Zayn stared out of the window, taking in the town as it flashed by. It was the town he had grown up in, born and raised in the house he still lived in that very day. He knew all the little spots of the town, the quiet spots that is. The spots he searched for whenever he wanted to be alone, when he didn’t want the other kids to bother him. Those were the spots he would go and sit to read, or draw, or sleep or sometimes just sit. He’d also wandered through the streets a lot as a kid, made up stories about things he saw; the big old tree where the forest spirit lived, the rabbit hole down to his own wonderland, the hill where the trolls lived in and the flowers that were homes to fairies. The park where the magic trees stood, so when lovers carved their names in it they would be together forever. He knew that because his parents had carved their names there when they were younger. He smiled softly to himself as he reminisced all his adventures through the town that looked so different now that he was sat next to Louis. They passed the house that always gave Zayn the creeps and he still tried to avoid passing whenever it was dark. He didn’t know if people lived there, but the house just gave off those eerie vibes that scared the crap out of Zayn. He surely hoped no one had to live in that house...

He shook his head to get him out of his childhood memories and back in his present, together with Louis in a car on their way to their first date. “So, where are we going?” Zayn questioned. Louis chuckled at his curiousness. He had expected him to ask the question sooner, but Zayn had at least tried to be patient. “Do you like Italian food?” He asked, taking a left on a T-junction. Zayn smiled and told Louis he loved it, relieving Louis to extends he wasn’t aware off. “Good, ‘cause I’m taking you to an Italian place for dinner.” He breathed. It would’ve been just his luck to hear Zayn had all kinds of allergic reactions to Italian food, but apparently luck was on his good side that night. The two lads quickly got to their destination and settled down at a table for two in a small and very warm and cosy restaurant. They ordered some drinks and, hesitatingly, a conversation began to flow between the two.

Once the initial nerves were overcome the two lads fell into amicable and easy talks that never seemed to fall silent. They talked as the ate their pizza’s and shared stories about their childhood and family. They already knew a lot about each other, but they dared to open up just a little bit further that time. Zayn had never thought a date would be that easy, but he had a feeling it was Louis who made it so easy. Louis was the most easy going lad Zayn knew, always able to crack the most hilarious jokes but also listen intently to Zayn’s stories. Louis suggested to skip dessert and take a walk through town to an ice cream parlour instead and Zayn agreed happily. So Louis paid for their food and handed Zayn his jacket before they set off to walk to the best ice cream parlour in town. Occasionally their hands would brush and Zayn would feel a wave of adrenaline run through him at the touch. They kept on talking about all kinds of little nothings until they had to stop momentarily to decide on ice cream flavours. Again Louis paid, after he nicked Zayn’s wallet and put it in his pocket so that ‘he couldn’t unnecessarily use it’. They started to slowly walk back to where Louis’ car was parked while licking their own ice creams and tasting each other’s. They walked so close, side by side, that their hands kept brushing past each other and Zayn had to bite into his ice cream to keep his squirms inside. Louis swallowed thickly before he glanced at Zayn briefly and wove his fingers backwards through Zayn’s. Zayn looked down at their casually intertwined hands and smiled. As he looked up, he met Louis’ eyes and they smiled at each other before returning their attention to their ice. Zayn felt like his ice cream, almost completely molten.

Louis smiled as they were sat in his car again. The date had gone so good, he couldn’t keep the smile off his face. He surely hoped Zayn had as much fun as he had, because Louis certainly had lots of it. His eyes kept glancing over to the boy in the passenger seat and sometimes Zayn would look back at him. They would smile at each other and look away again. Louis really felt like he was sixteen again, all squirmy and giggly because of a boy. He was really excited to go home and tell Liam all about the date. He would encourage Liam to call Zayn the next day so they could arrange a date, because it wasn’t fair to wait too long. He hoped they would get along just as well as he got along with Zayn.         

Louis stopped the car in front of Zayn’s house and Zayn jumped a little as he was shaken away from his thoughts. Louis had already walked around the car and opened Zayn’s door for him, smiling at him with so much softness that Zayn thought he was then completely molten. He quickly clambered out of the car and started to search for his keys in his pocket. Once he’d found them he turned to Louis, who handed him back his wallet with a grin. Zayn suppressed his smile as he put it away in his pocket again. “I had a really great time.” Louis said softly. If he knew anything about Zayn’s family, or family at all, he knew they were somehow trying to eavesdrop on them. Zayn beamed at Louis and nodded. “Me too, it was perfect.” Louis looked Zayn in the eye- he had to look up a bit at the younger lad- and smiled. He then lifted himself on his tip toes a bit and pressed a small kiss to Zayn’s cheek, who blushed furiously at the action. Louis thought that sight was endearing. “I’ll see you soon.” He whispered before he turned back to walk to his car. He heard Zayn’s faint goodbye and the rattle of the keys and he turned to wave one last time before Zayn was in the safe contents of his house. He easily drove the short distance to his and Liam’s apartment and nearly floated up the stairs to his front door.

He greeted Liam with a kiss and they both snuggled into comfortable clothes before they curled up on the couch together and Louis told all about his amazing four and a half hours with Zayn. Liam cooed at the sight of his boyfriend so happy and obviously love-struck and he surprised himself when he didn’t feel any jealousy. Yes, he wanted his date with Zayn, maybe he was a bit jealous of that. But the fact that Louis, his boyfriend, went out with another man, was okay. And he felt so at peace when he could admit that to himself and later that night to Louis. Louis was ecstatic about Liam’s words and he made him promise that he would arrange his date with Zayn first thing the next morning. Liam agreed and they fell asleep tangled up together, sighing contently.

\-- 

Liam’s date with Zayn came around a week later. Zayn was a little less nervous that time, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t nervous. He was still nervous as hell, just as Liam was. The two boys went to see a movie. They sat in the very back and shared popcorn and an armrest. Zayn liked the movie, but truthfully, he was paying more attention to the boy next to him, not knowing that Liam was doing the exact same. They took in each other’s movements from the corners of their eyes, smiling and inwardly cooing at each other’s adorableness. Zayn melted whenever Liam chewed on bits of popcorn and licked the salt from his fingers afterwards. Liam thought it was amazingly cute whenever Zayn jumped at scary parts of the movie. Their hands touched a few times when reaching for popcorn at the same time, but they both just retreated and blushed instead of turning it into some kind of rom-com cliché- although some people could see their reaction as sappy. Liam brought Zayn back to his and Louis’ apartment and they chatted there with Louis for a while.

That night would be remembered by Zayn as the one where he received his first kiss, twice. Louis had gripped his elbow as Liam left to load the dishwasher. He had stuttered a bit as he spoke the words he’d been rehearsing the entire night, in which he asked if he could kiss Zayn. Zayn had flushed deep red and stammered that he didn’t know what to do, so Louis gently cupped his cheek and pressed a chaste kiss to Zayn’s lips. That was it, Louis might’ve lingered a bit longer than with just any normal kiss, but he didn’t want to make Zayn feel uncomfortable so he’d gone with the simplest of kisses. Zayn’s cheeks had been burning and Louis had chuckled softly, stroking his cheekbone with affection. They had talked a bit before Liam came back into the room and offered to drive Zayn home. There, at Zayn’s front door, Liam had did what Louis had done before. He leaned in and pressed his lips to Zayn’s for a few moments. Zayn was still unresponsive as he still didn’t know what he was supposed to do, but it felt nice. They had grinned at each other dopily before Liam had taken off again. Zayn, Liam and Louis all talked about those kisses until deep in the night, about how wonderful it had been and how strange yet perfect it was that nobody suffered from jealousy.    

\-- 

And it went on like that, the boys would hang out with each other and even went on dates with the three of them and nobody felt jealous or overlooked. They were just plain old happy. After a few weeks of dates and small pecks on the lips Liam and Louis had finally asked Zayn to be theirs officially. Frantic nods and breathy laughs had answered that question and they had latched onto each other in their happiness, refusing to let go. That’s how Zayn and Louis ended up asleep on the couch and that’s how Liam ended up calling Zayn’s mother to ask if he could stay over. And that’s how Zayn woke up in a bed that wasn’t his, a beautiful boy on each side of him which he both could call his love.  Zayn swore to himself to never forget that moment because he truly didn’t know if he would ever feel that happy again in his life. 


	10. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First smut whoopwhoop :D

A couple of months had passed by and Zayn still couldn’t get used to waking up sandwiched between his two boyfriends, a blissful smile breaking through on his face each and every time. He didn’t spend all his nights at Liam and Louis’ apartment, but whenever his parents allowed him the three were inseparable. They’d go to bed early so they could cuddle and talk all night long until they all drifted off to sleep. Zayn got to ask all the questions that kept him up during his nights alone and Liam and Louis would answer and explain patiently, sometimes ending up in some kind of philosophical aporia. The three boys got to enjoy each other to the fullest, appreciating all the little endearing quirks they got to know about each other.

Yes, Zayn was still nervous about the whole thing, but it had been working for almost three solid months, so gradually his confidence grew. He became more confident about showing affection since Louis had taught him how to kiss properly and after the conversation the three had had about spontaneity and trying new things, Zayn had dared to act upon his feelings and show his affection towards Liam and Louis.

Whenever Zayn spent the night at home, he received two goodnight texts, although he knew Liam and Louis were laying right next to each other in bed.  
The two spent those nights either cooing at Zayn’s innocent adorableness, or making love. They hadn’t done anything sexual with the three of them together yet and the lads had to release the tension that built up over Zayn-filled weekends.

Zayn always woke up first when he spent the night at the apartment and, ninety percent of the time he’d wake up with an erection. He’d quietly slip out of bed, take care of himself –often muffling himself by moaning into the towels in the bathroom- and sneak back to lay with his lovers just before they woke up.  
That’s how it usually went, Louis and Liam waking up with sight of a fiercely blushing Zayn and immediately melting. The day that marked their three month anniversary was different, though.

When Zayn woke up, he immediately noticed the situation in his pyjama bottoms. When he tried to wriggle out of Louis arms though, those arms tightened around him and he felt a pair of lips kiss just behind his ear. “Goodmorning, lovely.” Louis’ morning-voice murmured into his skin, sending shivers down his spine and straight to his already uncomfortable groin. “Happy anniversary.” Liam smiled, rolling onto his side so he could face Zayn and Louis, wrapping his arms around the two of them as well as he could. Zayn squirmed, trying to touch the least amount of his boyfriends’ skin.  
“What’s up, Z?” Liam asked, a frown distorting his still sleepy face. “Erm, could you guys let go of me for a sec? I need the bathroom.” He said, awkwardness clearly evident in his soft voice. Liam and Louis shared a look as Zayn tried to get free from their grip, they smirked at each other and collectively yanked Zayn back to lay with them. He let out an ‘oof’ and struggled until he realized his lovers weren’t planning on letting him go. He looked at the both of them and the smirks on their faces scared him a bit.

“L-Lads?”

Liam broke first, smile widening and leaning in to peck his nose swiftly. Louis followed suit, stroking his hair from his forehead. “Sweetie,” He murmured, continuing to caress his face. Liam’s finger traced patterns on Zayn’s chest that was heaving deep and ragged breaths. “why don’t you let us help you with that?” Liam continued, voice deeper than Zayn had ever heard him speak. “Did we do that to you, Honey?” Louis asked, voice high and playful.  
Zayn was nearly shaking at that point, having no clue what had overcome him all of a sudden. All he could do was let out a pathetic mewl because his torso was tingling all over from warm fingers running along it, up and then down, down, down and then all the way back up again. He was flat on his back with both Liam and Louis propped up on their elbow to hover over him.  
They had never acted like this, but Zayn guessed they somehow knew he had an erection and he realized the situation had become _sexual_ and maybe that was how you’re supposed to be sexual.  
He didn’t like it, though. He felt intimidated and scared by the two boys who usually made him feel so safe.

Louis looked back up at Zayn’s face, because he had yet to give them the green light to go on with it, but retreated his hand immediately as he saw it. Liam caught on soon enough and stopped the teasing touches as well, his seductive mood completely faltering at the sight of their distressed boyfriend.  
“Oh, love, we’re sorry. We were just messing around, we didn’t want to scare you.” Spoke Louis as Liam peppered chaste kisses over Zayn’s face. Zayn’s eyes shot back and forth between his boyfriends, trying to decipher if they meant it. “We just want to make you feel good, Z. We’ll be very gentle and sweet, we won’t play any games, okay?” Liam asked, brown eyes boring into brown eyes, both a very different shade and attached to a very different person.

“O-okay..” Zayn uttered, not completely sure what he just agreed to. He decided to keep watching both his boyfriends to figure out what they were going to do, but the thought of what they could possible do made him nervous again. Would they have sex? Zayn didn’t know if he was ready for that yet, but he knew that if anyone, he wanted Liam and Louis to be his first. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if they did it to him, because sex is supposed to feel good. That’s the only thing he ever heard about sex, it’s for when you truly love someone and it feels great. He did truly love Liam and Louis, so Zayn told himself he had no need to be so nervous.  
He hadn’t noticed that Liam and Louis hadn’t moved after he told them to do so, only realized when Liam spoke to him. “Babe, you okay? We don’t have to do this, it’s okay if you don’t want to.” He said soothingly. Zayn shook his head and swallowed. “No, I want to.” He thought he did, at least. “Really?” Louis questioned. Zayn nodded and looked at the two faces hovering over him. “Okay, you can say stop whenever you don’t want to anymore, okay Z?” Zayn confirmed with another quiet ‘okay’ and the hands were back, latched onto Zayn’s skin and caressing every part of it.

Then the lips came, kissing and nipping and licking Zayn’s neck, collarbone, knuckles, his still clothed torso and anything else that was in their reach. Zayn squirmed under the touches, but he wasn’t scared that time. Liam and Louis had promised to be nice and gentle, and Zayn took their word for it. It just really, really, tickled.  
Then he felt a finger on his skin where he was sure the waistband of his pyjama’s had just been. He propped himself up on his elbow and saw that Louis had indeed slipped a hand in his pants, rubbing circles into his hipbone. Zayn’s breath hitched a bit, he had never felt anybody else’s hand there, moving so sensually.

“Still okay, Z?” Liam asked, eyeing the tensed boy as his hand hesitated to dip into his pants as well. Zayn nodded and Liam shot him a comforting smile, one hand reaching for his hair and the other slipping into his pants. “Wait.” Everything froze. Louis and Liam focused on their lover, ready to do anything he’d say. “What are we doing exactly?” Zayn spoke hesitantly.  
He thought he would be fine with just waiting, but, on second thoughts, he wanted to know if he was going to lose his virginity at that moment, because he wanted to pay way more attention to everything that was happening if that was the case.  
Louis and Liam looked at each other. “Just a simple Handjob, right?” Louis questioned. “Yeah,” Liam agreed, then turning to smile sweetly at Zayn. “just a simple Handjob, lovely.” Zayn nodded, laying back down onto his back.

A Handjob, he guessed they would touch him with their hands only, then. He hoped that was a ‘name says it all’ kind of term.  
Louis leaned over Zayn’s body to whisper at Liam. “I’ll get him to relax, you work his shirt off.” Liam nodded and the two boys shared a deep kiss before they set to their assigned jobs. Louis laid down next to Zayn and started kissing him slowly and lazily, hand softly running through his hair. Zayn was eager to reply, glad he knew something that was happening to him. Liam started massaging his skin, hands occasionally slipping underneath Zayn’s shirt.

When Louis pecked Zayn on the nose, Liam slipped both his hands fully underneath and looked up at the two boys. “Come on, handsome, let’s get that shirt off of you.” He murmured, prodding his fingers into Zayn’s skin tenderly. Zayn squirmed and laughed, saying it tickled and the other two boys inwardly cooed at him, helping him out of his white T-Shirt.  
When he laid back down, naked torso on full display, Liam and Louis settled next to him and traced the lines of his tattoos. “Wow, that’s a lot of ink, is there a story behind each one?” Louis asked curiously, wondering where Zayn had more tattoos hidden. “Yeah,” Zayn uttered. “Will you tell?” Liam asked, just as mesmerized by the beautiful paintings on his boyfriend.  
“Later, will you- please?” Zayn begged, voice strangled as his hips thrust up into nothing. The two boyfriends focused on the evident bulge there, their sudden forgotten mood immediately awoken again.

“Yeah, of course, let’s get you out of those pants.” Louis murmured, shimmying down Zayn’s body and swiftly pulling down the pyjama bottoms. Liam instructed him to kick them off, his and Louis’ eyes solely focused on the very hard cock that was now laying flat on Zayn’s stomach.  
Zayn couldn’t even register that he was the only naked boy in the room, only able to focus on the cold air slapping at his member.  
Louis rejoined the two lads and pulled Zayn in for a deep kiss. “You’re beautiful.” Liam murmured into his neck. They both slid down one hand, purposely flicking his nipples and massaging their way down the eight inch beauty waiting there for them. They played with the skin around it, working Zayn and themselves up, fondling with his furry balls and massaging his thighs.  
Zayn’s breathing had already become laboured, his eyes closed and head lulling from side to side, resting against either one of the lads’ chests. Louis and Liam made eye contact and smiled at each other, both of their hands finally touching the place Zayn wanted them so badly.

He let out a suppressed moan as he bucked up into their touch, he’d never experienced anything like that, anybody beside himself touching his penis. They settled on a slow but consistent pace, every now and then wandering down or up to let the other have a moment. Mewls and whimpers fell from Zayn’s lips, who was getting to his boiling point very quickly, and they only spurred the two boys on, letting them fasten their pace and twist and turn their hands and flick their wrists.

With no warning apart from a audible gasp, Zayn came, spurts of come painting his chests. The two lads stroked him through it, not letting go until he was softening again. They wiped their hands on the sheets and focused back on Zayn’s face, stroking his hair and pecking his cheeks.  
Zayn’s eyes fluttered open the meet them, a small smile on his lips. “Thanks.” He whispered, the two boys nuzzling their noses into his neck, saying it was their pleasure.

Before they could say another word, Zayn’s phone insinuated he’d received a text. He let out a huff, grumbling about having some peace and quiet. Louis snickered as he reached over to grab Zayn’s cell phone from the nightstand. “It’s you mom, reminding you you should be home by eleven.” He read, head turning to catch sight of the time. “Okay, so Liam and I will write a lovely text back, saying you’ll be a bit later and you’ll go ahead and clean yourself up. It’s ten to eleven.” He spoke casually, opening a reply to Zayn’s mother.  
Zayn bolted out of bed, running into the bathroom to clean and wash himself.

‘Sorry, we lost track of time. It’s so hard to let him go, you must know all about it. He’s on his way, will be a bit later, though. Liam and Louis’

“Take my underwear and clothes, babe.” Liam called out. “They’re on the stool in the corner.” A muffled thanks was his reply, causing him to giggle. He snuggled closer to Louis and Louis snuggled closer to Liam, both of them not wanting to leave the confines of their bed as long as they both still sported a hard on.  
Zayn came stumbling back into the room, slipping on his shoes and grabbing his phone from Louis. He kissed them both sweetly, taking the time to thank them for that morning and ordering them to stay in bed because he could find his way to the front door alone perfectly fine. The two cosy boys pulled him in for another kiss and they promised to call that night to set up a new date. Then Zayn sped off and they heard the front door slam closed.

They enjoyed the silence for a while, noises still too loud to bear so early in the morning. Louis turned his face and pecked along Liam’s jaw line lazily, nibbling on his earlobe at he murmured “Now what to do with you?” in his gravelly ‘sexy morning voice’ that made Liam putty in his hands.


	11. Chapter 10

“Honey, when you’re done washing your hands, will you sort out the mail for me? I’ve got to go to Mr. Hankins for a small meeting.” Anne said as she closed the tabs on her computer and stood to leave her office. Her intern, who also was her son, nodded absentmindedly, eyebrows scrunched up in concentration as he focused solely on his hands that were under the stream of water flowing out of the tap. Luckily, his mother’s chatter hadn’t disturbed Harry’s silent counting and he finished washing his hands just as his mother left the room. He scurried to his small desk and started sorting the mail in piles, softly humming to himself as he proceeded to do the mindless task.

Knocks sounded on the closed wooden door and Harry stopped what he was doing, looking at the door as he called out for whoever it was to come in. Louis stepped inside the office curiously, definitely not recognizing the low voice as Anne’s. As he stepped into the office he was met with a young boy behind the second desk in Anne’s office, curly hair and big green eyes. He smiled kindly and noticed Anne was not present in the room, so he suspected he’d had to talk to the boy. “Hi, I’m Louis. Drama teacher slash errand boy for any teacher that feels like Drama teacher isn’t a real job.” He introduced himself as he smiled at the boy that looked slightly unnerved. His eyes were shifting as he fidgeted in his chair.

“C-Could you-uh... close the door?” He asked and Louis was quite taken aback. The boy sounded so serious, if they hadn’t been complete strangers Louis would’ve thought a very heavy conversation was about to start. He complied though, closing the door neatly and turning back to see a bit of relief on the boy’s features.

“Well, anyway, I came to drop these files off for Anne. They’re from Pete. I take it you are her intern?” He guessed, inching a bit closer to the boy’s desk. The boy nodded fervently, his curls bouncing around and contrasting with his still and tight posture. “I’m Harry.” He spoke. “You can lay the files down on her desk, I’ll inform her.” His voice was low and raw as he spoke slowly and Louis took a moment to appreciate its sound as he laid the papers down on Anne’s desk.

“So, I take it you’re new here? I haven’t seen you around.” He chatted, perching against Harry’s desk and smiling at him. The uneasiness slowly came back to his demeanour, as he became completely ignorant to Louis’ talking, and Louis tentatively stood back up, observing curiously as Harry let out a little breath. “Uh, yeah. I’m new.” He murmured, eyes still fixated on the spot Louis had just sat. The tension steadily built in the small room and Louis looked around to see if he could find anything that would give him a chance to get a small conversation with the boy that had most certainly sparked his interest. His eyes scanned the younger boy’s desk and he dully noticed how clean it was. His eyes fleeted to the nondescript paintings, but then shot back to the desk. Everything was neatly placed and sorted out on the desk, not a speck of dust to be found, and then Louis noticed the pack of hygienic wipes on the corner and something clicked. He then suddenly became aware of the crate that was placed in the corner of the office and was full of all kinds of cleaning products and wondered how he missed it before. He looked back at Harry and saw how he was more distressed than before, hands fidgeting and breathing increasing and his eyes burned holes in the table.

“You can clean it if you’d like, I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” Louis offered, smiling encouragingly when Harry looked up questioningly. Harry’s hands shot out to the wipes on his desk and he pulled one out carefully, starting cleaning the spot of wood that had made contact with this other person. It wasn’t that Harry didn’t trust Louis, because he seemed nice enough, but Harry didn’t know where Louis had been and what his trousers already had made contact with and he’d panicked. His eyes fixated on the desk, his hand moving in trained and memorized patterns, he tried to shut his mind up that was warning him already, even though he hadn’t made any mistakes yet. 

“So, I’ll see you around, yeah? I have class in a bit, so I have to go, but I’d love to talk to you when we both have the time for it. I think you’ll see me around, seeing my lovely colleagues always send me here with things to ‘busy myself with’.” Louis gladly babbled on, watching as Harry intently cleaned the already clean desk. Harry reckoned Louis had a lovely voice, it was slightly high pitched and had a clear Yorkshire accent and it showed his emotions easily. Louis seemed like a very energetic and exciting guy, Harry noticed. He also noticed that he had very lovely blue eyes, so lovely that Harry had to stop his movements for a second to get a good look at them. And then he realized what he’d done.

He’d stopped moving.

Louis was lingering at the door, still happily chatting when he heard a gasp. He swiftly turned back to see Harry completely frozen, staring at his hands in shock and then, in a frenzy, he started cleaning again. Louis blinked a view times in confusion, but knew it was part of whatever kind of disorder or disease Harry struggled with, so he had no right to judge. He just wished he could hold Harry and tell him that it was alright, that the table was clean. But he didn’t. He just carefully asked if everything was alright and was answered with a noise that he couldn’t really place. But Harry was still cleaning, so Louis felt he was occupied enough to be left alone, seeing Louis really needed to get to his classroom again. He felt bad, leaving the distressed boy behind, but he knew he couldn’t really make a difference at that point. He’d try another time.

As he walked towards his classroom he noticed that he really felt bad for leaving Harry alone in the state he’d been in. His whole body was itching to sprint back and comfort him, but then he realized that Harry’d probably not want that physical contact. That revelation made him sadder than he thought he’d be. And then, something made him even sadder, as he knew he’d already connected too much to Harry. He cursed himself. Five months, five short months and he was already craving someone new. He hated himself for already being able to look at other guys like that, as if Liam and Zayn did nothing to make him happy. He should be happy and realize how lucky he was with those two wonderful boys as his boyfriends, but instead he was occupying his mind with another man he’d only just met. He knew he couldn’t do anything about it. Just as it was with Zayn, he fell for Harry in the blink of an eye. Louis had bitten on his tongue for weeks when he’d met Zayn, otherwise he would’ve spoken words that were way too intense and scary to voice that quick. And now this time, again Louis felt as if he could already say that he loved Harry, the boy who hadn’t spoken more than a few words to him.

Louis wearily smiled at a few pupils that greeted him as he sat down at his desk, waiting for the class to fill and the period to start. He figured he’d just let the teenagers work on a small play for themselves as he knew he wouldn’t be able to think of anything else to do that wouldn’t involve him to a great extent. He really needed to sort himself out. Did he honestly need another man’s love? Was he already feeling empty? Unloved? He wasn’t just going to woo Harry for the sake of it, just because he had a connection. He wouldn’t make Harry another figurative notch on his belt, he wasn’t that kind of guy. He thoroughly loved both of his boyfriends and adding Zayn into the relationship hadn’t been out of anything but pure love for the lad. But now that he felt so strongly towards Harry, he was scared he was somehow becoming a weird kind of addict and now that he had two, he would keep on adding boys into the relationship and it would mean nothing to him anymore. He kept telling himself he wasn’t like that, but addictions weren’t things people could control, could they? Maybe he’d turn into an apathetic jerk who had twenty boyfriends running through fire for him without him giving a flying damn.

“Mr. T?” Louis snapped out of his worried daze and saw his entire class looking at him expectantly. He quickly stood, clearing his throat and trying to get his head back to his class. He clapped his hands together, but the worried looks on his students’ faces showed they knew something was bothering him. His students really had a too close bond with Louis. “Right,” He said, feigning cheeriness even though he knew no one was buying it. “today you’re going to start on a new project!”

 

Louis huffed as he slung his messenger bag over his shoulder and locked the darkened room behind him. His day had tired him to no ends and he really craved a bit of Liam. He wouldn’t mind a bit of Zayn either, but he knew Zayn was at his own place that day. The only thing that kept him from running home and crashing into his lover’s arms was that he knew he was going to have a long and emotional talk with him. Liam knew him like the back of his hand and Louis could never keep anything from Liam, so it was no use for Louis to keep the thoughts that had been pestering his mind for the entire day to himself. He sauntered through the hallways, heading for the front door, his mind running away with thoughts.

He momentarily sobered up as he heard hushed voices. He knew there were still teachers in the building, some of them even stayed till five o’ clock, so he wasn’t too surprised, but still, he looked up to see where the sounds came from. His interest was sparked when he saw Anne’s door open and registered the voices coming from it. They were hushed and frantic and Louis took an involuntary step towards the office.

Anne was the school’s councillor, but when the school was hit by the economic shitstorm, she also had to take a view administrative tasks into her job description. So after that she was stuck with all the paperwork and Louis understood she needed an intern. He had offered her to help her, or some of the teachers had suggested it for him, but Anne actually reckoned Louis’ job took time and effort from him and had made sure he wasn’t stuck with that as well as being bombarded to errand boy. Louis and Anne got along greatly on the work area, they knew nothing personal about each other, but could chat in their coffee breaks about small other things. Louis liked her, and that’s why something stirred inside him when he heard the noises and thought of the option that something could be happening to her. He walked to the door, which was open by a crack, and the voices got louder as he peered in. He hadn’t been prepared for the sight in front of him. 

Anne and her intern were tangled on the floor, but not in the wrong way- not naked or anything perverted like that. Anne was sitting against the wall and Harry sat in between her legs. His enormous limbs were tugged away and Anne held him rather tight. Harry was gasping for air and Louis thought he saw tears running down his cheeks , but he couldn’t be sure as they were embraced by darkness. Anne spoke incoherent soothing words as she fumbled with her cell phone. Louis didn’t try to eavesdrop, but he caught some words that made him even more interested and equally as confused.

“She’ll pick up”

“She’s okay, Honey”

“I’m okay”

“Phone’s ringing”

Harry looked more panicked as each second passed, wheezing for air and his face a mess of tears and sweat and snot. He hooked his feet around Anne's leg, which caused him to sit rather awkwardly, but Louis guessed he just needed to be held close. He wondered how Anne knew exactly what to do, but that thought was immediately replaced by the realisation that Harry was Anne’s son. Louis could honestly slap himself because, how could he be so oblivious? Harry looked like the male version of his mother, same permanent bags under his eyes, same nose, same curly brown hair. Louis refrained himself from groaning, but sometimes he really surprised himself with how stupid he could be.

Suddenly, the soft murmur was replaced by a louder, clearer voice. “Gemma? Hi sweetie. Can you just talk to Harry real quick? Yeah, thanks.” Louis could see how Harry’s hands clumsily clawed for the phone and he let out a shaking sigh that neared a cry of relief when he held the phone to his ear. “Gem? You’re okay?” He squeaked, his mother softly brushing her hands along his back. Louis knew he was intruding, he was invading privacy, but he was frozen to his spot and his heart ached to see Harry okay again. He kept letting out breaths that held so much relief and sadness altogether and it pulled on quite a view of Louis’ heartstrings. “Worst day, I kept messing everything up, Gem.” He murmured, voice cracking with emotion. The tall boy with the long limbs sounded so fragile and small and Louis’ hands itched to hold him, to take Anne’s place and assure him that he’s fine until he was.

His ache was replaced by sheer terror as Harry suddenly jumped up and shrieked. “Mom! The door!” Louis slipped away as quickly as he could, trying to return to casually sauntering down the hallway and he heard Anne’s door close with a light slam. Louis let out a sigh, glad he wasn’t caught, but wary with the new information he’d collected about both his colleague and her son.

Intensely listening into a situation that he wasn’t supposed to hear had tired Louis and when he got home he was met with an equally tired Liam. They almost silently shoved dinner into their mouths before quietly going to bed, and Louis honestly forgot to mention everything he was sure to talk about with his boyfriend. He’d do it the next day.


	12. Chapter 11

When Louis woke up alone the next morning he promptly burst into tears. He knew he should’ve seen it coming, but he kind of forgot because they’d already been together for so long. He knew he’d asked too much from Liam, knew he was turning into a terrible person, so Liam had every right to leave him. Louis curled in on himself as he pressed Liam’s pillow into his face, taking in the scent he’d gotten used to after all that time.

“ _Lou_.”

Louis looked up as he heard Liam gasp out his name. He saw him scurry through the room, swiftly putting down two cups of steaming tea on his nightstand before he shuffled back into the bed. As soon as he was in reach, Louis clung onto him with all his might, burying his face into Liam’s shoulder as he cried, this time out of relief. “Lou, what’s wrong?” Liam pressed, hands running through his boyfriend’s hair as he eyes him worriedly. “Thought you left me.” Louis’ voice came out muffled as he spoke into Liam’s chest. Liam could feel his skin heating up where Louis’ hot breaths panted onto him. “Oh love, you know I’d never do that.” He murmured. Louis only tightened his grip and they both stayed quiet for a while, letting Louis calm down.

“Did you forget to take your meds, Hun?” Liam questioned, recognizing his behaviour as one of his rare episodes. Louis shook his head, though, and that made Liam curious. “Did something happen, then?” He guessed, and that time he was right, proven as Louis mewled pathetically. “You wanna cry it out for a bit and then tell me?” Liam suggested, and Louis nodded then, puffing out shaky breaths as he let everything sink in. Liam was still there with him, he hadn’t left him. He could feel his heartbeat right underneath his ear and let it soothe him.

“Why did you think I’d leave you?” Liam asked softly, wondering which way the conversation would be going. “I would leave me.” Louis answered equally as soft, burying deeper into Liam’s broad chest as they sunk back into the pillows. “Now why would you say that?” Liam questioned him, a frown placed on his forehead. “Because I’m becoming a terrible person.”

And then Liam had a hunch about the topic of their talk.

“Five months. _Five months_ , Li!” Louis cried. “What if five months become, three? Or one? Or just a week? A day? What if I lose the meaning of love?” Louis mourned into Liam’s chest. Liam looked down at the brown hair splayed across his chest as he ran his fingers through it. Louis’ small form shook with little sobs that seemed to tear at Liam. He hated it that Louis made everything so hard for himself. Because Liam was no longer hunching, Louis’ seemingly cryptic words made all the sense in the world to Liam. They had been together with Zayn for five months and apparently Louis had fallen in love with a new boy. Louis felt bad for doing the same thing again, to Liam and now also Zayn. Liam wished he could just embrace himself as he was, just like Liam did. But instead, Louis tried to fight it, tried not to give into what his heart was telling him and it hurt him to speak about it with Liam. Liam had hoped that Louis could just tell him that he’d met someone new, that he could be happy about it and tell Liam and Zayn about it and that they could try to win the new boy over. But instead, the whole process was mixed with so much pain and tears, something Louis didn’t need. He needed love, but he made it really hard on himself.

“Lou, you will never lose the meaning of love. If anyone knows what love is, it’s you. I’ve never witnessed a love like yours and I can say that it’s the most amazing kind. Okay, maybe I’m a bit biased, but believe me when I say that loving you and being loved by you in return is the most amazing thing ever. And it hasn’t changed since Zayn.” Liam spoke, hoisting Louis a little higher so he was forced to look at him. “B-but I’m already looking at other men and-” Liam pull his boyfriend a bit closer as he stared at him penetrative. “Louis, do you fall in love with every man that walks down the street?” Louis’ bottom lip trembled a bit as he shook his head. “N-no, bu-” “That means that love is still something for you, Lou. That boy, whoever he is, has done something, whatever that may be, to make you fall for him. That right there is love.” Liam spoke sternly but gentle, trying to get Louis to agree with him. Eventually, he did, Louis nodded weakly and let out a soft ‘okay’. Liam breathed out and smiled at him, draping him so that Louis was lying on top of him, head rested on his shoulder.

A grin started to spread around Liam’s lips. “Now, tell me, who is this boy that swept you off your feet?” He asked, grinning wider as he felt Louis squirm on top of him. This is what he wanted, Louis acting like a little schoolgirl as Liam interrogated him about the boy, focussing on the happy and fun part of falling in love. “What’s his name?” Liam could feel Louis’ smile on his chest as the boy glanced up at him and squirmed again. “Harry.” He said softly, biting on his lip. “Lovely.” Liam stated, absentmindedly playing with Louis’ hair. He was glad Louis could let go of his worries and doubts so easily and finally be happy about what happened. “So, is Harry like, drop dead gorgeous like Zayn, or more a cute kind of hot?” Liam questioned, one eyebrow raised and a smirk playing on his lips. Louis burst out in giggles, actual giggles, and buried his face into Liam’s chest even further.

Liam was a bit surprised, Louis was definitely head over heels with this Harry boy, he could tell- anyone could tell. It was funny to see him like that and Liam was happy he could share this moment with his lover, that he would have a chance at falling in love with Harry as well. “What happened? Come on, tell me the story!” Liam laughed, poking Louis’ sides as he drunk in the sight of his boyfriend in this happy state. Louis was a happy person to start with, but seeing him in his happy mood was really endearing, endearing in a different way than his clingy or caring moods were. Before Liam could properly register, Louis spoke all about his encounter with Harry. He sounded like he’d memorized every single thing they’d said to one another and he went on and on about how he looked, before eventually finding Anne Cox’s Facebook profile- Harry Cox hadn’t lead them to his profile and he wasn’t a friend of Anne’s so they figured he didn’t have Facebook- and searching for a picture of him there. Liam had to admit, the boy was very good looking, and the fact that Louis liked him so much gave him a few extra points too. Louis couldn’t tell all the much about his personality, he hadn’t spent enough time with him to find out, but Liam ensured him that he needn’t worry about Liam’s verdict at all. Louis luckily listened to him and rambled on a little more about his day.

Eventually, they decided to get out of bed and make a start on their day, draining the cups of cold tea in the sink and making some new. Louis kept blabbering about trivial things about Harry and Liam just smiled to himself as he watched his exited ball of energy bounce and prance through the apartment. “Lou,” Louis turned to face Liam, met by a smirking face above a small cup of tea, amusement shining in his brown eyes. “Zayn’s coming over this afternoon so you can tell him right away.” Louis faltered for a moment, telling people was always paired with a lot of feelings and sadness and pain for him, and he wasn’t really looking forward to that, wishing to cling to his happy mood a little bit longer. He knew he had to tell Zayn, he didn’t want to keep it a secret from him, so he just swallowed and nodded, a smile finding its way back onto his face and Liam smiled at him and swooped in for a kiss.

“Hey, Z, how are you?” Liam spoke as he planted a chaste kiss on Zayn’s lips and closed the door behind him. Zayn put his sports bag down in the hallway, which was filled with everything he needed for the weekend with his two lovers. During the week the bag stood in the corner of his room, so that he could grab it and leave immediately, not having to spoil any time on repacking everything. Zayn talked a bit about his week, nothing Liam hadn’t already heard through texts and calls, but Liam smiled nonetheless, happy to see his boyfriend again. Louis was in the kitchen, making the three lads some tea, and he smiled absentmindedly as Zayn kissed his cheek.

Liam led Zayn to the living room to sit down on the couch together. “Okay, so, Louis is going to tell you something in a minute, but if you still have questions about if afterward you can come to me, okay?” Liam spoke in a hushed tone and Zayn nodded warily, frowning a bit at the heavy words. He didn’t have time to respond properly, since Louis had already joined them and handed each a cup of tea before settling next to Zayn. That was usually how they started their weekends, enjoying each other’s presence in silence with a steaming cup of tea. Zayn was allowed to stay over most of the weekends, the only exception being if there were family things planned. This time the silence was a bit different, Zayn and Liam anticipating Louis’ voice to break the silence and Louis trying to do that exact thing only to be stopped by his own damned mind.

“Zayn?” He asked eventually, remembering Liam’s words and trying to make this easy and painless. Zayn hummed in response, tilting his head to watch Louis who was staring into his drink. “I-uh, I met this guy...” He started, vibrant blue eyes glancing at Zayn’s that often reminded him of whiskey. Zayn didn’t let it show on his face, but on the inside he faltered a bit. He hummed again, trying to be casual about it all. He’d take Liam up on his offer and talk to him afterwards, he knew why Liam wanted Zayn to talk to him instead of Louis. He remembered how hard it was for them to tell him that they liked him, and he hadn’t even seen half of it. He didn’t want to make Louis sad or worried with the questions he had. Because he wasn’t going to refuse him to like someone else, he’d be the biggest hypocrite he’s ever known in his life.

“I... kind of want to see if he’s up for dating us, but... is that, like, okay with you?” Louis asked tentatively, everything about his approach careful. Zayn smiled softly and nodded. “Yeah, ‘f course.” He said as he leant back into Liam’s chest and softly squeezed his hand, hoping he’d pick up the hint. Louis’ face brightened and he smiled widely at Zayn. “Really? I mean, do you, like, want to know stuff about him first? Or...” Louis trailed off as Zayn shook his head. “Of course I want to know about him, but I can’t be against him, right? This is what I signed up for, and up until now you’ve had a great taste in boys, if I do say so myself.” Liam snorted behind him and Louis laughed loudly. “God, I’m really happy you reacted that way.” He said, voice a little bit softer, just as his face. He looked at Zayn with that fond look he nearly always had when he looked at either him or Liam and Zayn smiled back, glad to know he made the right decision by not asking any questions. “Okay,” Louis stood and raised his arms above his head, cracking the bones in his back and sighing contently. “I’m gonna start on lunch, be good.” He said, stepping over the boys’ outstretched legs and disappearing into the kitchen.

Liam’s grip tightened a bit on Zayn. “Thank you for being so chill about it.” He murmured no requirement to speak up as his lips were pressed to the shell of Zayn’s ear. “’F course, I knew why you asked me to.” Zayn sighed, his cheery voice from earlier a little more defeated. Liam hauled him up, rearranging him into his lap. “Are you okay? I know it’s hard, especially the first time.” He whispered, fingers softly tugging his fringe from his forehead. Zayn’s demeanour slumped a bit more and he let out another sigh. “I wish I had another chance.” He murmured, toying with Liam’s collar as he rested his head on his shoulder. “Zayn, you know this isn’t the end of your relationship with Lou, right?” Liam questioned worriedly. Zayn nodded and hummed in agreement. “I just wish I’d done better, kept him happy for a little bit longer.” He whispered, eyes watering with unwanted tears.

Liam pulled him in even closer and pressed a kiss on top of his head. “Love, it has nothing to do with you or your love for Lou. He just met this boy sooner than he met you. He’s still happy, he just gets overwhelmed with emotions when he meets someone he loves.” Liam explained, soothing Zayn with his low and comforting voice. “You’ve got to make the best of it, Z. It’s so lovely to see Louis in this state, you’ve got to enjoy it.” Liam smiled.

“And the boy?” Zayn asked. He was once again so glad that he had two boyfriends, so that he could talk about the things with Liam that would’ve been really hard to talk about with Louis, in a casual way. “I think he’s nice, he’s handsome and I know exactly why Lou fell for him.” Liam answered, stroking the stubble that was present no Zayn’s cheeks. “Why’s that?” Zayn questioned, looking up to meet Liam’s face that was so calm and- for a lack of better words- Zen. Liam’s eyes shifted their focus from Zayn’s cheek to Zayn’s eyes and he smiled.

“Because he needs to be cared for.”


	13. Chapter 12

Louis found himself back at work after his weekend, strengthened by his boyfriends’ support. He managed to stay focused during classes and could stop his mind from drifting towards Harry all the time. When he was sent to Anne’s office with a stack of paper from the school’s History teacher, he felt a bit jittery about seeing Harry again. He hoped he could strike up a bit of a conversation, now that he knew what not to do around him. But as he elbowed the door handle and propped it open with his hip, he was only met by Anne.“Oh,” He slipped out before he could restrain himself. “Does Harry have the day off?” He questioned, trying his best to stay nonchalant as he peered around the stack of papers towards a grinning Anne. “He’s coming in later, he woke up late and still needed to take a shower.” She informed, and, okay, then Louis had to try not to visualize that.

He cleared his throat and dumped the papers on Harry’s empty desk. “Well, here’s some work for him for when he gets here.” He chuckled awkwardly. Anne just smirked at him cunningly, but before anyone could address that, the door barged open again and Harry stormed in, something clung tightly in his hand as he rushed towards his mother. “Mom, I’m sorry, but can you _please_ -” And then he noticed Louis and he hastily hid the tube of whatever kind of ointment behind his back. “Oh, sorry, didn’t know I was disturbing.” He apologised softly. Louis quickly shook his head. “No, you weren’t disturbing anything, I’ll leave you to it.” He said, swiftly moving towards the door. He knew he’d wanted to talk to Harry properly, but ointments and mothers and stuff like that were probably embarrassing enough for Harry without having Louis there to make a fool out of himself as well. “I have a lot of free periods today, so I guess you’ll see me around with more work for you to deliver from all the lovely teachers in the building.” Louis said as an afterthought, as if announcing his visits would give him the right to stay for small talk. Harry nodded timidly and Louis slipped out of the office, hoping he’d get extra points for securely closing the door behind him.

Luckily, a lot of teachers had things he needed to bring to Anne’s office, so he at least had excuses to stop by. Whenever Anne would be there he’d keep his visit short and just handed Harry whatever kind of paper he had to deliver before taking off again with a greet. However when Anne wasn’t present he’d try to talk a bit to Harry, but either the younger boy was focused on something else or Louis’ own nerves got the best of him, so it didn’t really pass the standard questions and one-worded answers.

Louis speed walked through the school’s corridors, trying to get to his next class in time, but also fulfilling his newly assigned task as the lovely colleague he wanted to be. He popped his head through the small crack of the door, peeking inside and meeting a pair of emerald eyes. “Are you busy?” He asked tentatively, hoping he hadn’t interrupted Harry during something important. Harry however just shook his head with a small smile, staring up curiously at Louis. He huffed out a relieved sigh and took a step inside the office. “Could you pretty please make 63 copies of this file for Mr. Brandt?” He asked, holding out a worksheet about something chemistry related and a printing pass. Harry nodded to his desk and Louis smiled sweetly as he placed the two items on it as neatly as possible. “Thank you Harry, you’re a life saver. I’ll pick them up later.” Louis called out, already pacing out of the office.

“Wait!” Harry hastily clambered from behind his desk and grabbed after Louis. Louis stopped abruptly and turned, quite surprised by the earnest and maybe even panicked eyes that bore into his. “63 including or excluding the already existing paper?” Louis had to suppress a smile because if that wasn’t really adorable, he didn’t know what was. “I’d say excluding, then you can’t go wrong.” Louis tried to sound comforting and he really hoped he was. Harry nodded steadily and they both barely had time to greet as Louis was sprinting to his classroom, swiftly shutting the door and starting his lesson immediately.

 

Louis exited the classroom after his students locking the door and playfully scolding on them to get to their classes faster if they ever wanted to succeed in life and not end up as a Drama teacher. He went to the teachers’ lounge for a cup of tea- which really wasn’t very good- and sauntered to Anne’s office, convincing the people around him he wasn’t longing to be back with Harry silently, while those people most certainly didn’t pick up the message or laid their interest in it. When Louis swung the door open, waiting to be met with his curly crush, he nearly let his horrible tea fall to the floor. Harry was frantically rummaging through all the stacks of papers on his desk, turning the entire office into a huge mess. His breathing was frantic and his face showed the same as he murmured illegible things to himself. Louis closed the door behind him, shielding the scene from any wandering eyes and put his cup of tea somewhere before making his way over to the distressed boy.

“Harry, love, what’s going on?” He asked, trying to be soft and soothing. Harry’s eyes snapped up to meet him and he let out a sound that was barely human. “Sorry! I’m so so sorry! I didn’t mean to! I counted them all, I swear I did.” He pleaded to Louis who was still oblivious to the situation Harry was in. Papers were flying about in Harry’s search and he knew that would only be worse when it all ended, because the whole office would be a mess. “What are we looking for?” Louis asked, trying to make sense of Harry’s movements. Louis acted upon his instincts as he seized Harry’s wrists, turning him to face him. He noticed Harry didn’t like the grip on him, but he felt it was necessary if Harry didn’t want to drive himself crazy. “Harry, talk to me.” He breathed, his eyes following Harry’s as to keep contact. It was most definitely a struggle, but Harry managed to utter some words between his wheezing breaths. Most of them were apologies, but when ‘papers’ and ‘Mr. Brandt’ came out, Louis sighed in relief, at least knowing what’s going on.

“Did you lose one?” He questioned softly, frowning slightly as he saw Harry’s jaw move strangely. Harry nodded, but couldn’t keep his focus off of Louis’ touch and Louis let go before he worked himself into more of a frenzy. “’S okay, love, really. I’ll just make some extra copies.” Louis assured, wondering what the hell Harry was doing with his mouth that caused the strange movements. “Harry, why don’t you go sit and calm down, I’ll take care of it, yeah?” Harry didn’t reply, but let Louis lead him to his chair and plopped down forlornly. Louis carefully tried to clean the biggest mess from Harry’s desk and stumbled upon the stack of worksheets Harry’d copied. He liberally counted them, deciding to make a few extra copies for the grumpy old History teacher and searched for the pass he left Harry. When he got it, he exited the office to head to the copying machine, trying to keep his ears open for any Harry-sound. He impatiently snatched the copies from the machine the second they were done and walked back, smacking them down on the tower of other copies and flinging the pass after it.

He kneeled down before Harry and steadied himself with two hands on the chair. Harry was absent and his jaw kept making those strange movements and it all just made Louis legitimately worried. “Harry, where’s your Mum?” Louis asked, focusing on keeping his voice soft and gentle as to not scare Harry. Harry flinched anyway but his eyes seemed to return to the conscious world as they narrowed down on Louis. It took a while before Harry could remember, but his Mother was in a meeting with the principal about her new job description. He told Louis just that and the smile Louis showed him them cleared all the chaos in his mind for a moment. “I’ll go get her, okay? Just keep breathing.” Louis was already halfway in stretching his legs as Harry’s hand shot out to grab at him, backtracking at the last second and falling back to fiddle with the other. “Don’t! It’s important for her.”

Louis had to restrain himself from brushing Harry’s curls from his forehead, he had to restrain himself a lot around Harry, really.

“I think you are also kind of important to her, love.” He spoke sweetly, continuing to move away. The principal’s office was only two doors away from Anne’s office, but still so much happened in the short trip Louis took there. As he was nearing on the door he heard a frantic scramble behind him and turned around to see Harry stumbling after him. Louis was glad the corridor was empty, not wanting Harry to stress about anyone seeing him in his fragile state. “D-Don’t!” Harry stuttered. Louis sighed. “Harry, you need to calm down, clearly you can’t. So you need your mother to help you.” He said matter-of-factly. “Just...” Harry scrambled for words. “Her phone... just get that, her phone! I’ll be okay then.” He decided. Louis remembered seeing him claw at his mother’s cell phone to speak with his sister and fished his own mobile device from his back pocket. “You know that number?” He asked, holding out the phone for Harry.

He saw his face light up, and then falter again as he shook his head. “’S a speed dial..” He murmured, his whole body jittery and trembling. “Okay...okay, easy, love. I’ll get it, yeah? Stay here and breathe.” Louis walked backwards and only turned around when he was sure Harry stayed put. He knocked on the door politely albeit rushed and shifted impatiently as he waited to be called in. He popped his head into the office and smiled apologetically. “Um, Anne? You’re intern is facing some difficulties, he asked me to ask for your mobile phone?” Louis questioned, sure that Anne understood his not-so-cryptic words. Anne shifted in her chair, and Louis guessed her mother instincts were kicking in, telling her to go to her son. The principal seemingly wasn’t very happy with Louis’ interruption and mumbled something about interns under his breath that Louis didn’t quite catch, but guessed wasn’t anything nice. “Yeah, okay.” Anne muttered, standing and handing her phone to Louis.

She stepped a bit more forward and Louis exited the office to give her a glance of her son. When he looked over at where he’d left Harry, his eyes went wide at the crumpled mess that was left. He gasped loudly and nearly let the phone slip from his hand as he and Anne rushed over to Harry’s side. “I promise you he was conscious when I left!” Louis spluttered, trying to wriggle Harry out of the uncomfortable position he fell down in. “I believe you, Louis, don’t worry. Can you do me a favour, though?” She asked, her delicate hands wiping the sweat from Harry’s forehead and cheeks. Louis nodded frantically. “Of course, whatever!” Anne glanced back at the Principal’s office and sighed. “I really can’t leave now, my job is kind of at stake. Could you maybe drive him home? If you take my car the directions are already in the navigation system. I’ll drive your car home as soon as I can be off.” She promised.

Louis was a bit flustered, but agreed immediately. He and Anne exchanged car keys and Anne quickly sped off back to the Principal’s office. Louis gave himself a moment to look at Harry, but stopped quickly as he got a bit overwhelmed with all the things he wanted to say but couldn’t. Not yet.

It was a bit of a struggle for Louis to lift Harry as he was a lot taller than Louis and he wasn’t exactly cooperative, but eventually Louis got a steady grip on him and moved them out of the building. It was another great task for Louis to find Anne’s car, repeatedly clicking on the keys to open and close it and watching carefully which car’s lights flickered as he did so. He took a moment to breath when he’d draped Harry on the backseats on the car, wondering if he should try to fasten some seat bells, but opting for driving slowly instead. The navigation system easily send Louis off to Harry’s home and they arrived in no time, the only thing that went well and fluent. Louis felt like he was playing a game with harder levels each time because moving Harry out of the car without slamming his head into the metal was definitely more difficult than getting him in the car.

Louis struggled up the steps to Harry’s front door, fumbled to get the keys in and open it and he nearly fell face forward when his foot caught in a rug. He first went to the living room, wanting to lay Harry down on a couch, but when he saw it he knew it was way too small and uncomfortable so he took a deep breath and stumbled up the stairs, elbowing all the doors open until he’d decided what Harry’s room would probably be. He carefully laid the lanky boy down and took another moment to breath. He definitely needed to hit the gym again, his stamina was pathetic. He pried Harry’s tightly laced laces loose and placed Harry’s shoes neatly at the end of the boy’s bed. He even dared to go as far as awkwardly shedding Harry’s jacket from him and he hung it over his desk chair like it would break. He eyed Harry for a moment, deciding against the struggle of tugging the sheets from underneath him and draping them over him, the boy looked relaxed enough. As an afterthought, Louis slipped out of his own shoes, not wanting to disturb anything in the house.

He slipped down the stairs again and poured a tall glass of water for when Harry’d wake up. As he placed it on the nightstand he saw a family picture there from when Harry was not older than 8 and he smiled to himself. He took a while studying all the little details in Harry’s room, not surprised to see how neat it was. He left the room as he called Liam about his new situation and apparently Zayn’s at the apartment with him and he’s on speaker phone. Zayn demanded a picture, and even though Louis knew it’s creepy and probably very wrong, he did send them a picture of the sleeping/unconscious Harry. All he got back was a thumbs up.

He was grinning at his phone when the door flew open and Louis jumped out of his skin and cursed himself for not even hearing the front door open. If it wasn’t Anne that had barged into the room, Louis would’ve been in big trouble. “Do you think something bad happened? He isn’t waking up.” Louis fretted, hovering around Anne who carefully stroked Harry’s pale cheek. “No, he’ll be fine, he’s always out for a while when he faints.” She said calmly, smiling up at Louis. “Thank you so much for taking care of him, I reckon it was a big struggle.” Louis shrugged and waved it off, although he knew for sure he’d have some sore muscles the next day. “If you’ve got somewhere to be, it’s alright. I left your car keys on the kitchen table.” Anne suggested, smiling at Louis reassuringly. “Oh,” He let out. He didn’t know what he’d expected, but he wasn’t prepared to leave yet. “Uh, yeah, of course... sorry, I’ll be out.” He muttered, moving towards the door awkwardly. Anne let out a jovial laugh at that. “You can also stay, Louis, I wasn’t asking you to leave.” She said bemusedly.

Louis scoffed a bit at that, going for nonchalance to mask up him embarrassment. Anne just nudged him with a laugh and led him downstairs to get something to drink. Louis leant against the kitchen table as he watched her bustle around, slipping his car keys back in his pocket. His mouth had been open for a while, but a word had yet to come out. He wanted to ask so many things, but he didn’t know where to start. As Anne handed him a glass of juice he shook himself and formed a question in his mind, rolling it over his tongue twice before letting it leave his mouth.

“Has he been struggling with this for long?”

Anne closed the refrigerator and turned to face Louis with a sigh. “Louis, I know that you want to know about what’s going on with Harry, and I’m not saying that it’s none of your business or anything like that, but if you ever learn something about it, it should most definitely come from Harry himself.” She spoke gently. “He’s really ashamed and it’s a very touchy subject and he trusts the people who know about it to not tell it to others, you understand?” Louis nodded, he understood, although he knew talking about it with Harry would be harder than asking Anne, he would do it.

“Please tell me I’m not interpreting this all wrong..” Anne mused. Louis frowned and looked at her, surprised to see a grin playing at her lips. “W-what are you interpreting?” He questioned, something stirring inside him as if he was about to get caught doing something illegal.

“You fancy Harry.”

He was caught.

Louis went beet read and spluttered a bit, but Anne was there immediately to reassure him. “It’s okay, Louis, I really don’t mind. I’m actually very happy.” Louis stopped trying to backtrack and looked at her seriously. “Louis,” Anne sighed, a hand resting on his arm gently. “no one’s ever fancied Harry after they’ve seen him for a longer period of time. Sure, at first girls and boys swoon over his looks, but as soon as he shows a little of his OCD, people flee. I can see that you still like him even as you know that, and that really means a lot.” She explained, a happy smile sent Louis’ way, contagiously making him smile. “So you have my blessing, Louis.” Anne looked at him intently with a still evident smile. Louis fell quiet, though, face faltering as reality sped up to hit him.

“There’s... something, though, Anne. You might want to take that back..” Louis said carefully, moving just out of the reach of Anne’s gently touching hands. Anne’s face showed confusion and apprehension. Louis swallowed thickly, putting his glass away before meeting Anne’s eyes. “I’m just going to put this real blunt, but... I already have a boyfriend... two actually.” He bit his lip roughly, hoping Anne would just immediately understand and not ask any questions. “Not like... cheating, right?” She asked carefully, clearing showing she’s not too fond of that. “No! No, uh...The three of us are... boyfriends.” Louis clarified, relieved to see the slight hint of disgust leave Anne’s eyes.

“Well, obviously I can’t forbid Harry to date you if he wants that, I won’t make that decision for him.” She said, much to Louis dismay dodging an actual verdict about the situation. “No, but, I mean if you think that’s not good for Harry or.. if you don’t like it then I won’t because... well, I just won’t.” Louis stuttered. He didn’t want to eventually end up being the reason Harry’s mother wouldn’t speak to him anymore. Anne managed a small smile. “It’s fine, Louis. If those two boys are anything like you I know they’ll take good care of Harry.” Louis let out the breath he was involuntarily holding. “If he wants to, that is.” He added to himself.

Louis’ heart thumped a little bit faster as he heard someone trudge down the stairs, looking up to see a drowsy Harry descend them. “Mum?” He called out, a fist rubbing at his eye. Harry froze as he saw Louis there and Louis tried his best to not blush. Harry did, though, and he immediately stretched to stand a little bit taller and look more awake. “Hey,” He said softly. “Hi,” Louis greeted back. “I’m sorry, I just wanted to know for sure you’d wake up again, I’ll be on my way out.” He smiled in what he hoped was a charming way and bend down to put his shoes back on. “It’s fine, you can stay a little longer if you want.” Anne spoke for Harry. Louis smiled at her and then at Harry as he shook his head. “Sorry, I’d love to, but I really need to head home, I’m already later than usual.” He explained, opening the front door and bidding them both farewell and a nice evening before he stepped out into the rain that had started an hour ago and quickly sprinted to his car.

Inside, Harry was curled into his mother’s side, still a bit wary from just waking up. “Did he see me faint?” He asked softly, really hoping the answer was no and sighing sadly when it was yes. “But don’t worry, love, Louis’ is not like the others.” His mother assured him, petting sweetly at his hair. “He’s not?” Harry sounded very small as he spoke so insecurely, so his mother held him a little tighter and shook her head. “He’s a very sweet boy, don’t you think?” There was a short silence before “Yes, he is.”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying my best to make Harry realistic, researching the crap out of OCD!


	14. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smuttt, enjoy you hornay bastards ;)

Zayn only realised what Liam had been talking about when he had a day off from school and spent it at the apartment. Louis acted like he was a thirteen year old girl talking about her celebrity crush and it was the most adorable thing ever. Zayn could suppress the small nasty pangs of jealousy and focus on Louis as he spoke about all the teeny tiny details he’d picked up about Harry. The longest part of the day, when all three of them were together and done with their tasks for the day, Zayn was settled in Liam’s lap, cuddled up comfortably as they watched and listened to Louis who was spread out on the couch and jabbering on about all kinds of irrelevant things. Liam and Zayn shared knowing looks and smiles and Zayn could forget about all his doubts about the whole ordeal.

When Louis had sent them the picture of Harry, sleeping soundly in his bed, Zayn had to admit it was a cute sight. The boy was beautiful and Louis liked him a lot, but more than that didn’t cross his mind. He barely knew anything about the boy, even Louis didn’t know that much although he could talk about him for hours, and Zayn was struggling to open himself up to loving the lad. He really wanted to like Harry, but how could he when he had never even spoken to him? He didn’t want to be the one to disturb the current relationship or the expansion of it, so he tried really hard to love – or even just like- Harry. He spent hours looking through pictures on the Facebook page Liam had showed him, tried to recall all the little things Louis had talked about and pushed himself to grow accustomed to those things. He wondered how Liam had succeeded to open up for him, to love him when he could’ve just as easily lived on with Louis only. Liam had explained that it was a little bit different this time because he’d known Zayn already and Harry was still a big mystery, but Liam was almost as easy with loving someone as Louis was. He loved to take care of people, to be the one they trust and talk to, to give advice and help, and that person being a stranger or his boyfriend, didn’t make that much of a difference to him. Zayn envied that.

Apart from googling Harry, Zayn had spent time looking up something else. Something he wanted to learn, something he wanted to practise that afternoon. He’d been trying to get himself in the mood the entire day, but the nerves continuously got in the way of really accomplishing that. He’d thought of how to suggest his desire to Liam and Louis and caught himself on unrealistic thoughts that only scared him more. The boys laughing at him, for example, when he’d suggest his idea. He knew they’d never do that, but whenever he was uncertain about things, his mind would play ugly games with itself, and he was definitely uncertain about his plan for that day. When Louis was out of the room for a moment to call his mother, Zayn decided to ask Liam to help him out. It seemed less scary to tell it to one person at a time.

“Li?” Zayn asked softly, absentmindedly fondling with Liam’s button up shirt. The sight was so recognizable for Liam, seeing Zayn always got like that, always fumbled with Liam’s shirt, if he wanted to talk about something that made him feel uncomfortable. So Liam hummed and focused on Zayn better, hoping to stop whatever insecurity he was having at the start of it.   
“Well, I was hoping maybe you could help me out a bit.” He spoke softly, annoying himself with how nervous he was for this. He’d hoped he’d be excited, but nerves eventually won.   
“Of course I can, with what?” Liam asked, voice also soft to comfort Zayn. He passingly wondered if it would feel the same to have the kind of conversation he was having with Zayn, with a child, his child. To give advice and help when his son or daughter was lost. He shook off the thought as quickly as it had appeared, needing to focus on his boyfriend and not fantasise about an optional future.

“Well, I kind of want to...try something, with you guys, but as you can see I’m kind of nervous.” Zayn admitted, trying to hide the blush on his cheeks. Liam pressed a kiss to his temple and held him tighter as he smiled to himself. He thought it was very endearing that Zayn still got so quiet and shy about anything related to sex, and knew Louis shared those thoughts with him. “What do you want to try out, then?” Zayn cleared his throat and glanced up at Liam, feeling like there was a huge gap between them, the gap with sexual experience. He knew Liam hadn’t done that much, but he and Louis had done about everything - everything relatively normal, at least. Zayn felt like he needed to catch up, be at the same level, where they could just joke about and do dirty things like that on a more regular basis. He’d come a long way, at the start he hadn’t even known what a handjob was and they’d messed around after that as well. Zayn had learned that he like frottage a lot and had become a bit more skilled at giving handjobs and had definitely become better at receiving them, had built up a bit more stamina.

“I uh, wanted to try, like, giving either one of you, or maybe both, like, a...blowjob?” He squeaked out, carefully eyeing Liam’s reaction. His eyes widened a bit and his eyebrows shot up, but he smiled at Zayn sweetly and pecked his nose to take away his worries. “You sure about that? I mean, I’m up for it and I know for sure Lou is, but you don’t have to, you know that right?” Zayn nodded quickly and the two of them grinned at each other in excitement.   
“But, how do you, like, let someone know that?” Zayn asked, going a bit soft again. Liam chuckled. “You can just ask Lou, Zayn.” He smirked, kissing him shortly and shaking his head as he laughed. “Yeah, I know that.” Zayn moped. “But, like, that’s a thing, right? Innuendos or something?” Liam smiled at that and stood up with Zayn in his arms. “One step at a time, Zayniepoo. Today that step is giving head, another day we’ll work on innuendos. I’m sure Lou will want to help you with that, he’s a pro.” Liam chuckled, shuffling along towards the bedroom with Zayn. He suddenly felt two arms circle around his waist and a chin perch on his shoulder and Liam smiled as he imagined how Louis was probably on the very tip of his toes to reach that high. “Did I hear someone say ‘giving head’ or was that just my imagination?” Louis questioned, kissing Liam’s neck softly because he knew Liam would drop Zayn if he really worked him there. Liam looked at Zayn meaningfully. “See? Nothing needed, Louis has like a sixth sense for sex.” He grinned, squawking indignantly as Louis slapped his bum and marched to the bedroom with a smirk on his face. Liam followed after, carefully setting Zayn down on the bed and closing the door behind him.

As he turned back around, Louis and Zayn were lazily snogging, legs entangled and arms exploring. Liam kneeled down on the end of the bed and pried the boys’ socks off, before crawling up their bodies and joining in on the fun. Louis leant back and ran his hands through the now kissing boys in front of him. “So? What’s the plan? Did I really hear something about blowjobs?” He asked, an arm sneaking around Liam’s waist and trying to blindly fumble open the buttons of his shirt and caressing the newly exposed skin every time he succeeded to open up one. “Yes you did.” Liam grinned up at him, diving in for a short kiss. “Zayn wants to learn.” He spoke, running a hand through said boy’s hair. Louis smiled widely and looked at Zayn as he shyly nuzzled his face in Louis’ neck. Louis hummed happily, sliding his hand to the small of Zayn’s back and exchanging a look with Liam. “Christ, that sounds amazing. We’re lucky you’re so studious.” He grinned, feeling Zayn chuckle into the skin of his neck rather than hearing him. Next to them, Liam had discarded his shirt onto the floor and Louis couldn’t help but run his hands along his chest and teasing his nipples just enough to make them harden.

It was interesting as they were, Liam and Louis so thoroughly familiar with each other and Zayn added in as a completely blank canvas, only ever loved by them and only daring to give love to them. Louis sometimes imagined how it would be if he was in a relationship with Zayn only, and he knew that he would’ve been very nervous if that were the case. He wouldn’t want to make a mistake or push Zayn and he would always worry about him. But now he had Liam by his side and together they could make every experience as pleasant and amazing as possible and that was what Louis wanted, to make sure Zayn had no bad experiences with love in any way.

Louis pulled Zayn on top of him, so that he was straddling his hips and Louis could pull his shirt over his head. Liam attached his lips to Louis’ neck, purposely kissing everywhere but his sweet spot and driving Louis insane. He let out a breath as he felt Zayn’s slender hands slip underneath his T-shirt on his stomach, slowly but surely making their way up his chest. Louis quickly leant up to help Zayn pull it over his head and smiled at him as he threw it on the floor beside the bed. His smile then morphed into a sly grin and he turned onto his side, throwing Zayn into Liam’s chest and scooting closer to join in the new position. His chest was pressed to Zayn’s back as the boy kissed with Liam. Louis pressed sweet kisses to the back of his neck, knowing Zayn was still a bit oversensitive to touches and therefore stimulating him a bit less so that he wouldn’t feel bad about reaching his top so quickly and also so that they could have fun for a bit longer.

He could see the clear outline of Zayn’s erection as he peeked over his shoulder, pressing butterfly kisses wherever he could reach. He slid his arm underneath Zayn, flinging the other one over his side and together working open his button and undoing his zip. He traced circles into the boy’s hip, lips still absentmindedly kissing every body part in reach. He shuffled a bit closer to the boy and stretched his arms, just able to reach out and give Liam the same treatment. The boy let out a distinct sigh at the freeing and duck down to kiss Louis.   
“So, Zee, you’re really ready for this?” Louis asked as he opened and pushed down his own trousers. Zayn swallowed thickly but nodded. “Yeah, I think I am.” He said daringly. “Who do you want to practise on?” Louis asked, loving how he could feel the shiver run through Zayn’s body as he breathed hotly into his ear. “You?” Zayn asked, looking up at Liam for confirmation. Liam smiled and nodded. “Good idea, Zee.” He praised, wriggling himself out of his trousers and kicking them out of the bed. Louis rolled onto his back and watched as Zayn also discarded his jeans.   
“I’ll be next to you to keep the little bastard still.” Liam promised, sticking out his tongue at Louis who scowled in return.

“Sometimes I wonder if you guys really love each other.” Zayn chuckled, shaking his head at the two. “Of course we do.” Liam smirked, looming over Louis body and leaning down for a deep snog. Zayn’s eyes grew as he saw the couple kiss hotly, absentmindedly palming himself as he watched Liam’s biceps flex to hold himself up over Louis. As Liam crawled back to sit on his heels, he took Louis’ boxers with him, completely exposing his boyfriend who laid back comfortably in the pillows and tugged at his dick a couple of times. Zayn couldn’t help but stare, no matter how many time he saw it, and this time he thought about putting Louis’ cock in his mouth, wondering if he could do it.

Liam’s hand comfortingly ran over his arm as he pulled him closer to his side. “So, do you know what to do?” He asked, catching his own eye wondering to the beauty that laid out in front of them, ready to be pleasured. Zayn nodded, his hand on Louis’ shin, thumb softly stroking. “I looked some things up.” He muttered, glad that Liam only sent him a small smile and didn’t burst out in laughter. “Yeah? What did you find?” Louis questioned, hand still moving languidly along his hardened length. “I uh... I drank orange juice this morning and afternoon.” He said softly. “And I know to breathe through my nose and hum and...” Zayn raised his hands and balled them into fists, tucking his thumb inside as he looked up at Liam uncertainly. He just smiled at him again, a bit of fondness detectable on his face and wrapped his hands around Zayn’s fists. “Great, love. You’ll do great, and I’m right next to you if you need me, yeah?” Zayn nodded and smiled as Liam kissed him.

He shuffled in between Louis’ legs nervously, barely registering the comforting smile sent his way or the hand not longer tugging his own cock, but now resting on his thigh. “Touch it.” Louis suggested gently, grinning at Liam as Zayn slowly reached out and wrapped his hand around Louis’ dick. He tentatively stroked a few times and Louis let out a deep breath at the feeling of the calloused skin on his sensitive skin. “When you feel ready, you can just lick or kiss to get used to the taste.” Liam murmured from the side, one hand on Louis’ stomach, one on Zayn’s back. Zayn nodded a bit, flicking his thumb over the head because he’d recently found out he liked that a lot. And the soft moan that slipped from Louis’ lips was enough encouragement for Zayn to dip his head and give a tiny lick at the head, his hand still slowly stroking. He closed his mouth and tried to focus on how it tasted. It wasn’t really tasty, a bit salty and bitter, but the thought behind it was erotic enough for Zayn to want to do it again. So he did, swirled his tongue around and then bravely duck down a bit more so that the entire head of Louis’ cock was in Zayn’s mouth.   
He stayed there for a moment before sitting back up, looking at Louis, who was staring back through hooded eyes, and Liam, who had a tight grip on Louis’ hip and a hand tracing his own dick through his boxers. “That’s it. Just suckle a bit, work your tongue, use your hands for the rest.” Liam said with a small smile. “Yeah, do it again.” Louis murmured from where he was sprawled out on the sheets. Zayn smiled back and returned to where he was before, this time using his tongue to map out the head of the cock completely. One hand was working the rest of Louis’ erection, the other was absentmindedly running up and down his thigh. “When you feel like it, you can try to take him deeper.” Came Liam’s soft voice beside him. Zayn hummed in agreement and was slightly surprised when it made a small moan come out of Louis again. He smiled to himself, as well as he could with what was in his mouth, and decided to sink his head a bit lower, experimenting with angles and tongue movements. Liam reached out to softly run his hand through Zayn’s hair, his eyes on Louis who was looking right back at him with a lazy smile.

“Bob your head, love.” Liam advised, his dick twitching as he saw some saliva running down the rest of Louis’ length and onto his thigh. Zayn didn’t move, so Liam elaborated. “Keep your jaw slack and keep breathing, you’ll be fine.” He soothed, and soon Zayn was trying things, head moving a bit. Liam felt he needed to put more restrain on Louis and he smirked at him, but the boy’s eyes were set on the boy between his legs. Liam noticed his hands fidgeting and after a while Louis dared to run them through Zayn’s hair, clearly trying hard to not pull or push at the boy’s head. Liam smiled and manoeuvred one hand in his own, intertwining them and squeezing softly as their hands rested on Louis’ stomach.

Louis suddenly tensed up and Liam wondered if Zayn was so good he already made him come, but then Louis was pulling him off and hissing a bit. “ _Teeth!_  No teeth, love.” He uttered, biting his lip and reaching down to give himself a few strokes. Zayn looked really scared so Liam jumped in to soothe. “It’s okay, we’re learning, right? Some people actually do like teeth, Louis doesn’t. Lesson learned.” He said, running his thumb over Zayn’s slick lips. Zayn nodded, but still looked a bit lost.

“Why don’t you see how much of Louis you can take?” Liam suggested. Zayn looked at him and bit his lip to hide a smile. Liam grinned at him. “Okay, breathe out as you go and do it a little at a time. If you swallow when he’s in your mouth it feels amazing.” Liam spoke, winking in Louis’ direction. Zayn nodded again and went to dive back in, but Liam stole a kiss from him first. Zayn smiled at that, giving another kiss after they broke apart. Louis and Liam watched intently as Zayn bowed down over Louis’ aching cock again. Louis let out a content sigh when his member was once again enwrapped in the slick heat of Zayn’s mouth, increasing its territory gradually. Louis felt the breaths come from Zayn’s nose and warm up the skin underneath his pubes. His grip on Liam’s hand tightened as Zayn went further down, other on clasped in the sheets as he tried to hold himself back from snapping his hips up. Liam noticed and put his full weight on the arm at his hips, sure to keep Louis steady on the bed.

Zayn was a little over halfway there when he choked, shooting back up and coughing profusely. Liam immediately shot up to hold him, feeling his body wreck with coughs and seeing the tears roll down his face. He muttered soothing words and praises to him, lying him down next to Louis before slipping away to fill a glass of water. When he came back in the worst of it was over, but Zayn still cradled the glass of water in his hands gratefully.   
“Hey,” Louis sat up and insinuatingly looked at Zayn. “you did great, love, really. Deepthroating is the most difficult part of it all, nobody gets it right the first time.” He spoke, holding Zayn’s head as he tried to look away. “It was amazing, Zayn. Your mouth... Jesus, I don’t even have words for it.” Louis chuckled breathily. A smile spread on Zayn’s lips as well and that earned him a kiss from both of his boyfriends. Liam plucked at his boxers, shifting on the bed to lie down.

“Anyone wanting release?” He asked casually. Louis immediately answered with a ‘ _God yes_ ’ and then eyes were on Zayn who was blushing. Liam quickly caught on to the fact that Zayn had gone soft again. “’S fine, you still want to..?” He wriggled his eyebrows and chuckled at his own immature behaviour. Zayn managed a laugh as well. “Nah, it’s fine. I think I’ll go brush my teeth...” He smiled apologetically as Louis who laughed back. Zayn shuffled out of the bedroom in his boxers and Liam quickly rolled on top of Louis, tugging himself out of his boxers and wrapping Louis’ legs around his waist. He put one hand next to his lover’s head for support and then made quick work to stroke the two of them together, setting a ruthless pace that had them both coming undone in minutes.

Liam pulled his boxers off and used them to clean them up and when he’d throw them in the hamper Louis had collected sweats for all of them. The two boys swiftly moved up to Zayn on the couch and stayed there cuddled up and watching the telly for the rest of the day.


	15. Chapter 14

Louis was nervous the entire day at work, nervous as he left home, nervous during classes, and especially nervous when his phone vibrated and showed an anticipated text message. Louis quickly walked to the front door to open them for his two lovers, who smiled brightly and hugged tightly.

The school was nearly empty, even though it was just past noon. There was some kind of meeting between teachers and the entire school was let out after fourth period. Luckily, Louis didn’t have to be at the meeting, as it was for teachers who taught subjects the students had to graduate in and Drama wasn’t one of those subjects, so Louis wasn’t stuck in school until eight that night. Louis had felt even luckier when he found out that both Liam and Zayn only had morning classes that day and that they could spend the entire afternoon together.  
But then Liam had suggested to stop by at Louis’ work to meet Harry informally and Louis had choked up. He was dreading that happening, scared that so many people would make Harry feel uncomfortable or that Liam and Zayn couldn’t handle his precarious behaviour. He knew it had to happen, if he ever wanted to date Harry he had to meet his boyfriends even if they were just going to be introduced as Liam and Zayn that day, but it didn’t make it any less scary for Louis.

Louis first showed the two around, proudly smiling as the boys looked around in his classroom which was cheerily decorated with posters and pictures of actors or plays and a few scarce paintings from Art students who didn’t find a good spot in the Art room. He showed them around in the supply closet, pointing at a few of his favourite attributes and telling stories about other ones. Liam and Zayn smiled at Louis’ enthusiasm, happy that he’d found his spot in the school and that he was happy to teach.  
But Louis knew he could only stall so long, and eventually he suggested going to Anne’s office. He walked over there quickly, sure that his boyfriends would follow him, but he just wanted to make sure he could explain a little bit before they barged in.

He rubbed his sweaty palms on his jeans before knocking on the dark wooden door and opening it. “Hey!” He smiled, stepping into the room a bit more. “Hey Louis, what are you still doing here?” Anne questioned, looking up from her computer. Louis fidgeted a bit, noticing the presence of his lovers behind him. “Oh, I’m showing these two where I work.” He muttered, jabbing a thumb over his shoulder. Anne shifted in her seat and craned her neck to look at whoever ‘they’ were, and Louis quickly pushed the door open further and let Liam and Zayn step in beside him. They smiled at Anne and tried to be subtle about eyeing Harry up. Harry was busily working on something and seemingly hadn’t even noticed the three boys had stepped in, rushing through papers and mouthing things to himself.

“Hello, are you friends of Louis’?” Anne asked, tidying up a couple of stray papers on her desk as she waited for a reply. “They are my- uh, they’re Liam and Zayn.” Louis stuttered awkwardly, cursing himself silently for messing up the only thing he’d made clear from the beginning; don’t tell they’re boyfriends yet. Louis knew Anne, and he could see that she’d guessed where his initial sentence would’ve led, sighing a bit as she shot him a small smile. “Lovely to meet you.” She spoke to the two boys. “Great to meet you too, we’ve heard many things about you.” Liam replied easily. “Only good things of course,” Zayn added with a smile. “he says you’re his favourite colleague.” He added afterward, winking in Louis’ direction. He stood there a bit dumbfounded, how those two managed to be so smooth was a mystery to Louis, who was a wreck of nerves himself, felt like he always was.

Anne laughed delightedly and stood from her desk. “Lou, I’m sorry but I have to go to the stupid meeting.” She groaned, grabbing a stack of maps and resting them on her hip. “Oh, well, I-uh, we wanted to go grab a drink and I thought I’d ask you two to come along, but I didn’t realise you had to go there.” Louis tried to hide his disappointment. It didn’t make sense, Anne didn’t even teach. “Yeah, it’s about students and helping the ones who are struggling so I’m kind of needed, but I’m sure Harry would love to join you for a drink, he was about to go home.” She offered. The focus in the room shifted to Harry, who still was busy and hadn’t looked up once since the conversation started.

“Harry?” Anne spoke gently, and Harry’s head snapped up, eyes growing wide at the sight of so many eyes on him. “H-Hi.” He stuttered, eyes roaming over the new strangers in the room who smiled at him sweetly. “Harry, they’re going out for a drink, I thought you might want to join?” Anne spoke again, smiling widely at her son who looked a bit bewildered. “Uh..” He uttered, trying to judge the two people Louis apparently knew. “I’m Liam, by the way.” “Zayn.” They introduced themselves, and Harry looked at Louis who was already staring at him intently. Louis was shaking, this situation had suddenly turned around and now it was all so real, like his possibility to win Harry over depended on this decision.  
Harry’s eyes shifted again, that time landing on his mother who stood a bit behind the boys and was nodding fervently at him with a wide smile.

“Uh...yes?” Harry tried, a little bit worried that the question was only asked because Louis’ so polite, that they actually didn’t want him to join. But the way their smiles stretched just that bit further made Harry feel less nervous and he tried for a little smile himself, not sure how it turned out but hoping it wasn’t scary. “Great!” Louis piped up. “Are you done here? Can we go?” He asked a bit gentler, eyeing Harry closely for any of the signs he’d picked up over the last week.  
“One minute?” Harry asked sheepishly, hands twitching to tidy up a bit. “Sure, we’ll be out in the hallway.” Louis smiled, slowly ushering the other two out as well. Anne shot her son another big grin before leaving the office as well.

“Well, it was great meeting _your_ Liam and Zayn.” Anne grinned at Louis’ flushed face. “Be nice to my son, will you?” She chuckled wholeheartedly before walking away from the two boys. Louis scowled a bit, frustrated that Anne found the situation humorous instead of nerve wrecking and wondering if he really was the only one that felt that way.  
Louis peered up at Liam and Zayn and was met with a big smile and a blank face. Liam pulled him in and pressed a kiss to the crown of his head. “Stop stressing, Lou. He’s nervous enough, two won’t make it any better.” He grinned. Louis chuckled absentmindedly, eyes focused on Zayn who was clearly somewhere else with his mind. “So, what’s the first impression?” He asked softly, worried that Harry might hear. “Don’t worry, Louis.” Liam murmured, thumb caressing his shoulder. Louis still held his breath, not feeling completely reassured. 

“Zee?” He questioned softly. Zayn flinched and blinked a few times, eyes back in focus as he stared at Louis bewildered. “Huh? Oh, yeah, he seems nice.” He stuttered, smile a bit strained. Again, it didn’t reassure Louis. If anything, it made him worry more. “You can say it, Zayn, it’s written on your face.” He mumbled, shrugging Liam’s arm off of him. Zayn’s eyes widened as he glanced at his two lovers. “What?” He asked, a bit shocked.

“You don’t like him.” Louis spoke casually even though he felt terrible on the inside. It felt as if his organs were shrinking, his body curling in on itself. “I do!” Zayn protested, looking at Liam for help. “I just need more time than you do.” He added softly, shrugging a bit to himself. Louis stared at his face intently. “Really? You sure?” Zayn nodded. “Because if you don’t want to, I don’t want to continue this.” Zayn shook his head, covering Louis’ rambling mouth with his hand. He smiled sweetly as he spoke. “I’m sure Lou, now shut up.” He pressed a quick kiss to Louis’ nose before stepping back, the three of them having just enough time to let the tensed up situation pass before Harry stepped into the hallway. 

“So, where are we going?”

 

  
Louis and Harry were walking a bit ahead as they approached the small cafe. They stopped in front of the door, both of the boys stupidly standing there and waiting for the other to open it. Harry was stood directly in front of the completely glass door, but he couldn’t reach out and touch it. He blushed and glanced over at Louis, shuffling to the side the tiniest bit. “Sorry, I-uh...” He tried to say something, but nothing came to mind that didn’t involve offering to open the door or asking Louis to do so. Louis, however, shot him a small smile, but went to lean against the door instead of opening it. 

“Hey, Harry?” His voice was gentle and Harry peered up carefully, waiting for Louis to say that it wasn’t going to work if he was like that and that they’d appreciate it if he went home.  
“I just wanted to ask you about-uh... I’m sorry if this comes out wrong, but... do you have, like, things you need to do when you’re in a public place? Because I thought I could just order for you and you could pick us a table and do-uh.. stuff.” He stuttered, keeping a close eye to Harry’s reaction and praying he hadn’t crossed a line or a boundary with his words.  
Harry’s head lifted and he looked at Louis with wide eyes. That was, in fact, quite the opposite of what he’d expected to come out of Louis’ mouth, and he was pleasantly surprised. No one had ever done something like that for him apart from his family, who knew all about his quirks and needs.  
“Yea, thank you.” He whispered, hoping to say the last words having to do with his condition for the day. Louis smiled brilliantly at him before yanking the door open and bounding into the small and relatively empty cafe.

“What do you want?” He asked, smiling over Harry’s shoulder to Liam and Zayn who only then walked up due to their struggles to find a parking spot. “Just a plain coffee, please. I’ll pay you back.” Louis just snorted at that, and if he hadn’t controlled himself he would’ve reached out to ruffle Harry’s hair.  
The door swung open again and the two companions stepped in, sighing contently at the ambiance of their favourite cafe. Harry slowly moved through the room to look for a table when Louis called out his name again.  
“Harry!” He spun around quickly, nearly tripping into a table as he focused on Louis and his mates.  
“A cup is fine? I mean-uh, I don’t know if you...”  
“A cup is fine.” Harry said quickly, cutting off Louis who was desperately trying not to be rude about his fear of bacteria. If he would’ve been in there with his mother they would’ve asked to put the coffee in their own mug they would’ve brought along, but Harry’d brought enough to deal with the dirty cup for that once.

The three boys joined him at a table just as he’d sat down remotely comfortable. He watched and smiled gratefully as Louis placed the cup in front of him on the just cleaned table and slid into the chair next to his, muttering a small thank you. There was a small silence in which Liam, Zayn and Louis quickly noticed that Harry needed more time to adapt to the surroundings, so they started talking among each other, the conversation light and easy, three pairs of eyes watching sneakily as Harry’s shoulders slowly lowered and his face lost the initial tenseness. 

After a while he wrapped his hands around the steaming cup of coffee, a hygienic wipe neatly folded in the inside of his hand. When he set his coffee down after the first sip, the boys started to include Harry with the conversation, asking little questions and sharing stories or weird facts about themselves. Harry seemed to like it, small smiles gracing his face every now and then, his low voice adding things into the conversation, making the other boys laugh.

And Harry was happy, because he couldn’t remember the last time he’d spend so long with people he didn’t really know in a public place without having an attack or at least a stressful moment. He tentatively started to ask questions about the boys, on how they met and when and what they did in their daily lives. And the boys answered gladly, and that was new for Harry, to be heard and answered.  
On the other side of the conversation, the three boys couldn’t help but feel a bit proud and a lot happy about how Harry’d gotten out of his shell during the hours they were there. They happily noted that Harry’s humour fitted straight up their lane and Zayn was very intrigued by the mystery of Harry’s voice, could listen to it for days. 

And he was genuinely relieved, that interacting with Harry was nice and that he liked it, because he’d stressed more than enough about it. Even in the corridor, when he’d caught the first glimpse of the shy and nervous wreck that was his boyfriend’s new love interest, he wondered if he could really fall in love with him. Now, he couldn’t say he’d fallen already, but he could see him and Harry sharing boyfriends and being boyfriends and eventually really be in love with each other. All four boys were as happy as they could be.

When Liam and Zayn scurried off for a round of cold drinks, Harry turned silent again. His mother had talked to him about Louis that day when he’d been at their house, they’d talked the entire night. She told him to ‘go for it’ and ‘see how things work out’, to ‘test the waters’ and of course Harry had asked what she meant with that. So now he knew. And he’d promised himself that he’d try a little bit of that out when they were in the cafe, so he had to do it and now seemed like the perfect time. 

“What’s on your mind, buttercup?” Louis asked with a grin, smiling wider as Harry glanced up at him with a funny expression. It dropped soon enough, though, and his head lifted, a blush on his cheeks as he quickly blurted out what he’d forced himself to say.

“Are you single?”

Louis tensed up for a moment, shocked and euphoric and scared at the same time. “Okay, I’m going to need you to be open minded for this one..” He started, Liam and Zayn awkwardly sitting back down and handing out drinks, sensing the tension in the air. Harry frowned softly. “I’d like to think I am..” He spoke. ‘How open minded to you need me to be?” He questioned, seeing the topic of the conversation dawned upon Liam and Zayn at that moment. Louis swallowed a gulp of his coke and made short eye contact with each of his boyfriends. 

“Okay, so I am gay,” A weight off of Harry’s chest. “and I am...available...” Another one, smaller this time because he expected a ‘but’ to come around. He waited patiently.

There was a silence and Harry quickly spoke up because he felt Louis was waiting for some kind of answer. “Well, that’s okay.” He said uncertainly, wondering why his mind needed to open up but forcing it to do so. Louis clearly was at a loss of words so Liam, not wanting to beat around the bush anymore, spoke up.

“What are your thoughts on polygamy?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I just wanted to tell you that there is no reason why I should be updating so slowly, I've got chapters up until 19 or so done already, because I post this other places too. What I mean to say is; if you think I'm taking too long, just comment (nicely) and ask. I just forget sometimes, but it's really not a big bother to do. Hope you enjoyed this chapter :)


	16. Chapter 15

Louis thought Harry had amazing thoughts about polygamy.

He loved Harry´s thoughts about polygamy. Because Harry had simply smiled and nodded, saying it was okay, that he was glad the boys were such good friends alongside being boyfriends and he´d proved that he was really as open minded as he had claimed to be. He was a bit bewildered when they admitted to liking him, blushing madly and shyly and softly murmuring nobody had ever said something so nice to him. He´d even agreed on dropping by the boys´ place for dinner to get to know each other more, and it was all just so easy, as if he didn´t have to shower three times a day, as if he didn´t have to wash his hands the same way every time, as if he didn´t have panic attacks almost daily. Nobody knew where it had come from, but both sides were happy that Harry was suddenly so easy going instead of uptight.

It was really only that moment that he was, though. As soon as he’d gotten home and told his mom about everything, he started stressing, backtracking his words. He’d been on the verge of calling it off umpteen times, but his mother had been able to change his mind.   
Harry didn’t regret that he’d given the possibility of being the three boys’ boyfriend a chance, not at all. He’d caught himself thinking about Louis too many times to be platonic, and after that one day he thought about Liam and Zayn too, and the three of them together. Sometimes it caused him panic attacks, sometimes it caused him different problems, which sometimes led to panic attacks as well.

So over all, it wasn’t really good for Harry, but he couldn’t not think about the boys. He found himself behind his laptop, something he used to avoid at all costs, googling the boys’ names and searching for pictures of them everywhere. He didn’t last long, jumping under the shower when he fully realised what he was touching, but it had been the longest time he’d spend behind the computer in years.

Anne was thrilled when Harry’d come home from his first meet up with Louis and his friends. She’d thought Louis would beat around the bush for ages, scared as he sounded confessing his love for her son to her, so she didn’t expect Harry to come home with the story he had, but she didn’t complain either. She noticed Harry’s changes, saw him behind his laptop, had to calm him down in all his panic attacks, but she did it gladly. Because nobody had ever cared about her son, had ever made him feel special or loved, and Louis and his two boyfriends had. And they wanted to continue doing that for hopefully a long time, so how could Anne possible be against that? It was hard for Harry and he was embarrassed and scared, but he was also flattered and hopeful and a bit in love. The pros outweighed the cons, and that was a nice change. There had been cons, the same ones for years, but there had never been pros to put on the other side of the scale, especially not ones that seemed to overshadow the cons easily.

She and Harry both knew it was going to be hard for him, to be at someone else’s house and be okay, but they also both knew it would be okay after the initial distress it would cause. Harry had to bite the bullet but he was willing to do so. It made it all so much easier. And even though Harry had stressed the entire week, every time Louis would pop his head into the office, Anne could see her son’s shoulders relax. She’d pretend to be deaf as the two boys spoke, both almost annoyingly shy and awkward, but clearly into each other.

  
And then it was Friday evening and Anne had a wheezing Harry in her arms, more frantic than she’d ever seen him. She knew it would take too long to calm him down, first one on one and after that his own meditation exercises, so she was ready to call the dinner off, reluctantly at that. Although she was sure the boys would understand, she was also sure Harry would be ashamed of himself. But as she grabbed Harry cell phone, he stopped her with frantic pleads to not call Louis. She tried to explain everything to him, even though she knew Harry didn’t really hear her in his state, but Harry promised her he’d be okay quick enough. To prove it to her, he quickly scrambled off to his room to do his assigned meditation, legs wobbly but going nonetheless.

Anne called Louis anyway, explaining that they would be a bit later. She didn’t even have to tell him why, it seemed as if he already understood. That was new to Anne, someone who understood Harry apart from his family. It made her even more certain that Louis was right for her son, and she told him that exactly. He’d only let out a shaky breath and a small ‘thank you’.

Soon enough, Harry was really back to his own self, and they could leave for the short drive to the apartment. Harry was fidgeting and pulling at his sleeves and the nerves were visibly nibbling away at him, but his excitement was also clear to see. As she put the car to a stop at the given address, Anne reminded him that he could always call her if he needed anything, but he barely even heard her anymore, already ringing the bell down at the building, his sleeve tactically pulled over his hand. He kicked the door open and vaguely waved before sprinting in and Anne waited to see him appear on walk-way, grinning as she saw the skip in his step. A door opened and Louis appeared, greeting Harry cheerily and then dangerously hanging over the balcony to wave at Anne. She laughed to herself and waved back before driving off, sure her son was in good hands.

  
Harry immediately smelt food when he entered the apartment, and it took his mind off of the fact that he was in someone else’s house for a moment. He told Louis that it smelt good, and only when Louis answered to that did Harry’s brain catch up with him. He looked at the carpet underneath his feet and felt a shudder travel all the way up his body. He glanced around and made sure to stay exactly in the middle of the hallway so he didn’t touch any walls. He took a breath and scolded himself before looking back up at Louis who was staring at him compassionately.

“Okay?”

“Okay.” Harry breathed, a nervous smile on the edge of his lips. He followed Louis to the area that was the kitchen, smiling at the dinner table where Liam and Zayn were sat. They smiled back at him widely and before Harry knew it, he was immersed in small talk. Louis was bustling around in the kitchen, finishing up dinner with the goofy grin he’d been wearing the entire day. It took Harry only one moment of hesitation before sitting down on the chair opposite of Zayn, and he secretly smiled to himself at that small victory.

Louis placed a big pan of pasta on the table, and sat down next to Harry as he joined in on the conversation. Harry was so glad when Louis put food on his plate for him, not only because he felt uncomfortable touching the serving spoon, but also because he felt so nervous he was afraid his hands would be shaking embarrassingly hard. When the table’s focus was on Zayn, who was telling about something that happened to him in school, Harry sneaked his cutlery underneath the table and cleaned them with hygienic wipes he’d stuffed in his pocket. All the other boys noticed what he was doing, but no one commented on it. They’d agreed on that, even though they wanted to tell Harry each and every time that he didn’t need to be embarrassed, if he wanted to do it that way, they weren’t going to comment on it. They hoped that that way, Harry would be a bit less nervous.

Harry was a mess on the inside, everything churning and trembling and squeezing, but at least he didn’t show it on the outside. And he was having a genuine good time, and he really wanted to do something like that again, the chaos that played out inside of him was something he’d gotten used to a long time ago. It was the always present eeriness that reminded him that he didn’t know when the apartment had been cleaned for the last time, or how they’d cleaned it, who had touched his plate before it had ended up on its place on the table. It made him squirm, but the boys offered enough distraction with the talking and even their looks, so Harry could ignore it. He even offered to help Louis clean the table and bring out dessert, his hands once again wrapped in his sleeves as he shuffled to the kitchen with plates and cups.

  
When Louis and Harry came back to the dinner table with small cups of grocery store crème brulée that were a little bit burnt, Zayn and Liam were huddled close together, whispering on a soft, but insistent tone. It worried Louis a little bit, but he knew he always overreacted so he wrote it off as his own paranoia. But when he reached the table and put down the two cups he was holding, he heard Liam sniffle softly, and he was immediately alarmed.   
“Hey, what’s going on?” He asked gently, eyes shifting between his two boyfriends to catch either one’s eyes. The two broke apart and Liam’s eyes were definitely red rimmed and puffed and Louis frowned deeply at the sight. Harry folded his hands in his lap nervously, staying as still as possible as he looked at the boys from a small distance. Zayn was looking at Liam intently, so Louis focused on him too as he waited for him to speak. He was looking down at his twitching fingers and bit his lip.

“I’m sorry Lou,” He murmured. Louis swiftly left his seat and crouched down next to Liam’s. A choked sob left his throat. “I was so stupid, but I just- Sorry.” Harry was anxiously holding his breath, as if anything he’d do at that moment could trigger something bad. He was scared, clueless as to what Liam had done, feeling dumb because he saw Louis and Zayn had both caught on. Louis face had turned more stern, the initial worry still there, but lessened.   
“Liam, why would you do that? I told you it’s not a problem, why do you keep making it into one?” He asked clearly. Zayn was softly rubbing Liam’s shoulder as Louis spoke, a sad look on his face. When Liam didn’t answer, Louis sighed a bit forlornly and averted his eyes to Zayn.

“Can you do this? I’ll let Harry out.” Harry tensed at the mention of his name, especially as he heard he had to leave. He kept still, though, a million thoughts running through his mind. Had Liam just silently confessed he couldn’t get along with him? Was that it? I fought down his upcoming tears, not wanting to let them out before he was in safe confines. Zayn nodded once and stood up from his chair, guiding Liam out of the room. The boy was still numbly crying, bloodshot eyes catching Harry’s wide ones as he spoke. “I’m sorry Harry, I didn’t mean to.”

Harry had to squeeze his eyes shut tightly to keep his sob in. Had he been right? Was this really the end of his chance with these boys? He carefully peeked through his lashes as Louis scraped his chair back and sat down next to him as he let out a sigh. “Well, you better get out of here soon.” He spoke softly. “Better call your mom now.” Another sigh. “I’m sorry it had to be like this.”

Louis eyes shot open wide as he heard Harry sniffle just as quietly as Liam had done only minutes ago. He sat up straight and turned to him, reaching out before halting himself and awkwardly retreating his hand back to himself. “Harry, don’t cry please.” He begged. Harry really tried his hardest to stop, to man up, but he honestly couldn’t. His hope, the only hope he’d had in the past years, was squashed down before anything good could’ve happened and it hurt, it hurt so badly. He’d thought the boys had liked him, thought they had seen something good in him, cared for him.   
“Harry, it’s not your fault, I don’t want you to go either, but it’s really for the best.” Harry nodded meekly to himself. “I just don’t want you to get hurt, or hear anything of what’s going to go on in here, it’s too much.” Harry frowned a bit to himself, biting to still his wobbling lip as he stared at Louis. “And I think Zayn needs me there too, he’s not that strong on his own.” Harry’s frown deepened as he looked at Louis in true confusion.

“Wh- what?” He stuttered, unpalatably wiping away the snot running from his nose. Louis swiftly grabbed him a tissue, using the opportunity of having something covering his hand by wiping away his tears for him. It felt calming to be able to do that, Louis felt warm on the inside by the small gesture he’d been able to make. Harry seemed to be able to appreciate it as well, but his eyes were still clouded with confusion, staring at Louis until he made some sense.  
“Liam forgot to tell me he was out of medicine because he’s embarrassed that I have to buy them for him.” Louis spoke, hand still trailing over Harry’s face gently as the tissue caught Harry’s tears. “He felt an episode coming up, so now we have to wait for it to come and go.” He explained, crumbling the tissue up in his hand as he lowered it from Harry’s face to lay on his own lap.

A gasp left Harry mouth involuntarily. ”So, it’s not me?” He asked uncertainly. Louis gasped a wildly shook his head. “No! No, I just think you better leave before he has his episode. Go home and have a nice evening with your mom.” He smiled without emotion. Harry stayed quiet, trying to get a grip on his thoughts. It was a chaotic mixture of relief that he wasn’t the cause, that he still had his chance, and wonder about Liam and his episode, surprise that he apparently struggled with something as well as Harry, although less noticeable on a daily basis.

“What happens when he has an episode?” Harry asked carefully, staring at his knees that were just not touching Louis’. “He screams, trashes around, gets violent, curses... stuff like that.” He explained, eyes keeping track of Harry’s movements and body language. “Wow, that’s... something.” He murmured softly. “Yeah,” Louis shrugged a bit. “he’s the worst out of us three, luckily it doesn’t happen that often.”   
“You all have episodes?” Harry asked incredulously, mouth agape. Louis chuckled at his expression and nodded. “Yeah, we do. We’re an odd bunch.” He said softly and Harry could hear the love and care towards those ‘odd’ lads in his voice.

“Zayn gets big moodswings, it happens quite often because he doesn’t get his medication every month, money stuff. And me. Well, I get very clingy, very annoying and insecure and in need of reassurance all the time, but that rarely ever happens.” He explained, shooting Harry some kind of apologetic smile at the end, as if Harry would be disappointed as he found out about their problems.   
That wasn't the case though, on the contrary, Harry was ecstatic. He wasn’t the only one with problems, with struggles. These boys knew what it was like to feel like a freak, like a failure. Harry suddenly felt so much more known and at home with them, he felt accepted for the first time outside his own family.

“Can I stay?”

  
So Harry stayed, helped Louis clean up the kitchen, cleaned the table for him when he quickly checked up on his boyfriends, sat on the couch with him as they watched the telly. The volume was up a bit louder than normal, and the ambiance was a bit tensed up because they could hear Liam’s screams, and Louis eventually left to help Zayn, but Harry was okay and happy, even though he felt bad for Liam.   
Liam was quiet and awkward for the rest of the night, curled up on the couch on his own, but not for long. Louis and Zayn soon wrapped themselves around him, and Harry tried to comfort Liam with words and they were all okay together.

When Harry left that night he only hesitated for a few moments before carefully and shortly hugging each one of the boys. The smiles on their faces made him grin back shyly.

All four of the boys could say they loved each other a bit more after that night.


	17. Chapter 16

Harry had met up with the boys a couple of times after that and everything was fine. Nobody had episodes, Harry was only _slightly_ unnerved at times, saving up the real panic to sink in when he was in the safe confines of his home. They got to know each other better and learned that Harry had a very witty kind of humour once he opened up to someone. So they spent hours laughing and talking and it was very easy to think it would always be like this.

But at the times that Harry was back home again, things always changed.

The three boys would fall quiet once the door was closed, individually analyzing the entire day and pointing out everything that could’ve been taken the wrong way to themselves. They would drag themselves to bed, or sometimes drop a very broody Zayn off at home with reluctance first, and stay quiet and secretly falling apart as they dozed off.   
And then, always then, in the moment before they’d really fall asleep, they’d feel safe enough to speak the words, half-heartedly hoping the others were already sleeping, but knowing they weren’t. Someone would suddenly speak up, breaking the pressing silence, or Zayn would call and his voice would resonate through the room, and they would share all their worries, everything they’d done wrong, all the reasons why that time would probably be the last time they’d see Harry, because that time they’d really scared him off.

And they would shut each other up, stopping the tracks of thoughts and pointing out each others’ irrationality and soon they would change the conversation towards a more loving vocabulary, reassuring each other to no ends.   
The three lovers always found a way to calm each other, make sure everybody fell asleep peacefully that night. Because maybe they couldn’t to themselves, but they could surely tell each other that they could do no wrong and that they weren’t scary or rude. In moments like those, they felt so blessed to have each other.

  
Harry, on the other side, was alone. Alone with his doubts and insecurities about his acts of a day, having all the time in the world to talk himself into depths he’d never found himself in before. Every little look or movement was recalled and more often than not, Harry found himself crying because he was so scared the boys would someday just stop calling him, that Louis would stop dropping by when he was working for his mother, that they would decided that it was too much of an effort to be nice to him, because that’s what most people realised around Harry quite quickly.

Sometimes, his mother would find him curled up in his bed, halfway through a lonely panic attack, and she would calm him down, dragging him up her lap and stroking through his hair as she talked to him for hours, occasionally getting short answers back. Those were the times that Harry didn’t want to discuss it, didn’t want to hear his mother’s words of reassurance because that day would be a bad day and on bad days he didn’t do reassurance or comfort.

Other times though, he would quietly make his way to his mother’s room, crawling into bed with her like he did when he was younger and nestling against her, secretly wishing for her to wake up. She would do just that, softly running her fingers through her son’s curls until he’d speak. She’d wait patiently until he found enough strength to will his mouth to translate his thoughts into words. It’d vary from things he thought he’d done wrong, to hypothetic questions about relationships and how that is supposed to work, especially with four people. It’d be about his panic attacks and how he would ever be able to handle them without his mom, how he’d ever be able to tell the boys about everything that made him feel uncomfortable or angsty or distressed. How to trust them.

  
And then came the day that the boys asked Harry to think about officially being together with them, acting all casual and telling him to give them an answer whenever. They thought it wasn’t convincing at all, knew Harry had seen how nervous they were and how they wished he’d answered them yesterday already. But Harry hadn’t noticed their act, thought they were really that easy about it, but that might have been because he could barely focus on himself and all his nerves, let alone think about three other people.   
As soon as he’d said goodbye to the lads he’d ran home, dodging the people on the street and racing faster than he’d ever let his feet carry him. He barged into his house flinging his backpack away and calling out for his mother frantically.

“In the living room Harry!” Was called back and Harry scrambled to race into the room. His mother was there, as was his sister, and they looked at him curiously with a tad of worry weaved through. “Gemma.” Harry breathed, earning a roll of the eyes and a snarky remark. “Didn’t think I’ve been gone for that long, barely remembers me.” Harry let out a small chuckle before worming his way in between his mother and sister, trying to stay still even though his body was vibrating with adrenaline.   
“So, what’s going on Harry?” His mother’s tone was no longer worried, seeing that her son was alright. It was now joyful and a bit teasing because she knew he’d been with the boys before that. In fact, she’d just been busy catching Gemma up with all the latest news. Anne looked over at Gemma and grinned at her and her surprised expression. She’d never seen her brother like this, and Anne was happy to finally share Harry with her in the state he was in.   
“Yeah, what happened, _loverboy_?” She teased, poking his side to see him squirm and chuckle instead of slapping her hand away as he usually did.

“They asked me.” He blurted, sitting up straighter and trying to look at his mother and sister at the same time. “What?” Anne called out. “Finally!” She cheered, wrapping her youngest up in a hug. Gemma’s arms also found their way around her little brother as he blabbered on and on. “They gave me time to think about it, but I wanna say yes. I think I’m going to say yes, but I’m also really _really_ scared, so maybe I should say no, I’m not good at this and now I’m nervous and scared and confused but I can’t really think because I’m so happy and honoured and, and they also said they thought I was lovely and they are so sweet and they know how I feel but I don’t know if I can-” And then he just resolved into giggles, because his mother was pressing kisses to his face and his sister was again poking his sides and he was just _so so happy_.

The downfall came later that day, as it always did. Harry was quiet during dinner, only pushing his food back and forth on his plate and slipping back into his room immediately after. Gemma watched him go with a soft smile, giving him some time by helping her mother do the dishes before making her way to her little brother’s room and entering. She found Harry sat on his bed with laptop, hands hesitatingly hovering above it to match his tensed posture.

Gemma made herself known by closing the door behind her, and even though Harry tried to be subtle she noticed he clicked some things closed on his laptop before looking up at her. “You okay?” She asked softly, sitting at the edge of his bed. Harry pursed his lips as he stared her straight in the eyes and Gemma had to smile because after everything he still couldn’t and wouldn’t lie to her. “What are you thinking about?” She asked then, resting a hand on his ankle and rubbing reassuringly. “Just-” Harry sighed and put his laptop aside, focussing on his sister now and trusting her to be a better source of information than the internet.   
“How will it ever work out? How will I ever be able to love them? To let them love me?” He asked desperately, staring the words out of Gemma’s mouth. “You know love isn’t about touching each other only.” She said calmly, thumb absentmindedly stroking the slim strip of ankle that showed in between his jeans and socks. “Yeah, but part of it is.” Harry reasoned back, restraining himself from biting his nails. It was a terrible habit of him, and once he ever realised he was doing it, he’d be repulsed by himself.

Gemma softened as she shimmied up a bit further on the bed. “You’ll open up to them, you know you will. Just like you did with us.” She spoke gently, still forever proud of her little brother to overcome all his fears so daringly. Harry sucked in his bottom lip as he nodded a bit, shrugging to say the knowledge didn’t help calm his nerves. “You’re going to have to talk to them about it, a lot actually.” A childish whine left Harry’s lips and he scrunched up his face in distaste. Gemma chuckled at him and his behaviour, because she knew Harry knew that already. He just needed to hear it again from somebody else to know one hundred percent sure. “It’s important, Harry, they need you to tell them everything about you and they will share everything about themselves with you in return, so you know how to treat each other and –more importantly- how not to.”

Harry smiled a bit at his sister’s words, suddenly hit with the fact that in maybe not too long he would know how all the boys liked their tea exactly or if someone had ever broken a bone, he’d know what food they’d like or what they loved to do on a lazy day. He’d be able to calm them down or cheer them up, because he’d know exactly what they’d need. And they would be able to the same, as long as Harry opened up to them even more than he already had done.   
“Thanks Gem, I love you.” Harry murmured, leaning into his sister’s open arms. “You too, little one.” She grinned , leaning away to look him straight in the eyes. “But if you ever need advice on the sex stuff, I’m here too, you know. I may not know gay-male-polygamous-love making to great depths, but you know I’ll try.” Gemma smirked at her brother’s flustered face, really wishing he’d ask her about sex just to see that face more often.

  
Liam, Zayn and Louis could do nothing but wait in nervous tension until Harry would give a yes or no. They didn’t know what went on in his mind, didn’t know Harry’s family’s take on the relationship, had no idea what their chances were. All they knew was that they really hoped for a yes, the main reason being they didn’t know what would happen to them if they got a no.   
Louis had gotten so dependent on Harry, basking in the boy’s admiration towards him and loving discovering how to make him smile or how to get him all red and silent. He spent nights mulling over how he would be able to touch him, thinking of barely-there-barriers between them or imagining how he could help Harry tolerate his touches. He, out of all three of them, was most scared for a no. He truly didn’t know how much that would break him, how long he’d have to recover from that blow.

The other two boys were also very scared for Louis’ reaction to a possible rejection, not thinking about their own feelings all that much.   
Only when Liam was just by himself could he admit that he’d grown too fond of Harry, that he’d be a bit shattered if he’d never see the boy again. He liked how honoured Harry would be whenever he was the centre of attention, or whenever someone would say something extra nice to him. He loved to see the boy laugh, showing that he could let loose and relax, if only he was coaxed enough.   
Zayn had learned to open himself up to Harry. Things he’d worried about before had all disappeared, the hearts in his eyes steadily growing whenever he looked at Harry. He learned to feel elated whenever Louis or Liam was hit by a new wave of adoration towards Harry, grinning at their foolish grins and getting the same treatment whenever it was the other way around.   
Zayn somehow loved that Harry was a tad bit younger, felt glad that the boys babied him a bit more instead of doing it to Zayn. Not that he had minded the extra attention, but he loved giving someone his attention more than receiving it so he was glad with the change of roles.

The boys went to bed early that night, and just when they’d wanted to turn off the lights, they received a text message from Harry.

From Harry:  
Sleep tight tonight, and don’t worry too much ;) Promise we’ll talk soon! Xx

In the midst of their fawning, all reading the message more than three times and squealing about how positive it sounded, a text followed up to it.

From Harry:  
OMG that was my sister, sooo sorry!

From Harry:  
I kinda did want to send that, though :) Goodnight!

More smiling ensued before the three boys eventually settled down, cuddled up comfortably against each other as they smiled up at the ceiling.


	18. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut for you :)

Louis shuffled more comfortably into Zayn’s side, but the boy didn’t really respond. Usually, he’d accommodate Louis perfectly, wrap his arms around him and tug him into his side, but that time he was unresponsive. Louis lifted his head to check, but Zayn wasn’t asleep yet. He was still staring at the ceiling, chewing on his bottom lip as a bit of a frown twitched between his eyebrows.  
“What’s up, baby?” Louis whispered, in case Liam had already fallen asleep. His head popped up from the other side of Zayn though, looking at him concernedly. Zayn’s teeth sunk further into his lip and he shook his head, cue for Liam and Louis to crowd in closer and touch him tenderly, reminding him that he could always tell them anything.

“C’mon, don’t be afraid to tell us.” Liam murmured, attentively swiping the fringe from his forehead. Zayn’s head shook again. “’S stupid.” He muttered, head turning away, unsuccessfully being met with Louis tender stare. “Doesn’t matter, love, please tell us. You’re worrying me.” Zayn pursed his lips, glad that the boys fell silent again, but knowing there wasn’t an option but to tell them, since he never wanted to make them worried about him. Especially when it’s about something so petty.

”You-uh,” Zayn was glad they weren’t looking at him anymore, or maybe he was just not looking at them. Liam and Louis shared glances with each other, studying Zayn closely to decide how serious this conversation was going to become. “You’ll still love me if he says no, right?” It sounded so weak and stupid to Zayn himself, but Liam and Louis couldn’t be more glad that it was an issue they could fix. They let out a breath simultaneously and slunk even closer to Zayn, wrapping him up in their arms.  
“Of course we will love,” Liam spoke softly as Louis pecked his cheek. “we will if he says no and we will if he says yes. We’ll love you just the same.” Zayn wanted to interfere, but Louis cut him off by turning his head to meet him. “Zayn, please never feel stupid about needing reassurance. I know how it feels, I promise you I do, but that’s even more the reason why I don’t want you to fuss over it. You guys are used to having to reassure me all the time, and I’ll happily return the favour whenever one of you needs it. Okay?”  
Zayn nodded slowly, eyes big and solemn. A small grin broke through when Louis nuzzled his nose into his cheek and kissed his neck sweetly, and Liam’s arms tightened around them to keep them close.

He tried to fight it down, but couldn’t help but feel stupid about not being quite okay yet, wishing it could be enough and they could peacefully fall asleep. But he’d thought about it, and he couldn’t let the opportunity pass, didn’t know when he’d feel like he could ask it again. So he closed his eyes and took a breath as a blush crept onto his face. “W-would you, uh, would you mind showing?-uh me?” A strangled groan left after, frustrated with himself. That even when his two boyfriends were draped over his body, he still didn’t feel confident enough to ask them anything related to sex without being scared of rejection.  
And it was irrational, because he knew how they would react. He would feel their bodies melt even closer to him, some touches and kisses and they would say ‘of course, baby, don’t worry’, and that’s exactly what happened, just like every time, and Zayn just hoped that it was the last time he’d make such a big deal out of it, just like every time.

“What do you want to do?” Liam drawled, lips pressing where he could reach as his hand trailed down Louis’ spine. He was so in the mood for sweet and slow love-making, something about the ambiance telling him it would be an unforgettable night.

“Make love to me.”

It was out before Zayn could think about it and struggle with the words, a quick whisper before he ran out of breath, lips and fingers tickling him as he moved to entangle their legs. Louis’ head popped up to look at him, eyes wide and a hint of a smile dangling around the edges of his lips. “Really?” He breathed, eyes fleetingly meeting with Liam’s before returning to Zayn to witness him nodding bravely, fingers digging into his boyfriends’ skins.  
Louis and Liam dove in for a kiss at the same time, and before they knew it, a three-way kiss had developed. Tongues and giggles were shared for a while, the three boys testing out the new invention before pulling apart to look at each other like they often did before they’d do something new. To detect any hints of reluctance or fear, and to grin wickedly at each other when there were none.

“Oh my god,” Louis breathed, feeling squirmy with anticipation. He looked at the two boys in front of him a question suddenly burning on his tongue. “ _Who_?” His head shot from Zayn, eyes big and softly shrugging, to Liam, eyes warm and softly murmuring “You.”. “Liam, I don’t... You can...” Louis spluttered around Liam’s large hand that barricaded his mouth. “You do it Lou, you know why, we’ve talked about it.” Zayn’s cheeks burnt at that thought, picturing them discussing this together when Zayn wasn’t with them and feeling oddly honoured. Louis spluttering stilled and he nodded, hand removed and replaced with a set of lips.

When Zayn saw his face again, there was a mischievous glint in Louis’ eyes as he poked Liam’s side.  
“Right, Mr. Big Cock.” He smirked, Zayn blushing yet smiling and Liam snorting loudly. He pushed Louis over and settled back into Zayn’s side, sharing a smile before kissing again.  
Louis appeared with them and all jokes were set aside, setting changing to a more romantic one as the three boys worked each others’ clothing of and settled down comfortably.

 

“C’mon over here, baby.” Liam whispered, pulling Zayn on top of him. He was lying up against some pillows, as he arranged Zayn onto his hands and knees. “It’s the easiest way.” He explained softly, tenderly stroking Zayn’s cheeks as he noticed the boy growing a bit more tense.  
“It’ll hurt, right?” Zayn asked, feeling embarrassed in his position when Louis wasn’t behind him but in the bathroom to fetch the lubrication and a condom.  
Liam pursed his lips and nodded. “I’ll be honest with you, the first time is weird. We’re trying to make it hurt as little as possible, but other than that don’t get your hopes up about it too much.” He said, hands softly trailing over his arms, his back, his face. “The feeling is something you have to get used to before you can understand and feel the pleasure it gives and you have to be honest about how things feel and that’s a bit awkward.” Liam confessed, watching as Louis crawled back onto the bed.

“How was your first time?” Zayn asked quietly, teeth playing with his bottom lip as he waited for an answer curiously. A laugh escaped Liam’s throat as he shook his head. “It was with Lou, and I was really nervous because it didn’t feel all that good and in the end I didn’t even come.” He admitted, a smile shared with Louis who sat himself beside the two boys and watched their conversation. “Yeah, so don’t worry, we know how it feels.” He spoke, pressing a small kiss to Zayn’s cheek.

“You ready?” Zayn nodded immediately, stomach churning as Louis left his vision and he felt him settle behind him. He heard the squishing sounds of the lubrication on Louis’ hands and wanted to brace himself, but instead he forced himself to look Liam in the eyes and relax as much as he could. “Okay, here we go.” Louis murmured, his dry hand stroking up and down Zayn’s back in the same way as Liam’s hands moved over Zayn’s arms.  
The first finger was a struggle, Zayn’s body wasn’t willing to let it in. But with Liam there to distract him and patience and sweet coaxing, Louis could eventually move it in a continuous pace.  
The second was easier, but the third was painful, the stretch that Zayn had never felt before made him tremble and bite back tears.

They took a break then, fingers out and just simple kisses instead, until Zayn felt ready again and they resumed their positions. The third went better then, because of Zayn’s efforts which were explicitly praised.

Questions on how it felt, how he felt, and soft embarrassed answers and praises with kisses.

Silence and concentration and the ripping sound of plastic.

Held breaths and tiny movements, eyes glued to one another.

Anticipation and soft whimpers of pain, more kisses and reassuring touches.

Bodies pressing closer to each other, slowly inching together until another tensed silence.

“Oh my god, _you’re inside me_...” It was on a loop in Zayn’s mind and voice, soft and hoarse and emotional. But he could feel Louis against him, legs against his thighs, balls pressed to his skin, hands on his hips. And he could feel him inside him, and it hurt to great extents and it was weird like Liam said, but Zayn felt so much closer to him, felt so special, that it didn’t matter anymore. His vision was blurred by tears but he saw Liam’s tender smile and he leaned up to kiss him.  
“Are you okay?” Louis asked carefully from where he was frozen, scared to hurt his lover but half numbed by the feeling of being in him.

“Yeah, perfect.” Zayn smiled, and he almost forgot he was in so much pain, until Louis started to draw his hips back again. He hissed and involuntarily clenched around him and Louis stilled immediately. He glanced at Liam anxiously, who reached out to hold his hand to reassure him. He focused on Zayn and let his unoccupied hand wander around his body until he relaxed again.  
“Does it go away after a while or do you have to get through it?” Zayn asked, face still a bit contorted.  
Liam winced empathetically. “Get through it..” He murmured apologetically.  
After a second Zayn nodded confidently and told Louis to “get it over with, then”. And Louis looked like he was the one in pain, and maybe he was, moving in an excruciatingly slow pace. He slithered some more lube on as he was almost completely out, face scrunched up in concentration.

A good couple of minutes of that and Zayn told them he was okay now. Louis’ pace picked up a bit, tentatively at first, but confident after Zayn’s approve. Breathing became laboured for all three of them, bodies moving together and eyes drinking in the sight of each other. Liam smiled at the sight of Louis, eyes closed and mouth ajar as he rolled his hips and roamed his hands everywhere. Zayn was staring into Liam’s chest panting heavily as he focused on all his senses and tried to soak in everything that happened.  
The serene moment was shaken up when Zayn’s arms buckled and he awkwardly fell into Liam, lower half still held up by Louis’ hands. He tried to clamber up again, but Liam held him down, arranging him more comfortably and whispering for him to stay.

He massaged Zayn’s arms that were aching from holding himself up and let his body be moved by Louis’ will. Zayn’s open mouth was panting into Liam’s neck and after a short while he felt a trickle of drool, but made no comment about it.  
“Feels good?” He asked, happy with his new angle of Louis, able to see the beats of sweat roll down his chest. “ _Yess_...” Louis breathed, unconsciously speeding up his movements.  
“Z?” Liam murmured, kissing Zayn’s temple softly.  
“Don’t know...” His voice rumbled in Liam’s neck, and Liam took the answer, holding him closer to his chest.

A short while of silence, apart from their breathing and little moans from Louis who was nearing his breaking point gradually.  
A soft mewl from Zayn woke Liam from the dozed state he was in, immediately alert and asking.  
“M’legs...” Was Zayn’s weak reply, and one shared look later, Louis and Liam were guiding him down. Louis settled again, mind still clear enough to ask Zayn if he wanted to continue. He saw the boy nod into Liam’s chest, luckily, and quickly slid back into his beautiful body, this time in a new angle.

As he started up his movements again, a surprised gasp left both Zayn and Liam, their new position in combination with Louis’ movements allowing their cocks to rub against each other deliciously. Zayn’s barely-semi soon filled up completely again and after not too long his moans joined Louis’.  
It didn’t take them long after that, Louis losing it first and Liam and Zayn following quickly after, only their heavy breaths filling the room. Zayn frowned when Louis’ penis left his body, his open hole clenching around nothing and his body feeling colder.

He whined softly when Liam rolled him from his chest and Liam chuckled at his antics. “Go cuddle with Lou, I’m going to clean us up a bit.” He murmured, rolling Zayn over and into Louis’ waiting chest. Zayn gladly cuddled into him, albeit a bit awkwardly as he tried to find a position that felt relatively okay. He barely registered Louis’ murmurs, sure the boy himself was also too tired to realize what he was saying, but the rumble in his chest soothed Zayn so he didn’t stop him.  
Liam apologetically pried them away from each other, damp cloth fleetingly wiping down their bodies. He tried to clean Zayn’s arse a bit as well, but after three distressed mewls he stopped and opted for a shower the next morning.  
He slid in and cradled his two boys close, taking over what Louis did and softly murmuring praises and sweet nothings to them until they drifted to sleep.

-

The next morning, Zayn took an awkward shower and shuffled around the apartment carefully, bum not necessarily hurting, but feeling very uncomfortable. Louis helped him dress, although Zayn didn’t really need it, and Liam had made breakfast for him, and Zayn couldn’t address it exactly, but he felt so different. The boys were quieter, more intimate, as if no one but them was allowed to hear what they had to say to each other, were it I-love-you’s or simple small talk. It were as if they’d shared a secret and Zayn finally really understood what being in love was, he felt so incredibly close to the two boys that he wouldn’t be surprised if his heart burst with it. He vaguely wondered how Louis’ heart felt...

Louis frowned as the doorbell rung, because it wasn’t the doorbell from downstairs, but the one that was actually their door. He walked to the door with the thought it would be a neighbour, so he was pretty shocked to be met with Harry when he opened the door.  
“Oh!” He squeaked. Harry was shy in his greeting, and Louis didn’t know if he could handle that so early in the morning.  
“Why are you here so early in the morning?” He questioned, avoiding Harry’s eyes and their too bright colour.

“I-uh, figured to get this over with before work? So, you know... so you at least know.” Louis nodded and stepped aside for Harry, trying to hide his nerves, but fearing that Harry could hear his heart thumping against his ribcage. Harry shuffled down the hallway to the kitchen, waving awkwardly at Liam and Zayn who were stood against the counter, Liam’s big hands laying on Zayn’s lower back to spread warmth through his body and relax his sore muscles. They both stood a bit straighter when Harry stepped in, greeting happily but eyeing curiously.  
Louis joined them in holding their breaths, looking at Harry intensely but trying to play it off as nonchalant.

Harry wanted to sneak away, with all the eyes boring into his skin, but instead he forced himself to stay and realised what a power he had in the situation. He hadn’t known up until then, but his verdict could either make the boys very happy or very sad. He had no big reason to be nervous, he was in charge.  
So he took a breath and bit down a grin, failing as he spoke. “Yes.”  
Even more air was sucked in, eyes widening and bodies inching closer for a bit more reassurance.

“Yes?” Liam asked. Harry nodded and he could hear the collective sigh coming from the boys, big smiles on their faces.  
Louis’ hands were flattering around, debating what to do with them and glad when Harry opened his arms as an invite. He threw himself into him, still careful to only touch clothed parts of his body with clothed parts of his, happy with the height distance so he could rest his head against Harry’s shoulder.  
“God, thank you so much, Haz. I love you.” Liam and Zayn joined in with the hug and after a while of restraining, some lips gently pecked (clothed) parts of Harry’s body.

Louis could hear his breathing increase so he backed away and looked up at him. Harry was blushing and apologising, before being shushed and shortly hugged again.  
“I probably need to go again, my mum’s waiting.” Harry muttered shyly. The boys just smiled and nodded, hugging him again as goodbye, Louis leading him to the door and letting him out. “I’ll see you at work today.” He smiled, positive his eyes were heart-shaped. Harry nodded, goofy grin spreading around his lips as well before he was off with one last wave.  
Louis swiftly threw the door shut and nearly sprinted back to the kitchen, right into his boyfriends’ awaiting arms. They jumped and laughed and smiled and squealed until they really had to hurry for work and school. Zayn got some extra kisses for good luck, but he didn’t even feel anything ache anymore. He felt like he was floating, feeling exactly how he felt after he’d said yes.

  
Harry sat next to his mother in the car, both of them smiling widely while sharing a comfortable silence. It got disrupted by Harry’s phone, and when he opened it he let out an involuntary sound of joy.

From Louis:  
See you soon babe, love you so much! Xxxxxxxx

From Liam:  
Thank you so much for saying yes, can’t wait to spend more time together :) xx

From Zayn:  
You made us really happy H, hope you are too :D X


	19. Chapter 18

So then they were a company of four, and Zayn was glad to come to the realisation that it really didn’t make that much of a difference. Not at all, because Zayn was basically in the process of moving in with the two boys and was over at theirs almost all day and Harry wasn’t completely comfortable with being there too often for too long, so the three boys still had a lot of time with just the three of them, letting Harry slowly ease in with them. 

And since that one night that Zayn positively swore to never forget, the three boys had started to experiment a lot more. _Sexually_. So much actually, that Zayn didn’t even feel awkward talking about sex anymore, which he hadn’t really expected to ever happen.   
And only then had he realised that being so worried about sex had made him more anxious than anything else, and he felt so relaxed after two weeks filled with hormonal teenage behaviour, not only about sex, but about the relationship in general. He felt easy going and chill, felt like the person he had always claimed to be, felt –if you must- on top of the world.

Things with Harry were hesitant, tentative, and difficult at times, but every time Harry opened up a bit more or let the boys in a bit further, they remembered that it was all worth it.   
Like that time he earnestly sat them all down to finally tell them what they’d been hunching from the start. Finally, Harry’d felt okay enough to talk to them about it, not worried about how they’d react. Harry’d sat on one edge of the couch, Zayn and Louis on the other and Liam in the chair that was pulled closer to the couch for that conversation. Harry had sat cross-legged, fiddling with his fingers as he spoke. He hadn’t made eye contact, but after a bit of stuttering he had told the entire story.   
“I-it started with these...thoughts, that just would run through my mind, like everybody has. Those weird kind of thoughts that make you stop and frown at yourself, thinking ‘where the hell did that come from?’.”   
Louis had leaned forward, encouragingly smiling at Harry as he’d shortly glanced up before continuing.

“I was 15 when I noticed I couldn’t just frown at myself and ignore the thoughts, they frightened me and I wanted them to stop, which only made them come back more often.” Louis’d offered Harry his hand harmlessly, palm up in question. Harry’s hands had retreated closer to his body and Louis had laid his own back in his lap, shaking his head and smiling at Harry’s apologetic face. “It’s okay.” He’d murmured, grateful for Zayn when he’d felt him slip his hand underneath his thigh.   
Harry’s breath had shuddered a bit but he continued nonetheless. “I got annoyed and also scared by the fact that I couldn’t contain those thoughts, that I couldn’t control them. They just happened. And one day I found out that when I felt like I had control over other things, those thoughts weren’t all that present. As long as I kept doing those routines, which I had power over, I didn’t hear or think the thoughts. It didn’t take long for me to mess up one of those routines and immediately those thoughts came back. They still scare me so much, so every time I hear them I freak out...” Harry’d sucked his lips into his mouth, looking up doubtfully. Louis had still been smiling at him, a mixture of pride and empathy, while Zayn and Liam had both mouthed ‘thank you’.   
Harry had let out his held breath and told them he was glad he’d told them.

What those thoughts actually contained was still a secret, one that the boys respected alongside all the other things that were kept secretive between them. Like Louis’ first year of college and what he’d done there, and how Liam’s family had treated him before Louis showed up, how Zayn had developed his case of Borderline. The questions had been asked, but the boys had said they didn’t want to talk about and that was accepted and respected. They all knew they could still function perfectly fine with a few untold facts.

Something they were all happy about was the fact that Harry had been contacted by a professional cognitive psychologist who could help him. His mother had called him up when he was at the boys’ apartment once, saying that he’d finally reached the top of the waiting list and that in a few months, his therapy could be in session. Harry hadn’t stopped smiling for days, and neither had the other boys. Harry had been waiting for that call for nearly 4 years.

Even without the therapy, Harry made small progression. He was busy feeling as comfortable with the boys as he did with his family, and when that one night it had been storming outside, he had decided he could stay the night. So he’d borrowed Liam’s (clean) pyjama’s and had only hesitated a short moment before nodding at Louis’ offer to join him. So they said goodnight and Liam and Zayn were off to one room, and Louis and Harry to the other. And maybe they hadn’t been as cuddled up as the other two lads had been, they had definitely been beaming smiles at each other until they’d fallen asleep.

After that, Harry stayed over more often, and his three boyfriends quickly learned that he spoke most right before falling asleep, and that he spoke about very intimate and secretive things at those times. Plainly, Harry had more confidence in the dark confines of a bedroom. Whichever boy had slept with Harry that night, would always sleep best, glowing with pride that Harry had confided him with a secret. Very early on, Harry had made clear the boys could share those secrets with each other, because he didn’t want to tell everything three times and he didn’t want to keep secrets to one of the boys. So every morning, the three boys met in the kitchen (Harry always slept in) and spoke with each other in hushed voices, detailing about the night and elaborating about the new finds about Harry.

One of the first times had been Louis (“Remember that time with my mum and the crème? Well, sometimes I scrub my skin open when I’m anxious...G´night”) and Liam was the one Harry dared to tell about his stupid quirks (“I’m going shopping with Harry this weekend, to buy the right kind of washing detergent.”). Zayn got the nights where Harry wanted to know all about the boys, creating something close to a Louis-and-Liam-fanclub at night (“I just think they’re so _beautiful_ , Zayn, and you are too, you’re all so good-looking.”)

Harry did his first few experiments at night, too. His first kiss with Liam, just the tiniest peck on the lips followed up by tight cuddles and sweet whispers.   
Zayn was there the first time he got hard, and after he’d explained that the thought of anyone –including himself- touching his dick made his skin crawl, Zayn sat with him until it was gone again, ignoring Harry’s embarrassment and just babbling to him until it subsided.   
A long while after that, Louis was the first to ever let Harry experience and orgasm. He held him close, a damp cloth in his hand which he slowly but surely worked over Harry’s erection, concentrated on not getting all sweaty and making sure every bead of precome was swiped off by the cloth before it could make contact with Harry’s skin. The boy had, after the initial nerves, let himself go pliant and was clearly overwhelmed with the sensation, his heavy breathing sometimes bordering on breathy moans.   
When Harry reached his top, Louis expertly caught everything with the flannel, quickly jumping off the bed to dispose it before softly dabbing another clean one around on Harry’s overheated body. He pressed a few chaste kisses to his skin here and there before getting him back into his pyjama’s and crawling in bed with him, gathering his dead weight in his arms and holding him tightly. When Louis asked him how he felt, Harry’d just hummed.

Liam and his persuasive nature got Harry to experiment a little outside his initial comfort zone, and because most of those projects failed, he taught Harry how to handle that and showed him that he didn’t care that Harry only really liked closed mouthed pecks to the lips or things like that. He also taught Harry how it felt to overcome barriers he’d thought never possible, like the one night he’d pressed kisses all over Liam’s broad chest without cringing at the contact with the skin there.

So when Harry could start with his therapy, he’d already come a long way, and the psychologist stressed the importance of the boys in Harry’s life, which made all the boys beam with pride and adoration.   
The only thing that very visibly changed by the therapy was Harry’s reaction to errors in his patterns and routines. Before the therapy started, it was his greatest weakness, the terror he felt whenever he messed up, the blood curling wails and screams that would wrack his body, only subsiding when he’d spoken to all the people the meant something to him and being assured they’re alright. Ever since the boys that whole comforting routine had expanded from a general of 15 minutes to easily half an hour, trying to reach all of them and his family.   
But after a couple of months with his psychologist, that changed. Whenever Harry’d miss a step in his compulsive routines, he’d just start over again. At first it was still a bit rushed and panicked, but the further they got, the more casual things became. No more held breaths for Harry’s reaction, not so much as a blink of the eye before Harry would simply arrange the items he was busying himself with how they were before and starting over with the same kind of concentration and patience.

Harry still had many bad days, but that was understandable seeing how long he’d been struggling with OCD already and how the only way to progress was through teeny tiny babysteps. And then there was one night, where Harry and Zayn had been exploring each other’s bodies and Harry had felt Zayn’s dick poke into his thigh and he’d promptly dropped his hand there and rubbed one out of Zayn, who was gasping and fish-mouthing in surprise and pleasure. After that night nobody doubted that Harry would be just fine.

\--

Liam pushed the door to the apartment open and kicked it shut behind him, struggling with the groceries in his arms. He carefully set them down on the kitchen table and started putting everything where it belonged, quickly pecking a kiss to Louis’ cheek. The older boy was sitting at the kitchen table which was rather busy with all kinds of paperwork.   
“What’s that, Hun? Gave the students assignments?” Liam asked, swiftly putting the last few things in place in the refrigerator before joining Louis at the table. Louis turned his head a bit to answer him, but his eyes were still glued to all the black letters on the white pages. “No..I’m just looking through all the finances.” He mumbled, aggressively scribbling things down on a notepad.

Louis´ words caught Liam´s attention and he pulled out a chair to look at the paperworks too. “And?” He asked, hooking his chin over Louis’ shoulder, trying to decipher everything that was sprawled out on the kitchen table. He honestly couldn’t make any sense out of it, and that suddenly bothered him. Louis shrugged and grumbled a bit, waving it off, and that irritated Liam a bit more.   
“No, come on Lou. I live here too, it’s my responsibility just as much as it is yours. I have a right to know how we’re doing.” Louis looked a bit flabbergasted at Liam’s sudden outburst, but he relented quickly.   
“Well, currently, everything that comes in, goes out. With all the insurances and the rent, and now that Harry eats here too and stuff, it’s a bit more than usual.” He explained a bit hesitant.

Liam nodded with a stern frown settled on his face as he dug in a bit more, examining some of the seemingly meaningless printed words. “...Okay,” He murmured, looking up at Louis who was looking back at him a bit confused. “so what do we do about that?” It took a while before Louis snapped out of his daze, but it was a bit startling for him that Liam was so fiercely involved all of a sudden. He’d never showed any knowledge or interest in money-business.   
“Well, I was just going to look into everything we spend, figuring where we need to cut back a bit.” He spoke, blinking at Liam who sighed frustratedly. “And were you planning on telling me and Zayn where to spend less on?” Louis frowned back at Liam.

“Sure, I-”  
“Lou.”   
“Maybe, why?”  
“God, Lou, you’ve got to tell us these things!” Liam groaned, falling back in his chair with a huff.   
“I don’t get where this is coming from, Li, why is this such a big deal?” Louis tried to sound disappointed or agitated, anything to cover up how fast his heart was pounding. This wasn’t going to be the big fight that ended them, was it?

“Lou, we _all_ live here. The _three of us_ live here. It’s not you taking care of us, it’s us taking care of ourselves. I don’t want you to stress about money on your own, playing superman and trying to support three and a half people on a part-time salary.” Liam started out fierce, but soon crumbled into melancholic and pleading. “I want to _help_ Louis, please let me.” Louis let out a shuddering breath and Liam finally caught on, hauling Louis into his lap and reassuring him of his love.

“Hey, what’s going on here?” Zayn asked, dropping his bag to the floor and wrapping his arms around the two boys on the kitchen chair. “I’m going to apply for a job.” Liam spoke decisively.   
Zayn gasped softly. “I want that too.” He breathed, sounding like he was begging his parents for permission. “But you guys know that it’s impo-” Louis started weakly, two pairs of eyes cutting him off. “We know we have disorders that make working somewhere difficult, but so do you, and look at you. And Harry, it’s not impossible, Lou.” Liam said, cradling his face in his hands.

“Okay.” Louis said meekly, slumping in Liam’s arms. “Why are you sad about this Lou?” Zayn questioned confusedly. Louis buried his head further in the crook of Liam’s neck, but the boys heard his words.   
“Because I want to take care of you.”

Zayn and Liam slunk further around him, stroking, petting, kissing him. “Oh baby, but you do.”


	20. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of smut here, aaand not too long before you will meet Niall!

Zayn and Liam soon found out it was indeed very hard to find jobs they could maintain, since they didn’t want to risk ever having an episode and hurting people in the process. Zayn couldn’t work with other people, his mood swings still too intense for laymen when he wasn’t on medication. He was excited enough to keep looking, though, encouraged by the thought of being able to pay for his own medication every month.

Liam didn’t want to work with other people either, scared of injuring them if he ever were to have an episode. He figured he could do assistance work, filing papers and neatly and systematically working out in chaotic situations as he was used to doing in the sometimes chaotic everyday life of the four of them. He started looking for jobs at nearby offices and applied to every single one he found. It didn’t help that he had no working experience at all, but he was fiercely set on getting a job and he didn’t care how long it would take him.

Someone recommended Zayn to apply for delivery guy, something easily combined with school and home, but Zayn’s borderline brought along loads of impulsiveness which made him unsuited for driving. Even the bike rides he took to school could be dangerous if he wasn’t on medication, let alone driving scooters or cars. So that wasn’t an option for him.

Louis had done loads of research on jobs for people with his boyfriends’ conditions, and what he found made him ache for them. People with Borderline often find it hard to maintain things in their lives, because their opinion about things change often. When he’d carefully brought that up to Zayn, the boy brushed it off, saying he’d never had problems with that in school, that it simply wasn’t one of his symptoms. He kept looking.

Louis had resigned to the fact that his boyfriends were getting jobs eventually. At the beginning he’d ignited a few arguments about it, begging them to stop the struggle and wanting to protect them from the mean people that would rudely reject or fire them and, most of all, wanting to be the only one to take care of them. But Liam and Zayn had succeeded to let Louis see he wasn’t inadequate, that they needed him very much and would still love him when they’d get a job.   
Harry had done his fair share in helping, making Louis see that him having a job wasn’t a problem either. That it was, in fact, how they met. He reminded him of the positives and often distracted Louis when Liam and Zayn were researching or sending out resumes.

That one time led them to a situation Harry’d never thought to find himself in.

 

It was late in the evening or early in the night and Harry and Louis were cuddling on their bed as another form of distraction. Louis was always worried when his boys spent time on finding jobs, not able to fight down the clench in his stomach when he thought of the possibility that his lovers would be rejected or mistreated. Harry had told Liam and Zayn he’d spent time with Louis in their room and that was their cue to pull out laptops and paperwork. They’d kissed him gratefully and reassured Louis again that they were fine and that they would be fine when they’d get a job and Louis had reluctantly followed Harry to their bed to watch a movie.

He sulked the entire time, dead weight in Harry’s arms as his mind raced to stupid places. He was infuriated with himself for making such a big deal out of it, but really, he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t stop himself from thinking his boys loved him less because they needed him less, even though he hated thinking that way.

He let out the umpteenth sigh and Harry’s arms clenched closer around him. “Lou, stop it. You know you’re being ridiculous. No one is blaming you for being ridiculous, but you’ve got to let yourself be distracted when I’m trying my hardest to do so. It’s the polite thing to do, Lou. ” He chided half-jokingly.

Louis mumbled an apology in his most miserable voice but tried to follow Harry’s advice. “But you’re not doing a very great job a distracting me, if I may be criticising.” He huffed, turning in Harry’s grip to face him.   
“I’m _not_?” Harry challenged, eyebrow raised and lazy smirk on his lips. Louis couldn’t help but smile.   
“No, you’re giving me all this time to overthink things.” He pouted childishly. Harry bopped his nose and grinned mischievously, something he’d learned from Louis himself.

“So you want me to keep you occupied for _hours_?” He asked incredulously. Louis nodded with big eyes, film long forgotten behind him. Before long, the two boys found themselves making out in their tight embrace – well, as far as making out went with Harry, since he still couldn’t handle kisses with tongue or lots of saliva. Their hands were roaming and lips were touching every bit of skin they could find and moans were swallowed by the other’s mouth and it was heavenly distracting for Louis. That is, until they heard a loud curse from the living room.

Louis immediately sat up and bolted out of bed, ready to comfort whichever boy had been denied another job. Harry’s hand reached out to tug him back but he was too slow and Louis was already out of the door. He sprinted after him, a bit awkwardly because of the swelling in his pants, and got to Louis just before he could enter the living room. “Harryy..” Louis whined, elbowing him to make him let go. “I want to comfort him, don’t make me be a rubbish boyfriend.”   
Harry wrapped one of his legs around Louis as well to make sure to keep him still as he explained his intentions. “You can, but be casual, okay? No preaching about jobs, no depressing words, just a hug and reassurance, yeah?”

Louis huffed indignantly. “Of course, geez Haz I know how to function like a normal human being.” Harry looked at him piercingly and Louis resolved to a sigh. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll be fucking casual..” Harry smiled and pecked his cheek before letting Louis go and following him to Zayn and Liam, who looked like nothing had happened.

“Everything okay here?” Louis asked, and Harry almost barked out a laugh at how he failed to act like he was anything near casual. Louis scoffed at him before focusing on Zayn and Liam again, who both nodded and smiled. “Yeah, just didn’t got that job at the bank, but ‘s not the end of the world.” Zayn shrugged. Everybody sent meaningful glances to Louis, who closed his eyes in frustration for a moment.   
“See, your baby is handling rejection perfectly fine, come back to bed with me Lou.” Harry murmured, hugging Louis from behind.

“Can’t this just be over for tonight? Can we like, watch a movie or something?” Louis proposed desperately, eyes scanning Zayn for any sign that showed he was in fact hurt by the rejection. He couldn’t find any, but couldn’t let it go either.   
“No, that’s unfair of you Lou, you can’t just leave me now.” Harry reprimanded.   
“Haz..” Louis muttered, unaware of Harry’s eyebrows rising in indignation.

“Are you denying me sex because of your Super Hero-complex?” Liam and Zayn swallowed their chuckles and looked at Louis expectantly. He slumped back into Harry’s grip and sighed. “I’m sorry Haz, I really didn’t mean it like that..” Harry smacked a loud kiss on his cheek before winking at his other two boyfriends.   
“Good boy. Now, I’m kidnapping Lou here, will you come cuddle with us when you’re off to bed?” He suggested, dragging Louis away who luckily had found back his humour and pretended to struggle in his grip. “If you hear alarming noises, come and save me!” He yelled dramatically. Liam snorted. “Have fun.” He winked, blowing a kiss in their direction.

 

Neither one of the boys knew how they had gotten there, one second they were making out just like they’d done before, the next they were taking off clothes and another they were talking about sex as if they were about to do it. Maybe because they were.

“Are you sure?”  
“Yes Lou.”  
“No, but are you sure you’re sure?”  
“ _Yes_ Lou.”  
“But Haz I-”  
“Lou, _please_. I love you, I want this, I love you.”

Of course it didn’t go smoothly, because Harry wasn’t magically cured from his OCD and having anything inside him there was terrifying. After they tried to approach it in many different ways, they took a small break, naked bodies cuddled up as they let the pent up emotions leave their system. Harry was feeling ridiculous and anxious while Louis was wrecking his brain for a solution.

Suddenly, he perked up and smiled brilliantly as Harry. He went over to straddle him, laying him down again and bracing over him with a sense of protection. He took a breath and smiled reassuringly at Harry, as he trailed his hand to his own hole and probed it.   
With a bit of lube, spurred on by Harry’s wide eyes and small gasps, Louis worked himself open fluently. Harry watched in wonder as Louis sunk down on his own fingers, never having seen something so beautiful.

A few more moments before Louis stopped and wiped his fingers on one of the cloths they had laid by the bed. He came back with a condom in his hands and looked down at Harry in question. Harry stared back at him, ready to answer the anticipated question by ‘Yes, Lou, I want this.’, but Louis asked something else. “Do you want me to put it on or do you want to do it yourself?” Harry was a bit overwhelmed but managed a small ‘you’ before he fell apart in little gasps again because Louis was touching his raging hard erection and rolling the condom on with gentle whispers and murmurs, lathering on some lube before hovering over Harry again.

Another moment of eye contact before Louis guided Harry’s cock to his body and lowered himself on it. They both hissed and moaned at the sensation and Harry felt like someone switched up the intensity button on all his senses. Louis stilled when he was sitting on Harry’s hips, both of the boys catching their breaths. Louis watched Harry closely, waiting for the green light, while Harry’s mind was slowly filling with all kinds of thoughts he didn’t want to have at that moment.   
“Lou, please do something.” He begged, hands clinging onto his sides.

And just before he started realising where his dick was precisely, Louis rolled his hips and Harry let out a sound he didn’t think qualified as human. Then it was Louis’ turn to watch Harry in wonder, as he rolled his hips and drunk in the sight of Harry and the sound of his moans and grunts.   
He heard the soft squeak of the door but didn’t turn around to look at Liam and Zayn, hearing their gasps and soft whispers.

The two boys softly shuffled towards the bed, unsure if Harry was okay with having them there as well, but drawn to the two boys with something like a primitive instinct. Harry’s eyes snapped open when their hands and lips started touching him, but he relaxed when he saw the boys, moans becoming more intense.   
“We heard strange noises,” Liam uttered between kisses. “so we came to rescue Lou.”   
Louis couldn’t help but grin at that, wiping it from his own face when he dragged his hips up a bit and then down again.

The noise Harry made was so beautiful, Louis wanted to hear it again. So he repeated his action, not expecting Harry to lose it already, but focusing on the sensation as it happened. They both took a moment to breath before trying to figure out what to do next.   
And then Louis was reminded how amazing it was to have three boyfriends, because Zayn eased Louis off of Harry and laid him down beside him. He ducked down between his thighs and blew him swiftly to help him to and over the edge as well, as Liam was gently cleaning Harry and chucking away the used condom, praising enough to effectively take away Harry’s shame about coming so early.

Louis came when Zayn’s dark eyes pierced up at him, laughing weakly when Zayn tried to swallow and scrunched his face up in disgust. He and Liam both shared a lopsided smile when they spotted the damp spots in their boxers, snorting at each other before settling down with Harry and Louis and wrapping them up in the blankets.

 

Harry didn’t use that technique every time Liam and Zayn were job hunting, also because Louis didn’t always need distraction after a while, but it did help when Louis had a bad day and worried too much.   
Of course they didn’t only use sex as a form of distraction, but Harry was glad that he had found a way to keep Louis from overthinking things, proud that he had found that out on his own, that Liam and Zayn didn’t know that yet. It made him feel like he actually added to the relationship.

And then Liam found a job and a month later Zayn did and they were so excited that Louis didn’t dare to voice his worries. And after two months of working there without problems, Louis’ worries faded and he only ever felt proud of them.

That’s how he felt when he introduced Harry to his family, incredibly, inexplicably _proud_. His family had known about Harry, but it was the first time they had time to drive there and introduce him properly. And Harry had been shaking like a leaf, so nervous and anxious, but he had survived and everybody loved him and Louis was so proud.

They’d already done the whole introduction thing with Harry’s and Zayn's family, where the other three boys had nervously sat on the couch and waited for a verdict, and after the visit to Louis’ home it all felt settled and homely.

And they didn’t really do steps or levels or bases, because everybody was connected with each other on a different level- Liam and Louis were close in a different way when it was the two of them than when it was the four of them, and Zayn had a different bond with Harry and with Liam- but they all felt like they had taken a step together, had grown closer together. They loved each other so unconditionally that they felt at peace with it, it felt like _home_.


	21. Chapter 20

Everything continued quite domestically for a while, with everybody working and Zayn and Liam still following a couple of classes, with Harry basically living with them in the apartment. They had routines and their schedules fitted together perfectly.

When Louis’ done with working, he’d join Harry and help him out until his workday was officially over, then they would either say goodbye or drive to the apartment together, where Liam would be unpacking groceries and Zayn dressing for work.   
Then Louis would cook for them and Liam and Zayn would head off to work, Louis would do some grading or finances or other important stuff and most days Harry would spent that time doing his exercises, assigned by his psychologist. Then they would watch a bit of television, cuddling, kissing, and Harry would go and shower.   
Somewhere around that time Liam would return and right before Harry would come out, Zayn would be home as well. A bit damp, but very clean Harry would join them on the couch and all of them would talk each other through their days until they headed off to bed, mixing partners every night. It was the same almost every day and that was good for all of them.

It was a delightful routine that bothered none of them, was even beneficial. The settled feeling that would wash over Harry when he’d exit the bathroom and see all his boys on the couch was enough reassurance for him, swallowing any worries or doubt he’d might have. It was the same feeling he’d have after a panic attack had successfully been ended, knowing the people he cared for were okay and with him. Like a shepherd trying to keep his flock together.

Louis was still having trouble missing Liam and Zayn the entire evening, busying himself with tasks so he could just pretend the boys were in the living room. He didn’t like the idea of his boys having to deal with people that wouldn’t be patient with them, wouldn’t understand them. He was scared that if these experiences wouldn’t go well, they would become as afraid of people as Louis had pictured them to be in the first place. The two had successfully taught him that they weren’t scared of humanity, but Louis couldn’t stop his head from making up all these what-if’s.

He’d become almost annoyingly strict about the boys taking their medication, especially ever since they had gotten their first pay-check and they were both able to buy them for themselves. Louis’ number one fear was that either one of them would have an episode at work, not only because they’d be fired, but because of the damage they could do to themselves and their environment. Louis just wanted to wrap them up in bubble wrap and keep them inside the apartment forever, but he knew very well Liam and Zayn would never let him. He also sort of understood it wouldn’t be good for them to be locked up like that, but he advocated for his arguments stubbornly when they ever spoke about it.

Because Zayn and Liam knew it wasn’t completely Louis’ fault he was so scared of the new situation, and because somewhere it was nice to know he wanted to protect them, and because they also knew Harry was nervous about them being away from time to time, they compromised.   
The two boys promised to write down exactly when they had to work, and after one week, they had calculated how long they were travelling, so Louis and Harry knew exactly when to expect them back. They vowed to never be home later than that, as long at the travelling time had ten minutes of grey area for traffic and such.

To others it would sound wrong and compulsive, they would advice Liam and Zayn to run from the other two while they could. But for them, it worked. Simply, all they ever wanted to do was make each other happy, and if that was by coming home at a discussed time, they did it with love.

\--

That day was as normal as it could’ve been, Louis taught some classes, drove home with Harry, cooked dinner and settled on the couch. Harry smiled bashfully as he pecked one last kiss to Louis’ lips before scurrying off to the bathroom. Louis grinned after him and settled back comfortably against the cushions as he mindlessly watched some kind of cooking show.

Just as he glanced up to check the time, Liam strolled in and swooped down for a kiss. He pried his shoes off and cuddled up to his older lover and the two boys silently kept on watching, even though they couldn’t really be bothered with the programme. They cherished the twenty, thirty minutes of _LiamLouis time_ they got each day. There hadn’t really been time for that before, and they sort of reconnected at those moments, the well known familiarity dawning upon them.   
It felt nice, easy and relaxed, because they knew each other so thoroughly it didn’t take a second thought or a careful gesture or awkward giggle to interact with each other, they could just lie there together and do nothing and it still felt like quality-time.   
It was so nice, Louis didn’t even take a glance at the clock, they didn’t realise that night was a strange one until much later.

As the end credits to the show rolled, Liam’s stomach suddenly swooped down in anxiety. He sat up and tried to comprehend what time it was, setting off Louis to do the same. They shared one glance before they sunk in their characteristics. Louis panicked, Liam stayed calm.

“Liam, Zayn’s not home yet. He’s supposed to be home right now, it’s ten past. That’s the end time, Li, we had a deal. Not later than ten past. It’s probably already eleven past, he’s late. He’s too late, Li. Do you think he left me? Do you think he doesn’t want to come back? God, I should’ve given him a bigger piece of that leftover soufflé.” Louis’ rambling was cut short by Liam’s firm hands that cupped his jaw and closed it for him.

“Louis, Zayn will be fine, okay? No don’t talk, Zayn is okay.” He left no room to argue, grip strong enough to keep Louis still. “Now you go and see what’s taking Harry so long, okay? He should’ve been out of the shower by now. He’s been in there for ages.” And there Louis’ stomach went again, down and then racing up to his throat, eyes bulging out of their sockets in fright as he shot up from the couch. “Oh my _God_.”

Liam tightened his grip, keeping a stern but calm look on his boyfriend. “No panicking, love, just do what you do best, yeah? He probably just messed up his routine or something.” Louis’ chest relaxed a little bit, and it was all Liam could hope for, so he let go and let Louis race towards the bathroom door.

Louis hurriedly brought his fist up, but slowed himself before he knocked on the door. “Haz? Sweetie? You still in there?” Ear pressed close to the wooden door, he waited for an answer. Nothing came. No second guesses, Louis spoke up again. “Okay, I’m coming in now love.” And he immediately did so, opening the door and blinking through the thick steamy fog.

The bathroom was humid like a tropical forest in monsoon time and Louis struggled a bit with his breaths, eyes slowly recognizing the shapes in the room. The sink, the cupboard and the shower, which was running mercilessly like a waterfall. And then Louis saw Harry there. The boy was standing there, looking impossibly small as the water hit his back over and over again. Louis took a few steps closer, seeing his boyfriend was trembling all over.

Louis’ head cleared up and he moved surely, stepping in the shower and turning off the water. He didn’t even notice his shirt soaking through, he just carefully reached around Harry to turn the scolding hot knob. With the water gone, the bathroom fell silent, and only then did Louis notice Harry was crying. He immediately reached out, no matter how wet Harry was, but then he saw all the wounds that littered his body. Louis’ heart clenched painfully, but he ignored it and tried to wind his arms around Harry again, that time watching where he touched his skin.

With a gentle tug, Harry fell into Louis’ chest, as if he was the small one and Louis was the one with the broad chest. The counterpart of Harry’s whimpers, sniffles and hoarse broken off words, were Louis’ coos, reassurances and soft kisses. They stood like that until Louis felt Harry’s body go cold, and he let go of him to wrap him up in a fluffy bathrobe instead. Harry stood in the middle of the room forlornly as Louis grabbed his ointment from the cupboard. He moved to crouch down in front of Harry and patiently set to examine Harry’s entire body, murmuring soft apologies whenever Harry’d wince.

“What happened, love?” He asked softly, as his hands roamed Harry’s hips that had been aggressively scrubbed. The skin was an angry shade of red, and in some places it had broken. Harry only sniffled, didn’t answer, so Louis waited patiently until he’d speak up on his own accord. When Louis was screwing back the lid of the tube and Harry still hadn’t spoken, they looked at each other. Harry’s eyes were begging to drop it, while Louis’ eyes were a bit sterner. Eventually, he sighed and hauled Harry in for a good, albeit careful, hug. “’M not dropping it, though, Haz. We’re gonna talk about it eventually, kay?” Harry slunk into Louis’ embrace a bit deeper as he murmured. “Okay.”

Louis caught Harry’s eyes again and smiled at him softly. “Can we go to the others?” Harry asked sheepishly, a tiny bit of him still feeling unsettled. Louis tensed up and bit his lip as he walked out to the living room with Harry. Zayn still wasn’t there. As Harry sunk in an embrace with Liam, Louis sent him desperate looks over his shoulder.   
“Where’s Zee?” A short silence fell, which immediately alarmed Harry. “He’s not home yet.” Liam answered truthfully. Harry stiffened and looked at Louis for confirmation, but Louis was equally tense.

“Okay, boys, here’s what we’ll do.” Liam spoke up, successfully catching both of the lads’ attention. With a few orders, Liam had directed them onto the couch, Harry placing Louis’ hands were they wouldn’t hurt him and Liam on the other end with his phone. He’d put it on speaker but told the boys to let him talk, silencing him with a finger to his lip. It rung loudly in the quiet room. After a few rings there was some stumbling, before Zayn’s voice sounded, a mere hushed whisper. “Hello?”

Liam frowned a bit, but remained calm for the panicky boys on the other end of the couch. “Zayn? Where are you?” _Are you okay? Why aren’t you home yet? Are you hurt?_ Liam swallowed all those questions and waited for an answer.   
“I can’t talk right now.” Came Zayn’s soft reply.   
“Are you okay?” Liam asked concernedly, a small whimper leaving Louis’ lips.   
“Wha? Yes, yeah I’m fine.”   
“Are you coming home?” Liam’s hand squeezed Louis’ ankle and it successfully reminded him not to squeeze Harry, who was biting back winces.   
“Yea, uh...I’m at the house, Haz knows what I mean...Gimmie a bit longer.” The two boys glanced at Harry who was frowning at the phone deeply.   
“Ten minutes?” Liam suggested, petting Louis’ ankle to stifle his protests.   
“Yea, sure, call me then.” And then he hung up.

Louis let out a shuddering breath and Harry could feel his heart rabbitting against his back.   
“What house was he talking about?” Liam questioned, sliding closer to the other two boys. “I’m not sure, but there’s this house in town that looks like it’s cut right out of o proper horror movie. Kids were always warned not to come closer to that house, but no one really knows if anyone lives there. Don’t know if he meant that house, though...” Harry trailed off, letting Louis’ nimble fingers entangle with his.

“Oh God...” Louis murmured, pressing his face into Harry’s neck. “Lou, baby, calm down. He’s okay, yeah? We just talked to him. And we will again in seven minutes.” Liam leaned in to press a kiss to both of the distressed boys. “Are you feeling alright, Haz?” Harry shot him a tight smile and shrugged. “I’m okay. I’m used to it.” Liam gave him the same kind of smile, pressing another kiss to his lips.

Liam did anything he could to take the stress off of those ten minutes, and eventually ordered the two boys to make some tea. When they came back he dialled the same number again, and Zayn told them he was on his way. Five minutes waiting and the door opened, Louis shooting off the couch and into Zayn’s arms. “I was so worried about you. Please don’t ever do that again.” Liam and Harry shuffled to them and joined in on the hug, kissing Zayn and inspecting him on any signs of trauma.

“I’m sorry,” He murmured. “I should’ve called.”   
“Yeah, you should’ve.” Liam agreed, nudging Louis away so they could settle on the couch together.

“We’re you really at the horror-house?” Harry asked, gasping softly when Zayn nodded.   
“And?” Liam pressed.   
“Something’s definitely not okay there.”


	22. Chapter 21

“What did you see over there?” Harry asked, feelings of awe towards Zayn as if they’re little kids again. You used to be a superhero on the playgrounds if you went closer to that house than others dared to. The myths varied from it being haunted to it being in use by a cult, Harry once even picked one up about a cannibal living there. It gave him the creeps.

Zayn took a sip of his tea as he rearranged his thoughts. Louis was clinging onto him almost painfully, while Harry and Liam were just crowded close, waiting for him to speak up. Zayn absentmindedly ran his hand through Louis’ hair, feeling guilty for not calling and freaking them out, but even more confused and curious by what he had seen.   
“Well, I was walking home when I saw someone near that house. I was curious so I took cover and watched.” Liam’s hands were massaging Louis’ so they’d loosen their grip on Zayn’s shirt, the two boys exchanging a glance above his head.

“It was this buff kind of guy, around thirty or something. He walked up the steps and he rang the doorbell, waited a bit and it opened.” Harry’s eyebrows shot up. “So someone really lives there?” Zayn pursed his lips. “Yea, I think so. When he got in I crept a bit closer, hiding behind a parked car.” He continued, feeling a bit as if he was telling a made-up story instead of what happened to himself just an hour ago. “Sounds like proper James Bond.” Liam chuckled quietly. Zayn kissed him, grateful for him lifting the spirit a bit, as it started to feel like a horror story.

“I waited a bit and after about fifteen, twenty minutes he came back out again.” Zayn took another pause to formulate his words.   
“For God’s sake, Zayn, get on with it. You’re worrying the hell out of me, it’s not funny.” Louis protested, burying deeper into his chest as Zayn apologised quickly. “Sorry love, it’s not that scary or anything, I promise. It’s just that I scanned the building a bit as the man left, and I saw a bit of light coming from one of the rooms.” Harry was listening intently, staring the words out of Zayn’s lips with held breath.

“It was a child, couldn’t see if it was a boy or a girl but they looked about thirteen or something. I just... I know it might be irrational to think they have a shit life because of the house, but it just doesn’t feel right. Like, if I just let this go that kid might get hurt or something. I just can’t let it go.” Harry exhaled, slumping against Liam’s chest, ignoring the small bursts of pain as he moved. “ _Jesus_ , no, we can’t just ignore this.” He spluttered, looking at Liam for confirmation.

He looked back with a shrug and a tug of the lips. “I didn’t grow up here, I don’t even know where that house is, so I have no idea if it’s rational.” He reasoned. “I believe you if you say it is, though.” Louis nodded too. Zayn nodded contemplatively.

“So, what’s the plan, then?”

  
The plan was going back there again, ring the doorbell and see what would happen. So a few days later, they did. The other boys were waiting in the car around the corner and Zayn had them on speed dial. He’d take in what he’d see and act upon instincts, something Louis wasn’t settled with in the slightest, but reluctantly had agreed to when they realised there wasn’t really anything else to do. They couldn’t really make a plan because they had no idea what was going on there. That night was about changing that.

Zayn bolted up the stairs but waited in front of the door, rolling his weight around on his feet, from the heels to his toes and back again. He forced himself to stand still before he raised his hand and rang the doorbell, sucking in an anxious breath as he waited. If he would’ve thought about walking up to the front door of this house as a kid he would’ve pissed himself but here he was, hoping someone would open the door and settle his nerves, reassure him the house only looks scary but isn’t necessarily.

A few moments later the door opened slowly, only just a little bit. Zayn recognised the person as the one he’d seen in front of the window, well, he guessed-hoped- there weren’t a lot of other people in that house looking like that. In the glimpse that he could catch, he concluded he’d been wrong the last time. In front of him was a boy with long brown hair, and although he was very tiny, he must’ve been about sixteen or eighteen. “Hi, er, hello.” Zayn smiled kindly, only getting a small frown in return. The boy looked at him with these big blue eyes, not quite making eye contact. He didn’t say anything, didn’t move, his chest only heaving with tiny breaths.

“I uh... this may come out weird, but can I use your loo? I don’t live nearby and I saw the lights on so I thought I’d try...” Zayn lied smoothly, trying to emit an aura of comfort and gentleness. The boy seemed to tense up nonetheless, hands gripping the door tighter. “I’m Zayn, by the way, what’s your name?” The boy looked shell-shocked at that, stumbling backwards with his mouth open in a silent gasp. His head was shaking ever so slightly, as if scolding himself inwardly, and Zayn quickly jumped in to soothe. “That’s okay, I was just- no never mind...uh, is your loo available?” He asked, hopping a bit on his feet to fit the part.

The boy looked surprised with himself as he nodded and opened the door a bit wider for Zayn. He smiled hugely at him, but the boy didn’t notice because his eyes were fixed to the floor.   
Now that he was in, Zayn heightened all his senses, trying to find things wrong. The boy didn’t exactly calm Zayn’s nerves, so Zayn tried to look around as much as he could without coming across as rude. The boy silently led the way to a toilet which Zayn made use of quickly.

“Thank you so much- uh, yeah, just thank you.” Zayn rolled his eyes at himself and nearly missed the other boy mumbling “Niall.”. Zayn smiled at the boy, who didn’t look back. “Niall? Yeah? That’s cool.” Niall’s eyes flitted up to Zayn’s face before he turned and walked back to the door. Zayn followed him closely as he searched for other alarming things. He had nothing to build on, the boy could just be very shy, he couldn’t accuse anyone of anything.

“You lived here for long?” He asked conversationally, frowning a bit as he looked at a wall. There was a framed piece of paper hanging there, like people would do with diplomas and such. But this one looked different. As Zayn subtly tried to read it, Niall opened the door carefully, hiding his body behind it. When Zayn looked at him, he just nodded and it took Zayn a while to remember the question he’d asked. He shot the boy another smile. “Like it?” He asked, stepping towards the door as he tried to memorise the lines he’d read. Niall tensed up and hid further behind the door, eyes shifting outside and back to Zayn. He took the hint, opting for yet another light smile towards the cowering boy. “Hey, thank you for letting me in. Might see you round sometime, yeah?” Zayn didn’t get an answer as he stepped outside, door closing behind him quickly.

 

  
It took Zayn about twenty minutes to give a description of Niall, elaborating everything to the boys’ questions. They were interviewing him on everything he’d seen or heard, together trying to form a picture about the mysterious house and its residents.   
“Guys, really I think I’ve said everything there is to say about him, okay? Can I move on to a vital piece of information?” The boys looked at him in exasperation, getting the same look in return to exchange their disbelief towards each other. “ _Vital information_ , you know that could be something to start with, you oaf.” Louis muttered, huffing as he settled back down on the couch. “Thank you Lou, love you too.” Zayn deadpanned, grinning as Louis cuddled up to him as a peace offer. “You think you’ve got something?” Liam asked, half hopeful, half reluctant of what they could have dragged themselves into.

Zayn mirrored that reluctance. “I know we shouldn’t jump to any conclusions, but I saw this list up on the wall with what looked like house rules. But instead of it being ‘no yelling and cursing’ it were things like ‘no name’ ‘no bruises or other damage’-”   
“It could be a sick way of formulating it?” Harry offered. Zayn sighed and shook his head. “Do you know and excuse for ‘no barebacking’?”

A tensed silence fell, four faces scrunched up in disdain. “There was also ‘no subspace’ and the last one was ‘enjoy’ or something sick like that.” Zayn muttered quietly. “Oh...” Liam gasped softly. “Fuck.” Louis breathed into Zayn’s shirt. “Shit, what do we do now?” Harry frowned, trying his hardest to not form a mental picture about Niall’s supposed life. “Fuck if I know.” Zayn muttered. The boys fell silent, turned to inward debates. Louis, Liam and Harry were mostly trying to think of a way to get him out, but Zayn was working himself into a bigger and bigger frenzy.

Eventually Louis felt him fidget on the couch and took in the sight of the distressed boy. “Hey, Z, we’ll find a solution okay? Don’t worr-”   
“ _Don’t worry_ , Lou? Really? For all we know some disgusting excuse for a man is hurting that innocent boy at this very moment and we shouldn’t worry? _Really,_ Lou do you even have a heart?” Zayn snapped, shrugging the boys off and storming out of the room.

A bit flabbergasted, Harry and Liam cradled a wounded Louis close. “I didn’t mean it,” He sniffed, “I just wanted him to feel better. I do have a heart. Shit, he’s packing his bag now, isn’t he?” Liam heaved a deep sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. “No he isn’t Lou, he didn’t mean what he said either. Everybody’s just on edge because of the shit we’ve gotten ourselves into.”   
Harry patted Louis on the back softly. “Come on, let’s settle this already. This isn’t helping at all.” So the three boys went to find Zayn in one of the rooms, cracking the door open that he’d slammed close just a few moments earlier.

Zayn was huddled at the top of the bed, hands in his hair and rocking back and forth. It only took one look for both Louis and him to crumble and apologise, cuddling up to each other needily. Harry and Liam settled down on the bed as well.   
“Boys, _come on_. This is _not_  going to get between us, okay? We’re so much stronger than that. If we want to help Niall at all we need to make a plan together, and I think that today was too overwhelming to think clear, so I think we should just go to bed and do this tomorrow.” Liam spoke decidedly. Harry immediately agreed and Louis meekly obeyed as well, but Zayn looked at him as if he was talking Chinese. “ _Seriously_ _?_  Sleep on it? How _could_ you? Aren’t you stressed out? I’m freaking out about this, we need to help him!” He babbled on and on, looking at his boyfriends and trying his hardest to get his point across.

Harry reached to cradle him, only reaching his ankles from where he was sat. “Z, you really need to relax. Sleeping doesn’t mean you don’t care.” Zayn stared at him incredulously. “I don’t think I can. You’re free to, but I just can’t. I-”   
“Zayn, baby, shut up please.” Louis said gently. “You need to, okay? Do you think you can manage that? Do you think you can try?” Zayn shook his head, eyes shifting. His boyfriends could see his head working in overdrive. _What if he’s hurt right now? How can we save him? Will it be too late? Will he be okay?_

He didn’t catch what Liam said to him, but his tone sounded soothing. It didn’t make it over the screams of worry in his head. He tried to focus on them, frowned a bit when he saw Harry move towards him, tensed when they moved him. “Shhh, Zayn, love, cooperate please. We’re gonna make you relax darling, get you to sleep.” Zayn tried to protest, but Liam managed to get him flat on the bed on his stomach before Zayn could comprehend what he was doing. Harry was sitting at his head, a pillow in his lap onto which he guided Zayn’s head. Zayn frowned, wanting to twist to see what they were going to do, but then Harry’s hands started to play with his hair and it made his muscles weak and uncooperative. His large hands were massaging his scalp, treading through his hair, sometimes descending to his neck.

A moment later he felt hands on his back and after they’d worked his shirt off, he recognised them as Liam’s calloused ones. Another moment later his pants were off and Louis’ nimble fingers were digging into his calves in a delicious way and Zayn almost forgot what he’d been thinking about. The three went on for what felt like eternities, hands running all over Zayn’s body and kneading out all the cropped up tension and stress. Sometimes they would press soft kisses to his skin or tickle him a bit and quickly, Zayn was sent off to pure bliss.

He only realised he’d been enjoying it all a bit too much when they wanted to turn him over. He tensed up and tried to roll back again, but they had already seen it. “ _Beautiful Zayn_ ,” Louis purred softly. “We’re gonna make you relax.” Harry slipped out from underneath Zayn’s head, propping it up on several pillows and continuing the massage on his arms.   
He was working nicely, set on relaxing Zayn, so he was a bit confused when Liam tugged on his shirt. He looked up to see everybody in their pants but him, the pants tight and straining and he was a bit overwhelmed. “Oh,” He muttered sheepishly, dumbly looking down at his crotch where there was nothing to see.

“Okay, Haz?” Lou asked, hands now roaming more teasingly across Zayn’s body. “I-uh, yeah...just-uh...yeah, I’ll get there.” He murmured, shedding his shirt and hastily trying to get hard. He looked at his boyfriends and watched them touch each other sensually, hand reaching out to rub, hesitating, but then delving down there nonetheless, moving in a bit of a frenzy.   
“ _Hey_ ,” Louis suddenly whispered in his ear, making him gasp. _How had he gotten there?_   He pulled his off the bed and turned him to face him. “You really okay?” He asked. Harry swallowed and nodded. “It’s the OCD thing...low sex drive and all...” He muttered softly, blush creeping up to his cheeks.

Louis’ arms wound tighter around him, chastely kissing his cheek. “Do you want to? Because I’ll help you out if you want.” He whispered, nosing his cheek in the way that made Harry melt. He heard the soft gasps coming from the two other boys and nodded quickly, _definitely want to be in for this one_. Louis’ hands trailed down and smoothly worked him out of his jeans, leaving him in his pants like the others. He placed his hands on Harry’s bum then, and wasted no time to start grinding against him, lips trailing kisses along his neck. It didn’t take Harry as long as he’d expected, and soon he had to beg Louis to stop, because he wanted to enjoy it a bit longer.

Louis just smiled at him before they both joined Zayn and Liam on the bed. It was all a bit of a blur after that, no one knew whose hands were on who, it was so much more than they’d experienced before, because this was the first time there were four sets of hands and four mouths involved. Within what could’ve been ten, fifteen or even forty minutes they had all come undone and were piled on the bed together, giggling and trying to fit together comfortably.

Harry reached out to smooth the frown that suddenly had found his way back onto Zayn’s forehead and the boy looked up apologetically. “It’ll be okay, Z.” Liam murmured, the rumble of his chest soothing Zayn again. The boys kept muttering and whispering to each other until they had all drifted off to sleep, clung to each other as if they were one.

 

With a gasp, Louis woke up in the middle of the night. How, he didn’t know, but he had been struck with a solution in his sleep. He fumbled to reach for the nightstand, careful not to jostle any of the others who were breathing peacefully. He fondly listened to someone’s soft snores as he typed out a message.

To Stan:  
I know this shouldn’t be the reason we get a chance to catch up again, but I really need your help.


	23. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to put a Disclaimer on this chapter: I don't have any knowledge about how the police tackle cases and such. Keep in mind that this is a work of fiction and that I do not claim this is reality. 
> 
> Wow that sounded proper, didn't it? Try to read it to yourself in a really cool voice :)
> 
> Also, I tried a new way of formatting or whatever the hell you want to call it because CheekyBrunette said it reads easier/better/prettier etc. Tell me if I succeeded (I'm still struggling with it a bit) and if it really did read more pleasantly!

When he woke up, Liam felt a bit disorientated, taking a while to figure out how he was tangled and with whom. Once he had an idea about where his limbs were, he noticed Louis’ absence. Liam frowned to himself, trying to work himself up onto his elbows to look around the room. He didn’t spot Louis there, but couldn’t investigate any further without jostling Harry or Zayn, and they looked too peaceful for that. Liam knew Louis would never run off without telling, so he was sure he would come back into the room in a little while.

He was proven right, a few minutes later the door creaked open and Louis tiptoed back to the bed, clutching his cell phone tightly. Liam smiled up for him and pursed his lips for a kiss, receiving one after Louis had settled back next to him.   
“Morning.” He mumbled quietly, a soft rumble in his chest. Liam just hummed contently, one hand tracing patterns on Louis’ chest, the other pushing Harry’s hair from his face. The boy was passed out half on top of him, soft snores coming from him as his chest heaved. Zayn was somewhere at the other side of him, barely recognizable in a tangle of sheets and pillows that somehow all ended up with him. When Liam looked back he saw Louis’ eyes rake over the pretty picture in front of them as well, and they shared a fond smile.

“Why were you up so early?” Liam asked, eyes trailing to the phone that was still tightly embraced by Louis’ hand. Just as Louis opened his mouth to answer, the screen lit up and his attention was immediately focused on it. He read the received message and grinned wickedly, eyes looking back at Liam with a glint.

“I think I’ve found a solution.”

 

He didn’t tell Liam, even though the boy was as curious as was to be expected, said he wanted to wait for the others to be awake. Zayn emerged from the pile of pillows not too long after that, groggy and sore because Harry had been lying on his arms the entire night. When they tried to manoeuvre it from underneath the dead weight that was their boyfriend, he woke up and quickly clambered off of them. Liam reached out to tug him into his chest again, but Harry shuffled to put on some random clothes first, scrambling to dress quickly.

The three others waited patiently, knowing Harry was so to speak weakened when he just woke and unable to take control over his mind yet. It took a while for him to start and put his thoughts to the back of his mind, so they gave him time. Harry also looked really endearing in Liam’s too big jumper and Louis’ too short joggers with mismatched socks and a sheepish blush, so the boys really had no problem with it at all. Once he had clothes on, Harry was very cuddly in the morning, so he quickly squeezed himself between Liam and Louis to be coddled and cooed at until he was fully awake.

“Zee, babes, come a bit closer, love.” Louis beckoned, smiling as Zayn crawled over the bed obediently. Liam inched closer too, curious as to what Louis’ solution would be. Louis had received another text message not too long ago and he had grinned brightly at the words on his screen. It was the go-sign for Louis, the confirmation he needed, so now he could confide his lovers the plan. Harry and Zayn had caught on to the apparent serious mood in the room and had fallen quiet, waiting for Louis to start talking.

“Okay, so when I was younger I had a best friend named Stan. We lost the close contact we used to have when we headed off to college but still update each other every now and then. Last night I suddenly thought of him, because he’s a policeman, you see.” That perked the boys’ interest. Stan’s name had fallen here and there, mostly because he was involved in all Louis’ early childhood stories. The two of them had been something close to brothers before they lost contact.

“A policeman? So he can help us?” Harry asked, glancing at Zayn, whose face was practically glowing with hope.

“Yes, I texted him last night and we called this morning, he wants to help.” Louis confirmed.

“Really? Thank God, seriously Lou, I love you.” Zayn launched himself into the open arms of Louis, who was smiling largely, feeling pleasantly warm and tingly. He was taking care of his boys again, helping them and someone else, he had almost forgotten how good that feels.

“What’s the plan?” Liam piped up, smiling knowingly at Louis. He recognised that smile, it reminded him of years ago, strolling through town with him every afternoon, the post-it notes and confused townspeople. Louis smiled back at him, the moments exchanged through their eye contact.

“Tonight, we’re going to save Niall.”

 

  
Zayn was shaking, hands twitching around the hem of his shirt. As he held his finger on the doorbell, his boyfriends’ words repeated in his head. Pretend you know what you’re doing, stay calm and nonchalant, bluff your way through it. He took a deep breath, loosened his shoulders and stepped back a little, morphing his face to a look of disinterest. It took a while of rustling behind the door before it opened, revealing a middle-aged man looking at him with a matching look of lethargy. The man didn’t say anything, just raised an eyebrow lazily. Zayn swallowed, he hoped it went unnoticed, and tried to stay casual as he spoke.

“How much?”   
He prayed it was a normal question, that he didn’t scream _I’m scared and I don’t know what I’m doing_.

The man eyed him up, then shrugged. “Fifty for ten minutes.”

Zayn refrained his hands from trailing up to the hem of his shirt again, scared to reveal the wire there. There was a little bug in his ear through which he could hear Stan and the boys, and there was a little mic taped to his skin, proper action movie way. It probably wasn’t the correct way to go about cases like this, but Stan said everything was alright and that they could count on back up when needed, and Zayn couldn’t do much more than trust Stan on that.

Zayn nodded curtly, keeping eye contact with the man.

“You think you need more than that?” The man asked, a hint of mockery in his voice. Zayn didn’t react to the derogatory comment, taking a small step forward and keeping his face as straight as he could.

“I’d like twenty.” He internally winced, _I’d like twenty?_   He sounded like a proper schoolboy. Either way the man didn’t notice or he didn’t care, he stepped aside and let Zayn in, the slam of the door resonating through the room. Stan and the boys were in a car, parked at the opposite side of the street, and they couldn’t see him anymore, having to rely on the sounds the microphone picked up.

Zayn followed the man, watched as he sat down behind a small desk, the list of rules at the wall behind him. A woman walked in, taking in the scene before scurrying off again.

“She will prepare him, takes about five minutes.” The man murmured, handing Zayn a paper and pen. He scanned it, seeing it was a sort of contract about not breaking any of the rules and not speaking about this outside of the house. Zayn signed it and fished some pounds from his pocket, handing all of it to the man. Zayn eyes the pounds ruefully as they disappeared into the man’s desk, knowing they really couldn’t miss one hundred pounds. Louis had tried to act coolly about it when he handed him all the notes that morning, but Zayn knew he had been worrying about how to get through the week at that moment. They didn’t doubt doing this, they all agreed to save Niall from his home, but that didn’t make it any easier.

Zayn snapped out of his daze as the man handed him two condoms and he tried not to look too appalled by them.

“If you break a rule it’ll cost you another hundred, we check after the twenty minutes are up.” The man droned on, clearly stuck in the routine of it all. Zayn tried to not think too long about that.

The woman appeared again and signalled for Zayn to go up. “It’s the third door on the left.” Zayn nodded at her before walking up the creaky stairs, listening to the soft static that was rustling in his ear. He tried to focus on hearing something, ready to hold on to any reassurance his boys could give, be it in a breath or a squeak of leather on jeans as they shifted in the incognito car. He looked back once he’d made it to the top of the stairs, seeing the woman walk away, before picking up his pace.

“Okay, here I go..” He whispered, head bent down to talk into the microphone.

“We’ve got you, Z, it’ll be fine.” Louis murmured back, some agreeing noises from Harry and Liam joining in. Zayn took one deep breath before opening the door that supposedly hid Niall, slowly pushing it open and glancing inside. 

It was a decently sized room, not much in it apart from thick curtains, a large bed and a few lamps. There was a nightstand with three drawers and as Zayn closed the door and stepped further into the room, he could see they were labelled with all kinds of supplies, ranging from ‘lubrication’ to ‘blindfolds’ and ‘plugs’.

Niall was standing in the middle of the room, next to the bed. He had his hands clasped together behind his back, feet together and head down. His clothes were a bit too big and looked rather shabby, but Zayn guessed no one else really cared about that. Zayn cleared his throat softly, but Niall didn’t look up, didn’t even move.

“Hey,” He spoke, but that didn’t emit a response either.

“Niall?” The little boys’ head snapped up then, wide eyes shooting up before trailing down again the littlest bit. Zayn saw Niall’s posture sack, saw him shrink in on himself even more, and he wanted to reach out for him but knew it would be smarter to opt against.

“Niall, please don’t be scared, I’m not here to do what others did.” He spoke gently, eyes flitting around the room to look for any cameras or such.

“I’m going to sit down here, okay?” He asked as he moved to the floor, trying to look as harmless as possible. He could see it made Niall uncomfortable, so he told him he could sit down too, if he wanted to. He was slow in his movements, but lowered his body to the hardwood floor.

“Zayn,” Stan’s voice sounded in his ear. “tell him everything, be completely honest, okay? He needs to trust you, and fast, you’ve got eighteen minutes.” Zayn hummed softly to agree before turning his attention back to the small boy in front of him.

“Niall, I have something to tell you, and it probably will sound crazy, but I promise I’m completely honest, okay?” It clearly made Niall curious, eyes set on the floor in front of him perking up a bit.

“I...Me and my friends are a bit worried about you.” Zayn started. “We want to know if you like to be here, because otherwise we can get you out of here.” A deep frown etched onto Niall’s forehead, but he stayed unresponsive otherwise.

“Tell him about the mic and stuff.” Stan spoke curtly, clearly in business mode.

“Okay, see, Niall, my friends are in a car across from us and they can hear everything we say through this microphone,” He lifted his shirt to show the wire and the tape, and Niall’s eyes trailed along it, eyes clouded with uncertainty. “and I can hear them through this.” Zayn moved over to let Niall look at his ear. 

“If you don’t mind I’m going to ask you a couple of questions, all right?” Niall didn’t respond, but Zayn took it as a little victory that he didn’t seem uncomfortable with having Zayn so much closer to him.

“He needs to agree.” Stan urged on.

“Niall? May I ask you questions?” Niall looked tensed and pressured, eyes flitting around Zayn’s face. Zayn’s face was nothing but calm and gentle and it seemed to relax Niall enough to nod eventually.

“Can you say it, please?” Zayn asked softly, an encouraging smile on his lips. It looked as if it cost Niall a lot of physical effort, but he managed to utter a tiny ‘yes’.

“Okay, that’s the green light.” Stan assured.

“Thank you darling, that’s great. Now, have strangers ever hurt you?” Zayn futilely tried to catch eye contact, but Niall’s eyes were staring into his chest unwavering.

“N..no, it’s not called hurting..” He stuttered.

Zayn pursed his lips. “Have people done things to you that caused you to feel pain?” He rephrased, an approving hum in his ear. Niall frowned again, lips twitching and fingers fumbling. He shrugged a few times, in a struggle to force out an answer.

“Well- Yes..?” He glanced up shortly to seek some kind of approval, and he was met with a kind smile.

“Nine minutes, Zayn.”

“Niall, do you trust me?” His answer was a combination of a shrug and a nod while he chewed on his lips.

“Enough to rely on me for now?” A small nod.

“Tell me Niall, do you want me and my friends to save you? To get you away from here?”

“Yes,”

It was just a soft whisper, but it screamed desperation and hope. It tugged at Zayn’s heartstrings to see the small boy slink back, afraid of having said the wrong words.

“That’s it Zayn, we’re calling for back up. You do your part. Seven minutes.” 

“Seven minutes,” Zayn repeated to himself quietly. It caught Niall’s attention, head lifting to show a wobbling bottom lip.

“Niall, we’re going to be okay, yeah? My friends are going to save us. We just need to wait quietly for a little while, okay?” Niall didn’t answer, but Zayn caught him looking at his earpiece.

“Do you want to hear them?” Niall quickly averted his eyes, blush on his cheeks.

“It’s okay, sweetie,” Zayn smiled gently. “we’re just going to crawl under the bed and wait for them to come, yeah?”

Niall nodded obediently and the moved to crawl underneath the bed, Zayn arranging them so that he could watch the door and see Niall in front of him. The two boys were lying on their sides to face each other and Zayn took a moment for them to breathe before he reached and fumbled out the earpiece, offering it to Niall. Niall looked at it doubtfully, but didn’t recoil when Zayn put it in his ear.

“Boys? You hear me? Niall has the earpiece, say something to him.” Zayn spoke softly. He watched Niall as he listened to their voices, eyes ever so wide as they stared around him. His eyes stopped on Zayn for a moment, breath halting. Zayn frowned softly, trying to coax an explanation from him.

“C-Can you hold me?” 

It was such a fragile question coming from the boy and Zayn could see it cost him a lot of effort, as everything seemed to.

“Of course,” Zayn murmured softly manoeuvring his arms around Niall before pulling him into his chest, careful to not accidentally pull on the boy’s rather long hair. Niall was so small, completely enwrapped by Zayn’s body, Zayn nearly forgot the boy was much older than he thought.

“Niall?” The head moved, not looking up at him, but clearly paying attention.

”I...just wanted to let you know you can talk to me whenever you want, about whatever you want, okay?” He felt rather than heard a soft hum against his chest and tightened his arms around the boy as he pricked up his ears to hear some cars drive by, trying to figure out if they stopped, if it were police cars.

“Good,” He whispered, reminding himself to stay calm for Niall’s sake.

 

  
Niall whimpered loudly when they heard the loud bangs from downstairs, the door being forced open and the thumping feet bustling through the house, so Zayn instinctively clutched him together to his chest. Niall made effort to crawl even closer and Zayn made effort to soothe him the best he could.

“Sssh, it’s okay Niall. They’re saving us, yeah? You’ll be okay...you’ll be safe, no one will ever hurt you again.”

When the door to their room opened Niall went rigid, so petrified he didn’t so much as breathe. Zayn could see feet and he counted six of them, relief hopefully coursing through his body. He fully relaxed when he heard Louis’ voice.

“Zayn? You’re here right? The coast is clear, they’re out of the building.” Zayn softly squeezed Niall before he spoke, a kind of warning for his voice. 

“We’re here,” He spoke up, “we’ll come out when we’re ready.”

He heard his boyfriends’ collective sigh of relief before they shuffled back out of the room, announcing they’d wait at the other side of the door. As it closed, Zayn brought his focus back to the small boy huddled against his chest.

“You heard that, Ni? Everything is all right now, you’re safe now.” He wasn’t as unmoving as before, chest heaving and hands fidgeting. 

“No more?” Came his silent question.

“No more what, darling?” Zayn asked softly, letting his hand run along a strand of hair shallowly, trying to avoid getting tangled with all the knots there.

“...Men- They...I didn’t want, but they...touched me.” The words escaped Niall’s mouth with small hiccupping sobs.

Zayn buried his head in Niall’s hair to enwrap him better, even though it smelled as if he hadn’t showered for weeks- he probably hadn't, and softly rocked them back and forth a bit. 

“Niall, those men were bad, those touches were bad, okay? You had every right to dislike them.” Niall sniffled softly, but his breaths were coming out more even.

“No more bad touches, okay Ni?” Zayn felt his head move against his chest in a nod.

“No more.” He murmured. 

“Only good touches.” Zayn spoke softly. Niall shuffled back a bit to raise his head higher, eyes trailing over Zayn’s face carefully.

“Like this?” He asked, and it was heartbreaking to know he really didn’t know what good or bad touches were, but Zayn didn’t think about that for too long, just smiled softly and pulled Niall back into his chest. 

“Yes, like this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I seem to be unable to stop talking to you all. You, AO3, are now officially updated to the same point as the others. Which is good, but also maybe a bit sad for you because updates will be terribly slow for a bit. I really try my best, but school and sport are keeping me fairly busy. I can guarantee I have nothing yet for the new chapter, but others are waiting for it for almost two weeks already. I feel terrible about that and I'm trying to write the chapter ASAP.
> 
> Hope you liked this :)


	24. Chapter 23

If you’d ask Niall afterwards, he wouldn’t be able to recall any of the rest of that night. The others could, though.

Zayn and he had eventually moved from underneath the bed, Niall in a difficult battle between wanting to cling to Zayn and being shy and overwhelmed at the same time. He’d gotten a blanket from someone at some point and had been sat inside a car, people flitting around him and speaking words he didn’t register. The boys had spoken to someone from social services, agreeing that Niall could come back to their house for at least the night because he hadn’t seem capable to be apart from Zayn at the point. She had given them a few basic tips about handling Niall, based on the shock he’d seemed to be in.

Stan had driven them all home after the formalities had been settled and before they’d arrived, Niall had fallen asleep- which was quite a feat, because it wasn’t that long of a car drive. Liam had carried him up into the apartment, laying him down in the guest room they never really used. He’d seemed fast asleep, but when Zayn went to check up on him one last time, he’d been met with blue eyes- glazed over and barely awake, but enough to make a request. He’d struggled, as every time he spoke up, but Zayn had picked up on his wish rather quickly. He’d smiled, leaving the door open a crack and pulling out the desk chair, sitting in the middle of the room; not too close to Niall, not too far away, but able to protect him from whoever could come through that door. Liam had seen them like that when he went to look for Zayn- he was supposed to come to bed with him- and had draped a blanket over Zayn’s dozing from. He was bent in awkward angles and surely would be sore the next day, but it was well worth it.

 

The first thing Zayn noticed when his eyes opened was how everything hurt. He lifted his head from where it had rested on his chest and hissed as all kinds of bones snapped and creaked. His mind cleared up soon enough, and he stopped moving to take in Niall first, to see if he was awake and reacting to his movements. Something twisted inside him when he saw Niall huddled in the corner, pressing himself into the walls as he looked around with wide eyes. When Zayn was sure Niall knew he had woken, he spoke up.

“Do you remember, Niall? Do you remember what happened yesterday?” Niall pulled the comforter up higher, just past his chin, but Zayn was able to see him nod his head.

“Are you afraid, Niall? Are you scared of me? I’ll leave the room if you want me to.”

“N..” He cut himself off before he could get it out, shaking his head instead.

“What are you scared of, then? Maybe I can help.” Zayn offered kindly, shifting a bit in his chair.

 Honestly, Niall didn’t know why he was pressed into the wall like he was. He hadn’t recognised his surroundings, hadn’t seen Zayn in the dark room when he woke up a few hours ago. He’d thought some man had taken him home. When he’d wanted to leave, he noticed the man in the chair in the middle of the room, and he’d stayed put, heart beating frantically. He’d tried to make himself small, tried to disappear, and even when he realised the man was Zayn a few hours later, he couldn’t find it in him to relax.

He wasn’t scared of Zayn in the way that he thought he would hurt him like the others had done, but he was very intimidated by the boy. He was perfect, pretty and kind and smart and a real superhero. Niall felt really small even being in a room with him. He knew Zayn could protect him, though, so he didn’t want him to leave. But he still didn’t dare to speak to him, fearing he’d say something wrong. Zayn apparently didn’t seem to mind he didn’t have an answer to his question, at least he didn’t show it bothered him.

Niall heartbeat picked up again when Zayn stood up and walked over to him. He felt cornered, some kind of instinct telling him he was in danger, even though he knew better once he thought about it for a bit. His rational side was proven right, Zayn only kneeled down at the side of the bed, sitting on the floor.

“Ni, I have an idea. Why don’t we make something in the apartment your safe space, yeah? You can pick whatever and it will be yours. No one is allowed in without your permission and no one can force you out of it, sounds good?”

Niall felt put on the spot, squirming awkwardly at the attention. A place where no one could hurt him felt like exactly what he needed, but he didn’t dare to just claim a spot in Zayn’s home and make it his. He didn’t have the right to do so. Maybe he’d accidentally claim his favourite chair or something he needed, he really didn’t want to make any mistakes.

“Do you maybe want to look around first so you can choose? It’s time for breakfast anyways, you hungry?” Of course Niall was hungry, but he wasn’t going to eat the food Zayn bought to eat, the food Zayn worked for. He just wanted to sit here and not be a bother and not be hurt for... well, maybe for the rest of his life.

 

Zayn tried to brush the silence off, tried not to be affected by the eyes that were absently flitting around the room. He knew Niall needed to eat, so he forwent the absence of an answer and stood up again.

“I’m going to make some food, you can follow me or stay here. I’ll bring you food when it’s done.” He wasn’t surprised when Niall didn’t react, wasn’t surprised when Niall didn’t follow him out of the room. He closed his eyes for a moment to try and shake the heaviness of it all off. He’d never met a boy so damaged and he wanted nothing more than to take care of the fragile boy, but it was frustrating to know that progress was still a long shot.

He happily fell into Liam’s embrace, the boy massaging his achy muscles. Harry wasn’t up yet, but Zayn joined Louis in the kitchen to fix breakfast, Liam sitting at the table with his already because of his early lecture.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay? It was pretty hectic yesterday.” Louis mused, lips tightening a bit.

“I’ll be fine, and if I’m not I’ll come straight back home.” Liam soothed, sharing a fond look with Zayn.

The three boys simultaneously picked up on Niall in their peripheral, silently agreeing to not notice the boy. He was like a new pet, carefully exploring the new environment he was put in. His movements were careful and languid, arms crossed in front of his belly in what seemed a form of protection. Louis and Zayn bustled around in the small kitchen and Liam ate and Niall carefully moved through the room, not touching anything. He ended up standing close by the counter, silently watching Zayn pour milk into four cups and Louis sliding eggs from the pan.

Zayn smiled gently at him when he met his eyes, setting the cups down next to Liam.

“I’ll go wake Haz.” He announced, and Niall felt panic rising as he saw him exit the room. He shrunk back a little bit, hoping the other two boys wouldn’t notice him, hoping he wasn’t doing something stupid without noticing it. He took another step back when Liam walked over to put his plate in the sink, gasping softly when his back hit a wall.

“It was delicious, thanks.” Liam murmured, pressing a quick kiss to Louis’ cheek. Their eyes met for a fleeting moment, as if to discuss how they would act around Niall, if that kiss was a smart move or not. Louis flashed a short smile ‘we’ll talk about it later’ and Liam smiled back before he left to get dressed.

As Louis moved to put the plates with breakfast on the table, he took in the view of Niall: pressed against the wall, curled in on himself and his nose sniffling like an animal. He didn’t look at him completely as he addressed him, remembering the councillor saying he could react strongly to the direct attention.

“This one is for you, Niall.” He said as he put the last one down, sitting down at the one at the other end of the table. He busied himself on his phone for a bit- still updating his mother on everything that happened the day before. He just hit send on a promise to call her later when Zayn and Harry came into the room, sitting down next to him.

Harry groggily dug in, flashing a short smile of appreciation in Louis’ general direction. They chatted a bit about this and that as they ate. Niall stayed put, watching them. He hoped they would leave his plate from him once they’d left, solely the smell of it enough to make him feel lightheaded. His heartbeat sped up when Zayn turned to look at him.

“Niall, I’d really like if you ate breakfast. Will you come sit with us?” Niall nodded quickly, scrambling to sit in the empty chair.

He winced when he saw Louis’ slightly raised eyebrows, trying to figure out what he did wrong. Usually, the faster he obeyed, the better. Maybe Louis didn’t like that? He slowed his movements down, eating careful bite by careful bite, ready to stop whenever someone would tell him to. He already put his fork down when Zayn turned to him, trying not to show how much he wished he was allowed to finish the meal, but Zayn just smiled at him and asked him if it was nice. Niall swallowed down the answer he usually gave and nodded instead. He slowly picked up his fork again and wondered how Louis would like him to show his thanks, and only _then_ did he remember it wasn’t supposed to be like that anymore.

It felt like a constant battle in his head, trying not to act the way he was taught to. After a while, Louis moved to call his mother and Harry went to work, so that left him and Zayn, who’d waited patiently for Niall to finish up.

“We have a couple of places to go to today, okay Ni?” Zayn took the small movement as an answer.

“We’re going back to that nice lady from yesterday, do you remember her?” Niall didn’t seem to, so Zayn continued.

He tried to speak as if he had any clue what he was doing, but he had no idea and internally he was fidgeting. What if his words or deeds frightened Niall even more? What if it hurt him or damaged him?

“but first we need to go to the police station.” Niall tensed up at that, eyes wide and jaw clamped shut tightly.

“Don’t worry, Ni. They just need to ask you some questions about what happened. Just tell them the truth, so they can lock them up for as long as they deserve.”

 Niall didn’t really relax anymore the next few hours. Zayn had to guide him around, into some clothes- a messy collection of all of the boys’ wardrobes- and a pair of his shoes. They were a tad too big on Niall’s feet, but he didn’t trip in them like he’d done in a pair of Harry’s. Louis emerged just when they were both ready, slipping into his coat and driving them to the police station. Niall sat in the backseat as if he had a stick up his arse, to put it blunt, unmoving and tensed up to a point Zayn wondered whether it hurt.  

Meanwhile Niall was trying not to throw up in the car, feeling as if the ground was pulled from underneath his feet and he was dropped somewhere he didn’t know. Zayn kept reassuring him with words that didn’t have any meaning to Niall. ‘It will be different from now on’ ‘people are going to help you’ ‘it’s not like that anymore’ ‘you don’t have to do that anymore’ Well, what did he have to do then? He didn’t know what was expected from him, and he could conclude that was worse than knowing- even if knowing meant people caused him pain.

Zayn had tried to relax him about going to the police, telling him that he just had to speak the truth and all would be over quickly. But what did he have to say? How could he put his thoughts into words when he’d learned a long time ago not to. He felt lost, nearly wished Zayn and his friends had never saved him. 


	25. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it's barely any dialogue. It's just that Niall doesn't speak much and that's a bit influential..
> 
> The disclaimer is still active: I don't know how Police Officers/ Social workers go about their jobs, nor do I know how foster care works!
> 
> I hope you all like this chapter! X

They had to take seats in the waiting room until someone would be ready to question Niall. Louis plopped down easily, but Zayn hovered around Niall, trying to catch his eye. Once Niall noticed, he quickly moved to sit down, fingers twisted up together tightly. He glanced up to see if he’d pleased Zayn, but Zayn was already looking at him, so he averted his eyes. Zayn eventually settled down in between the two boys, smiling softly when Louis leant into his side. They were quiet for a long while, listening to the sounds of the people bustling around. Zayn thought about offering up his other side for Niall to cuddle up to, or maybe even his hand to cling to, but didn’t dare to in the end. He had no idea how Niall thought about him and what his actions were doing to Niall’s wellbeing, so he opted to do nothing stupid until this all was over.

Louis and Zayn perked up when a woman approached them.

“Niall? You ready to talk?” Zayn prompted, unintentionally jostling Niall from wherever he’d been in his thoughts. He looked up, taken by surprise as he saw the woman standing there. He tensed for a few seconds before his eyes shot over to Zayn, a question in them Zayn wasn’t sure he could read.

“...You want me to come?” Niall looked down and bit his lip, as much as a confirmation he could give.

“Oh, we’d prefer to talk to Niall without other influences around.” The woman explained carefully, eyeing Zayn as if to give him the task to translate it to Niall.

“It won’t be long, Niall. It’ll be okay. You just have to answer their questions, is all.” After another short glance up at Zayn, Niall stood and shuffled after the woman.

“We’ll be waiting for you here.” Zayn promised.

Not that long after, maybe about ten minutes, the woman appeared again, though without Niall in tow. Zayn sat up straight, cutting off the conversation he was having with Louis, as he frowned in her direction.

“It’s not standard procedure, but he seems to be more at ease with you nearby...” It took a second for the two to get the implication, but then Zayn nodded and followed the woman through the building, Louis shooting him one last comforting smile.

 

In the office, there was one policeman behind a desk, a chair next to him for the woman. Niall was sat in a chair across from them, huddled into himself, properly fitting the description of a damsel in distress. Zayn scooted his chair closer to him and Niall picked up on him once he sat down.

“Hey, are you alright Niall?” He’s met with a pained expression, eyes seemingly searching for something, flitting all over the place.

“He didn’t seem capable to answer any of our questions, while he does seem to understand what were saying.” The policeman stated. Zayn looked at him and nodded, recognizing the behaviour.

“He does understand everything’s that being said, I think he’s just afraid to answer...Is that it Niall?” Niall just stared at him glassily, bottom lip wobbling. “It feels like a bit too much pressure, innit?” Niall nodded then, a shaky gasp escaping his lips. Zayn tried for a smile.

“There’s no right or wrong, Niall. You can’t do anything wrong here. Just speak the truth.” Niall at least seemed to breathing again instead of holding it in tensely, so Zayn counted that as a victory. He looked up at the officers who were waiting patiently, glad to see they weren’t suspicious of him in any way.

“Are you ready Niall?” His head shifted a bit and any other time Zayn would’ve taken that as a yes, but he knew Niall had to fully agree. “Can you tell me again? Remember how I asked you to yesterday? Could you tell me if you’re ready to answer their questions?” Niall’s fingers twisted up tightly, but he swallowed and answered with a clear “Yes.”

Zayn turned to the officers again, who picked up their pens to start the questioning. It took long for Niall to work up to answering every time, sometimes needing a bit of coaxing from Zayn, but eventually they worked through all the questions they had. The answers were equally frightening as confusing to Zayn. The officers had to tell Niall that his last name was Horan and that he was 22 and not 19 as he’d guessed. They had to wrestle through an average day of his life and....well, Zayn would be happy if he never had to think about that again. He knew he would, though. Even if Niall was out of their lives within that same week, on to a foster family or medical centre, Zayn knew neither of the boys would forget him soon, nor would he forget what Niall had been through.

When they left the office and met up with Louis again, it was two hours later. Louis had bought them a smoothie and cookies, which they gratefully munched on on their way to the social worker. Louis and Zayn were invited in as well there, so that they could all gather and comprehend the information and wouldn’t forget important things. It was a lot to take in, all the professional terms and formalities slowly drifting to sound like a monotone hum. Zayn understood that they were in the process of searching for any of Niall’s family members that could take him in, otherwise they would start looking through the foster care system. They pre-calculated that people wouldn’t be eager to take Niall in, seeing they would have to pay for part of his therapy and possibly medication once they were his guardian. Zayn sincerely hoped Niall was zoning out, because he couldn’t imagine what it would feel like to be talked about like that. They weren’t degrading or anything of the sorts, but it couldn’t stop feeling like he was simply something they had to drop off somewhere.

Niall stayed with them for the rest of the day, until their new appointment at three the next afternoon. By then, they would’ve figured out where Niall could go, either with family or someone else for a still undecided amount of time. It wasn’t hard for Louis and Zayn to offer Niall another night at their apartment, imagining how scared he’d be in a random other facility. They left him to himself for the rest of that day, figuring he’d had enough tension for one. They bustled around a bit, tidying up here and there and watching some telly. Eating supper went a bit more fluid than breakfast, they didn’t speak to him and didn’t look when they felt his eyes on him. The social worker had given Zayn and Louis a few basic tips to handle Niall the best, which was ignoring him. It sounded harsh and cruel, but nobody really knew Niall to great depths yet, and no one especially knew what was going on in his mind, all they knew was that he felt uncomfortable really quick, so they tried to avoid putting him on the spot. Zayn liked to think Niall was a bit calmer that afternoon, but he knew he had nothing to go on. He couldn’t read the closed off boy and knew he shouldn’t really try to.

His mother had been right, he shouldn’t bond too much with the boy, because he’d be gone really soon, probably the next day, and it was of no use for Zayn to worry about him then, about his whereabouts or wellbeing. He had been kind enough to save him and let him stay for two nights, but he needed to restrict himself and not pry into the boy’s life and try to control his future, even if he wanted to. He’d realised that now.

With a situation change like Niall, you noticed that all the boys were a bit dysfunctional. Harry was very on edge with the new boy. Not that he didn’t like him, he just wasn’t used to him and wasn’t comfortable around him. Luckily, Harry needn’t be afraid Niall would touch him, but a few of his ticks had shown up again that day, just because he didn’t remember which chair Niall had sat on or if he’d touched anything.

Liam had had the scare of his life when he’d heard the whisper of a voice again, the one he’d suppressed for more than two years at that time. He’d never really been aware of the voice speaking to him, but he’d called his GP to ask if he could take an extra dose that day, just so it would shut up and try to make him do hurtful things to the new boy. It didn’t escalate, but Liam was shaken up the rest of the day.

Zayn and Louis were to most stable ones, but Zayn couldn’t deny he felt all his emotions a little more intense and Louis couldn’t ignore that he was that much more scared of the boys leaving him. All in all, they were a bit of a mess. They never really realised what a routine they’d sunken in to until Niall came, who didn’t know all their rules or agreements. He tried his very best, but he couldn’t possible know what the boys did when they were done showering to clean the bathroom the way Harry liked, or how Louis hid the knives somewhere when either one of the boys was feeling a bit unstable. The day was filled with whimpering excuses from Niall and held in breaths from the boys, trying not to show whenever they were accidentally affected by something Niall had or hadn’t done.  

So when the social worker said Niall would be placed with his uncle for at least a few weeks, but not more than half a year, and then would be placed in a foster family that would be carefully selected to fit with him, maybe the boys were a bit relieved. They didn’t mind taking care of the boy and would save him again in a heartbeat, but they couldn’t wait to settle back down and get back to their lives as they know it.

Zayn tried to get some sort of reaction out of Niall, to see if he was scared or disappointed or happy with the plans, but, as expected, he didn’t get a response.

 

Zayn was waiting patiently by the car as Niall was trying to give him an answer. The social worker had advised to go back to Niall’s old house and grab his belongings, seeing his uncle would pick him up the next morning. Police had had a rundown of the place, so they were allowed to touch and take anything Niall wanted to have, but Zayn wanted to give him the chance to choose if he wanted to go back there.

“I could also go there alone and bring back some stuff, so you can choose from that?” Zayn offered after a while. “Would you like that better?” Niall took a breath and shook his head a bit.

“No I...” He trailed off in a sheepish matter and Zayn offered him a smile. Niall did that sometimes, a lot actually, speaking up and trailing off almost immediately, as if swallowing back his words.

“Yeah? Okay, get in then.” Niall swiftly scrambled into the passenger’s seat and they set to the house. It looked different, maybe because of the lighting, maybe because Zayn had actually been inside now.

 

Niall definitely felt weird being back, but he couldn’t really pinpoint how he felt exactly. He knew he wouldn’t rather be in there than with his uncle, but he did feel a sense of safety there. He knew how to act in there, what was expected of him and what he was supposed to do with himself. He didn’t feel comfortable per say, but he did feel something like a weight from his shoulders. It only lasted until he saw Zayn in his peripheral, remembering that everything was different and he didn’t know what to do with himself at all. They both kept quiet as they scanned the house, Zayn to give Niall space and Niall because he didn’t have anything to say. He noticed a few things were taken or moved by the police officers, but mostly everything was still intact.

Zayn held the bag as Niall shoved in his belongings, and he had to bite his tongue when Niall stopped, wanting to ask where the rest was but knowing there wasn’t anything more. He didn’t have personal belongings apart from a few sets of clothing and some random items like a marble and candy wrappings and a folded piece of paper. Niall looked up doubtingly, sensing Zayn’s apprehension, but Zayn just smiled softly and followed him to the bathroom. Once they’d packed everything that was Niall’s, they stood in the living room, just looking around.

“Is there anything else you want to take with you?” Zayn asked softly, not wishing to disturb the already so disturbed boy. After a few beats of silence, Niall stumbled towards a cupboard, fishing out a couple of books and placing them in the bag alongside the rest. When Niall looked up, he didn’t avert his eyes immediately. Instead, he and Zayn had a brief moment of eye contact, as some sort of last confirmation, before they made their way out of the house.

 

Niall’s uncle came rather early the next morning, swallowing Niall up in a hug as soon as he saw him. The boys could see Niall didn’t know what to do with the contact, but he didn’t fight it.

“Thank you so much for taking care of him these few days, you’re all blessings from heaven.” The man rattled on, shaking all of their hands profusely, not really noticing when Harry didn’t offer his.

“I haven’t seen this boy in ages, God you’ve grown so much.” The man had a distinct Irish accent, one the boys hadn’t noticed on Niall in the few words he’d spoken to them.

“Here’s my number if you ever want to have contact with me or him again, I could tell you where he lives when he moves, or if you just need a favour.” The man left to load Niall’s bag in the car, a futile task he only assigned himself to give Niall some time to say goodbye.

A silence fell as he left, and Niall didn’t know what to do.

“We’re gonna miss you Nialler.” Louis spoke up with a small smirk.

“You’re going to be great.” Liam promised him, both of them itching to hug him.

“Here’s my number, if you ever need us again, don’t hesitate.” Zayn stepped forward, pressing the piece of paper in Niall’s hand and closing it for him. He held onto his hand for a moment longer, just to linger.

“Good luck, Niall, everything will be better, I promise.” Harry spoke softly, just as the others had done. Niall looked at either one of them for a short moment, face unreadable.

“Thank you.” He murmured. One last glance, and he’d followed his uncle out the door.

The boys smiled after him somewhat ruefully, wishing him the best and trying to figure out how to detach from the situation, basking in his words that meant a lot to them. He had thanked them for everything they had done and for being there for him in the future, thanked them for believing in him and granting him a good life. It took a while for the situation to pass by and make room for the four to breathe, a combination of worries but also relief. Not having to tiptoe around someone and especially, not having to hold back on each other.

“Weird how much we care about him, innit?” Harry scoffed, shaking his head a bit. The other boys agreed, humming and laughing a bit at their behaviour. Slowly, they started back up again and sunk into the life before Niall again. The spirit lifted and not everything was about him anymore, life was going on.

Louis couldn’t shake the thought that this hadn’t been all they’d see from Niall in their lives...          


	26. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a new update! I know it's been a while, but I hope you haven't forgotten about me. Updating just won't be easy to do soon after the last because I keep getting less and less time to write, but I hope you can all be patient with me.  
> Sorry if the text isn't formatted properly, I just read through the chapter again and put enters where I like them.
> 
> Enjoy this new chapter!
> 
> (Don't forget that I know nothing of how society would handle a troubled child like Niall, definately not the British society. My work is still fiction.)

The four boys were bustling around in the kitchen on a Saturday six weeks after Niall left. They didn’t think that much about him anymore- work and school demanding occupation of their minds- but he hadn’t been completely wiped from their memory. They’d decided to not call Niall or his uncle, sparing themselves the emotional drag of living Niall’s life with him when there was nothing they could do, but they had texted one time to stress that Niall could always talk to them if he needed it. There had been doubts along the way, if what they had done was the best thing they could’ve done, because sometimes they felt bad about it. Zayn especially had troubles with it every now and again, for example whenever he’d remember details Niall had shared about his life to the policemen or how he’d clung to him in fear during their great escape.

When Louis had talked with his mother about it, asking for advice on how to comfort them, Jay had come over to assure them all of what they had done. She’d reminded them that it wasn’t normal or expected to adopt a stranger into their lives and that saving Niall alone was a heroic deed of them. It reassured them all, Louis couldn’t have been happier with his mom.

Over all, they’d been able to live a couple of normal weeks. Liam and Zayn had had a few important exams, which heightened the stress level in the house, but apart from that nothing had been out of the ordinary. Still, Zayn felt off. He hadn’t talked about it with any of the boys and didn’t think they had really noticed the past few weeks, but he felt different. He couldn’t pinpoint what was going on, but he felt weary and held back, while there was nothing that could cause him to feel that way. He’d decided to be more attentive about taking his medication and chose to not overthink it, favouring cramming for exams and cuddling with his boys.

 

The Saturday had started slowly, quietly, the four boys waking one by one and bustling around in the kitchen to make themselves some breakfast. They’d had a nice night together which had caused them to fall asleep rather late, so when Harry finally emerged from the bedroom, it was well past noon. Still, when the phone rang, the sound cut through the room way too loudly for any of them to bear.

Louis grunted as he lurched for the device, but answered it in his normal kind voice. Liam grinned at disinterested face in combination with the enthusiastic replies, but it faded when Louis sat upright suddenly. “Could you hold on a second? I’ll put it on speaker so the other residents can hear it too.” Zayn quickly sat back down from where he planning on leaving to get dressed, all the boys quiet and curious as Louis fumbled to push the right button. “It’s the social worker, boys.” Louis explained, placing his phone in the middle of the table.

“Yes, right, is everybody there?” The woman continued after affirmation. “It’s about Niall Horan, it’s correct you’re familiar with him?” That sparked the boys’ interest and curiosity even further, confirming again and waiting for the woman’s voice to fill the room again. “Okay, that’s great. The thing is, he’s been through a few sessions of therapy now, and his therapist has created a rough picture of him and –more importantly- in which surroundings he’ll best recover.” All the boys could feel something ominous lurking above their heads, trying to figure out where the woman was headed with her story. “It’s not that his uncle is unsuitable, but he’s not best for him. What’s best for Niall is to be somewhere with someone or multiple people that he knows and trusts and that he feels safe with. Seeing the only people he’s been in contact with lately are either his parents or you, and his parents are clearly not an option, your home would be the best location for him to recover.”

The words were out now, and neither of the boys could really tell how they’re feeling. “Niall has let us believe he felt safe in your home and from own experience I could tell he’s more responsive towards you than to anyone else.” Zayn could feel some strange something akin to pride swell in his chest at those words. “Of course you get a say in the matter, I’m merely explaining where the idea has come from. We’d really like for you to decide whether or not Niall could live with you all for an undecided amount of time.” A silence fell then, in which all the boys looked at each other with question marks in their eyes, not a clue how to feel or what to think. “Yeah, okay, um. We’d like some time to think about that, if that’s alright.” Louis eventually uttered. “Of course, of course. We appreciate that you want to consider it, please let us know as soon as you have made a decision.” “Yeah, we will.” And then the conversation was over.

The boys fell back into their chairs and looked at each other in silence for a while. “Well, that’s a lot to think about.” Liam mumbled, hands running over his face once. “Any first thoughts?” Harry asked, playing with his fingers giddily. “Well, my hearts screams a solid yes, but we _need_ to think about this rationally.” Louis sighed, earning contemplative nods and hums from the others.

Deciding to let everybody think about the situation at hand for themselves, form an opinion about it before they’d discuss anything together, the four boys slowly rebooted and continued their day. Zayn stood to take that shower anyway, mulling everything over underneath the warm spray of water.  

 

At the end of that same day they piled onto the couch together, Louis squeezing in lastly with a notepad and pen in his hands. “So boys, how do we feel about another flatmate?” Louis started, looking at the three boys respectively for a moment to gauge their initial responses before they could school it into anything else. He didn’t detect any apprehension or dread, so he knew they were on the same page. “I feel like I don’t have a clue what it means when Niall moves in, apart from him physically being here.” Harry confessed, plucking at his fingernails because he felt a bit stupid for being so naive.

“That’s a very good point, Haz.” Liam said, curling an arm around his waist and squeezing softly. “We should make a list, which I think you already thought about.” He spoke, looking at Louis and the empty paper on his lap. Louis smiled and nodded. “I think we should make a list indeed, because I reckon we’ll be stuck with a lot of questions that will influence our decision.” He explained. Zayn’s head was resting on his shoulder, peeking up at his boyfriend. He sounded so mature and smart, Zayn was sure he was looking at him with so much awe it was ridiculous. It just always felt very domestic to him when Louis talked about money or things that needed to be done, he felt secure and reassured that Louis was taking care of him and doing such a good job at it.  

He stayed mostly quiet as Louis and Liam started to rattle off things they needed to ask or needed to alter if Niall were to come live with them. “Will we get a subvention or do have to take up more hours at work to support him?” “Do we need to buy him essentials or will those be settled when he comes?” “Will we have to pay for his dentist/ GP/ therapy?” Harry started to understand what it truly meant to add someone to their flat, apart from setting up a bed for him. Especially money would become a big issue if they wouldn’t get an amount from his guardian or social security, because Niall didn’t have money of his own from his parents or from work. The list was going on and on and they had made a different list with costs that would heighten if Niall would live with them; food, electricity, water. If they would have to drive him to therapy it would mean more gas for the car. By the time Louis and Liam were done, Harry was feeling a bit dizzy. Did Louis always worry about supporting them that much?

“Zayn? Harry? Anything we forgot?” Harry bit his lip as he shrugged, but Zayn sat up a bit as he scanned over the list once more. “Yeah, actually.” He mumbled. “Will we become his guardians now?” Louis nodded and quickly scribbled it down too. “And will we be included in his therapy or get help about handling him?” “Good one.” Louis mumbled as he wrote it down as well. 

They took a bit more time to think of anything else, as they had agreed to schedule an appointment with a social worker the next day to get everything sorted out. Even when they were sipping their teas a while later, they were still inside their own heads to check if they missed anything. They had each called their parents- apart from Liam, who’d shrugged it off with a tight smile- to ask for advice. As Harry hung up on his mother, he turned to his boys with a pensive look. “Are we going to tell Niall about our relationship?” A bit dumbstruck, the boys remained silent. “I don’t know if it will influence his recovery,” Zayn mumbled. “but are we willing to keep it secretive if it is bad for him?” “Or is it the deal-breaker?” Liam tagged on to Zayn’s train of thoughts. “Exactly.”

 Louis rubbed his temples. “Well, I mean, we should ask then- if it could be bad for him.” He sighed and tried to swallow around the lump that was steadily growing in his throat. “I don’t know if I can, you know- hide us. I know it’s selfish and I get that we should put Niall first, but I just-” Harry cut him off with a hug and soon Zayn and Liam joined them. “Calm down sweetie.” Liam murmured. “We’ll figure it out, okay?” Harry assured, pecking Louis’ cheek firmly. “We’ll ask all those questions tomorrow and then we do another whole lot of thinking and we’ll figure it out.” He promised.

“But what if it _is_ bad for him?” Louis hiccupped, trying his hardest to steady his breath again. He hated how melodramatic he was being, but things about his boys just hit him harder and scared him quite easily. He knew for a fact he’d be a mess if they’d pretend to not love him, knew he’d easily tell himself they really didn’t love him anymore and then it’d just become so much more complicated than it needed to be. He didn’t want to be the drama queen, but he always ended up to. “We’ll figure something out, Lou. We promise we won’t hide our love for you, okay?” Zayn stressed, squeezing him a bit tighter. Louis nodded meekly, sniffed resolutely and rubbed at his cheeks in agitation. “I know that, I’m being stupid.” He scoffed, leaning into the touches even more.

“I’m up for cuddles.” Harry smiled widely, tugging the other boys towards one of the bedrooms. They all piled in the bed together and conveniently forgot that sleeping in a two-person bed with four people would give them sore and achy muscles in the morning.

 

The appointment was scheduled at two and they could walk in immediately. Approximately three hours later, they were back home. And they had answers. Niall’s uncle would stay his guardian and he would pay for therapy. He’d also assured them he would transfer the subvention he got for Niall to them each month so they could support him. That wouldn’t be enough, though. They still had to try and work more hours or cut back on expenses to accommodate Niall.

After the monetary conversation they’d talked to the therapist Niall’d been seeing about creating the best climate for Niall to recover. She gave them some phone numbers and websites they could consult for advice about handling Niall, but told them they weren’t necessarily involved in the therapy session. Niall would be treated by a different psychologist if he moved, which was a bit tricky because it was important for him to like her. “Although I’ve never gotten a great response out of him, I believe he indulged me.” The therapist had said.

It was awkward to ask about their relationship, but luckily the woman was very nice and open minded. “Would relationships inside the flat disturb Niall?” Louis had asked carefully. “How many of you are currently in a relationship?” She’d asked. “All of us are.” Harry had blurted awkwardly. The woman could probably read it off of their faces, but she merely nodded and smiled. “Well, it probably will be difficult for him, but everything is at the moment. I don’t know if you are willing to change anything about the relationship.” She’d said relationship, not ship _s_ , she’d clearly been on to them. “We rather not, of course, but what are you suggesting?” Liam had asked, subtly _(?)_ scooting closer to Louis. “Toning it down on display of affection, not drastically per say, just a little bit. And most importantly avoiding the subject of sex in conversation, maybe making sure Niall won’t hear any sexual business or accidentally witness them. You can understand the sex is a very scarring topic for him.” The boys had nodded solemnly, although they’d   felt awkward discussing their love- and sex-life with a random woman.

 

Once at home they took a break from the subject during dinner, leaving it until after. They once again found themselves curled upon the couch together, sipping on tea and munching on digestives. “So, now we've got answers.” Liam stated, one hand lazily scratching Zayn’s scalp. “I think the money won’t be the biggest problem, even though we need to try and see if we can work a little bit more.” He continued. Louis was already looking grumpy and reluctant, knowing what would be labelled as the ‘biggest problem’ and because of who that was. “But, no more sex when Niall is around...toning down the PDA even inside our own home...Where do we stand on that?” Harry asked, pursing his lips. “It’s fine guys, I’ll get over myself.” Louis said bravely, even though he had no idea how he would handle it. “Lou, this isn’t just you, babe. We all need to think about this. It’s a lot, not just to you.”  Liam explained. That calmed Louis down a bit, glad the focus wasn’t solely on him.

“Zayn? You’ve been awfully quiet these past two days.” Harry noticed, scrutinizing said boy. Zayn perked up and shrugged a bit. “I don’t know, I just really want Niall here and not with some strangers.” He muttered, and the boys understood him. They knew Zayn had grown more attached to Niall than they had. “But are you willing to hide us as a price?” Louis asked. Zayn looked up to see if the implied accusation he’d heard reflected in his face. It didn’t, but Zayn felt a bit like crying for sounding like he didn’t care about their relationship as much as the others. “I- I’m confident we’ll work it out.” He countered, hoping his boys would understand him.

Liam let out a breathy grin and the tenseness dissipated from Zayn’s shoulders. “Shouldn’t we all be?” He questioned, then answered himself. “We should. We know us and we’ll work it out no matter. We’ll probably break off in pairs every now and then, or take some time together when Niall isn’t home, but we’ll find a way. We can’t doubt that.” Zayn leaned into him gratefully as Harry and Louis each agreed and Liam pressed a kiss to his hair. “Thank you for reminding us, babe.” He whispered.

 

So the decision had been made, Niall’d come live with them. They called the social worker the very next morning to tell. The boys had a week to ready themselves, trying to save some money, deciding where they should cut back on expences, cleaning Niall’s room for him and making it cosier, but most importantly enjoying each other to the fullest before they had to put in a bit more effort to show each other love. So maybe they behaved like teenage bunnies, maybe they were a bit more whiny and needy, but neither of them cared.    


	27. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise surprise! I'm still alive! I'm sorry for not posting so long, but I had to put in a lot of effort for school and stuff. But now it's summer break and I promise to write again! I won't quit this story before it's over, don't you worry!

The day that Niall would arrive had come and everyone was fidgeting. All the boys were making round after round through the apartment to check and tidy and to shake off the adrenaline. Liam checked for the millionth time if there weren’t any bottles of lube or condoms that were not locked away in cabinets, Louis was scrolling through document after document on how to treat a traumatised person, Zayn was trying to make Niall’s room look warm and cosy and Harry was going through his exercises. He’d asked his therapist to help him prepare for a new flatmate, not wanting to set Niall off by his own behaviour that he still didn’t have under control completely. Luckily, his psychologist could give him some small exercises to calm himself down a little bit quicker than usual when needed and they had talked about adjusting to Niall for two or three sessions so Harry felt confident that it would be alright.

Everybody seized up when the doorbell rung. Heads poked out of various rooms, looking at each other before appearing and heading towards the door. “Hey,” Lou caught his boys’ attention. “we can do this, it’s going to be fine.” He received three grateful smiles, answering them with one of his own before stepping forward and opening the door.

Niall looked significantly better and exactly the same all together. His hair was shorter and actually brushed through and he had a little bit more colour on his cheeks, but yet he was ducked under his uncle’s arm, eyes on the ground and posture visibly tense. The boys greeted them happily, stepping aside to let them. Liam stepped out to haul the suitcase- a significant upgrade from the small duffle bag- over the threshold and into the corridor. Louis immediately went into the kitchen to grab the tea he’d made, feeling a weird kind of numb- somewhere between calm and nervous- as he walked into the living room with it.

 

“So, how have you lads been?” Niall’s uncle –“Please, call me Collin!”-asked, hands clasped around his tea, his nephew sitting at the other end of the couch nervously. “We’ve been well, thank you.” Harry smiled politely. He tacked along cautiously. “Have things been alright with the two of you?” The boys couldn’t help but look at Niall, who didn’t look at ease at all. “Are you sure it’s for the best to leave him here?” Liam winced at his words, catching himself on talking as if Niall wasn’t even in the room. “I mean, Niall doesn’t really look comfortable here...” That didn’t make it any better. “He needs a bit of time to warm up, don’t you?” Niall didn’t respond, shoulders tight with nervous energy. “I’ll stay for a while, just casual, and we’ll see how it goes.” Collin decided. The tension was palpable as everyone finished their tea, conversation forced and head not really there with them. They dispersed a little while later, Louis and Harry retreating to the kitchen to clean and Liam showing Niall’s uncle around the small apartment. The room fell quiet as Zayn observed Niall for a good few minutes. “Hey Ni,” He said softly, hoping that maybe since they were alone, he’d get a response. Niall didn’t say anything, but he did look up a bit. His hands were clasped together tightly, fingers plucking at each other in a nervous manner as his eyes flitted around. “You look better than the last time I saw you, do you feel any better?” Zayn probed gently. Niall bit his lip and shrugged a little bit. “May I come sit next to you?” Zayn tried, holding his breath in anticipation.

 

Niall frowned a bit, before remembering that Zayn did think Niall had a say in things like that. It really only made it harder for him, having to think if he wanted Zayn closer. He nodded eventually, if only because he didn’t want to upset Zayn straight away. The way Zayn smiled at him made Niall remember the short time he’d spent with him. It was still very confusing for him. But he remembered how warm Zayn had felt when he’d held him and that made it a bit easier. As an afterthought, it made it harder, because Niall really didn’t know what he’d do if Zayn turned out to be a bad guy as well.

 

“You had a haircut.” Zayn stated. No reaction. “Did you like it?” Zayn caught Niall looking in his direction from the corner of his eye, but he didn’t open his mouth the respond. A bubble of laughter climbed up Zayn’s throat. “D’you want me to stop talking?” He asked with a grin, feeling like an awkward teen trying to chat up someone way out of his league. Niall didn’t say anything, but that was an agreement more than anything. So they sat next to each other quietly. Zayn didn’t know if it only was just because he really wanted it, but he thought he could see Niall relax a bit.

Not too long after that, Niall’s uncle returned in the living room, followed by Liam. “You have a lovely place, I was surprised by how spacious it is! Does it really fit you all?” He questioned, sitting down in a chair. “We don’t all permanently live here, is the thing. Harry still lives with his mom, he’s just here all the time. And Zayn still goes home at least twice a week because family’s very important to him.” Liam explained. Niall froze at that, only then really noticing he’d been relatively relaxed before. Zayn wouldn’t be there all the time. Which meant Niall’d be in the apartment with Louis and Liam most of the time, who he barely knew and surely didn’t trust. Panic bubbled in Niall’s stomach at the thoughts, increasing only as he looked at Liam. He was strong, all muscles and height, an intimidating man. Niall wanted to leave the room, to get air, but he didn’t dare ask. So he stayed put, shrinking in on himself and breathing frantically as all kinds of horrible scenarios unfolded in his mind.

“Hey Niall? Are you okay?” Liam asked carefully, crouching down where he was standing in front of the small boy. As he did, a whimper escaped Niall, before he slapped his hands over his mouth. Tears were brimming his eyes but never falling as he tried to move back into the couch as subtly as he could. Liam frowned, looking up in surprise to see his face mirrored in Zayn and Collin. He shuffled backwards as he helplessly tried to find a way to comfort the distressed boy, but nothing came to mind. Collin stood up and passed Liam, taking his place in crouching in front of his nephew. “Hey Niall, let’s go outside for some air.” It wasn’t a question, Zayn noticed, but it still sounded as if Niall had some say in it. He didn’t answer, but scooted forward, burying himself into his uncle’s side as they left. Liam and Zayn watched them go in a bit of a shock. “We didn’t do anything, right?” Liam asked, trying to recall if anything they did could’ve provoked him. Zayn turned the corners of his mouth down. “Don’t know, to be honest.” And then as an afterthought. “Fuck.” Liam nodded in agreement. This was going to be hard. It was going to be long and tiring and confusing and Niall would probably get upset much more often than just this once.

Louis and Harry entered the room to see their boys both frowning at the wall, Zayn on the couch and Liam on the floor. “Everything alright?” Louis asked, swiftly heading over to Liam to get a look at him. “Yeah, we’re okay, don’t worry.” Liam assured, pecking Louis on the cheek. “It’s just going to be a very difficult time.” The front door opened again but they could hear another door open and close after it. Harry and Zayn shared a quick kiss too, just to say that they would make it.

 

At the end of the day- Collin stayed for dinner because Niall still wasn’t really calm- Harry went back home. He’d warned that he’d probably be at home a little bit more often than at the apartment, just so he could rewind and deal with himself without bothering Niall with it. When the door fell closed behind him, Collin took Zayn by the arm and led him away from the others. “Are you planning on going home too?” He asked, voice down to a soft rumble. “Uh, I wasn’t actually, but I could if-” “No, no, that’s excellent.” Collin interrupted him. “See, Niall still knows you best out of all the lads and frankly, the others scare him. It’ll fade once he gets to know them, I’m sure, but he really isn’t comfortable with the thought of being here without you.” Zayn pursed his lips and nodded. “Okay, yeah, I get that.” Collin smiled and clapped him on the back, walking back into the living room where he guided Niall to sit somewhere instead of standing in the middle of the room forlornly. Zayn trailed behind him, trying to sort out and categorise his feelings. Part of him felt happy, in the way that Niall apparently liked him and wanted him around. Another part of him felt protective over Niall in quite the same way he’d felt when Niall had been with them after the rescue. But he was also mulling about the practical side of it all. To soothe Niall, he’d have to stay at the apartment for who knows how long. That meant seeing his family at lot less than he’s used to and having to explain that to them. But it also meant quitting his job. They couldn’t just leave Niall to himself at the apartment all day, they really should’ve thought about that. Zayn needed to find a job he could from home, maybe something he could do from behind his computer. He waited to voice this new found obstacle until after Collin left and Niall had shuffled to his room.

“Shit, why didn’t we think of that?” Louis grumbled, grabbing the tea cloth to dry the dishes Liam was washing.

“I’m sure there’s something else we can do, Z, you won’t have to quit your job.” Liam soothed, pensively scrubbing at a plate.

“Really? Because there are at least five hours a day during which none of us are at home, how are we going to fix that?” Zayn pondered.

“Well, tomorrow is Sunday so we won’t have to worry yet.” Liam decided, herding his boys towards the bedrooms. “We’ll figure it out, okay?”

Liam and Louis both went into a separate bedroom while Zayn went to Niall’s room. He wasn’t there, but Zayn figured he was still in the bathroom. He flicked on the light and closed the curtains, fluffing up his pillow one more time just because. As he turned, he noticed something lying in the corner of the room. As he bent down to put the crumbled duvet in its place he noticed a piece of paper laying on it saying ‘can this be my safe space?’ in a messy scrawl.  Zayn stood and decisively rummaged through the cupboard in the hallway, grabbing a couple of pillows and more blankets. He put them down and arranged them nicely, making the corner a cosy place instead of some kind of punishment corner. When he was satisfied, he took the paper and scribbled down ‘of course sweetie’ before placing it down again. Zayn then set to get ready for bed himself, slipping into the bathroom when Niall came out and smiling at him in passing.

When he went to check up on Niall before actually heading to bed, the small boy was curled up on the pile of softness, the piece of paper clutched in his hand like a stuffed animal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there it is, a little bit on the short side but that's because I wanted to get something out to you and this was a good place to stop it. Look forward to updates and please let me know what you think of the story in the comments! Love you all and thank you so much for your patience! Xx
> 
> ps. If you're here and if you'd want to could you give my one shot Because Of You some love? I've worked really hard on it but haven't really gotten feedback on it yet. Don't feel obligated in any way, just check it out if you'd want to. :)


	28. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hii! Here's another chapter up for you, a bit longer than usual so I hope you enjoy! 
> 
> PeanutsandOats, I don't know if you still read this story, but you commented on chapter 12 and I promised you I would use your suggestion later on and the time has come. If you read this, I hope you will recognise that I've listened to you and tried to make everything a bit more realistic.
> 
> xx

Things with Niall moved at a very slow pace, months passed before anyone could see even the littlest change. Months of Niall being upset, sleeping poorly, reliving his terrible childhood and being inconsolably sad. Months of Zayn sleeping on a chair or floor and trying to comfort Niall at any needed time, on a search for a new job while taking care of Niall in the best way possible. Months of either Louis or Liam driving Niall everywhere- appointment after appointment with his therapist, doctors, the dentist etc. Months of the boys’ relationship slacking, even after all the promises they’d made.  

 

But when things _did_ change, Zayn forgot about all that. The amount of happiness and pride he felt when Niall spoke a full sentence to him on his own accord overshadowed all the uncomfortable nights and the sadness Zayn felt for Niall. They had been sitting on the couch, Zayn on his laptop and Niall reading a book. Zayn had just stumbled upon a blogging website which had sparked his interest when Niall had spoken up. “Thank you for everything, Zayn.” Zayn looked up, but Niall wasn’t looking at him, eyes fixed on his book but not moving along the lines. His teeth were worrying into his bottom lip and Zayn could see the tension in his shoulders, indicating how much of a big deal this was. A small smile broke through on Zayn’s lips as he looked at Niall fondly. “Of course, Ni, anything for you.” Niall’s eyes darted up quickly, taking in Zayn’s soft face. As he looked down into his book again, a careful hint of a smile played around his lips.

 

From then on, Niall spoke more often, but only ever to express his gratefulness. Any other kinds of sentences were kept inside and the boys had to guess about them. But still, everyone felt a little lighter just by hearing a ‘thank you’ every now and then, smiling at Niall and then each other.

Niall moved around the apartment with more ease, not questioning himself anymore about whether or not he was allowed. Everything went a bit smoother now that Niall had found his way and the boys could talk and move more freely themselves.

Harry came over more often after a while, from two afternoons a week to at least the whole weekend, so he could get more used to Niall. It wasn’t actually as hard as he’d expected, because Niall didn’t crowd up to him without Harry being ready. The two boys could move alongside each other and get used to each other that way, before having to be in contact with one another.  Niall had already gotten more used to Louis and Liam, Zayn didn’t have to tag along to every appointment anymore because Niall dared to sit with either one of the lads for the car ride there and back home again. He could sit next to them at the table for dinner or on the couch when watching some telly. It didn’t sound like much, but it definitely was.

But the most important change was that Niall started to let go of his usual headspace and way of thinking. The boys had lost count how many awkward situations they’d been in because Niall had suddenly dropped to his knees to say his thanks or reached for their zippers when he thought they had silently asked for that. The few times Zayn had fallen asleep with Niall, holding him through his nightmares, he’d been awoken by Niall feverishly grinding on him. Every time, the boys calmed him down and told him that it wasn’t like that anymore and slowly, it began to sink in. Now that Niall knew how to voice his gratefulness, he didn’t often react inappropriately anymore. All in all, things went okay.

 

Though there was one great downside. Even after everything they’d talked about, the four-way relationship had suffered. At night, Liam and Louis would go to separate bedrooms and either one of them would wait for Zayn to join them. Sometimes he would, but more often than not he ended up staying by Niall’s side. Whenever that was the case Louis and Liam would curl up together instead and have a bit of quality time. On the weekends, either one of them got to spend the night with Harry, but that was really all the time they got together. Apart from the occasional cuddle on the couch, there was barely any affection through touches, which killed Louis. Zayn was completely engrossed by Niall, Liam and himself were both taking longer shifts and he felt like he only ever saw Harry in the office for some spare minutes. It was all a mess really. So one day, after Louis had dropped Niall off for a therapy session, and he saw all his boys when he entered the apartment, he couldn’t help but get a little teary.

 

“Lou? What’s wrong?” Harry immediately fretted, meeting him in the hallway and pulling him in close. Liam and Zayn hovered behind him, worried expressions on their faces. Louis let out a pathetic sob, stretching his arms to reach for his other two lovers. They came quickly and joined the embrace, soothing Louis in the best way they knew how. “Darling, what’s going on?” Liam murmured, stroking his hair back softly. “I’ve missed you- so much.” Louis choked out. The three lads caught on to the meaning of those words right away, a heavy feeling settling in their bones. “We’ve gone and done what we’d promised not to do.” Liam sighed, kissing Louis’ neck softly. Louis nodded meekly, shuffling along as Harry guided him along in the direction of the couch. Three out of four moved, but Zayn stayed put.

When Liam looked back, he saw Zayn standing there completely forlornly, silent tears rolling down his cheeks. “Zayn?” He gasped, swooping in to hug him. The boy let go of his held in hiccups and sobbed into his boyfriend’s shirt, numbly stumbling along to the couch as well as Liam moved them. Harry frowned at the sight, absentmindedly running his hands along Louis’ back, who was curled up in his lap. Liam sat down next to them and pulled Zayn with him, letting him cry for a little longer before speaking. “Zayn, please babe, what’s going on?” It was to be expected that Louis would cry, the lad had already had all kinds of horrid scenarios running through his mind about the boys leaving him, but Zayn only ever cried when his emotions were off key, which hadn’t happened in a while now.

 

“I’m so confused.” Zayn whispered hoarsely, curling up quite like Louis. He felt the attention of the three others on him, which made him even more determined to keep his eyes downcast.  Louis was biting on his thumb, heart plummeting in fear. _Did Zayn not love him anymore?_ “About what Z?” Liam murmured, hands running through the dark hair that was buried in his neck. They didn’t get an answer, Zayn only seemed to start up on the second round of tears. Liam listened intently as he babbled in between the hiccups, lips mouthing at his chest and shoulders shrugging almost continuously. “I’m sure it’s just the whole...um, thing- what with my emotions and all, you know. I’m just around and then he does things and I feel so proud, but...” He sniffled and pressed his nose into his sleeve. “..I swear I’ll stop it, ’m trying to rationalise you know, don’t worry, it’s nothing. Never mind. I should-um, stop crying now, don’t want to get unbalanced and all that, I hate that...” It all just died out to some sniffles, Liam softly rubbing Zayn’s back as Louis and Harry stared at him. They hadn’t caught half of what Zayn had said, but Liam was certain he’d heard everything. “Z, is this about Niall?” Louis frowned at that, not having heard enough to draw that conclusion, but Harry’s eyes lit up in something like recognition, like it made sense to him then. Zayn mewled softly as an answer and he’d never looked like Louis that much, according to Liam. He was drawn back to the times that it had been Louis in his lap, sniffling as he told him about Zayn and Harry, or how he needed his family, feeling guilty for needing them. Liam didn’t see a reason to react differently that time.

 

“It’s okay, sweetie, it is. You really don’t have to cry.” He murmured, wiping away the tears on his ever so gorgeous face. “It feels like cheating...” Zayn confessed softly, sucking in his lips and looking at Louis. He was so scared he’d hurt him, hurt any of his boys. “Nothing happened!” He added hastily. “I promise! It’s just been...feelings...” “Why do you feel bad about that? We’re in a polygamous relationship.” Louis questioned, eyes sad and scared yet comforting and loving.  Zayn frowned a bit at that, more to himself that to Louis. “Yeah, but... I don’t _need_ more than one boyfriend. I love you all, but... I don’t need more.” He tried to explain. Louis wanted to reply but Harry beat him to it, large hand reaching out to lie on Zayn’s knee as he spoke. “That’s not how this works, Z, that’s not how _we_ work. We’re polygamous in the way that we’re _all_ boyfriends, and anyone of us can suggest a new addition to our relationship, not just Louis. That it was Louis who stumbled across me and you is pure coincidence.” Liam smiled at Harry’s confidence, knowing that he was still tentative about his knowledge and place in the relationship sometimes. Zayn idly toyed with Harry’s thumb as he let his words sink in, nodding a bit to himself. “See? It’s fine love, don’t tear yourself up over this.” Louis smiled, leaning forward to trail his hand along Zayn’s face to make him look up. “I know how you feel, I promise you, but know that you’re not doing anything wrong.” Zayn hummed softly, leaning into Louis’ touch and only then fully realising how much he’d missed the affection.

 

“But, you know, Niall isn’t ready for a relationship.” Harry spoke. “Not by a long shot.” He looked at Liam who nodded in agreement. “Yeah, so we have to hold back on acting on anything until he’s healed and knows who he is and all that.” Liam added. “It would be understandable if he didn’t feel like wanting a relationship at all.” Zayn shrugged and murmured something illegible. “What’s that?” Harry asked, thumb stroking Zayn’s knee still. He cleared his throat and repeated himself, voice reluctant like a broody teenager. “It’s whatever, I’m not going to do anything anyway.” Louis’ look prompted him to go on. “It’s just this stupid Borderline anyway and I’m not going to pursue this. I won’t do that to you. I just- I don’t know, wanted to be honest to you about it or something.” He shrugged again. Liam flexed his arms when he felt Zayn starting to move away. “No, none of that.” He reprimanded, keeping Zayn on his lap and not letting him flee. “What are you talking about, Z? Why are you cutting this off before it even has a chance to develop? You heard us, right? It’s okay, we just have to wait a little bit longer.” Harry said, trying to catch his boyfriend’s eyes with his. “Never mind, okay? I heard you, but I’m not doing it. I’m totally fine with dropping this.” Zayn replied, brushing Liam’s hands off of his waist in an agitated manner. He stood, but Louis quickly mirrored him, grabbing his hand and stilling Zayn with his concerned look. Everything quieted down for a moment, hearts thumping and chests heaving.

 

“What did you mean with ‘I won’t do that to you’? What won’t you do to us?” Louis asked, voice soft in comparison to the raised voices before. Zayn tensed, uncomfortable. He went to discard the subject, forming his lips around ‘nothing, never mind’ but Louis cut him off before he could. “Did I hurt you by pursuing my feelings for Harry?” His tone was fragile, scared, but desperate for an answer. He’d thought everything was okay, that Liam and Zayn were okay with Harry- that’s what they had told him. But now he started questioning that, and he felt awful for never knowing it may have bothered them. His eyes swept to Liam, who was looking at Zayn the way he imagined he himself was looking. Harry looked even worse, eyes red and brimming with tears. The silence was tense and Louis felt like he couldn’t breathe anymore, because Zayn’s face said it all.

“My God...” Louis whispered. “Really? Zayn, baby, are you unhappy?” Louis tightened his grip on Zayn’s hand, other one reaching up to wipe at his eyes. Zayn’s eyes snapped up, shocked as he saw his boyfriends’ faces. “No! Please, believe me, I’m not unhappy.” He begged. “I just...” He sighed heavily, sitting down on the coffee table with his hands in his hair. “You- you and Li were the first to ever love me, you know that. And I’d never felt so loved, had never been given so much attention as you gave me, especially you, Lou.” Louis sniffed, shakily seating himself back on the couch as he stared at Zayn. “So yeah, it was really hard for me when most of your attention shifted to Harry. I didn’t know him, certainly didn’t love him, all I felt was that I was being replaced even though you told me numerous times I wasn’t.” Harry had never felt so conflicted with his feelings before, not knowing what to feel so instead feeling a combination of everything. He was scared and apprehensive, not knowing where Zayn would go with his story. Did he not love him? Was everything they had done together faux from Zayn’s side?

“Why didn’t you tell us? Me? You had a say in this, Z.” Louis asked, the concerned and desperate frown on his face giving him a headache. “Because you were so adorable fawning over Harry, and it was a lovely sight, and I thought I would get over it. I knew Liam must’ve felt alike when I came along, I didn’t want to be hypocrite.” Zayn explained. “I tried really hard for your attention, tried to find new things to do so I would become more interesting. And it helped, because when it was just about us three I had your attention again, but it was temporary.” Liam thought back of Zayn’s sudden burst of confidence in bed, trying blowjobs and rimming and actual sex. It felt bittersweet, knowing now that it was just a cry for attention. “Don’t get me wrong, Harry, I really do love you.” Harry exhaled shakily, grabbing a hold of Zayn’s hands as a weight lifted from his shoulders. “I’ve come to love you, and I probably don’t tell you enough, but I really do love you.” Zayn pressed a kiss to his hand and Harry felt like he could explode any moment, the fearful adrenaline still rushing through his veins. “It was really hard for me, but everything turned out great eventually. I just don’t want you to have to force yourself to be in love with Niall and, more than that, I don’t want to give Niall more attention than I give you, which _is_ what’s going on right now.” Zayn ended, perking up when he heard sniffles. All three of his boyfriends were either crying or holding back tears, which shocked him to be honest. “Guys, sweethearts, I told you it’s fine now, don’t cry.” Louis halfheartedly kicked at his shin before launching himself into a hug. “Fuck Zayn, you scared us so bad. I could kill myself, hurting you like that.” Soon enough, Harry and Liam were also clinging to Zayn, who was a bit overwhelmed himself.

 

After a little while, Liam untangled himself from the heap of bodies to speak up. “Lads, we _really_ need to step up our game, for real this time.” He spoke, tone determined. It caught his lovers’ attention, turning to look at him and waiting for a plan. “I’m talking no more grocery shopping by yourself, from now on we’ll go with two at least. It’s easy to escape every now and then, simply go around on a walk when you want some one-on-one time, get a cuppa somewhere or something.” Louis nodded along, taking over with his own idea. “Haz, why don’t we drive to work together? It’s silly, really.” Harry rubbed at his eyes, ridding himself of the dried tears. “Because I’m not here on most of the weekdays.” He answered, but Louis gave him no time to feel guilty about that. “I can pick you up, can’t I? Really, we’re just making excuses.” A smile spread on Harry’s lips as he realised that yeah, Louis could pick him up every morning and they could have fifteen minutes to themselves before every day at work. “See? We can do this.” Liam smiled, pulling Zayn in for another hug. “We love to give each other attention and affection, it’s crazy that we do it so sparsely.”

 

They took a few minutes to bask in the new, positive ambiance, holding each other and kissing every now and then. “I’ll go pick Niall up,” Liam announced. “you just make googly eyes at each other for a while.” He grinned and kissed each of his boyfriends’, slipping into his shoes and looking for the keys. Two small hands around his waist took him by surprise, Louis pressing himself up to his back. “I’ll join you.” It was followed by a quick peck on his ear, which gave him the flutters he’d missed in the previous weeks. The two boys grinned at each other before yelling a goodbye and moving to the car, leaving Zayn and Harry on the couch together.

“Are you okay?” Zayn asked quietly after a little while had passed in silence. Harry hummed softly, head resting on Zayn’s shoulder. “I hope you understood everything I said, often my words don’t come out right...” Zayn sighed, leaning his head on top of Harry’s soft curls. “Just know I love you just as much as I love Liam and Louis, yeah? Just as much.” Harry nodded, idly playing with the fingers on Zayn’s hand. “When did it change for you?” He asked softly. “You know, when did it stop hurting and started being okay?” He was thinking back of their first few meetings, wondering how Zayn had felt about him in those moments. “I’ve never hated you, Haz, don’t ever think that. I was trying really hard from the start to love you, but you can’t force love. I guess it changed when we got to know each other a bit better, because the attention from Lou and Li that was given to you instead of me was compensated by the new attention I got from you. That brought me back in balance.” Harry smiled softly, moving is head so he could kiss Zayn on his lips. “You know we wouldn’t mind doing that for you too, right? We would try our best to love Niall the way you love him.” “I don’t love him, Haz.” Zayn countered. Harry hummed. “Not yet, at least. Just- keep it in mind, yeah? Don’t fight it like you’re trying to right now. All we want is for everyone to be happy.” Zayn kept quiet, biting his lip softly. He blinked his eyes tiredly, this afternoon had given him a lot of food for thought, that’s for sure. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought of this in the comments :)
> 
> Also, you can now find me on [tumblr](http://notsuitableforwallabies.tumblr.com/) , please come and say hi! This will link you to my so to say 'writer'-tumblr, where I post my stories (also ones that aren't up here) and rec stories and where you can ask me anything and I will reply! Over there you can find a link to my other tumblr which is more fixated on reblogging things I find funny/entertaining, I won't answer things about my writing there, but you can follow none the less!


	29. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a filler, sorry! Next one is more eventful!

 

The boys managed to keep acting as they had done before around Niall, even though their conversation was present in the back of their minds. Zayn was conflicted, part of him curious as to if he was actually falling in love with Niall while the other part of him didn’t want that at all. He kept it inside, though, and hugged Niall all the same at night after the boy would’ve had another nightmare. Zayn had started taken to asking whether Niall wanted to talk about what had happened in his nightmares, or why he flinched away from him sometimes while other times touching was okay. He was gently trying to learn and understand more about what was going on in Niall’s head, listening intently whenever Niall tried to explain. It proved to be very difficult for the boy, because of multiple reasons. He still wasn’t used to having a voice and being allowed to talk freely whenever he felt like it, but he also just couldn’t find the words to express how he felt. Niall knew what happened to him was bad and not common, but he didn’t like to see any of the lads’ disapproving faces when he told them about what someone had done to him. To him it felt like they were also mad at him, because he had been there to and he had engaged in that activity that they thought was disgusting. It made him feel disgusting, so he didn’t really like to talk about it all that much.

 

It was frustrating for the guys that Niall’s improvement came with so many downfalls. Every time Niall sunk back into old behaviour or forgot what the lads had been telling him for weeks or stopped talking again after booking so much progress, it was hard to not be irritated. They weren’t mad at Niall -they knew the boy was trying- but at the situation, feeling it was unfair how much shit Niall had had to deal with in his past and how much of a struggle it still proved to be for him in present time. But the tension and irritation was still there, no matter how much they tried to rationalize it away, and that affected all of the boys. Niall would shrink even further back into his shell and the patience of the other lads wore thin, causing them to snap at each other occasionally. It wasn’t always like that though, and the periods of tensed air grew shorter and shorter each time.

 

Luckily, giving each other affection and attention went a lot better after their talk. Louis and Liam often went on walks together, quite like they had done when they first got together but without any sticky notes to listen to. They talked about petty little things, reminisced about everything that they had experienced together, their clasped hands swinging in between them as they would stroll around merrily.

No one ever went grocery shopping without at least one other person tagging along. It gave them some time to talk to each other and just be with each other. Other times Niall came with, giving the boys who stayed back some quality time to enjoy each others’ company.

 

Niall started going outside of the house more often, not just for appointments. It started with grocery shopping and slowly expanded to tagging along to other places. He usually only went when Zayn went, but he enjoyed if when other boys joined as well. They had learned they couldn’t yet ask him to tag along to things when Zayn wasn’t there, because Niall didn’t know how to decline but it was obvious he wasn’t at ease with it. But it had a sense of normalcy, making Niall more of a human that engaged in activities and less of a pet that was always at home.

One time Niall went with Zayn to the hairdresser to remove a blonde streak Zayn very much regretted. His boys’ had tried to be nice about it, but frankly couldn’t hold back their laughter when he showed them. He had felt insulted, but realised it really hadn’t been his best fashion statement when he looked in the mirror again. Niall sat on a stool next to Zayn as the hairdresser set to work, the girl trying to engage in a bit of small talk. “Ah, so you teased him into changing it back then?” She asked after Zayn had explained, directing the question to Niall. He tensed up a bit, eyes flitting to Zayn’s- which were calming and soothing and made him open his mouth for a response. “N-no, no I didn’t. I quite liked the blonde...” Zayn’s eyebrows shot up at that, smiling when Niall looked back at him for some sort of confirmation that he’d done well. Talking to people was a big stress factor that came along with going more places, but Niall was really trying his best. His therapist was focusing on that with him; speaking his mind and replying whatever he wanted.

“Oh? You into blondes, eh?” The girl winked. Zayn laughed, partly to cover how flustered Niall was. “Hey, but since we’re here, why don’t you change your hair?” Zayn suggested, fingers carding through the brown locks that still reached till Niall’s shoulders. “Yeah, why don’t you go blonde? I think it’ll suit you.” The hairdresser said, also observing Niall’s do. Niall’s eyes widened and he looked at Zayn. “Should I..?” “You don’t have to, only if you’d want to.” Zayn assured. Niall kept quiet as he pondered it and the girl finished Zayn’s hair, swiftly showing him it through a mirror and brushing sparse hairs off of him after he’d nodded in consent. “So? Do you think you’d want to? You don’t have to go blonde, but you could let them cut it a bit shorter.” Zayn’s voice was always a bit softer when he was talking directly to Niall, which was something Niall liked about him very much. “I think I want to.” He confessed, trying to gauge Zayn’s reaction. “Yeah? Wicked.” He grinned, ruffling Niall’s hair. Niall smiled too, feeling good about his decision.

 

So they had come back home; Zayn back to his raven black hair and Niall now with short and bleached hair. He fretted the boys’ reaction, hoping they wouldn’t laugh or insult him as they’d done with Zayn. It turned out to be pointless, because the boys loved his new hairstyle. Louis immediately jumped up to run his fingers through it and Liam and Harry weren’t far behind to admire Niall. Zayn stood back a little, smiling to himself as he saw Niall’s face which was graced with a blush as he beamed proudly. In that moment, he could see the five of them together as boyfriends. He could see Niall basking in the attention and the boys melting as he’d come and crawl into their laps for a cuddle. Moments like those made him think about his boys’ offer, they made him feel in love.

 

 

 

With Niall’s recovery and his stay with the boys, there were multiple times that could be pointed out where the situation shifted quite drastically, at quite a fast pace. An example would be when Niall started speaking, or when he’d asked Zayn to come lie in bed with him.

At one point in time, months after Niall had gotten his new hairdo, the situation shifted noticeably again. Instead of Zayn trying to softly pry into Niall’s history, the boy started talking to him about it. He initiated conversations with Zayn about it, or told him about his nightmares all by himself, no prompting from Zayn needed. It meant a major step in recovery, because now Niall could start getting everything off his chest and letting the past drift to a secluded place in his mind instead of it being woven through everything. Zayn tried his best to just listen to everything without getting emotional himself, because it was hard enough for Niall to bare himself like that and the boy really needed Zayn for support. Sometimes it would be a specific encounter that he recalled with a ‘customer’, sometimes it would be about his parents, sometimes it would be about things he remembered from before- though he couldn’t remember much. Niall estimated he was nine when his parents started the whole business. But most of the times he cried for the questions he didn’t have an answer to: why did his parents do this to him? Did they regret it at all? Had they never really loved him? Niall felt so betrayed and miserable and it all piled up before it came out and he was sobbing into Zayn’s chest for what felt like hours.

 

 

Zayn looked up when he heard a knock on the door. He was sitting on the floor with Niall next to him, the boy’s face yet again buried in his chest as he cried. Niall was swaddled in blankets and surrounded by pillows as he sat in his safe space, Zayn just outside of it on the regular carpet. Zayn made a point about never entering Niall´s safe space, not even when he was comforting him, because that space was Niall´s and Niall´s only.   

Louis´ head peeked around the door, taking in the scene with a sad smile. “Are you up for dinner or..?” Niall straightened himself when he heard Louis’ voice, hands shooting up to wipe at his face. “Hey, that’s okay Ni.” Louis murmured, surprised when the boy actually looked up at him. “You don’t have to be big around any of us, no one has to.” He said, smiling softly at the head peeking out of the bundle of blankets. Niall sniffled a bit and blinked at Louis, looking right at him with his teary eyes. “Dinner sounds good thank you.” He whispered, adding the tiniest smile. Louis’ smile widened, eyes flitting to Zayn who was proudly grinning himself, before nodding and returning to the kitchen.

As Zayn and Niall made their way to the dining table, Zayn wondered how his boys’ lives were at the moment, for he couldn’t remember how his life was before everything was about Niall. How could they all go to work and focus and then come back to Niall? How didn’t they think about him all day? What did it feel like to lead a life of your own as well as take care of someone so needy? He voiced as much to Liam when they aimlessly walked through town that night. “Because, you know, right now I’m actually kind of fretful that something might happen. And I know that Lou en Harry are there to help him, but still...” Zayn elaborated. Liam stroked his thumb softly as they strolled, tugging the slightly younger boy into his side. “We just know that Niall isn’t as comfortable around us, so we don’t push him to. We give him space. I personally think about him quite often during the day, but I know you’re taking good care of him so I don’t necessarily worry or lose focus.” Liam explained. “It is hard not to wrap him up when he loses it, but wait for you to do so. Especially Louis really needs to hold back sometimes, but we know it’s for the best. And to answer the last question, I think no one’s focus is really on themselves at this point in our lives. We’re not doing anything for us, you know? Everything that happens is about Niall, and that’s okay because that’s just how it is right now. I guess what I’m trying to say is that this isn’t that much different for us, only we still have to wait for Niall to express himself to us.” The two boys turned a corner, sending them back to the apartment. “Zayn, are you okay?” The question caught the boy off guard, frowning as he looked up at his boyfriend. "I mean, are you still managing? We’re a tad concerned about you carrying along all the stress that comes with full days with Niall. Especially now that he’s telling you stuff, we just want to make sure it doesn’t affect you negatively.” They had stopped walking, standing face to face. Zayn’s frown deepened a bit, he hadn’t really given that much thought. “I’m okay, babe. Really.” Liam inched closer, grabbing both of Zayn’s hands to clasp them tight. “Yeah? Because it’s okay if you’re not, you know, you can cry with any of us if it ever feels like too much.” The sentiment expressed with the concern made tears actually prick behind Zayn’s eyes. He hadn’t felt the need to before, but hearing Liam talk made it all really set in. Every time Niall told him stories, all the times he stayed seemingly impassive as to not upset him, suddenly wanted to come out. His throat closed up as he swallowed. “It’s okay, love.” Liam said softly, wrapping his arms around his lover. “I hadn’t really realised I carried it all with me, but leave it to the three of you to pick up on it anyway.” Zayn laughed half-heartedly, glad the tears subsided and didn’t come out here in the middle of the street. Liam squeezed his sides, kissing Zayn’s forehead sweetly. “Well, just know you can come and have a little cry whenever you feel like you need it, yeah? With any one of us.” Zayn nodded and leaned into the embrace a bit more. “I will. Thank you.”

 

It was safe to say that all five of the boys had their own conflict in their minds. Niall was fighting his old demons, trying to make order and structure in his mess of a mind. Zayn was still battling with his heart that would beat faster or swell up with pride at something Niall did, wanting to push it down for reasons that he didn’t know were the same Louis had struggled with before him. Zayn didn’t feel like he had the right to not be happy with his three beautiful boyfriends. He still felt like it was okay for Louis because of his condition, but he didn’t have an excuse for himself. Therefore, he felt like he didn’t want to fall in love with Niall, because he still felt like he couldn’t ask his boys to do the same. Louis was also struggling with feelings he’d never had before. Because he could see Zayn was in love with Niall, and he and the other two figured it wouldn’t be long before Niall would be an addition to their relationship, they were opening themselves up to love Niall in the way that Zayn did. And that was new for Louis. Before, he had been the one to fall arse over tits for someone and he was the one having to ask of the others to try and do the same. But he hadn’t initially fallen for Niall, so now he had to try and do so, and he started to see that that could be difficult. It was the same for Harry, who hadn’t had to fall in love with someone new before either. Although he had had to open up to Zayn and Liam, they had introduced themselves as one deal and he got all three at once. For him to try and love someone else while he was perfectly content with how the relationship was proved to be a struggle for him almost as much as it was for Louis. Liam was doing alright in that retrospect, but he had taken the role of ‘main worrier’ for the time being. He was worrying about Zayn dealing with so much stress and he was worried that the boy would never give in to his feelings for Niall. He was worried Harry and Louis would have trouble trying to love Niall as they loved each other and he was worried the whole five-way-relationship wouldn’t work out.

After all, how could five boys who were each so broken en dented in their own ways live with each other and distribute their love, attention and patience equally? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to hit me up on [tumblr](http://notsuitableforwallabies.tumblr.com/)! I'd love to talk to all of you, about my stories or just random stuff!


	30. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit is about to go dooown

It really was only a matter of time before something bad would happen. Everything had been going so peacefully for at least four months since the whole meltdown- the boys’ relationship was steady and strong, Niall was doing really good, Harry had gotten a raise of salary because he was slowly taking over more jobs from his mother. It wouldn’t be long before he could completely take her job, which had been the plan all along. As soon as Harry was ready for it, his mom would do what she really wanted to do- volunteering at any and every organisation that would have her to help the less fortunate. It meant more money for Harry and he’d decided that he’d put that extra money in the combined household account for the apartment. The boys had tried to talk him out of it, but when Harry said he saw it as a step closer to really moving in, the boys just smiled dopily.

Everything was going so smoothly, it shouldn’t have come as a surprise someone would slip up. Nobody had hoped it would be quite this way, though.

 

Niall was just heading for the kitchen to grab a glass of water for himself. He had been doing some of the assignments his therapist had given him- keeping a diary in which he captured the good things that happened each day to get his head out of the darkness it had been in. Niall’s therapist said he was doing a neat job in keeping it updated, the only remark she’d had was that the happy things only mentioned the other four boys, rarely ever something he had done. She had told Niall to work on that, but he was having a hard time. His four roommates did everything that they did well and Niall only really ever failed at his attempts. Recently he had completely mixed up how the boys like their tea- they had tried to be nice about it, but Niall was still holding a grudge towards himself. Sometimes, although it kept getting less, Niall would wish one of the boys laid out strict rules for him to follow, just so he knew how to act at any given time- quite like it had been with his parents. Niall knew those thoughts were bad, but he couldn’t really help them.

When the blonde boy neared the kitchen he heard soft voices. They belonged to Louis and Liam, Niall recognised. Although he still didn’t speak to them that often, he loved to listen to them and learn about them into the littlest detail. He didn’t feel the need to start to talk to them much more than he did though- or maybe he felt scared to. He felt scared enough being so dependent on Zayn. His mind played these games with him, where as soon as Zayn was out of sight, he forgot that the boy cared for him. And every time Niall messed up, he was scared Zayn would just be done with him. Zayn knew so much about him, he could break Niall into tiny little pieces- and that scared Niall shitless. So he preferred to keep the other lads in the dark about him. That didn’t mean he didn’t like them, because he felt in awe whenever he was close to them. He could distinct their voices and recognise their emotions without having to see their faces, simply because he’d listened to them so much. Liam and Louis’ voices were soft, mumbling, but not in a worried manner. They sounded quite content, it brought a small smile to Niall’s face. He planned to enter the kitchen as quietly as possible as to not disturb the two lads, glad he was wearing socks so he could shuffle in there without being heard.

 

He couldn’t keep quiet at what met his eye, though, a small squeak leaving his lips. Liam and Louis were tightly entangled, lips locked and hands in each others’ hair. They broke apart at hearing something, moving away faster when they realised it had been Niall. “ _Niall_ -” Louis tried, but the boy had already fled the room. Niall swiftly moved back from where he had come, shutting the door and diving for his pile of blankets and pillows.

The sight of those two boys had triggered a lot in the little blonde’s brain, memory after memory flashing before his eyes of gory men pulling his hair to lift his head up and knocking their lips against him. Niall had asked his father one time to put ‘no kissing’ on the list of rules, but his father was against that. He had taught Niall exactly why men wanted to kiss him and why it was rude of him to ask them not to.

Niall can still remember when he was seven, before all the horrible things started, he watched all these Disney movies. And he can remember that these princesses made a whole fuss about how lovely kisses were and how much they wanted them. He can remember that at the age of eleven, he was so _mad_ at those princesses for telling him such lies. Niall couldn’t comprehend why Liam and Louis would want to kiss and why they looked and sounded so happy. Niall doesn’t remember how many times he’d been kissed, but he can say that there hasn’t been one that he had liked. They all hurt and made him feel sick. Niall was shaking all over, memories shuddering through him as he cried into a pillow. He couldn’t catch his breath and his hands were tingling and it all just felt like too much.

Niall didn´t think it was possible, but his heart rate sped up even more when his door opened and Louis´ head peeked around the corner. He gasped at the sight in front of him, coming closer quickly before thinking about it and halting. “ _Niall_ ,” He breathed.”Niall can I stay with you, _please_? To explain?” He crouched down, heart clenching painfully when Niall huddled closer to the wall. The boy was whimpering softly as he turned his head away, praying that Louis wouldn’t kiss him. “I want to explain, okay? I’ll go sit down here and wait until you’re ready.” Louis moved away considerably and Niall felt like he could breathe a little bit better, like he wasn’t that cornered anymore.  

After roughly twenty minutes, Niall had calmed down considerably. He was still eyeing Louis rather suspiciously, trying to comprehend why what he’d seen had happened. “Are you okay to listen to me?” Louis asked softly, his mind scrambling for a way to explain. Niall nodded timidly, accepting the tissue Louis handed over to him.

 “Liam and I are boyfriends.” Louis started off. In the quick moment he and Liam had had to think about their actions, they had decided that they would tell Niall this, but wouldn’t tell him about the others. It would probably be hard enough to explain a ‘normal’ relationship to the damaged boy. As Louis and Niall were speaking, Liam was informing the other boys about their situation, calling them up while they were out for groceries.

Louis’ words didn’t really get a reaction out of Niall, the boy was just looking at him blankly. “Do you know what that means?” Louis asked carefully, reminding himself that Niall had been so young when his life got twisted around- he didn’t know about a lot of things that were general knowledge to others. Niall’s shoulders lifted a bit in a shrug. Louis faltered a bit but tried to hide it, elaborating. “It means that we really like each other-love each other even, and that we plan to spend the rest of our lives together.” Niall’s head tilted to side. “Why do you kiss?” He asked, sucking his own lips into his mouth as if he wanted to protect them from any wandering lips that might plant on them. “It’s a way for us to show each other how much we love each other.” Louis explained, hands flailing about as he tried to make Niall understand. “I know that you’ve had a lot of kisses that you didn’t like. But the way they kissed you is not the way it’s supposed to be.” Louis could see Niall’s eyes dim, as they did when people reminded him that his life had been different and wrong. “Kisses- when they’re with the right person- are really nice. It’s okay if you don’t feel that way, but can you understand that Liam and I enjoy kissing each other?” Louis asked hopefully, pursing his lip when Niall shook his head quietly. He fell silent for a bit. Niall looked down at his hands, chewing on his lip as he tried to push the memories of all his kisses to the back of his head.

He looked back at Louis when said boy perked up. “Remember when Zayn told you about good and bad touches?” He waited for Niall to nod before he continued. “Well, to me and Liam kisses are good touches. To us they feel a bit like it feels to you when Zayn hugs you.” Niall nodded slowly, comprehending a bit better. He may not understand why kissing was good to them, but he did know what good touches felt like. If they really felt that way to them, he could see why they’d want to do it. “You understand now?” Louis asked hopefully. Niall nodded again. “I suppose,” He murmured quietly. “D’you feel alright?” Louis gauged, relief flooding his system when Niall offered him a small smile and a nod. Niall prided himself on the fact that he didn’t tense up that much when Louis pulled him in for a quick hug, brains and lips remembering that Louis wouldn’t kiss him, that it was a thing he did with Liam.

Niall was a bit awkward around the two of them after that, bending over backwards to try and stay away from them when they were together. One on one he could handle them just fine, but the two of them together made him fidgety. It faded after a couple of weeks, or rather Niall became more accustomed and swift in his ways of avoiding them, and the household calmed down. Quietly, Louis let himself be happy, knowing that when he really needed someone while Niall was around, he could just lean on Liam- in the literal sense of the word. Quietly, the four boys exhaled deeply, glad that the crisis didn’t cause more damage than this and that it had blown over relatively quick.

 

Thinking it was over was a mistake.

 

Liam immediately knew something was wrong when he looked up and saw Niall shuffle into the living room. Usually, he’d look up and flash a smile at whoever would enter, and then return to his book or laptop. But as soon as Liam looked up and took in Niall’s distressed face, he nearly pushed his laptop to the floor, trying to scramble up and focus on the boy in front of him. “Niall, what’s going on?” He asked, looking up at where Niall was standing next to the couch. “C-can I tell you something?” Niall stuttered out, hands clasped together tightly. Liam nodded and patted the couch next to him, watching as Niall sat down with shaky legs. “You can tell me anything, Niall, you know that.” Liam smiled softly, trying to put Niall at ease and cease the trembling in his fingers. Niall stayed quiet for a rather long period of time, clearly trying to work his way up to telling Liam whatever he thought he needed to tell him. When he did open his mouth, a tumbling of words came out- more than Liam had ever heard Niall speak in one consecutive conversation.

“I-I was just walking from my room to the living room, a-and then I saw...I saw Louis-uhm, kiss? Harry, he was kissing Harry, or Harry was kissing him-I don’t know. But I thought I should tell you, I just thought- because you’re boyfriends, a-and boyfriends are not supposed to kiss other people, right? I don’t know, am I right? Because I could be wrong, I hope I’m wrong. Louis- he, he wouldn’t ever do something bad, right? He’s really nice- I think, so he doesn’t do wrong things, does he? I didn’t think any of you did. Maybe I sh-shouldn’t have said anything after all...” Liam gently captured Niall’s flailing hands in his larger ones, ceasing his stream of words. His head was pounding, frustrated that Harry and Louis could slack like that and kiss in the hallway. He wasn’t mad, just overwhelmed with having to be the one to make the decision about what to do.

“Niall, thank you for telling me. You did what you thought was right- and it was. It was right of you to tell me. Thank you.” Liam figured Niall needed that reassurance first and foremost, and he was proven right with the way Niall visibly relaxed. “A-are you mad at Louis?” Niall asked carefully. He was peeking up at Liam, with a look that Liam recognized. He was trying to gauge if he had understood, if he knew what the proper reaction was to the situation, or if he had miscalculated. “I should be,” Liam amended, which he knew confused Niall. But he just couldn’t lie to him. “I would’ve been, had the situation been different.” Niall’s eyebrows furrowed together in a frown, tilting his head quite adorably. Liam felt bad, having to drop this bomb on the boy that didn’t need another bomb dropped. “It’s a bit more complicated than we’ve led you to believe, Niall. We didn’t lie, but we haven’t told you everything yet.”

 Liam stood from the couch and lifted Niall up by his hands, looking down on him with the gentlest look he could muster. “If you sit down at the table, I’ll fetch the other lads and we’ll tell you everything, yeah?” Niall just kept looking like a very lost puppy; confused, scared and a little betrayed, and Liam had to hold himself back and walk away before he pulled him into his arms and never lets him go, never lets him face the stupid world that seems to be out to make his life the biggest struggle possible.

When he opened the door to the first bedroom in reach, he was lucky enough to see all three boys lounging on the bed. As they look up at him they all slip in varying levels of alarm, sitting up straighter immediately. “It’s time to tell him lads.” Liam sighed, leaning in the doorpost. Answering their confused looks, Liam elaborated. “Niall saw Louis and Harry kiss. He came to tell me because he thought it was the right thing to do, and I can’t lie to him. We’re telling him everything, right now.” His voice sounded curter than he wanted it to be, but Liam really didn’t have the time to nicely sort out all his feelings. Harry and Louis looked ashamed, while Zayn just looked a whole lot confused. They all immediately got up though, and followed Liam out to the hall obediently. Before they entered the living room, Liam turned to them. “Just- The whole truth, okay? All our cards on the table.” He gauged, just to make sure they were on the same page. The three boys nodded solemnly and stumbled through the last bit of hallway, hearts rabbitting in their chests. When the door opened and they were met with Niall’s face that was so thoroughly confused, they knew a lot was going to happen that afternoon. They were on the first peak of the rollercoaster, slowly going up as they sat down around the table. Waiting, with great anticipation, for the drop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!  
> I hope you liked this chapter and that you are excited for the next! How do you think Niall will react? Let me know in the comments!  
> Thank you all for sticking with me, even when my update-pace is so much slower. Just remember I won't give up on this fic, it will be finished.
> 
> Come talk to me on [tumblr](http://notsuitableforwallabies.tumblr.com/) ! I'll answer any of you questions there! Writing related or not :) Would you like it if I did character asks? Let me know!
> 
> Love you all lots!


	31. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 30! Can you believe it? Thank you to everyone who's still sticking around!

Niall was staring at the wall blankly when the boys entered. His face was contorted in a look that looked like he was fighting a migraine; pained and a bit miserable. He was panicking, heart beating as fast as the other boys’, but that was unbeknownst to him. The four lads shared a look and a sigh before they slowly made their way over to him, sitting down at their respective seats around the table.

“Niall,” Liam started, sighing when the boy didn’t look at him. “Niall, I want you to know that this has nothing to do with you doing something wrong. The only reason why we didn’t tell you what we’re about to is that we thought it would make you uncomfortable.” They waited for Niall to acknowledge his words, but a silence fell. Louis then decided to just get it over with.  “Niall, the first thing you need to know is that we’re not perfect, far from it actually...” That’s really where Niall started spiralling downward. That one sentence pulled the ground right from under his feet, having him flailing helplessly for a moment before crashing down. Those boys were perfection. They couldn’t not be. They were nothing like Niall. His eyes flitted to the door, an exit, and he felt trapped when he realised he was seated furthest away. He’d have to go past all the boys to get there, and that thought suffocated him.

“...Because of my condition,” Louis’ voice sounded. Niall jumped, realising he’d missed everything Louis had said. His hands were tingling again and he felt sweat starting to pool at the back of his neck. He clenched his teeth and tried his best to listen to Louis, even though his head was spinning. “We decided to all be in a relationship, the four of us.” Niall’s chest was aching with how fast his heart was beating and he felt dizzier and dizzier even though he was firmly planted on his chair. “So, it’s what I explained about Liam and me, only for the four of us. Do you understand?” The four boys were looking at Niall hopefully, jaws clenched and hands clasped tightly because they could see Niall wasn’t responding very positively. It was when Niall started swaying in his seat that Harry finally recognized what was happening.

 

He rose from his chair and made his way over to Niall, ordering the other boys to move out of the way in a calm and assertive voice. The boys obeyed immediately, faces shocked and fretful. To Niall, Harry’s voice was soft, calming and patient. “Come on, Niall, let’s go outside, yeah? You’re having a panic attack, love, but it’s going to be alright.” He carefully helped Niall up and out of the flat, hands feeling the cold sweat on Niall’s skin. “We’re going to walk around the block for a bit. If you need anything, ask me. For now, I will keep quiet.” Harry acted on what he knew helped him with his panic attacks. Removing himself from where the panic came on, gentle exercise and no one fussing about him. He just walked along with Niall, who altered between slow shuffling and striding along quickly, staying by his side for when he was needed. When they had walked around the block two times, they sat down on the steps toward the flat, Niall’s knees jiggling to get the adrenaline out of his system. The boy was still panting, murmuring into thin air about wanting it to stop. “Focus on your breathing Niall. Breathe slow and low.” Harry advised gently. Looking at his watch, he figured the attack would subside soon, seeing it had nearly been twenty minutes.  

And indeed, not too long after that, Niall had calmed down considerably. His body slumped against the wall, he closed his eyes to recollect himself. “Are you feeling okay again?” Harry asked, low voice sounding so soothing to Niall’s ears. He nodded slowly, feeling nothing but tired. “Have you ever felt like that before, Niall?” Niall nodded again, remembering when he had caught Louis and Liam kissing. It hadn’t been as bad, but it had definitely felt the same. Now that he thought of it, he’d felt that way many times back when he lived with his parents. “I’m proud of you Niall, you’ve done so well.” Niall didn’t know why, but those words were exactly what he needed to hear.

 

Sadly, after a couple of minutes the conversation that caused everything came drifting back to the surface. It was as if Harry could read on his face where his thoughts had drifted. He handed Niall a tissue, which he seemingly made out of thin air, and settled back so there was a decent amount of space between them. “I didn’t listen,” Niall confessed. “I couldn’t hear.” He looked at Harry with apologetic eyes, and was met with inexhaustible patience in Harry’s. “That’s okay, I’ll tell you.” He smiled. “It all started with Louis. He has something, we simply call it ‘having a big heart’. I don’t know how foreign of a concept it is to you, but when someone loves you or when you love someone, your heart feels content. It feels like it’s full with love, d’you understand?” Niall frowned a bit, but nodded. Thinking back to his conversation with Louis and how he compared love to good touches, he could recall feeling his heart beat a bit more prominent in his chest when Zayn held him. “Usually, people’s hearts are filled when they find one person to spend the rest of their life with.” Niall nodded a bit more confidently now, because he remembered that from all those stupid princess movies- maybe they had been speaking the truth after all. “But Louis need more than that, because his heart is bigger, you see?” Harry’s voice was stable and soft, a gentle rumble that flowed from his chest to Niall’s ears. He talked as if he had until eternity to finish his story, nothing rushed or skipped over. Niall was really thankful for that. “So that is why Liam, Zayn and I all give our love to Louis, and he gives his to us. All four of us share it, really, we’re all boyfriends.” That’s what Niall could remember hearing Louis explain, so he nodded yet again. “That’s what we wanted to tell you, that we all kiss each other and all love each other. That’s why Liam wouldn’t get mad about me and Louis kissing.” “Oh,” Niall murmured.

“Yeah,” Harry murmured back.

It made sense to Niall, in a way. These four boys deserved nothing but the best, but they were the best, so deserved each other. He hadn’t heard of more than two people being in a relationship before, but then again he hadn’t heard about a lot in the world. This was just one new discovery right there next to those little fish that nibble your feet clean and KFC. And Niall kept getting better at processing these new phenomena, so it didn’t take him that long to wrap his head around and understand.

It did make him sad to think that the boys had been hiding their relationship because of him, it made him feel bad about himself. He was standing in the way of their love, of Louis’ heart feeling full. And he still was. It would be uncomfortable for the boys to be together while Niall was there as well. Because they’re always so nice and considerate they would keep their hands off of each other whenever Niall was around and Niall did not want that. He didn’t want to intrude like that, not more than he already was.

 

‘I’ll just go, then’  

It was right on the tip of his tongue when noises were heard from upstairs. The two boys perked up and shuffled aside to let anyone with haste pass them a bit easier. But the rummaging turned out to be Zayn, Liam and Louis not far behind if the other feet drumming down the stairs were anything to go by.

He skipped to a stop when he took in Harry and Niall, sighing in relief to see they hadn’t strayed too far. His heart was pounding and his head was swimming and if he would’ve been able to think a bit clearer, he’d known his words were doomed to come out wrong. Rushed. Overwhelming. But he wasn’t thinking clear and he was acting out on impulse and newly discovered emotion and it felt like this had to be done, had to be done _right now_.

Harry frowned a bit at Zayn’s appearance, wondering what the rush could be. He tried to lock eyes with Liam and Louis as soon as they appeared as well, but they were eyeing Zayn just as intensely. Zayn’s whole focus lay on Niall, who was fidgeting underneath the intensity of it. “Niall.” It came out more like a breath leaving Zayn’s lungs. “Niall, I-” He cut himself off, hopping down another couple of steps. Four pairs of eyes were on him, calculating, teeth worrying in bottom lips. “Niall, this- everything we’ve told you, it- it’s not all.” Zayn glanced at his three lovers, but he honestly didn’t really take in their faces. “We still want to ask you something.” Harry’s eyes widened slightly, the turn of the conversation dawning upon him. He looked up at Liam and Louis again, and that time they looked back, nodding at the question in Harry’s eyes.

“Look, I’ve really grown to like you,” Zayn started, “a lot, actually.” Liam could see Niall’s eyes widen and Harry noticed his posture stiffening, but they didn’t speak up. “And I figured, now we’re laying out all of our cards I might as well throw this one out there, too.” Louis could see Niall’s chest rising and falling more quickly at Zayn’s words, but he didn’t interject. “I-” Zayn cut himself off and threw around another glance at his boyfriends, “ _We_ want to ask you to, well, to be with us. As our boyfriend. For preferably a very long time.” Zayn stuttered, a thick silence draping itself around the five lads afterwards. None of the other three guys spoke up to add anything, to put Zayn’s statement into perspective. They could’ve, and god did they think about it, but they didn’t. Maybe because they all had a little bit of hope that it would turn out great, or well, or even a little bit positive. Maybe they hoped against hope that Niall would say yes and they would fall into an embrace and pile into bed together to fall asleep soundly. Maybe they all were as foggy-minded as Zayn was.

 

But, sadly, Niall didn’t respond the way they had hoped. The boy carefully scrambled up to his feet, body trembling, head slowly moving. The movement morphed into a shaking of his head, more clear and certain per second. “N-no, no thank you... I’m sorry.” And then he was gone, escaping the building briskly. Zayn took one step after him, hand futilely reaching out before falling back to his side, looking to the door which was slowly falling shut. Harry had jumped up, but also ceased his movements quickly. It seemed like all the boys realised that neither one of them should run after Niall, that it would only serve to make him more anxious and scared.

So instead, Liam whipped out his phone, calling Niall’s therapist. Louis and Harry were the ones to cradle Zayn in their arms, waiting patiently until they could feel the little sobs starting to wreck his body. They held him even closer than, the three of them shaking with the force of Zayn’s sadness. They could hear Liam’s voice in the background, explaining the situation and asking for help. He hung up on het relatively quickly, dialling another number right after. “Collin, Hi! I’m sorry to bother you and even more sorry to say it’s bad news...” Louis winced a bit at the whole ordeal, feeling sympathetic –or were they?-tears brim his eyes. Harry was softly murmuring into Zayn’s ear. It was nonsensical and barely audible but maybe that’s what made it so precious. Liam settled everything with Collin, his voice trembling slightly through the cracks of his business-like demeanour. Collin would call Niall- who luckily had gotten his own cell phone for cases like this, and brought it along with him everywhere-and then come to pick him up, letting him stay at his home for the night. Then tomorrow, Niall would have an emergency-session with his therapist and the boys would be informed on what to do next. Hopefully, everything could be settled in 24 hours.

Louis opened his arms for Liam to join their hug when he’d pocketed his phone.  They stood there for a while longer before taking the lift back up to their apartment, even Harry was too tired to take the stairs.

That night, Harry and Zayn cuddled up in bed together. Zayn hadn’t really let go of Harry ever since they hugged downstairs, crowding close to pick up on every tiny whisper of comfort, focusing on every touch Harry granted him. It grounded him, listening to the soft rumble in his lover’s chest, feeling his hands on his back rubbing gently which reminded him of how far Harry had come for them, how much he loved them. Lying with Harry that night made him feel loved again, made him forget about the blunt rejection he’d received after putting his heart on the line. He was everything he needed to keep his emotions in check, because Zayn didn’t feel the need to pour his heart out. All he wanted was to listen to his voice until he eventually drifted off.

Later on, Liam peeked into the room to see Harry was still awake. He smiled and made his way over to him, bowing down to press a kiss to his lips. “You were incredible all of today, love. We would’ve been in such a mess weren’t it for you.” Harry blushed, hiding it by pressing his face into Zayn’s hair, before turning back and puckering his lips for another kiss. Liam chuckled softly, careful not to rouse Zayn, and obliged to Harry’s demand, adding another one afterwards on Louis’ account. He nuzzled his nose into Harry’s curls for good measure, before exiting the room with a smile and slipping underneath the covers next to Louis.

He was happy, despite everything. He was proud of them, of how they could handle something like this as long as they have each other. How Harry could help Zayn and how he could coordinate everything and how Louis would most probably bust his ass off making the boys breakfast tomorrow and making everybody feel nice to forget about tonight. They stood strong together, and even though they could be at the start of an even longer and more troubling process or maybe could lose Niall for good tomorrow, they would come out of it together. Only, maybe, plus one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you thought of this and what you predict will happen next chapter!


	32. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm so excited to offer you a new chapter! It's been four months, which is terrible, but school's been a bitch (or I have been, putting too much effort into school, you can decide) I have made it a bit longer for you, as a peace offering. To all of you still reading ot only now discorvering this story- I love you all lots! Enjoy!

The next day passed as one big blur to all of them. Louis did indeed wake up way earlier than the others and presented them with more breakfast than any of them could stomach. They appreciated it nonetheless, knowing this was Louis’ way of making sure they wouldn’t walk away from him, too. They showered each other in love, touching and praising and kissing more than usual, just to reassure each other. And they thanked their lucky stars- and themselves- for the fact that no one had seemed to be tipped into an episode, even though the situation could’ve easily provoked it.

And then they got the call, asking them to head over to Niall’s therapist. They recognised Collin’s car already parked there when they arrived and his and Niall’s jackets hanging in the waiting room as they nervously sat down. Louis was drawing patterns on Liam’s hand, clutching it with both of his to ground him. Harry was jiggling his  legs, sitting at the edge of his seat precariously, his jaw moving the way it always did when he was uncertain and nervous. Liam was biting at his lips, bottom one bursting open after a while and stinging afterwards. At one point, Collin exited the room and joined them, offering a rueful smile. Zayn’s almost positive he’s going to be sick.

The feeling only intensified when they’re called to join Niall and his therapist, Zayn not able to react to Collin’s sympathetic squeeze in his shoulder as the man stayed behind, knees wobbling as he lowered himself into a chair that’s set up in front of the therapists desk. Niall looked like he’d been crying and that made Zayn’s intestines churn even more.

 

“Hello boys, it’s great to finally meet you and put faces to your names.” The therapist – Sasha- smiled kindly after shaking each boys’ hand. “The circumstances might not be ideal, but this was probably overdue anyway.” Sasha seemed very kind and patient, and Zayn let out a breath of relief at the fact that she gives off a good vibe, that Niall’d been going to someone who’s nice to him.

“We’re going to do a good load of talking today, we are.” She announced. “And I know that’s going to be though for some of you,” Niall curled in on himself as Sasha pointedly looked at him. “but I hope everyone will try their bests. It’s for your own benefits, really.” The boys all nodded their consent, different levels of nervous energy flooding each system. Liam and Harry were probably the easiest to reason with, Sasha reckoned as she looked at the lot before her.

“Niall and I have decided that it’s time to explain what it exactly that he struggles with and how that comes into view on a day-to-day basis.” One glance over and Liam could conclude it wasn’t really all that much Niall’s decision, seeing the boy seemingly make efforts to turn into thin air. “At the end of today Niall gets to decide whether or not he wants to continue living with you lot, but it is very important that we all try our bests to smooth over this bump in the road together, and let Niall see that you can overcome this and stay friends in the very least.” The boys all nodded again, firmly. Sasha smiled to them, happy with their attitudes.   

 

 “Feel free to speak up anytime you want, or ask any burning question on your mind. For now, I’ll just start explaining.” She explained, holding her tongue when she saw Zayn shift and swallow, opening his mouth. “I-I just want to tell Niall real quick that I’m sorry for what I’ve done. We all knew you weren’t ready for this and I shouldn’t have asked you such a thing. I’m sorry.” He spoke, fully turned towards Niall who was in turn staring at Harry’s shoes. “Do you want to respond to that in any way, Niall?” Sasha asked him, holding his gaze as his eyes shot up. He didn’t say anything, though, just looked at her feverishly until she focused back on Zayn. Louis had laid his hand on his knee, rubbing softly to comfort the dejected looking boy. “We’ll get back to that, okay? Let’s start from the beginning.” Zayn nodded meekly and tried for a grateful smile, but he wasn’t sure the corners of his mouth even moved.

 

“So, as you all know Niall’s childhood has been more than a little rough. You might’ve heard bits and pieces about it, or assumed things, and you know some things from own experience.” Zayn’s fists clenched as he thought back to their whole plan of saving Niall, how disgusted he had felt with the situation that Niall had to call his life. “Therefore, I don’t think it’ll come as a shock when I say Niall struggles with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.” Sasha paused a moment to let it sink in. As expected, the boys didn’t appear too aghast. “It is actually quite unbelievable how little Niall suffers from it, considering. Given, he has nightmares and flashbacks and those will have to slowly wear off, though they will never fade, yet he’s not unusually angry or detached which was unexpected happy news to us.” Sasha couldn’t help but coo inwardly, seeing four lips quirk up in what could only be described as proud smiles. She wished Niall would just look up and see, but they’d get there in time. “The name we’ve given to all Niall’s symptoms is Avoidant Personality Disorder, or AvpD. It’s a bit of a name says it all disorder, but I’ll go into detail about it until you feel you’re informed enough.” Louis and Zayn showed most of the emotion, gnawing at their lips and restlessly flitting with their fingers. Liam only looked curious and resolute, determined to take in every little piece of information given to him. Sasha figured he’d be the one asking for books on the disorder afterwards and she was glad he was that kind of person, information was key after all. Meanwhile, Harry was full on staring at Niall, who was glancing nervously at the boys’ general direction to see their reactions. Harry looked empathetic and the slightest bit pitiful, a great contrast to all the other pairs of eyes.

 

Only now did Sasha realise how observant Niall was, noticing how she recognised everything Niall told her about those four boys. They formed a great wholesome unity of such different personalities it was almost absurd, yet they fitted together perfectly. Where one had his shortcomings, another could make up for it with abundance. And they knew each other inside out, like their favourite books they’ve read over and over. Comforting came easy to them, as a second nature, as did loving. They just cared so deeply it was beautiful to see, really. And Sasha had only really observed them for twenty minutes. It was quite mind-boggling to have these five unique people in front of her. They would become those people that you simply won’t ever forget meeting, Sasha was sure.

 

After the little pause she’d granted the boys, Sasha spoke up again. She told them how they’d come to the conclusion of this disorder, explained where it had come from, went into detail about how it manifests within Niall’s life and spoke in depth about the exercises they had done. If she’d been able to talk uninterruptedly, it would’ve cost her just over forty minutes, she reckoned. In reality it cost her more than two hours. Niall had to excuse himself multiple times, having another panic attack and having to ask for a break every time he felt another one could come on. It wasn’t very likely he would have another one, but it was important that he stood up for himself and asked for space every time he felt anxious, so Sasha was glad with all the interruptions. Aside from that they took a couple coffee breaks so the other boys could process everything and Sasha could discuss with Niall what she planned on telling next.  

 

Set aside all the complex and terrible things they had to speak about, Sasha believed this day helped the boys grow closer than ever. The first time one of the other boys had shed a tear, Niall had been incredibly confused. “Why are you crying?” He’d asked after Sasha had coaxed him to. “Because I’m sad for you Niall,” Zayn had explained, voice thick through his emotion. “it hurts me to hear how lowly you think of yourself, because I think you’re wonderful.” “Oh,” Niall had muttered, curling back into himself to think about that piece of information. It surely wasn’t the last time any of the lads cried that day, Niall eyeing them warily every time they did. Sasha hoped that maybe, if it happened often enough and they explained to Niall what they felt every single time, Niall would start to see. She told the boys just that, adding that it could be months or even years before Niall could understand their point of view. It made more tears fall.

 

It was around the clock of three that they finally landed on the last subject, the one that really mattered today. “I hope that from all that you’ve learned today, you can see that love and relationships are a very delicate and terrifying area for Niall.” Breathy, self-deprecating laughs escaped some of the boys. Niall was biting his fingernails, which were already bitten down completely. “Love has to do with trust. You trust that the other person, or people, truly loves you and care about you. I’m sure some of you, if not all, have been incredulous about it at some point: ‘He’s such an incredible guy, he could get anyone, why would he choose silly old me?’” Five heads nodded at the same time, then noticing each other with small smiles. “Hard to believe that’s mutual, eh?” This emitted real laughs form the lads, except Niall who was looking at the others confusedly, proving Sasha’s words. “Well, go figure how it must be for someone with AvpD.”

 

“Niall, I’d like for you to explain to the boys why you did not feel comfortable with their question yesterday. Why you felt the urge to flee.” Niall looked at Sasha with big eyes, petrified. Up until now, Sasha had done all the talking about him, for him, and he’d denied any opportunity she’d given him to talk. He liked it better that way. He couldn’t put into words what he meant, so the boys would be better off by listening to Sasha. Niall hoped she’d accept his silence again and move on, but her question was specifically for him and it didn’t sound like he had a choice in the matter. “You can take all the time you need, Niall, but you really have to explain this yourself.” Sasha urged, Niall’s stomach swooping unpleasantly as he realised she meant it. He could feel all of their eyes on him and felt his throat lock up. He coughed, hoping Sasha would recognise what he was feeling as he’d been there many times before. She did, but she didn’t pity him. “Niall, I know that you’re uncomfortable and scared, but I also know that you’ve come a long way with these guys. I know that you know you can talk to them, you just need to remind yourself.”

 

During the day, the boys had spoken about their relationship with Niall up until them. They had spoken about his progress and their personal connections to him. Sasha knew that he talked to them without having to be prompted by any of them. She knew he allowed them to touch him and sometimes touched them back. She knew that Niall had even come as far as asking Zayn for a hug every now and again, and that he had talked to all the boys about some of his experiences and nightmares and had let himself cry in front of them. She knew all that, so she knew what she could expect of him.

 

While Niall was battling internally, the other four boys looked rather miserable. Seeing Niall in such a state because he was asked to speak to them hit right where it hurt the most. All their progress had seemingly disappeared into thin air. All their efforts, fruitless after all. Another tear slipped from Zayn´s tired eyes. It stung his red and raw skin, it had been wiped at too much already. If he had simply kept his mouth shut none of this would´ve happened. Now they were here, in chairs that weren´t comfortable anymore after so many hours and Niall couldn´t even look at them. Over time, he´d scooted further and further away from Harry´s chair, separating them and curling in on himself.

 

“I didn’t think they meant it.” Niall’s voice rasped through the quiet room. He was looking at his shoes, plucking at them aimlessly, figuring talking to them and looking at them would be too much. “Why not?” Sasha questioned. Niall shrugged a bit. “Seemed only logical.” He nearly whispered. He could feel it coming, Sasha was building up to knock him off his relatively steady foundation. She’d ask his opinion before letting him know it wasn’t the case at all, that he’d miscalculated or read the situation wrong. She’d done it before and it always made Niall feel terrible. Not that she was mean about it, but he hated being wrong. “Can you elaborate your thoughts Niall?” She asked. Slumping in defeat, Niall spoke. “I thought they didn’t want to hide anymore, with their relationship. A- and they probably thought this was the nicest way. But I knew that it would be better to leave. They’re nice, they wouldn’t kick me out. So they...they kind of had to ask. They just wanted to love each other again.” Niall held on to himself, bracing him for the response.

 

“Niall,” Sasha’s voice was softer than Niall expected. “Niall, I want you to look up and see the boys’ faces. Look up right now, please.” Niall frowned to himself, looking up at Sasha. She jerked her head to the lads and Niall turned to look at them hesitantly. He gasped at the sight. All four of the boys were crying, varying from Zayn who was sobbing into his clenched fist, to Harry who was looking at him so intently with silent tears running down his cheeks. “Oh,” He breathed, “I-I’m sorry.” That made Zayn sob even louder and Niall didn’t know what to do about it. He had messed up. Flitting his eyes at Sasha, he saw her looking at the five of them with sad eyes, yet she smiled. “Do you feel like a burden to them, Niall?” She asked softly. Niall swallowed. “I am.” He said honestly. He knew that, ever since he came there he knew that. Especially since yesterday. Now they could all hear Zayn cry, Liam tugging him into his side protectively. Niall’s head was spinning. Had he been wrong again?

 

“Can any of you boys explain to Niall why you asked what you did yesterday?” Sasha asked, genuinely unsure if any of them were able at the moment. But Louis nodded to himself and stood up, crossing the length of the room to crouch down in front of Niall’s chair. Niall’s legs were pulled up to his chests protectively, heart rabbiting in his chest. Louis sighed softly, wiping at his eyes.

 

“Ever since Zayn knew you were in the situation you were, he cared about you. We all did, even if we didn’t know you back then. But you’ve always had a special connection with Zayn. He’s cared about you so very deeply from day one, but he didn’t notice himself when it morphed into something more. For all of us, you’ve morphed into something more. We’ve talked about it a while back, recognising that Zayn really liked you, but deciding not to do anything. Since then, all of us have been falling more and more for you. Yesterday, Zayn was so scared of losing you, I think he skimped a panic attack of his own. He hoped that asking you to be with us would make you realise you were wanted and _not_ a burden. But before that, he simply wanted you to stay in our lives. He couldn’t stand the thought of not having you there anymore. Neither one of us can, really.” Louis quieted, letting out a small breath. He shortly nuzzled his head against Niall’s shins, something Niall felt a bit queasy about, before standing and returning to his seat.

 

“How do you feel about that, Niall?” Sasha asked, voice timid as to not really break the cautious silence in the room. Niall frowned deeply, chin going wobbly. “I don’t know...I- I don’t understand...”

“That’s okay for now. I didn’t expect you to.” Sasha smiled comfortingly, easing some of Niall’s nerves. “The real question is: would you feel comfortable going home with them or would you rather stay at your uncle’s for now?” The four boys waited for Niall’s answer with baited breath. “I don’t want to be a burde-” “You’re not! You’re not, I promise you, you’re not.” Zayn blurted, nearly toppling out of his chair to assure him. Niall looked at him and they had eye contact for the first time that day, Zayn’s eyes piercing right through Niall’s. Niall’s head still told him to run, told him he couldn’t trust they would ever really love him, but he knew now that his head wasn’t always right. Zayn’s eyes, though, and Louis’ words, and Liam’s careful smile and Harry’s scent that suddenly overwhelmed him, that’s what Niall decided to go on. “Yeah, I- yes. I’ll go with them.”

An inhuman sound escaped Zayn’s lips, followed by a short, ecstatic laugh. All of their smiles grew and were directed solely at him and he felt like he had made the right decision.

 

So that was how it was going to be. All five of them would return home and carry on as before. Niall’s sessions would be constructed around the new situation and the boys would give him time and space to figure out whether or not he wanted to be their boyfriend. Sasha had told them it would take a very long time, but the lads took anything and everything they could get. Niall got to stay, that was all that mattered.

 

As Louis was getting the car in the parking lot, Niall saying goodbye to his uncle again and Harry holding Zayn as he collapsed from the rollercoaster-day, Liam shuffled up to the service desk. “Uhm, I was wondering if you could maybe recommend me any literature about Avoidant Personality Disorder? If not, I can Google, but I-” “Sasha printed this list for you.” The assistant smiled, handing him a small stack of papers. The list consisted of books, studies and online communities, everything Liam could’ve hoped for. “You’re Liam, aren’t you?” The assistant guessed, arching an eyebrow at him. Liam laughed and nodded, wondering if he was really that predictive. Maybe Sasha was just a very good therapist- God knows Niall needed it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pleasepleaseplease let me know what you thought of this chapter. I'm really curious.  
> Also, come and say hi to me on  
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> ! Ask me anything you want- personal questions, character asks, your own ideas for the story, or even advice on your own issues. I would just love to be in contact with you lot- up until now I haven't had any action on my blog :/ Don't be shy!


	33. Chapter 32

The key was to talk. To talk about every little thing there was to talk about, any moment of the day, with anyone. Whether that was talking about food with Liam while Niall tried to assist him in making dinner, discussing sports with Louis, or knocking on Zayn’s door to talk about his nightmares, Niall had to try and voice every thought that ran through his mind. Simultaneously, the boys had to talk to Niall. They talked about their days when they returned home from them, talked about their pasts with each other and their pasts before they knew each other. They talked about family, which showed Niall that he wasn’t the only one coming from a broken home. But more important that all of that, they talked about their disorders and their struggles.

 

When Sasha had told them Niall was ready to learn about their disorders, they had decided to each pick one day. They called it their Niall-day, which secretly made the blonde boy preen. Louis had been first, because Niall knew about him already so it wouldn’t be too much at once. He had taken him to his childhood home, fleetingly introducing him to his family. The Tomlinson’s were uncharacteristically subdued, instructed by Louis beforehand. They hadn’t bothered them when Louis had taken Niall up to his old room, lying on his bed together to talk. Niall had come a long way already, asking questions without prompting. He had focussed on Louis during the conversation, while Louis’ eyes had drifted around his room when the questions got hard.

 

“But will it ever be enough?” Niall’d asked, unknowingly cutting right to the core of Louis’ uncertainties. His voice had trembled as he’d answered. “I don’t know. I never thought I even needed these three boys to feel good, you know?” Niall had nodded in understanding. “But you feel good now?” “Right now I feel amazing and loved, but, you know, I have my bad days...” Louis had confessed. “And how do you feel on bad days?” Niall could imagine Louis doubted on bad days, wondering if his three boyfriends really loved him, but Louis answer had surprised him. “Empty. Like there’s this filter that keeps their love from reaching me.” Louis had explained. “Sometimes I’m scared they’ll leave and that I’ll be all alone. All by myself with no one to love. Empty. Purposeless.”

 

Niall’s eyes had widened, surprised to hear what Louis internally struggled with. How insecure he’d said he was, when Niall had previously thought he was confident if anything.  It was also the first time Niall realised insecurities could manifest in many different ways. Just because he knew what it feels like to be unsure of someone’s attention or love, didn’t mean everybody was. Louis knew full well that these boys loved him, could agree on that in a heartbeat. It just wasn’t enough sometimes, and he couldn’t really do anything about feeling that way.

 

“I’m sorry.” He’d said, not knowing what else to say. Louis had turned to look him right in the eyes, making Niall’s stomach knot. He’d looked at him with slight red eyes and a wobbly smile, sniffling adorably- at least according to Niall, Louis himself would’ve described it as unattractive- and turning to his side. “That’s okay, I’m happy. The happiest I’ve ever been.”

 

Harry was next, a week or two later. He’d taken Niall to a public place on purpose, to show Niall what it was like for him to be out of his comfort zone. Liam had been explicitly proud of him, because it showed he trusted he could hold himself together. Previously, he would never be able to go there without someone else to take responsibility. But now, he was responsible for himself and Niall, in a way. It was the cafe the three boys had taken them when they told him about their relationship and Harry had taken his sweet time relaying the story to Niall. He’d told him about the conversations he’d had with his mum and sister, about whether or not he could really function in a relationship at all, stressing how glad he was he’d taken the chance.  

 

“What happens then? I don’t quite understand.” Niall had confessed after Harry had tried to explain his daily struggles for the first time. “When things happen that I can’t control I feel uneasy. And that morphs into feeling sickly, and that morphs into panic or distress. It can be anything, really. If that man were to spill a bit of coffee and not clean it up, for example, it could completely throw me off.” Niall had frowned a bit and tilted his head as he tried to muster understanding. “And then?” “I would first try to contain myself by doing something I can control, something small. Count my teeth, I do that a lot.” Harry had closed his mouth and counted his teeth with his tongue and Niall recognised the movements of his jaw from multiple other occasions. “If that wouldn’t work I’d probably have to leave and do something, anything, that I have a routine for. Make my bed, make tea for all the lads, climb the stairs a couple of times...” Niall had nodded, urging him to go on. It all seemed a bit more logical now.

 

“And if _that_ doesn’t settle me, I either take a shower, which usually end up in me scrubbing my skin open, or I have a panic attack. That hasn’t happened in a while, though.” “So the routines work?” Niall had concluded hopefully. Harry had smiled as he shook his head. “No, I meant the panic attacks, I still often have to hop into a shower...” He’d looked a bit sheepish as he’d lifted his sleeve, showing Niall the small fissures in the skin there. Niall had gasped, hands reaching out instinctively: to soothe, to heal, to fix the flaws that in his mind still weren’t supposed to be present on this boy. “It’s been worse.” Harry’d nuanced. “Usually the guys notice when I’m off and they keep track of how long I’ve been in the shower. After a while they’ll pick the lock, I know they will.” Niall’d winced empathetically, retreating to his end of the table when Harry pushed his sleeve back down.

 

They’d sipped their drinks in silence for a while, mulling it over. Then, Harry’d felt brave enough to share his innermost thoughts, the ones he had never really mentioned before, ever. “I feel like I’ve brought this on myself and it makes me feel stupid and dumb.” Niall had frowned, urging him to elaborate. “This all started because I couldn’t handle the fact that I was gay. I couldn’t bear the thoughts running through my head, so I fled into these routines. I created this disorder myself and maintained it even after I’d come to peace with my sexuality. There’s not even a point in it now, there’s nothing left in my head to scare me as much as that had done. There’s nothing to run from anymore, and yet I’m constantly running...” Niall had listened silently, even when Harry had started to choke up, his words coming out in an even slower, more irregular manner than usual. He’d kept quiet as Harry trailed off, tears rolling down his cheeks. Yet the moment Harry had decided to shake it off and move on, he’d laid his hand on his, squeezing tightly. “There is always something in our heads we want to run away from.”

 

After that came Liam. And maybe, he was the one struggling the most with opening up and being vulnerable. It had been easy for him to be the strong, collected one. The rock everyone could rely on, even in the moments Louis couldn’t be that person. He was the rock Louis could also lean on, to catch his breath and shed some tears every now and again. He was the one that really created this relationship, that had allowed Louis to want what he wanted and encourage Zayn and later Harry to partake, the one assuring everyone daily that everything was alright, or that it would be. It sounded like a heavy weight, but Liam loved it. He figured it was because that way, he never had to think about himself. And now he had to and it was harder than he wanted to admit.  

 

It was another couple of weeks later and Liam had really noticed a difference in Niall after the first two boys. He seemed smarter in a way, maybe more understanding of what was really happening all around him instead of seeing his altered version of the truth. He was more open and frankly, more of a person instead of a hollow shell, a body that had been abused but with no soul attached anymore. Niall was slowly building up a personality of his own. He still heavily relied on the lads and Liam often caught the blondine copying behaviour, but it was a process that kept evolving.

 

“I wanted to go to the gym today, if you don’t mind. After that we can leave, how’s that sound?” Liam had suggested on his Niall-day. The five lads had been munching on their breakfasts, a happy, content mood buzzing between them. “I could go with you, to the gym, if _you_ don’t mind.” Niall had offered. Liam had grinned widely and nodded immediately, wondering which of the boys had tipped Niall off about the fact that he loved it when someone tagged along. He was putting his money on Harry.

 

Niall had mostly just watched, sitting on the machine next to Liam but never really turning it on. He’d walked and biked a short while, but was happy to encourage Liam and cheer him on the rest of the time. “I used to be scared of you the most, because of all your muscles.” He’d confessed as he’d watched Liam do some calve raises. Liam hadn’t visibly reacted, apart from nodding as he comprehended the new bit of information. “I used to be scared to bulk up, because it meant I could do more harm during an episode.” He’d confided in return. “Louis made me do it because he discovered I’d started hating my body. Took a long while before he convinced me, but he was adamant, you know how he can get.” Niall had only smiled, because he _did_ know, and that made him happy.

 

They had gone for lunch afterwards, sitting in a small cafe which served healthy food. Niall had kept asking Liam about the gym: the machines he used, how much weight he could press, what he focused on, just because Liam lit up with every new question. It made Niall feel good, recognising he made someone else feel good. “...So I switch it up regularly, even though I have my favourites.” Niall had nodded attentively and that had Liam preening. “But you’re not scared of doing damage anymore?” Niall had asked, coming back to their conversation from earlier. Liam had stilled a bit, buying himself some time by finishing his drink. “I’ve good meds, haven’t had an episode in a long while.” He’d answered, catching his own curtness.

 

“Have you finished? I’m sorry, I just want to go.” He’d admitted, getting up to pay at the register as Niall had wolfed down the last of his food. He’d followed behind silently, watching with worried eyes as Liam slipped into his room immediately when they’d returned home. He’d quickly gone to grab one of the other boys, alerting them. Louis had spent the rest of his day with Liam in his room, only opening up to take the plates of dinner Harry’d offered. The evening had been tense, everyone clearly hearing Liam cry from time to time.

 

The next day, Niall’d been on the sofa wrapped up in blankets and watching a movie when Liam came to join him. “Do over?” He’d asked shyly, smiling self-deprecatingly. Immediately, the TV was turned off and Liam had had Niall’s full attention. And in the safe confines of their home, after the long talks with Louis from the day before, Liam stripped completely bare for Niall, handing him all the information that could knock him to the ground if abused. He’d tried to explain in as much detail as possible what the voice in his head sounded like and how it could have a reign over him, how it could make him a demon with a thirst for blood, a dangerous fighting-machine. He’d told him that the voice reoccurred more often than Liam wanted to admit, and that he sometimes heard or saw things that weren’t really there.

 

Niall had wondered if Liam had really thought he’d ever use this against him or think less of him because of everything he’d confessed, if he’d forgotten that they all struggled while fighting their own battles. He’d wondered if Liam feared the exact same things he did: to be thought of as crazy, inhuman or worthless and therefore to be cast aside as a romantic option. He hadn’t voiced this though, had simply listened and let Liam hug him rather tightly afterwards, running his hands up and down Liam’s back the way he liked when Zayn did it to him. Before he could’ve even thought about properly responding, Liam had fallen asleep on him, tension and adrenaline wearing off. He’d turned the TV back on, on mute, and blushed when the other boys had seen them and had positively beamed.   

 

Last up had been Zayn, which was expected to be the hardest for Niall. If he’d thought of the other boys as flawless, a new word should be invented for what he thought of Zayn. Divine, breathtakingly gorgeous, magnificent, enchanting, glorious and eternally compassionate, to name a slight selection. So if it was hard for Niall to understand that the other lads weren’t perfect it seemed nearly impossible for him to grasp that Zayn wasn’t. Luckily, Zayn’s disorder was the easiest to grasp out of all of them. “You need to see it like a wave. When I get a little push, my emotions go up and down and up again and I have a hard time getting them back in check. You’ve probably had that yourself at one point, with me it’s just a bit more intense, is all.” Zayn’s voice was gentle, tender, as he’d explained. They’d been sitting at a picnic table in a park, basking in the sunbeams that were trying to push through the clouds and announce springtime. “Oh,” Niall’d uttered, surprised that he understood. “Yeah,” Zayn’d smiled. “I believe it’s something to do with chemicals in m’brain, just a bit unfortunate.” Niall’d tilted his head, looking at the boy in front of him. After a while, Zayn’d squirmed, laughing a quiet “what?”. “I don’t know whether I still think you’re as amazing as before, or it’s surprisingly easy to learn that you’re maybe not.” Niall’d cringed a bit at his choice of words, but Zayn had dismissed him when he’d tried to take them back.

 

They’d talked loads for the rest of the afternoon, about serious matter and nonsensical things all the same. They´d talked about all the new information Niall now had and how to move forward now. Niall´s head was aching a bit, trying to figure out if his opinion of the lads had changed over the last weeks, whether his mind had accepted the boys as flawed or whether it had not accepted it and things would go on as before. He couldn´t quite make sense of it himself, didn´t know if he’d been fooling himself or if things had really changed. Sasha would help him give everything a place, that he was sure of. That night, the boys had come together to talk things through and decided to go on as before; sharing everything about themselves and their relationship and talking, talking, talking.

 

It was tiring, actively making an effort to be vulnerable for days on end. Everybody had to speak up about things they didn’t want to mention, but it was never really an option for them not to. It was so important that Niall learned how flawed and human they were. He’d placed them on such high pedestals, it would take ages to come down from them completely, but they were so willing to. And even though it tired them out and sometimes made them snap at each other when they got into too personal areas, they would continue the next morning anyway.

Because the pros outweighed the cons easily. Not only did they get to see Niall improve and let their adoration for him grow, they grew even closer to each other. The assignments and tactics made them open up about things they hadn’t ever told each other, confess things they had kept inside, and therefore strengthen their relationship in a way they hadn’t thought possible before.

 

Zayn, Louis, Harry and Liam all stubbornly denied thinking about Niall ever leaving to live on his own. They planned him into their futures, living at the apartment (or later their house) after agreeing to be in a relationship with them. Any other option was disregarded, not offered a space in their minds. It was so easy for each and every one of them to fall completely in love with Niall, especially after telling him their innermost secrets and showing him their vulnerability. He’d never abused that power he had in those moments, had never been anything but sweet. And listening to him as he talked and shared and watching as he created his own persona had only made it that much easier to love him. For now, they all chose to live in the bliss of the happy thought, dismissing everything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! That wait was a lot shorter, wasn't it? I'm really happy this chapter formed itself so quickly! What did you think of it? I'd love to hear from you! :)
> 
> [ Tumblr](http://notsuitableforwallabies.tumblr.com/)


	34. Chapter 33

“Hi Zayn, how was everything at your mom’s?” Niall came up to Zayn to greet him, bouncing on his toes with his hands clasped behind his back as he watched him shrug his coat off.

“Fine,” Zayn answered, kicking his shoes off as well and shouldering past Niall swiftly. Niall’s heart sank a bit, as he’d looked forward to receiving a smile or at least a little ruffle through his hair as Zayn usually did. He hesitantly trailed after the lad towards the kitchen, eyeing him as he poured only himself something to drink.

“’S everything okay?” Niall tried carefully, trying to estimate whether he’d crossed some kind of line. Zayn merely shrugged, yet again brushing past Niall, causing him to trip over his feet and stumble into the wall.

“Zayn?” Niall’s voice was small and questioning, asking for some kind of guidance as to how to handle the situation. “I don’t understand...”

“I’m really not in the mood for your shit right now.” Zayn groaned, stalking off to his room and shutting the door behind him firmly. Niall was left feeling dazed and hurt and when Harry’d come home a while later he found the boy crying a little bit. 

“Niall!” He gasped, kneeling down in front of him, “What happened? Where’s Zayn?” His hands fluttered around his face and body, trying to see if he’d got hurt. He looked around to see if anything had happened to the apartment and tried to look for any sign of Zayn’s whereabouts. Niall was only shaking his head, not really verbalising any of his words. He wasn’t frantic or panicked, just crying a little and curling in on himself. Harry sat himself down next to him, holding onto Niall’s hands that always looked so tiny in his as he waited for him to speak up.

His ears perked up when he heard a thud. It definitely came from within the apartment. Another thud, followed by a whole salvo of noises. At that point it clicked in Harry’s mind and he squeezed Niall’s hands gently before he got up to go to Zayn’s room. He knocked on the door, even though Zayn probably couldn’t hear it over all the noise, before he opened to the door to see what he’d expected to see. Zayn was trashing his room yet again, kicking against the walls and throwing things around the room. The entirety of his cupboard had already been victimised; books and trumpery scattered around on the floor.

“Look who’s come to lecture the bad guy!” Zayn exclaimed, zeroing in on Harry in the doorway. “Why do you never take my side, hum? Why do you always run to the other guy and then blame me?” Harry didn’t reply, making a grab for his hands as to pull him in for a hug instead. Zayn recoiled though, before planting his hands on Harry’s chest and pushing him back roughly. 

“You don’t even love me, do you? Do you? Why don’t you just leave me the fuck alone?” Zayn was now screaming in Harry’s face, pinning him to the hallway wall. And before Harry could react, Zayn’s fist collided with his face, sending him to the floor. Niall, who’d worriedly looked on from a distance, gasped loudly as tears reappeared in his eyes as he stared at the boys. Zayn stood completely frozen, eyes wide and knuckles throbbing. Time appeared to move slower for the three of them, almost as if it had stopped completely. Then the door opened and Louis stepped into the scene. Three pairs of eyes immediately looked at him and he stared back for a moment. He carefully placed the two bags of groceries on the floor, which seemed to break everyone from their trance.

“I didn’t mean t-” Zayn started, tears welling up in his eyes. “I know, Z. We all know that.” Louis interjected, voice firm yet kind. “Ni, can you sort Harry out, please? Just look what we have in the freezer and hold it against his nose, yeah?” Niall nodded warily, watching as Louis led Zayn into someone else’s bedroom and shut the door. Harry was already clambering back to his feet, hand pressed tightly against his nose. Niall walked beside him to the kitchen, watching him intently. Blood was dribbling through the gaps of his fingers and tears were burning in his eyes. As Niall rummaged through the freezer, Harry spat in the sink and washed his hands. He wetted a towel and gingerly pressed it to his skin, wincing and breathing heavily. Niall stood beside him awkwardly, a bag of Liam’s frozen fruits clutched in his hand.

“Could you...” Harry rasped, handing Niall the towel and gesturing around his face. Niall nodded solemnly and continued to clean Harry’s face for him. He noticed Harry’s hands were trembling, so he guided him into a chair when he’d deemed Harry’s face relatively clean. He wrapped the frozen bag in a clean towel and pressed it to Harry’s nose, the boy’s eyes closing in relief. They stayed silent for a long time, listening to the clock ticking and each other’s breathing.

“Thank you,” Harry mumbled, lowering the bag from his nose carefully. Niall put it back in the freezer and chucked the two dirty towels in the hamper.

“I’m sorry you had to see that, it’s never been this bad with him before.” Only then did Niall realise that this had been an episode. That something must’ve happened to Zayn and that his emotions had been pushed to their extremes. He’d completely forgotten about Zayn’s condition and the fact that he struggled with his emotions. He’d never imagined it would be like this, that it could escalate. He’d foolishly thought it wouldn’t affect Zayn’s behaviour towards him or any of the boys, never thought Zayn could be mean to him. Niall looked up when Harry softly squeezed his hand and saw his gentle smile and soft eyes looking at him compassionately. His big thumb stroked the back of his hand and Niall closed his eyes to concentrate on the feeling. He could feel the stress of the situation slowly ebb away as he concentrated on his breathing and Harry’s presence.

The two boys looked up when they heard someone clear their throat softly. Zayn stood there, slumped and dejected with his bottom lip between his teeth, tear tracks on his cheeks. A few steps behind him stood Louis and Liam, who’d come home at some point and slipped into the room to help Louis with Zayn once he realised what’d happened.

“I’m so sorry,” Zayn choked out, “You must’ve been so scared.” He focused on Niall, who had a hard time dealing with the intensity of the attention. “I never meant to say those things, I didn’t mean any of it, I promise.” Zayn gingerly took a step toward Niall, arms reaching up in a question. “I wasn’t mad at you, I could never be mad at you, Ni.” Niall didn’t know how to react, but he did know that he wanted the physical contact he didn’t get when Zayn came home, so he stepped closer to Zayn and leaned into his embrace with gratefulness. When they broke apart, Zayn turned to Harry and promptly choked on a sob.

“Oh my God, H, I’m _so_ sorry. I didn’t know what came over me. I didn’t mean a word, I swear to you. I’m so sorry I hurt you, I-” Harry shushed him softly and pulled him into his arms, dropping a kiss on his forehead. A couple of tears escaped Zayn’s eyes as they stood there, holding on to each other tightly. Meanwhile, Liam had coaxed Niall into a hug because he couldn’t stand to see him look so small again. Louis ran his fingers through Niall’s hair almost absentmindedly as he watched Harry and Zayn reconnect. Niall never would’ve thought he could like physical contact as much as he did that day. Never thought he would want physical contact again, let alone yearn for it. But after that day, he’d do anything to feel Harry’s thumb stroke his hand or Louis’s fingers run over his scalp again, so maybe that day wasn’t all bad.

 

As expected, it was only when one of the boys had a bad day or a full on episode that Niall understood their imperfections somewhat. The longer he stayed with the boys, the more he was confronted with downsides, low points and even a small fight here and there. Every time, Niall had to realise yet again, that the boys had flaws and wouldn’t always be completely right or good or nice. And the longer he was with them, the more he truly understood that. Due to his therapy sessions with Sasha, he started to learn that it was okay for them to not be perfect. Them being grumpy every now and again didn’t mean they didn’t love Niall anymore, that they’d hurt him or leave him or want him out of their lives. Them being in a bad mood wasn’t caused by Niall’s behaviour but by something out of their hands. Niall came to the realisation that he wasn’t to blame for all the bad in the world. And slowly but surely, he didn’t expect people to start yelling at him when things got tense anymore.

 

The hard part about the boys’ episodes was that they usually turned bitter or grumpy or avoidant. Liam and Zayn both often said very mean things when they were unstable or off and Harry always got very detached and wanted everyone to leave him alone. Louis was easiest for Niall, because Louis just got very needy. He wanted someone, or preferably all four of them, close to him at all times. Niall gladly offered himself to be held by Louis for an entire day as they watched movies of stupid TV shows. Eventually it became Niall’s thing, his specialty. Just like Louis was best at handling Liam’s episodes and Harry was best at handling Niall’s panic attacks, Niall became best at handling Louis’ episodes. It was something that made him fit in with the boys’ daily life even more and it made him feel like he had an important place in their lives as well. Niall started feeling important, like he truly had something to add to the boys’ lives.

 

As much effort as it cost Niall to adjust to the boys’ lives and create his own personality, as easy it was for Louis, Liam, Harry and Zayn to fall completely head over heels in love with Niall. Because he was ever learning and changing and growing, the boys kept discovering new things about him.

Niall had the most contagious laughter they’d ever heard and ever since he stopped feeling embarrassed about his loud manifestations of glee the house was decorated by snickers and guffaws almost nonstop. Niall absolutely loved Louis’ sense of humour and couldn’t hold back laughing at any and every of his jokes even if he wanted to. It made Louis feel alive.

 

Each of the boys had a very personal bond with Niall, just like they had with each of the other boys. It was something they treasured, because those were the sides of Niall the others didn’t get to know that much.

Zayn and Niall continued talking about everything. Were there ever anything Niall questioned about the world or people, he’d ask Zayn and the lad would patiently answer. He loved how open Niall could be with him, how he didn’t fear that Zayn would hurt him anymore. Harry and Niall could sit together for hours in complete silence and contentment. They’d read a book side by side or just lay next to each other for hours on end, hands clasped together. They were each others’ hideaway from the demanding things in life, gave each other the opportunity to reload. Liam and Niall were always doing things together; housework, chores, errands. They’d go to home depot and paint the doors and windowsills a new refreshing colour or they’d fix the sink in the bathroom. They were ace at working together and got everything done quickly and efficiently. The best part was always afterward, when they’d treat themselves to a movie or would go out for ice cream. Louis and Niall were always just close to each other. Niall was like Louis’ shadow when they’d spend time together, always within arms’ reach. Niall never got tired of Louis’ never ending craving for attention, he never had things to do that he had to leave Louis for. When Louis needed him, he could always be there and he loved it when Louis fussed over him, something the others often got annoyed by. It was a perfect fit.

 

Something they loved to do with all five of them together was Lazy Sunday. They all would stay in their PJ’s and build a castle of all their duvets and pillows and would watch movie after movie while they pigged out on junk food. Not every Sunday was a Lazy Sunday, which made them even more special. They were created to celebrate personal achievements or milestones. Part of the fun was that often you wouldn’t know when it’d be a Lazy Sunday. Like that Sunday morning, when Niall stumbled out of bed and could smell the French toast already and his stomach twisted together in excitement. When he entered the living room and saw Louis fussing about the heap of blankets on the couch, a smile stretched on his lips.

“Lazy Sunday!” He cheered, immediately running back to grab his own pillow and duvet to add to the pile. Louis smiled up at him, a sparkle in his eyes.

“This one’s for you, Nialler.” He said, making Niall’s heart race even faster. Zayn ruffled his hair as he walked past him to help Harry in the kitchen.

“What? Why?” Niall asked, feeling breathless with excitement already. Lazy Sundays were his absolute favourite.

“You’ve been with us for eighteen months now, we thought that was celebratory.” Liam explained, heart swelling with love and happiness as he saw the pure joy on Niall’s face.

The whole day was therefore about Niall; he got to pick the movies, the food, he got the best spot on the couch and the most pillows. But most of all, he got all the attention.

 

At the end of the night, only he and Harry were still awake on the couch, the others were passed out in a food coma on the floor. The last scene of Edward Scissorhands was playing on the television and Niall was cuddled into Harry’s side as they watched.

“Happy year-and-a-half,” Harry mumbled, lips pressed into Niall’s hair. Niall hummed happily.

“On to the next year-and-a-half?” Harry suggested hopefully, suddenly not that focused on the movie anymore. Niall just hummed again, the same content noise.

“On to the next however-long-you’ll-have-me,” He corrected, snuggling closer into Harry’s side. A slow smile spread on Harry’s lips.

“Well then let’s just say on to the next eternity.” He decided. A short silence fell upon them, in which Niall tried to engross himself in the movie again.

 

“Ni?”

“Hmm?”

“D’you remember when you ran away and stayed with your uncle for a couple of nights?” Niall’s ears perked and he sat up to look at Harry questioningly.

“Yes, why?” He looked at Harry intently, trying to figure out where he was going with all this.

“Well, um, I was just wondering if, uh, if I were to ask you what Zayn asked you back then, would you run again?” Harry couldn’t be more nervous, a flush rising on his cheeks as he nibbled on his bottom lip. A fair few months ago Niall wouldn’t have been able to recognise that emotion.

“I-um,” It hadn’t been brought up after the session with Sasha with the five of them and it had not been on the forefront of Niall’s mind during that time. He forced himself to think about it, though.

“...I-I don’t think so? I don’t know,” Niall answered honestly, looking Harry straight in the eyes. “Ask me.”

Harry took a steadying breath, heart rabbitting in his chest. He could hear that the other boys weren’t asleep anymore, but also waiting with baited breath.

“Niall, would you want to be with us romantically, as our boyfriend?” Being asked the question made it feel bigger, at least to Niall. It unlocked all these doors that he hadn’t opened since the last time and made certain doubts and apprehensions reappear. It didn’t feel as scary as the last time though, mostly because he knew the boys so much better.

 

“Well, I’m not bolting off, so that’s something,” Niall laughed breathily, awkwardly. Harry smiled back at him, still a bit uncertain.

Partly, Niall feels as if he’s already got four boyfriends, in the way they care for and about each other. What he knows Harry means though is what makes it so much more difficult. _Romantically_ being with them. Kissing them, wanting them, pleasuring them and the other way around.

“If it’s okay I’m going to say no for now,”

“-Of course that’s okay, Ni, don’t worry. It’s fine,” Harry rushed to reassure, trying to push away the sinking feeling in his stomach.

“I do feel like I’ll get there, though, and I’m willing to work towards it.” Niall finished, silencing Harry with that promise. He gazed at Niall open mouthed, lips trying to form words.

“I- Really?” He breathed, “You don’t have to, Ni, it’s fine.”

“I want to, I’m pretty sure.” Niall smiled at him. “One day, I’m going to kiss you so good you’re going to look at me exactly like this again.” He said boldly, smiling at Harry’s face that was a mixture of dazedness, surprise and something else he couldn’t quite pinpoint.

The end credits were rolling already when Niall looked back at the television screen. He got up to shut it off, ready to go to sleep himself. As he looked back to the boys, he could see that their eyes were all wide open, either staring at him or each other. He smiled to himself, filing this feeling away as the happiest he’d ever felt in his life up until that point. After he’d put the DVD back in the case he turned back to them, grinning.

 

“Alright, it’s my Lazy Sunday, I want to be in the middle.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm happy/proud/sad to say we're nearing the end of this story. Let me know what you think of the chapter!
> 
> How are you all doing at the end of the school year? I am (hopefully) graduating, I'll be hearing my results pretty soon!
> 
> Come say hi to me on [Tumblr](http://notsuitableforwallabies.tumblr.com/) and leave me messages or questions. I'd also love to answer character asks, so if you feel like it, leave them for me! xx


	35. Chapter 34

Days and months can pass without a hitch. And they did. The boys really got to settle into their life together, finding that predictable rut that became their day-to-day life. Zayn and Niall, the only two stay-at-homes, got up early in the morning and made sure each boy got a tea or a coffee with their breakfast and busted their arses off to get them each a creative lunch package. House chores were equally divided and each boy knew when they needed to do some work. Everything ran smoothly, which was something they all needed, really. They were happy to forgo their schedule and take a trip doing something fun or doing nothing at all every now and again. But other than that, they were stuck in a rut and were delighted by that fact.

 

That day started as any other, as days like these unfortunately usually do. It would, unbeknownst to the boys now, become a day the boys would always remember, referring to it as a day that changed their lives, a day written with a capital letter because it was such a big deal.

 

When it comes to dealing with days like these it’s always got to do with time. Hopefully, afterward, they could see it was all for the best, that everything worked out and that their lives couldn’t have become this great without it. Sadly, during a day that horrible, it’s impossible to look at it that way. It’s just plain horrible and it will be for a while, no matter how much they convince each other it was all for the best.

 

The ringing of the doorbell that late afternoon was just the ringing of their doorbell to them, only later being labelled as _where it all started_. Unaware, Louis went to open the door, only to be met with the landlord, Mr. Stadder. Even though he wasn’t at their door that frequently, it still didn’t alarm Louis. They’d never had any trouble with him, since they were always on time with rent. All of their encounters had been exclusively informative, and since Stadder was a good natured man, conversation was polite and easy. It was only when he started talking, face rather grim, that the mood changed to one a bit less pleasant.

 

“Louis, I’ve been getting some remarks about you.”

“Oh? What about, then?”

Stadder sighed quite heavily, searching for a way to formulate his words.

“Look, you’ve never done anything to break my trust, but I’m obliged to look into this since it could be a rather severe violation of the rules.” Louis frowned, wondering what kind of complain could’ve come in about them. They kept the noise to a minimum and always pitched in when the building wanted to renovate. Hell, they even kept the potted plants next to their door well groomed, as to not give the building a slobby look.

 

“Your contract states that you and Liam Payne, a total of two people are living in this apartment-” and that’s where Louis’ heart sank.

“This apartment is meant for a maximum of three people and quite a few neighbours suspect more people live here.”

“I- We- They don’t technically live here, they just visit very often, is that against the rules?”

“Our rules state that if a person is at the apartment for at least twenty hours a week during the day and spends a minimum of three nights there, they are a resident. The only way for me to figure out if that is true is by monitoring everyone that enters and exits your apartment. Now, I don’t want it to come down to that...” Louis shook his head in agreement, deflating and lowering his head. If Stadder were to monitor them, he would find out that Niall lived there permanently, Zayn only left for a weekend now and then and that Harry only left for work.

 

“How many people live in your apartment, Louis?” Stadder asked. His voice was kind and even a bit apologetic, but it didn’t do much to ease the conversation.

“Five,” Louis’ voice was hoarse as he spoke, sounded unfamiliar to his own ears.

“Fi- _Louis_ ” Stadder sighed. “Why would you do that? Without registering them, what were you thinking? How do you even manage to live there with so many people? This isn’t only against the rules but also a huge safety hazard. There is a reason-“ Louis didn’t quite catch the rest and while Stadder went on about the fire department, emergencies and money, Louis’ mind was churning to come up with a plan.

 

It was obvious they needed to leave this place, but where would they go? There probably weren’t any flats accommodating five grown up men so they had to look at houses, actual houses with stairs and maintenance and mortgages. They simply did not have that kind of money. Teaching Drama didn’t allow Louis to work many hours since the students didn’t get as many Drama periods as they got English or Maths. Harry didn’t get a whole salary since he was partly unfit for his job, seeing he couldn’t do everything the description said he should. He was lucky he still had that job, but it didn’t bring much money in.

 

Liam’s job was alright and he could even work up to a promotion there, but Louis knew fully well he wasn’t happy there. People knew about his condition and were scared of him, and his boss always felt the need to ask him if he’d taken his meds. Liam was miserable there, and Louis wished he could just quit, but they needed his income and would need his income even more. Zayn couldn’t find a job that really paid a substantial amount. He had small things here and there, but he didn’t earn more than pocket money. Niall didn’t work at all, of course, and all these facts added up meant they only made it through each month with a little over eighty pounds to spare. They saved that money, but it really wasn’t even a small start on the way to a house. And then occasionally there were big spendings necessary and their savings disappeared faster than you can say ‘future plans’.

 

Louis’ heart jumped when he felt Liam’s presence appear at his side, his warmth enveloping him immediately. Liam talked to Stadder, most likely inquiring about his visit, and Stadder explained to whole situation again but Louis couldn’t hear a thing. He was so embarrassed. He couldn’t even take care of his loved ones, couldn’t give them a safe place to live without screwing up.

“I understand, Mr. Stadder,” Liam spoke, voice calm and strong. “we never meant to violate the rules, of course, but we hadn’t thought to check them either. I’m truly very sorry, Sir.” Louis didn’t understand how he could be so calm, while he was feeling like his world was crumbling. And then he felt even worse because he should’ve put on his brave face like Liam was doing and he should’ve been practical and reasonable instead of curling up small and feeling sorry for himself.

 

“We’ll keep close contact about our plans, but we need some time to discuss this first.” Liam said. Stadder nodded in consent, but didn’t look like he’d be leaving just yet.

“I know you need time to figure things out, but I am obliged to create a solution, be it a temporary one, within three days after assessing the problem. It wouldn’t be fair to the other residents if I let you go on as before for the next weeks or months.” He explained. His face showed genuine remorse, but Liam knew Mr. Stadder was a strict man when it came to his job and he would never loosen up the rules for anyone. “I’ll come by on Thursday to check that only the two of you are here.” Louis tensed up, eyes shooting to Liam’s. Niall couldn’t leave the flat on such short notice. He couldn’t move to a new home so quickly, even if it were with Harry or Zayn. A new environment would set him back months if they couldn’t work up to it with his therapist. Maybe they could contact his uncle again, but getting him over there within three days was almost impossible.

 

Stadder seemed to notice the stress his ultimatum had awakened and he shoulders slumped. He felt bad for the guys, even though they had been plain stupid for not registering their flatmates. He knew they struggled with personal issues, they’d had many a conversation about that. When they’d first moved here, residents had filed some noise complaints and noted they worried the noises indicated domestic violence. When he’d come to ask about it, Louis and Liam had explained about their issues and episodes and had agreed to formally inform the residents of that so they wouldn’t worry anymore. Having seen them so vulnerable and open created a weak spot for them in his heart.

“...the maximum of residents is three, so if there are three people here on Thursday- any three, registered or not- I’ll allow it.” Stadder amended. He could see some tension leave Louis’ body.

“But if there are more than that I’ll have to fine you, and don’t expect me to talk you out of that, okay?” The boys nodded quickly and promised to sort it out. Stadder sighed decisively and patted them both on the shoulder before taking off, trying not to listen in on their frantic murmurs as the door closed.

Once in his office, he sighed again. The boys were only in their mid-twenties and had battled more problems than he was probably even aware of and now that had to go ahead and figure everything out within three days. He prayed they would succeed, because he really didn’t want to have to fine them.

 

 

“Can I go ahead and have a little cry before we tell the others?” Louis begged quietly, throat sore with unshed tears. Liam was about to agree, ushering him into a vacant bedroom, when Harry appeared in the hallway. “Who was at the door for so long?”

Louis shuffled behind Liam’s back to hide his face, cursing under his breath.  He was about to slip off into the room anyway, but Liam caught his wrist.

“Not alone, you’re not.” He warned, keeping him rooted. “Harry, love, we just received some bad news. No one’s hurt, don’t worry. We just need a little moment to recollect ourselves and then we’ll be with you to explain, okay?”  Harry frowned deeply but where anyone else would’ve argued, he just nodded solemnly before turning back around, knowing he had every right to check in on them in ten minutes.

 

Luckily, he didn’t have to, as the two lads appeared rather quickly again. Zayn had made everyone a cuppa and was bringing them over as they all sat down tensely. Louis had tear tracks on his cheeks, which could mean literally anything, seeing Louis needed to cry out situations more often than he’d like to admit. As Liam explained what was going on, though, Harry understood. He felt his own throat closing up and heard Zayn gasp for air too.

“So now we-”

“Li, can you stop for a minute?” Harry quickly interjected, effectively quieting the lad. He caught Niall’s eyes and forced him to do some of their breathing exercises with him, trying to hold off the panic attack he knew was coming up in the both of them. The other boys waited patiently for them to calm down, appreciating the little pause in all the chaos just as much. Zayn and Louis decided to whip together some dinner and the telly was turned on, banning the subject for a good twenty minutes before they _had_ to discuss is again.

 

“We need to decide who stays.” Liam said, aware that he hadn’t succeeded to gently ease into the subject like he’d wanted. He winced at his own hard words, but the others let it slide.

“I can go home.” Zayn offered.

“I think it’s best if you stay, for Niall’s sake...” Louis countered. Niall looked down at his hands quickly, but nodded.

“I can head on home.” Harry then suggested. “And someone could come with, we have space.”

“That’s great,” Liam smiled, “I’ll come with you, ‘cause I think Lou best stay with Niall.” Niall looked up at that and his shameful mood was lifted by Louis’ goofy grin.

“So, that’s settled, then?” Zayn asked, bewildered by how quick and efficient this went. The five of them looked at each other as they nodded their consent, proud of themselves and each other.

 

That evening consisted of everyone making calls. Niall called his therapist and uncle, Harry called his mom to let her know he and Liam would come to stay, Zayn called his parents, as did Louis. Mark, his stepdad, decided to come down that weekend to help them out and Anne and both Zayn’s parents immediately tagged onto that. It was good for them to be reminded of the support system they had, it made everything seem a bit less disastrous.

“Hm? Yeah, of course mum.” Louis hummed, moving to join Liam on the couch. He nudged the boy and handed him the phone, smiling gently. As he took the phone, Liam tried to reciprocate, but it didn’t really work.

“Hello?”

“Hi Liam!” Johannah, Louis’ mum, chirped. A tiny smile creeped onto Liam’s lips at that.

“Thank you so much for all the support.”

“Of course, you’re our sons, we’d do anything for you.” Liam fell a bit quiet at that.

“You know you are our son, right Liam? You _do_ have someone to call at times like these. And I’m sure the other parents feel the same.” She didn’t get a reply for a while, and when she did, it was Louis again.

“Lovely mum, you made him cry.” He said, faux-accusingly. Meanwhile he was stroking his love’s hair, holding him close as he wept.

“Tell her thank you.” He rasped at him. Louis smiled gently, fingers weaving through his soft locks.

“She knows, love.”   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back again, trying my very hardest to finish this baby. I almost almost gave up, as you can see it took me four months to find time/inspiration and to not hate my writing anymore. Hope someone is still reading this and that if you are, you don't want to kill me xx


	36. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See the end for the weepy wrap up bit. 
> 
> Here I just want to disclaim that I am aware that Jay's husband is Daniel and here I say Mark. I've decided to keep it this way because I already mentioned him earlier on. Plus, this is a work of fiction and I am free to make up all the details about it anyway.

 

The next months were hard on everybody. Louis hated being separate, causing his mood to be permanently negative. He was crying more often than not: wanting to spend the night with all of his boys, blaming himself for the situation, hating himself for crying all the time instead of being productive. For Niall, that meant he was basically always at Louis’ side. Even though he didn’t mind, it did tire him out. Having to comfort his boyfriend all the time and trying to not get affected by his down mood cost him energy. On top of that, his therapy sessions were much more intense, trying to prepare him for everything to come. Hopefully he’d be able to go less and less frequently once the five of them had found a new home. He and Sasha tried to aim for a maximum of six months after the move. After that, he’d be on his own two feet without her help. And that scared him senseless but also made him feel proud since he’d never thought he’d get to that point. Ever.

 

It was really incredible how it all went. All the parents came over and worked non-stop for their boys. Anne pulled all the strings she could pull in this town and the dads scoured every website, paper and estate agent shop there was. And while the boys had prepared for this to take ages, they actually had looked at three possible new homes within two weeks. The only problem was money. For the mortgage they needed a loan and for a loan they needed credibility. The boys with jobs all had conversations with their respective bosses, trying to find out whether they could be sure of a contract extension. That certainty would be enough to get them a house, but they really did need an increase of income somewhere to live somewhat comfortably. Mark offered to help with sorting out the finances and pretended not to see Louis heave a big sigh of relief.

 

And then, a little over a month after they’d heard they had to move, they were signing the contract of their new house. All five of them would legally live there. They got the keys six weeks later and when all the parents came over again, they filled up every car with their stuff and left. They said goodbye to Mr. Stadder, who looked remorseful.

“I’m really sorry it had to be like this, boys.”

Liam smiled and shook the man’s hand jovially. Even Louis mustered up a kind smile. “It’s alright, it’s better this way. We’re happy with what came out of this.” Liam assured before they parted for good. The two boys turned and were immediately wrapped up in three sets of arms. The three illegal residents of the apartment smiled shyly at Mr. Stadder, who returned it kindly. As he walked through the apartment, now stripped bare of any belongings, he wondered how five grown men could’ve ever lived here. He guessed that personal space just wasn’t an issue for those boys.

 

In their new place, they had more space than they even knew what to do with. Three decent sized bedrooms, a bathroom with a separate shower and bath. A second toilet downstairs, an open kitchen with a small bar to sit at. And then another room they’d make the dining room, and a spacious living room that could fit another couch next to their current one, if they were to buy it. It was a bit bare in some places and their rickety furniture looked even worse on this new shiny wooden floor. There were bigger windows that had no curtains yet and the garden (they had their very own garden!) was an overgrown patch of weeds.  But the house was filled to the brim with flowers from siblings, parents, grandparents and the new neighbours, so it smelled like the fresh beginning that it really was. And the house had so much opportunity, there were so many dreams they could create and plans they could make. They wanted to build a bed that would stretch all the way from one wall to the other in one of the bedrooms, so they could finally all cuddle up together and have some room left. Zayn was thinking of all the things he wanted to do with the garden; maybe he’d even ask Liam to build them a porch or a gazebo or something. All in all, they were floating on happy moods for solid months, almost still in disbelief about how all this was _theirs_.

 

Niall had a couple of issues at the start, battling nightmares that were more severe than the last couple of months. It was the stress, combined with the fact that a two story house reminded him more of his old house than the small apartment ever had. It was something that had to wear off, and he battled through it with a brave smile. Louis was absolutely thriving, cooking up breakfast every morning (often whistling chipper tunes) and doing everything he could to provide for and take care of his boys. Zayn found that his days spend at home became less dreary. On sunny days, he and Niall worked outside in the garden, and Zayn discovered he actually quite liked cleaning, now that he didn’t bump the vacuum into something every few seconds. Liam was able to develop the handyman side of him some more, doing the little maintenance chores or tackling bigger projects like creating a new dining table. Niall often joined in to help him, handing him the appropriate tools as they chatted. Harry became a lot calmer, most of all internally. He frequented this positive psychology lecturer and really noticed a difference when he applied things he picked up there. His obsessions became less intense and less frequent, which in turn made his compulsions easier to handle. It wasn’t as easy for them right from the start: all five of them noticed their disorders intensify because of the moving-stress and the new environment. But it was nothing they couldn’t handle together and soon enough they had all found their place and routine, and only the happy moods were persistent.  

 

They found a cafe really nearby that was usually pretty quiet and had the kindest staff. They became regulars there pretty quickly. Everyone seemed okay with them and all their quirks and soon they had cleaning wipes ready for Harry when they entered, saved their table for them and kept their favourites on the menu. All those things were the result of episodes or minor meltdowns from their side, which the staff handled incredibly well. They went there every Friday and became friends with the waiter/barman that typically worked then, Leo. He was around their age and was a good laugh. He never asked questions, but listened patiently when either of them felt the need to share something about why they acted the way they did. It was an added bonus to the whole move and made the change in the environment something good instead of just something unsettling.   

 

Having more space also meant literally having room to be together, all five of them. The apartment had often forced the boys to split up into smaller groups just because it could get quite cramped otherwise. They obviously didn’t mind being close together, but even they had limits. Especially when someone was feeling on edge, the apartment could be quite small and eliminate real quality time with all five of them directly. So now that they had enough space to lay starfish on the floor and still have room left, they spent almost every evening in each others’ presence. They started following series and tv shows or watched movies or played board games and talked so much during that they all felt their bond become even tighter.  Right now they would probably ace the newlyweds game.

 

That evening they were all sprawled out in the living room. They had just about decided they were going to buy that second couch the next day, because the chairs they had brought with them really only could take one person and the couch really couldn’t take five either. For now, Harry and Zayn were sitting on the floor, resting against the other boys’ legs as they watched a rerun of The Big Bang Theory. Harry was humming softly because Niall was playing with his hair and Louis was pushing his cold feet in the nearest crevice he could find, Zayn’s armpits.

 

“So Lou, are you going to ask Leo out sometime soon?”

Liam asked from his place on the couch. Apart from Zayn, all the other boys tensed up. Neither Niall nor Harry had thought about the fact that Leo could be the next boy to be added to their relationship. Niall felt his skin prickle at the thought of letting someone else into their lives, sharing everything with him that had taken him months to share with these boys. Harry, too, felt unsettled with the idea of having to get used to another new person. Liam swallowed, noticing the distress in the two boys. He should’ve talked about it with them first, prepared them like he had Zayn when Harry came into play. It was careless of him to just throw it out like this and he was about to say something else, looking at Zayn for some damage-control assistance, when Louis answered.

“No, I don’t think so.”

 

Zayn frowned a bit at that. “You sure? I thought you liked him.”

Louis sat up straighter, also frowning. “Yeah, he’s nice, but I... I mean, you can ask him if you want to, you know that’s how this works with us, right? But for me...No, this is... this is kinda it for me.” Harry and Niall were looking at him and back at Zayn with baited breaths, not wanting to interfere. They wanted nothing more than to object, assure that no one added anyone, but didn’t want to break the ground rules of their relationship: anyone who wanted to, could ask another person out. Of course they had to be unanimous about the decision whether they would really join them, but anyone was allowed to test out the waters with someone they had interest in. But Zayn was shaking his head already. “No, I don’t-“

 

“What do you mean, this is it?” Liam interrupted him, hand placed on Zayn’s knee to placate him. Now all eyes were back on Louis, who was looking like he had an epiphany of sorts. As if he, too, had only now realised what these words implied. He looked around at all his boys.

“This is it, I feel like. I’m pretty sure, yeah.” A small smile broke through on his lips. “I’d say my heart feels pretty satisfied. I-“ Again Liam interrupted, but this time by a tackling hug. Soon enough the other boys joined, laughing and crying and kissing any part of any boy in reach. Because it felt right, like this. To all of them, it felt like they’d found their balance. There’s no one wanting more or wanting less, no one unhappy with the way things are. They felt complete, with everyone bringing different things into the mix until they got where they are now. A unity that, more than anything, cares about each other and would do anything to see the others happy. They didn’t have to feel left out or looked at anymore, didn’t have to change to blend in. Entangled in a mess of limbs on the floor, shedding happy tears, they felt whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End.
> 
> So this is really it! I'm sorry I didn't prepare you that this would be the last chapter, but I only decided while writing this chapter that this was a perfect point to wrap it up. I had some chapter-outlines left, but it was mostly fillers about Niall's social and sexual development, and it didn't feel wrong to skip those for the sake of ending the story.  
> I've had a right struggle of keeping this story alive, mainly because I started going to Uni. It caused me to write less and also made me painfully aware of all my inaccuracies (I'm studying Psychology). I did want to force myself to finish this story because I know I would've been disappointed with myself otherwise. I do hope this doesn't feel like a rushed way to end it. I also hope that, now that I'm not constricted to chapters, will maybe write some one-shots every now and then. I'm sure some of them will exist in this AU, because I have lots of ideas about that written down somewhere.  
> I'd love to hear what you thought about this chapter and the story in general. if you're left with any questions, please ask! I'd love to answer them here in the comments, or on my tumblr notsuitableforwallabies.tumblr.com
> 
> I truly love everyone who've taken the time to read this story, give kudos and/or write comments!  
> xxx


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